They say curiosity killed the cat... So, I wanted to test that old proverb. This location has been the kiss of death for countless contenders that thought they had the perfect concept that Atlanta would eat up like bad tacos at Taqueria del Sol. The last known sucka in this space was this "wild game" restaurant that was so sure they had a winning idea that they spent tons of money on PR but almost nothing on the product they pitched. We all know where this place went, the same place as their food... In the garbage. So, does this local chain in upstate GA have what it takes to make it? I don't know if they will work out but what I do know is that when a place adds an "e" to the word "Grill", it will be fancy... This joint uses not one but three, yeah that's right, 3 fuckin' E's in their name!!! It must be dope as hell, then. One can only imagine how amazing this place will be. Let's go check it out...
Jumbo Wings, lemon-yaki. Crispy but the sauce was straight from a plastic gallon jug. How do I know you ask? Because I walked into the kitchen and took a survey of everything I saw. It was jug after jug of super HFCS sauces. It was wicked salty and after attempting 3 of these things, I was done... The limp and rubbery celery and carrots were at least a week old. Here's a tip, store them in ice cold water in the fridge to keep them snappy. Their super hot sauce on the side was similar to that weak shit, Crystal's but I can't confirm that. It woulda been decent if it wasn't for that nasty ass sauce.
Caesar Salad. Warm romaine, jar dressing, and stale bagged croutons. It was awesome as expected, how it could not be sitting under a heat lamp? No, really, it was prolly the best thing I ate all night among the things to come...
Chicken Parmesan, "Skin-on Steak fries". First off, the frozen brown bag steak fries did not have any skin on it, I mean none at all, a non-gentile has more skin. It was such a joke because they plastered it all over their menu like they were so proud of it because it sounds so gourmet. It was fried at least 2 hours ahead and kept under the heat lamp and it was still ice cold and starchy in the middle... How that fuck does that happen? The chicken parm was deep fried and hacked up into bite size pieces and hidden under the tomato paste-like sauce that tasted like it just came out of the can that opened last week and left in the fridge uncovered... Guess they were hoping the shredded bagged mozzarella will turn the toothpaste into a red sauce from the grease of the barely melted cheese. Add the dried out stale and dreary hoagie roll to this concoction and you got yourself a hot mess... Oh, and don't forget about that anorexic pickle hiding on the side that tasted like rat piss, revolting. Where the fuck did they learn how to cook in this kitchen? From the microwave directions on the back of a box of Hot Pockets? This is one of the easiest sandwiches to make ever, just have fresh ingredients and you're golden... But they can't even make it half way edible and people are paying for this shit.
Baked Italian Hoagie. Salami, ham and pepperoni. Surely, they can execute a simple sandwich made up of cold cuts... Or can they? Just one look at this thing and there is just a whole lotta wrong with this thing already. Sure, at the end of the day all these ingredients will end up in your pouch in no particular order but you have to get it down your gullet first. What is wrong with the roll and why is there 2 inches of bread on top and a quarter of an inch on the bottom? It also looks like a couple of mice nibbled on the side of the bread to give it that rodent saliva flavor. What's even more baffling... Who the fuck decided to put an entire bowl of over dressed side salad on top of this slop? Is this a restaurant or a grade school Home Ec class? And what exactly makes this a "baked" hoagie... It looks less toasted than the Chicken Parm. I wouldn't even serve this at Occupy Woodruff to the 99%ers for free... It was that bad.
Looks like the curse lives on... Would someone get a priest in here and exorcise this place for fuck sake? It is almost empty every single weekend (imagine the weekdays) and it won't be long before this place goes kaput like all the other victims before it. This place is bleeding money from every orifice and there is not enough stale hoagie rolls even up in this place to plug all the holes. The service is almost non-existent, the waitresses and bartenders rather do shots at the bar then work... But I would prolly do the same if I were them, too, because if you're not making any money you might as well drink up the booze as compensation. The food was a shit show, the kitchen crew looked like they just stepped off the set of "Waiting" without a single real cook in the house and the hostess was just way too self absorbed talking to her friend on the phone about weaves and nails than to greet customers... C'mon, everyone knows you don't ever bother a sistah in mid-convo about weaves because you never want to hear the words "You don't know meeee!", by then it's too late. You will be sporting a nice new Colombian necktie. This joint is a sinking ship, the Titanic had more of a chance for survival.
Flush.
No Rating.
360 Pharr Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 554-0360
http://ottavern.com/
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