Pouch Disposal

A lot of shit goes into the pouch... Sometimes, really worthy tasty morsels and other times, really nasty hamster vomit vittles. But more often than not, it's just pretty much disgusting what this garbage disposal jams down it's hole on a daily basis. I have no shame or dignity... But it's a shitload of fun, though. I don't discriminate on anything that people pitch and dish out as food, I will eat it and report back to my one reader... Because in order to save the world from awful grub, it always starts with a single person. The shit I do for the greater good and I ain't talking about that shitty BBQ, either. Behold... Quick slop bites from around this one horse town...

Simply Seoul.

Mushroom Bun. I always thought these Corean buns were a good idea because whities love this pseudo-ethnic crap, it's not intimidating and safe for their delicate tummies. And it also gives them a sense of being adventurous eaters inside the PCM food hall. This colorful mushroom vegan bun thinger was cute and had some what decent flavors but it was kind of a snoozer... The bun was cold and the filler was barely warm. Let's try the meaty version that seems more ethnic...

Short Rib and Bulgogi Buns. I may have spoken too soon... With all the shit in there how did these buns turn out tasting so friggin bland? I mean bland like no flavor, no seasoning, no nothing. If this was Corean, it might have defected from the North... You know, cuz the North have no seasonings or food for that matter. They may look the part but it was more style than substance. And again, these buns were cold and the fillers barely tepid. I would most likely never come back here again.


Hop's Chicken.

I swear, this will be the last time I get suckered into this fucking fwied cheekan. The last visit late at night musta been a fluke because the wings were big, crispy and sizzling hot, they were really quite nice. But fast forward a week and this is what I get... I knew I got fucked in the drive thru when they handed over a small box vs. the bucket I got last time. 6 wings, both times. The bucket is used if the pieces are larger and can't fit in the small box. The goddamn box was a dead give away. They were cold, soggy and greasy as if they have been sitting there in the corner of the hotel pan where the heat lamp wasn't touching. Biting into them was dreadful, then chewing the semi-dried out flesh along with the greasy skin almost gave you that filmy after taste you get from eating Mickey D's fries and drinking pop from that waxy straw... I felt like fucking Mushmouth. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I keep punishing myself with this slop... It's like a crazy ex-girlfriend that keeps showing up, you still want to bang it but you also know you're gonna have to deal with the resentment afterwards along with a side of cuckoos, texts and stalkings. Never again, maybe only really late at night. No, I won't do it. Maybe, if I'm drunk.


Twain's.

Nachos w/ BBQ Pork. I like this place for boozing. They do a good job at getting you hammered. But they do a terrible job at feeding you. I have never been a big fan of their menu, it's the standard pub fare trying to be borderline gastropub... Yeah, people still use that "G" word, just like people still use "speakcheesy"... I mean speakeasy. But anyways, nothing was craveworthy but I still needed something to absorb the toxins in the pouch and this could be the dish to do it... But sadly, just looking at that BBQ pork made me gag and throw up a little in my mouth which I guess did the trick after all to purge some toxins outta my system. It really does look like a freshly laid beaver poop.


Krystal.

Does the pouch have no fucking shame? Don't forget dignity, either... I ain't got both. Who in their right mind would admit to eating a Shrimp Po'boy from Krystal? This fat fuck would and did... Along with two Krystals on the side. Because I have no self-respect nor a sexy body, I'm kinda like a cross between Kanye West and an anteater. So, why even dare to attempt a Krystal Po'boy? ...Because it was there... for a limited time only. And it was as awful as it sounded... It's true, there is "Nothin' like it". And never should be ever again. Mind, you they made these po'boys to order and they still looked like they were a week old. All wrinkled and gooey... I don't know if I'm looking at old people having sex or food that was made for human consumption. I watched 2 minzies of a midget porn once where the little fella hocked a giant loogie in the broad's gash to lube his shrimpmeat... This po'boy reminded me of it. Don't fucking do it... I did it, so y'all don't have to, ever... I'm talking about that porn vid, it still haunts me.


Pan American Bakery.

Empanada and Pastelitos de Carne. For a buck each, these morsels are a no brainer. So freaking good.

Don't be suckered into higher priced subpar tasting Cubans found all over town. If there is lettuce and tomato in that Cuban, pick it up and throw it back at them and tell them that was the biggest insult ever inflicted upon you. For $5 still, this is the best Cuban in all of Atlanta.


Plaza Fiesta.

The taco joints inside this pueblo mall is the real shit. Tacos of all kinds for under 80 cents... And on Wednesday they are like 59 cents. Corn tortilla, grilled onions, cilantro, lime and a large selection of mystery meats... Lengua will cost you a little more but it's worth it. You can sample all of them for like under $10, you can't get 3 fucking tacos intown for that price. This shit is da bomb... Literally, if you don't have a well rounded iron stomach. I have seen gringos puke after inhaling a bunch of these lil bonitas while telling me that they eat Mexican all the time. Yeah, dude, Uncle Julio's don't count... And stop asking them for flour tortillas.

This fat fuck is stuffed... Time to purge out the excess bile byproducts from the pouch... Either, naturally or two finger assisted. Until next time, motherfuckers... Flush.