Drunken Vittles

The pouch doesn't drink much... At the work place. When I'm not negotiating million dollar deals for breakfast with my white knight, Harry Ellis, for Hans' detonators, I'm getting sloshed with a lot of brown juice. No, I'm not drinking out of the toilet like my dog... I'm talking about the nectar of the gods. I'm like a hobo and I like it all, bourbon, scotch, rye, vodka, coconut water, it's all the same in the darkness of my 360 sq ft. apartment like the one displayed in Ikea where I usually cry myself to sleep. But sometimes this bloated creasture muster up the courage to venture out for some sustenance, preferably at dusk.. And most likely after a shit load of cocktails. It's my mangina lubricant. Let's see what the pouch likes to stuff in it's hole(s).  

Wrecking Pub.

Classic Grilled Cheese. One of the best drunk food besides Taco Bell slop. I don't recall what it tasted like but I'm sure it was ok since the plate was empty when the bartender took it away. I did find a french fry in my shirt when I got home.

Bone Marrow. Topped with beef cheeks. Who doesn't like to put their bone in some cheeks... Don't mind me, I was just cruising the interwebs and saw something similar. This tasty little morsel will definitely fill you up.. Or a cheap slut.

Chicken Liver Pate and Bone Marrow. This was a special one night. The best offal you can find on a piece of patio paver... Unless it was that dead rat I found one day getting it's innards eaten by insects. This walkway cuisine is pure excess.. Pate and marrow, only thing missing was uni. It's like something you find at Alinea. Good stuff.


Napoleon's.

Tacos. Yeah, I ordered tacos from a pub. It's usually a bad move but they had a Korean BBQ taco. I had to do it like a sucka. The other 2 were something like beef and cheekan. At least they let you mix and match. They individually wrap each taco in foil.. It's kinda smart to separate these tacos. Upon closer inspection of the 3 Mexican't hatchet woundwiches... They kinda reminded me of 3 cuckoo ex-girlfriends I had. Flour tortillas, steam tray filler ingredients, and tri-color tortilla chips with canned black beans and a teaspoon of watery salsa... Had a taste of each and had enough. Yep, as fake as my ex-girlfriends. Time to dump these "Hoses". Ok, it's not awful but when you're drunk this will taste like Kate Upton. Not that I know what she tastes like but I did see the leaked nekid pics and I would eat that shit up. Slurp.

Smoked Chicken Wangz. Sounded great on paper. Looked nice when it came out. The outer part was smokey for sho' but when you get to where the meat touches the bone.. It was game over. The wings were parboiled and then smoked. A lot of places do this but most people wouldn't even notice it sober but the pouch's awareness amplifies with booze... Especially with wangz.

Fried Okra. These work pretty well when getting fucking toasted. Fried shit that's semi good for you. I think okra is good for you. Who knows, who cares, just keep shoveling them in your dirty toothless hole. Dude, there was this movie called "Tooth", it was about vagina dentata.. Scary shit man, pass the fried okra.


Sapori di Napoli.

Arancini. Fried rice balls and booze is any girl's wet dream... And mine. I got one ball in each cheek like a chipmunk. I know a couple of ladies that can do the same while balancing another one on their chin, they are very talented but not so smart.

Salsiccia e Funghi. Any fatso loves pizza when they're drunk. I'm no exception. This joint makes some great Napoletana pies, I don't usually get toppings but fat people usually never say no to more food.

Margherita. The one 'ZA that I enjoy the most because of it's simplicity, amazing flavor, crust, char, sauce and cheese melt factors when it's done right.. And this place does it spot on. I ate nearly the whole thing and then stumbled over to Victory for a few Jack slushies and a Beast on Yeast... And no, I'm not talking about those two talented ladies with balls on their chins.


Nori Nori.

Most sushi buffets are scary but this joint I like a lot. It's my once a month slutty splurge. They turn over the fishy platters quickly so it never sits for a long length of time and it's pretty fresh and clean. They got this routine down to a science. I usually go after a night of heavy drinking, so I don't care if I fucking gorge myself until my buttons pop on my shirt and find shrimp tails down my pants later on. I may be low rent but this place isn't at all and accepts me for who I am... A slob.

I really am a fucking slob. This was just the appetizers. Burp.

Look at the size of that thing! ...That's what she said. I saw this in a porno once... This girl put it in her, eh, nevermind. I'm just gonna ram this in my face hole. This place is like a porn lab, it's rows and rows of deadly sins... They got it all right here and I am full of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, pride, envy and wrath comes later on in the bathroom. My bowels are asking for forgiveness now. 


Tin Lizzy's.

Tacos. I have no clue what I even ordered here... I mostly pointed and grunted on the menu to the bartender. She coulda put in a hamburger and I wouldn't even notice. Why do these tacos all taste the same? This dump was so not good, even when drunk. The place was so sticky. Prolly from all the cheap margaritas... Which I had a couple and so did the floor.

I think this was the fried cheekan taco... Well, of course it is... Under all that shit. No clue what it tasted like. Another shot of tequila, pweez... And one for your mom, too... Because this taco reminded me of her. Did she ever get the results from the doctor yet?


Taqueria El Rey del Taco.

The first thing you always order at a taco joint is the hot wings, naturally. Seriously, when you have been boozing all night, wings are a godsend... Hell, wings anytime is a godsend. Mexican hot wings aren't as crispy or spicy but they did the trick.

Skrimp Cocktail. Nothing says luxury than shrimp cocktail in the middle of the night on Buford Hwy. #1percento.

Offal Taco Assortment. These cabrons know tacos and internal organs. Lengua, cabeza, tripa, culo, pinga... Sometimes I don't know what I'm eating but I lurv them all and the prices of these booze absorbing grubbery leave you with enough pesos to get more booze!

More booze! That horchata is much better with Kahlua and vodka (just sneak airplane bottles in and say no comprendo when they ask what's in your hand)... I call it the Light Brown Russian. If they try to take it away, just say loudly, "Hey! Careful ese, there's a beverage here."


This might be the stupidest post I have done to date... It's ok, though, no one is reading this garbage anyways. Except for my one perverted fan. I love you man.. Or woman... Perhaps a parakeet. I gotta run out to the liquor store and maybe return some tapes.