By the name and location of this place, one can only imagine what kinda "industry" people would come here after their shift. Perhaps the ones with 7" clear stiletto heel platform shoes. One would expect an industry driven menu with an avant garde cocktail menu but sometimes reality must intrude and you're usually left with disappointment... Kinda like my life everyday. This "fast casual" joint has all the industry props for some low rent high school flick. Perhaps, this was the third and final work to "Waiting" and "Still Waiting" trilogy? I hope Luiz Guzman pops his greasy Goat out of his zipper to say hello or Naomi to flash her sasquatchian hair muff full of crumbs again, just for shits and giggles... Dane Cook, not so much, though.
But ok, what's the deal with this joint? The Terminus building complex is not really known for fine dining... MF Sushi put the place on the map but Amura sank a few months ago pretending to be like MF with Ru San's grade sooshee. BrickTop's, I don't even know what that shit is. So, this place came to be via the peeps from Gibney's Pub... Ok, not a place known for it's culinary appeal but I don't discriminate.. What am I talking about? I will discriminate like a motherfucker if it sucks ass. Let's take a looksie and hope there's a steady supply of toilet paper up in this piece...
IND Hand-Pressed Burger, seared with choice of cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion. That's funny, I didn't get a choice, I got all four options. They said they only serve it cooked through, so, naturally, I asked if they could do it medium-rare. Server said, sure, I guess so. Came out well done. But that's not the surprising thing... Ready for this? This burger tasted exactly like a BK Whopper!!! Holy shit, this is the first time ever that a burger from a "real" resto made it taste like a Whopper. I don't know if I should congratulate them or wrap it up in that wax paper like a Whopper, mark an "X" with a Sharpie on the wrapper and ask for a brown bag and paper crown to go. While the burger was nothing to write home about, the broccolini was quite tasty. I just couldn't do any fries or tots because I'm on a diet. Yeah, right.. I bet you believe that shit.
$18 Lobster Roll. I AM A SUCKA for this shit. You know this shit was gonna happen. I see a fucking lobster roll on the menu, I get that shit. For $18, you get a 4" bun (not buttered or toasted) filled with some decently dressed tender knuckle and claw meat... I said, Four Inch bun. Who makes a bun that small? My dick is bigger than this and that isn't saying much... And I don't charge $18 to wrap your mouth around it, I usually pay them but that's another story. They should call it a Robster Roll... Robbery in progress, call the po-po. The lobster was decent tasting but a bit on the bland side. The sauce cup of clarified butter was for what? Are you gonna bring out a brush and a George Foreman grill with that... So, I can butter and grill my own bun table side? And the extra mayo, how much fucking dressing do I need for a 4 inch bun of critter meat? I hate to see waste and this was just a plain waste of unneeded condiments. Is it bad if I asked for a to-go container for the clarified butter? Squirt.
Spicy Coppa. In BOLD letters proclaimed, "AWARD-WINNING PIZZA". What's with the hyphen? Is it some trick to keep your attention so you don't forget what it is when you read the space between the two words? Anytime anyone have to tell you that something or other is award-winning, they usually have something to hide or it's a Jedi mind trick to gimmick you into ordering one. I'm just a Padawan learner so I got Jedi mind fucked into getting one because of my curiosity. If I was a cat, I would be dead since 1979. Ok, when it came out, I was like award-winning in what competition? Best frozen pizza category? Someone call DiGiorno's and deliver me from cracker crust pizza hell... This thing was not good. This is the kind of pizza you serve at a 5 yr old's birthday party because if it fell on the ground, no one who notice the difference when someone puts it back on the table... Because everyone's attention will be on the kid's drunk father trying to break open a SpongeBob pinata with a wiffle ball bat. Like the pinata's candy spewing all over the lawn, this thing should be spewed all over the Atlantic ocean. I can't believe they actually charge real money for this.
This is like the real life Shenanigan's... A bunch of characters serving movie prop like food to middling pedestrians that wouldn't know the difference between a pizza pie and a hair pie. If any industry people come here after work at all... It'll be the ones with a wad of Drakkar Noir drenched dollar bills strapped to their thighs.
Pump, pump... Pffft. This joint is shooting blanks. I'm going home to cry myself to sleep yet again..
3280 Peachtree Road NE #187
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 254-4468
http://industrytavern.com/
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