ChiChop!!

The shops and restos in this Doraville strip mall have been very limited for years, the only tenants were basically H-Mart and Shoya forever and they kept this mall in business for all that time. Now, years later this strip has been in high demand with a bunch of news shops and restos that opened recently or in the process of being opened. There is no lack of Japanese grub if you're craving ramen or sushi, or Korean BBQ, Laotian street grub and bubble tea shops... But one thing missing here was fried chicken. You can get a dumb down version of KFC inside H-Mart at one of the food stalls but it's pretty much garbage. But now, there are two chicken joints opening. One of them is Harue KFC which is opening a second location here. The other is a new Taiwanese fried chicken joint that has a few locations sprinkled along the east coast, they also own Cheers!! Cut in NYC and Kung Fu Tea... But I don't know if they are associated with the ones in Atlanta. Harue has a pretty decent KFC but I was more interested in the TFC since there aren't many that does it. You can find a handful of Taiwanese chicken nuggets around town but ChiChop!! fry more than just chicken... I couldn't wait to find out more about this place. 
When the Pouch saw the sign go up for this new Taiwanese fwied cheekan joint before Thanksgiving, I was so excited that I almost shat my underpants... But I did tinkle a little, though. The sign says, "Fried Chicker & Badger" or maybe it was Baoger but Badger sounds so much sexier. Then on their menu it says, "Hibachi, Grill & Fried Chicken Cafe" and on the packing it says, "Fried Chicken & Seafood"... I'm confused, I think they are mixing up all their other concepts into one. Their Engrish game is not very strong, hopefully, their cheekan game is... Let's take a first look...

You be the judge... Baoger or Badger? I also don't know what a chicker is but I'll eat the fuck outta it... Along with the badger meat. Let's sample a few morsels...

Dual Ninja Crispy Chicken, Minced Meat Rice, House Combo of Chicken & Beef & Squid. They have a special for their grand opening right now, BOGO Ninja Crispy Chicken... Ah, fuck yeah, pweez! Their Ninja cheekan comes in a giant cardboard sleeve, but is it really a full 12 ounces of dericious fwied cheekan? I took advantage of the BOGO and got a Taiwanese Teriyaki mild and Thai Sweet & Sour spicy flavor. 

Minced Meat Rice. They also have a plain white rice and curry rice... All $2 a bowl. Why would anyone just get the plain rice? This minced meat rice is similar to a Lu Rou Fan but this comes with minced beef bits and bacon bits. It's a pretty tasty rice bowl... Thank god they don't have poke bowls or else I would shit.

They're Taiwanese but they seem to really love Japanese warriors... Ninjas and samurais. This is their house combo of crap in a box of Taiwanese fried scraps... I kinda want a tattoo of it.

House Combination, Taiwanese fried chicken, beef and squid... I know what y'all are saying, what the fuck is fried beef? Just like it sounds... Nuggets of beef battered and fried. The thin crust is crispy and crunchy but the meat nugget is kinda chewy even though there's hints of red in the center. The cheekan nuggets were pretty good and the squid was not as chewy as I thought it would be. I wanted to get the Fried Giant Squid at first but I didn't want to eat an entire portion of a whole squid. This sampler box is a good way to get a little taste of each. But don't be fooled by the portion at first glance, half of the box is filled with prawn chips... Which is a good thing because I didn't want to eat an entire box of fried critters. 

The sleeve is printed with the words "Cheers!! Cut" on it... What the fuck is going on here? I thought this joint was called "ChiChop!!". Come to find out that Cheers!! Cut is their other concept on St. Marks in NYC and the menu is almost exactly the same. Stop fucking around, Pouch, and get to the good stuff already, you fat fuck. How do you eat this thing anyways? Let's turn it around and see if there's instructions...

That's a pretty sweet katana but what does it have to do with Taiwanese fried chicken? And sure enough, they do have instructions on how to tear this sleeve apart to eat the elusive Ninja crispy chicken inside... But I never figured out how tearing a corner off will allow me to get to the cheekan...

Fuck it. I just slid it out and use the cardboard sleeve as a plate. Look at this beast... I don't know if it's a full 12 ounces as promised but it is a full chicken breast with ribs split up and pounded like a schnitzel. Yes, this is a bone-in fried chicken schnitzel, Taiwanese style. The vibrant red chili powder gives the illusion that it will be spicy but it's not. The thin crispy crust is delicately crunchy from the sweet potato starch coating and the meat is juicy. It's a pretty damn good fried chicken and the shape and size of it makes it a bit more fun to eat than the usual fried chicken pieces.
I liked it a lot but was it really worth $8.50 for a breast with no sides or even some pickled veggies? The BOGO deal is worth it but when the promo is done, will the gimmick still bring the people in here? Speaking of which, I know it just opened but it was dead when I visited (where were all the FOBs and Yelpers?) and the space is not very big, either. I think there's enough seating for 10-12 peeps and it's all counter service. It will be tough if they get a big rush. But the concept is pretty much a quick service take out kinda spot, anyways... The menu is full of on the go snacks and everything is fried.
I will most likely be back to try their other fried goodies like the Exploding Chicken Cutlet with cheese in the middle and the Fried Chicken Wings... Wait, who is this fat slob fooling? This porker will definitely be back, their whole shtick is fwied cheekan and I'm licking my lips just thinking about it...

Squirt.

6035 Peachtree Rd
Unit C108
Atlanta, GA 30360
www.chichopusa.com

Son of a Bear

The Pouch has been on a KFC quest and this joint was on my list to try... But do we need to talk about what was here previously? Fuck yeah we do... I don't know if Double Dragon was opened as a spoof or not but nothing on the menu was Asian, it wasn't even fusion. They wanted to give the citizens of modern day Atlanta a taste of American Chinese food from the 80's... Shit, Atlanta wasn't even discovered until 1996, they don't know what the fuck Chinese food was back then let alone the 80's. It was so bad that it wasn't even close to be considered slutty Chino grub nor edible even after a night out of heavy drinking... It was less satisfying than a $2 whore. Is that even possible? No, because nothing on that menu was $2. It was painful eating that slop on my one and only visit... Painful, Pouch? Let's just imagine your friend donkey punching a toothless hooker while she's playing your skin flute. The pain was comparable to a gorilla grip. When Yelpers are even bashing the food, you know it was bad or they didn't get it for free. In the end, that double dumpster soon closed and transformed itself into a Corean street food joint... Because the whole Korean theme is so trendy right now. That's all Oakhurst needs... Another gimmick in this space. Fuck it, since, I'm such a sucka for gimmicks, I'm gonna have to do it for my one reader. My only fan expects nothing more from this sad sack of shit eating grin slob. And they supposedly have a whole KFC... I am totally excited for this, now...
I snuck in quietly on a Friday night... And ironically, the place was quiet as well. Let me say it again, this was on a Friday night with only a handful of middle-aged customers in there. Walked in... What the fuck did they do to this place? Why is there a wall with door in the middle of the bar? Who designed this... Helen Keller? No one was sitting at the bar because it was so awkward. The other side was an ice cream pop up or something, so fucking weird. The host creasture led me to the back in the dark corner... I'm like, fuck no bro, I always need an exit strategy. I sat down at a table in the middle with a light above the table so I have a 360 degree view just in case some shit goes down. The server comes over and asked if I have ever been here... I'm like no, not since it was Double D's. She gives me an uncomfortable smile as if her lips were having a mini seizure or maybe she was flirting with me. I quickly cock blocked her and said, I know what you're thinking... Say it with me, Double Dragon's food was god awful. And she totally agreed and we shared a hearty laugh together. She promised that the food here is a lot better... Yeah, famous last words. Like I haven't heard that from a staff member at any and every restaurant before. I gently stared into her eyes and said, I'll be the judge of that, my juicy little muffin top.

Kalbi Jjim Poutine. Yeah yeah, we all know poutine has been played out... But they took off the whole grilled squid so I had to resort to trying this. For $9, this was a very decent portion of crap on a tray. The seasoned fries stayed relatively crispy under that mess. Speaking of mess, the topping was a well seasoned, savory and a teeny spicy mix of shredded short rib. It's messy but it was pretty tasty overall. I was fucking shocked that this dish came out of this kitchen... It was totally edible for some reason. It may be just a fluke...

Whole Korean Fried Chicken Platter. Before I even ordered anything, I asked the server if they have the KFC. She was like, we don't resell KFC but we do have a fried chicken platter... Bless her heart. Unlike a lot of the other KFC joints, this joint actually gives you a real whole cheekan. You can literally count all the pieces that comes on a real whole chicken which kinda gave me a blood flow. There are so many KFC places that load you up with hacked up pieces of legs and thighs and called it a whole chicken... Hmm, excuse me, Miss, I have never seen a chicken with 3 and half legs before. When this platter came out, I was surprised and happy to see something that actually resembled a chicken. The thin skin crust looked really crispy, I can imagine the crackling sound it will make. Picked up the thigh first naturally and took a bite... Shit, this is pretty good. Shut your mouth, Pouch! What the fuck are you talking about, Willis? Don't you know this is the same place that was pumping out some heinous food not too long ago? But I cannot lie, this fwied cheekan was very acceptable. I liked the crispy thin skin crust and the meat inside was tender and juicy and it was not greasy. Wake up you fat fuck, you're having another dream... So, I ate another piece to make sure it wasn't a dream. At the end of the day, it was a respectable fried chicken but it was not a KFC, not even close to it. $23 for a whole fried chicken at a resto is not a terrible price to pay, but for what it was, I don't think I would come back for it again. I just ate an entire fried chicken and I am already thinking about how much Popeyes I can get for $23... That boy is a P I G, pig!   

Grilled Kalbi Short Rib Steak, Korean sweet soy marinate, kkakdugi, rice. They were out of the Beef Kalbi Jjim and Braised Chicken & Fall Veg... Fail. So, I had to resort to ordering this dish... I usually order at least 3 items to get a feel for their kitchen talent. I already had a not so great feeling about this... The Pouch's instincts never fails. But there's always a first for everything... I highly doubt it, though. My Spidey senses were tingling off the charts. For $18, I don't know about this... And then this came out... I think I just found John Wayne Bobbitt's severed member. While it looked like it was cooked mid-rare plus, the chew was a different story. I picked up a middle piece where it is usually more tender and not over cooked... And I was gumming this thing like a 70 year old woman with a banana. This dish was kinda pathetic and the memories of Double Dragon came flooding back in. What a way to end a decent start and middle...

I can't say this change of concept will redeem themselves from that garbage they served at Double D's in this part of town... Oakhurst is a small little town and the locals like what they like which is simple American food like burgers and tacos. Restos and breweries have come and gone in this part of town on a regular basis and I don't know if this "ethnic" concept will last long around here. Their next concept could possibly be turning this Korean "tavern" into a ramen joint. Not that Taiyo's ramen is that good but the roundeyes love ramen no matter how bad it is, just like the Mexican't grub they crave. But for now, it's not awful... Then again, I have no interest on coming back here anytime soon, either.

350 Mead Rd E&F
Decatur, GA 30030
www.sobdecatur.com

Harue Korean Snack Bar

This blubbery blob has been in a deep slumber since the KFC scene in this town has quietly slowed down within the last year or two... That was until recently. The inner Pouch was woke once again with the arrival of the crave-worthy Choong Man Chicken. Their amazing Korean fwied cheekan re-lit the Pouch's quest for the best fried chicken in this one horse town. I have been on a KFC marathon lately... Eating every fwied cheekan in sight. Which brought me back to this joint... It used to be another KFC joint way back in the day, I think it was a Bonchon, a ripoff of the ones in NYC... Or maybe it was a Bonbon, whatever, who gives a shit... It was pretty decent but they closed down not long after. On a side note, there is a Bonchon and Bonbon somewhere in upstate Georgia but that will be another review.
So, this location became a Harue KFC joint a few years back. I have been once like 3 years ago, it was decent but the location is not close to K-town at all. Maybe that's why I haven't gone back. But for them to last this long, they must be doing something right. Maybe it's time to make the trek for a revisit. Alright, enough of the talky talky, we want more walky walky. Let's just get right to it...

Whole Fried Chicken. It's usually $20 but they were doing a Fall special for $13... SOLD! It's a very hefty portion but if you inspect all the pieces, it ain't from a whole chicken... It's all dark meat. It's like all legs, thighs and bungholes kinda like the human centipede. They also camouflage a few giant fried wedges of potato in there to make it look more hefty. The batter/crust looks pretty crispy. It's not flaky like in a dry coating but it's smoother like in a wet batter. Picked up a piece and it's crispy alright. It has a nice crunch to it but it's kinda greasy... And not just the crust, the meat inside as well. It's not overly greasy, just enough for you to notice it and coat your fingers to make you lick them constantly. The pieces don't have a lot of meat on them, either, it's kinda boney. But this cheekan dinner will fill you up if you eat all the potato wedges. I like the crispy crust on the KFC but not enough to come back all this way for it. It looks satisfying when it comes out to the table but you will leave kinda dissatisfied... Hoping that it had turned out better even for this finga lickin' fat fuck.   

Tonkatsu. For $10, this is some meal... A giant mudflap of pounded fried pork, a scoop of rice, cheesy corn, pickled yellow and white daikon, slaw and fries. And this corpulent slob ate it all, every last drop of that brown jizz on that hog. The panko crusted pork cutlet was hot and crispy on the outside and juicy tender on the inside. This was a very good tonkatsu and kinda crave-worthy enough to make another visit to upstate GA in another year. I would eat this once a week if it was closer to town, but being a pudgy porker, you don't really move much, let alone leaving the house on a regular basis, except to lean over to one side to pass wind. 

The drive was a hassle, the KFC was middling but the tonkatsu made up for the previous let downs. Would I come back here? Eh, maybe if I was forced to be in this area like being tied up in the back of a trunk. Let's face it, no one wants to be up here but if they lasted this long they must be doing something right.

To the next KFC joint...

3585 Peachtree Industrial Blvd
Duluth, GA 30096
http://www.loveharue.com/

Choong Man Chicken

Is KFC in this one horse town dead yet? Hasn't this trendy gimmick ran it's course? FUCK NO, bro. This portly fuck can always use one more fwied cheekan joint... Boy, I'm so lonely. This place took over the old JM BBQ which was a Korean BBQ joint that turned into a dance club on the weekends. It suddenly closed with not much notice back in September sometime. The K-BBQ competition is fierce up in Duluth... But so is the KFC competition. Seriously, can Duluth use another KFC joint? Shit, the Pouch can use a KFC joint on every other block if I had my way. Another reason why JM BBQ may have closed is because of this strip mall... There are a bunch of restos in here but it's always dead as fuck. The only place that keeps this strip mall alive is Sweet Hut on the other end. Top Ramen which is basically the sister resto to Lan Zhou Ramen on Buford Highway came and went as well... Which is surprising because their food was just as good as Lan Zhou Ramen. I swear, this strip mall is cursed. So, I better get my fat ass in here before this chicken gets killed crossing the street.
This joint is a small chain with two locations in Virginia and I'm kinda curious how they decided to open one here so far away... This may be a short lived expansion if it sucks ass.
There's not much hype on this joint so far... So, let's go see if it's worth talking or trashing about. Walked in and the place still looks like JM BBQ, they just got rid of the exhaust vents and moved the furniture around. It doesn't bother me because I rather them spend the time on executing the menu, instead of the decor. Let's take a gander at the menu...

I am so fucking excited right now. This menu is all about cheekan and nothing but cheekan... Ok, they got a couple of bullshit side items like french fries, curly fries and coleslaw... Meh, get that shit outta my face. I guess they have to have something for the roundeyes which was strange because there were a handful of gringos in here- How did they find out about this joint so quickly? Nevermind the bearded hipsters, let's just get to the chicken already, Pouch... Stop fucking around, you're on a mission.

This has got to be the weirdest combination of chicken and topping. This is definitely not a first date kinda dish if you want to get lucky afterwards. You'll still be crying from all the onions while trying to get your first kiss. Look at that picture, it's not like a little bit of onions for a little contrast and sweetness... It looks like they throw a shitload of it on there. Only one way to find out... But first, I need a little snack to whet my facehole...

Tikku Soy Sauce Gizzard. I'm a little surprised they didn't have fried chicken livers but I'll take gizzards all day long if it's done correctly... And these were spot on. The crust is crispy and not heavy. The gizzard was tender and had a nice pop to them when you bite into them. They are supposedly fried and then charcoal grilled to make it extra crispy and give it a lil smokey flavor. They are a really tasty little snack. They were so good I kept popping them in throughout my entire meal.

Snow Onion Fried Chicken. It's like a mountain of pure snow, it's everywhere... Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is? The menu says you can get it with wings, tenders or whole chicken. But if you ask nicely they can do a half chicken. Sold! They say that this is their most popular signature item on the menu and it's loaded with sliced onions with a "savory and creamy" sauce. If you like onions, this is your dish. They give you an entire onion sliced on top and drenched in their white sauce. The golden fried chicken peeking out on the edges looked real crispy but can it stay that crispy with all that sauce... One way to find out.

I pulled out a wing with a good amount of sauce on it... Twisted it apart and took a bite... Damn, it's crispy, crunchy and flavorful. You gotta eat a little onion afterwards and the sweetness of the onion works pretty well. The sauce is thin but sweet and savory. It is such a weird combo but it works. I inhaled 3 pieces within two minutes because it was so good or maybe I was just hungry. The chicken is not greasy, it's juicy and hot... I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was almost perfect. I can't even compare it to Popeyes because they are so different. I gotta take a break and come back to it later and see if it's still as good as I think it is... And just at that moment, the spicy wings came out... Great timing.

  

Red Hot Pepper Chicken wings with gochujang sauce. These look pretty legit. I like how that are not swimming in sauce but each piece are fully coated with the gochujang sauce. The crust is still crispy even with the sauce all over it. It has a good crunch to it and the sauce is sweet and spicy. The chicken inside is juicy and flavorful. This is one bad ass hot wing. Ok, it's not that spicy but I still fucking loved them. I gobbled down all of them easily in one sitting. Christ, I just ate a plate of gizzards, 10 wings, half a chicken and a whole onion in one sitting... I truly am a lard ass but it was friggin' worth it. I'm still thinking about it hours later... You know it's good if the Pouch is still craving it.

I'm wobbling back to my ride and I see this on ground... I guess the people who ordered it to go couldn't wait to get home to eat it... I hear ya, bro. It's that good.

Then a couple feet away I see this... What the fuck, dude? That is cheekan abuse... I was so tempted to pick it up and eat it. What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? I call the 5 minute rule... But why is there a good necklace with stars around it? That is the weirdest shit I have seen in many moons... This mystery will never be solved.

Well, if my one reader can't tell already, I'm pretty much in love with this new KFC joint. How long will the honeymoon last? Who knows, but as long as they keep pumping out that gorgeous chicken, I'll be making many more visits to try out all their other flavors... Especially, the garlic spicy chicken since they ran out it on this visit. Jesus, I was actually going to order a 4th fried chicken dish in one visit. Why am I obeast again? The next table got the lemon spring onion chicken which looked just as amazing.
Not much else to say except... Winner winner cheekan dinners! I just can't eat one.

2180 Pleasant Hill Rd.
Duluth, GA 30096
https://www.cmchicken.us/

BK Nightmare King

Oh, joy... This fat fuck is on a roll here with the fast food slop. Yes, I succumbed to yet another gimmick to challenge the Pouch. Lucky me... Or is that Fucky me? So, what do we have here this time? Burger King has been in the fast food gimmick burger game for awhile as well to lure in the freaks and uninitiated... They started with the Halloween Whopper with the black buns that turns your shit green. Then they had the Angriest Whopper with hot sauce baked into the red buns which turned your shit reddish brown. Now, they are giving the corpulent crowd a new flavor... The Nightmare King with a booger green bun. I can only imagine what color Mr. Hanky will be when he shows up on Halloween night. They say it's suppose to give you bad dreams or nightmares after you eat this demon. I call bullshit because I have nightmares every night no matter what I eat... Except Popeyes. So, what's the big deal about this burger? Well, first off, this ain't no Whopper... It has a chicken fillet on top of a burger patty. Let's see what they have to say about it...

"Introducing the NIGHTMARE KING, this spooky sandwich features ¼ lb* of savory flame – grilled beef, a 100% white meat crispy chicken fillet, melted American cheese, thick cut bacon, creamy mayonnaise, and onions all assembled on a glazed green sesame seed bun."

NIGHTMARE KING - Feed your dreams or nightmares.

Jesus, look at that fucking thing... The only thing I'll be feeding is the toilet in about 10 minzies. Stop being a prepubescent little twat, Pouch, and do it for your one fan... You sound as if someone has to twist your arm to eat food. If I get IBS right after, at least I don't have to wait to find out what color it is. That green colored bun is kinda creepy... Let's see if the real thing is as toxic green as the picture.

This omen cost $6.39... Almost as much as Arby's Seared Duck Sando.

Hmmm... It's not as green as I thought it would be. The green coloring supposedly comes from watermelon but who the fuck really knows if that is true. But it's a sizable sando. It's pretty thick with all that shit in there.

The side view doesn't make it anymore appetizing... It kinda looks like the wicked witch sleeping on her side with no underpants on... Which is kinda revolting to visualize. Elphaba, there are rejuvenation procedures these days for it... Just sayin'.

Sliced this creasture down the middle and there's the green. I'm kinda in the middle with this thinger. I don't hate it or like it. But the green spongy bun is kinda interesting... It's still keeping my curiosity.

Now, you can see all the layers of this Beetlejuice sando. The bun is pretty green. Could be matcha coloring for all we know. The fried cheekan patty looks dry as fuck and the burger all grainy. The cheese is barely melted. Oh, boy... Better add the "D" to IBS...

They give you 3 slices of bacon, but they are so thin that you can't even see it in the side view shot. But once you lift up the bun, they are there. They actually look pretty decent, not all shriveled up and burnt.

So, how was it, Pouch? It was nothing special, nothing craveworthy enough to get it again... You can't differentiate the textures or taste in each bite. It just tastes like a meat mass with not much seasoning. At least the regular old Whopper has some taste to it. C'mon, no one eats at a fast food dump for taste, it's all for filler on the cheap, but this fucking thing wasn't cheap at all. Blah blah blah, who gives a shit about how it tastes... All we want to know is what color was your shit, Lord Marsupial! I don't want to disappoint y'all but sadly, the turd cigars were normal color... Like baby brown sharks.
Yeah, this gimmick was exactly that... An impulse buy to find out what all the fuss was about. But I have no regrets, I did all in the spirit of Halloween. Plus, I was really fucking bored.

They also have a "Scary Black Cherry" slushie...

One can only imagine what color your piss or doodie will be after slurping this satanic swill.

The only nightmare I had was how gullible this fat fuck was for a holiday gimmick. This year's BK gimmick burger was a bust, better luck next year, but McDonald's is bringing back one of their most elusive shit sandwiches... And I can't wait for this year's review of the McRib, it's a Cheekan Lipz tradition that my one fan expects annually. I hope my bowels are up to it after this fiendish sando.

Arby's Seared Duck Breast Sandwich

Thanks Fat Murica, Arby's did it again! They came up with another fucking gimmick to lure in the untapped neophytes into their dumps... And this fat fuck again as well. Jesus, why am I such a sucka for this garbage... Maybe because I am so lonely. When they say "We HaveThe Meats", they kinda mean it, somewhat... They are the only fast food chain to have offered pork belly, venison, elk and now, the duck. Let's see what they have to say about it online...
"True hunters know that successful pursuits in meat hunting begin with dedication and patience. Our Duck Sandwich is no different. Our Duck Sandwich features a premium duck breast, smoked cherry sauce, crispy onions all on a signature Arby's bun."
Since, my pursuit in meat hunting for chicks on Saturday night in midtown was a total failure like most weekends, I had a fool proof plan to slay another bird the next day. Arby's is only making these  birds available at 16 locations throughout the nation and the only location offering this gimmick in Atlanta was on Roswell Rd and Wieuca. Ugh, y'all gonna make this muffin top drive through Buckhead to get some play... They better have this shit in stock or else I'll just have to go to Popeyes right up the street. 
Let's take a gander shall we...


Hmm, it doesn't look anything special from this PR pic... Fuck, did I make a mistake driving all the way over here? Fuck it, you fat slob and just do it... You know you want to.

I have never paid $7 for one fast food sando ever before... I'm kinda regretting it already but it's got a sticker with a duck on it. Seriously, how good can it be? You motherfuckers better do some witchcraft on this meat craft... Or give me some weed first to give me the munchies or chant some sorcery shit. Open the damn box already...

Like usual, the visual of the real thing is nothing like the picture... At first glance, it looked like a cow muffin between two buns. I'm kinda disappointed already. Let's see what's under the hood...

That is some sad ass fried onions. Wait a minute, nevermind the fucking onion straws... Is that skin on that piece of meat thinger? Let's take a closer look...

Fuck me. That is a seared skin on something... Let's cut it in half and find out what this mysterious meat is.

Jesus, is that a moose knuckle? The meat hunt is over... Look at that bloody gash... It's fowl looking. Kinda reminds me of this fat hillbilly slob that took me home after a sloppy night of quarter pitchers in college... She was a beast. She did things to me that shouldn't be done to farm animals. Is it bad that I kinda wanna do an American Pie on it? I can imagine eating this is almost like going down on a heavy set broad... There's usually a lot of mons pubis to gnaw on. I better grab a handful of napkins before I even attempt to work on this bloody hatchet wound.

Let's take a closer look... Seriously, how is this possible... From Arby's? That is a pretty thick ass piece of pink duck breast. It is even a bit on the bloody side to make you do a double take at the buns. And the seared skin is kinda amazing to find on there as well. Took a bite and the thick breast meat fills up your mouth to satisfy that carnivore carving. It was tender, juicy and had a nice chew to it... Unpossible! And the skin was seasoned pretty well, too. There was no way this was made in this kitchen. They had to have prepped and cooked all these duck breast at another location and vac packed these beauties with instructions on how to reheat because there was no fucking way these slack jaws working here can sear a duck and render the fat this precisely. I hate to say it but did they sous vide these duck breast? I mean, if they're in vac packs already, then all these retards have to do is throw it in a hot water bath. However they prepared it, it was kinda worth the $7 to sample this mons pubis of duck.

I must admit, this might be Arby's best showing of exotic meats that they have been introducing on a limited basis. Sometimes, gimmicks do work and whatever gives them the most attention puts them on the radar for people who usually don't eat at fast food joints. The only time I even go to an Arby's is for their gimmick meats because it's just so ridiculous... Hey, believe me, I still waiting for their next gimmick to fail so miserably so I can rip them a new asshole... That's because I'm just returning the favor. If they come out with a bone-in Tomahawk chop or a wagyu or kobe steak sando, you can bet on my fat ass that the Pouch will be there. This is their 4th limited edition game meat, so, maybe their 9th mystery meat will finally kill the Pouch from curiosity. But I wouldn't bet on it.

Banshee

This may be the only new joint that hasn't got as much hype as all the other new openings in this one horse town... What gives? What is wrong with this place? Is it EAV and how ghetto it has become? Is it the owners/operators? Did they burn some bridges in the industry? Who knows but let's check Yelp... Those retards don't give a shit as long as they are the first to review. Surprisingly, there are only three rave reviews and 4 pictures of the neon sign and menu but no pictures of the grub... How can this be? Wait, they prolly didn't get any freebies is my guess... No reviews for you! 

Now, the Pouch's interest has been piqued. So, a little bird gave me a play by play during a recent visit about how awful the food was, especially, the braised duck mezzelune which was a salty cesspool... I must admit that I get excited and turned on by slop. I had to go and see and feed for myself since I haven't been to a shitty new resto in such a long time. So, I snuck in there quietly around 9:40 on a Friday night, it was packed but that didn't surprise me, what did stumped me was that the host said the kitchen was closed... On a Friday night before 10PM. Let me say it again... kitchen closed before 10 on a Friday night. Do they want to go out of business, is that their MO and business model? Jesus, don't make me go to Octopus Bar, they have gone downhill so much these day which gives me sad panda pouch face. The host said I could hangout at the bar and get drinks... Why would I when the bar looked like the Thunderdome... Master Blaster was in the weeds with the pigs around that trough. I got the fuck outta there literally in 21 seconds and wasn't gonna stay in EAV waiting for a gun fight to erupt on a Friday night... That's because I was only carrying a small Kahr, I will remember to bring my CZ Scorpion Evo 3 next time. 

I was kinda over this joint with that ridiculousness, but once the Pouch gets an hankering for new slop, it doesn't let go... I had to do it for my one reader since I haven't posted any new slop joints in so long. So, I got real fucked up on Saturday during the day so I can make it here early at night before the ghetto herd arrived. Got here around 5:30 to dine with the blue hairs and it was kinda crowded already. Whatever, as long as the bar is flowing and the kitchen isn't closed by 6PM we should be all good. 

Let's sample some dishes and see if it lives up to my low expectations I already have deemed them to be...  

I drank so much booze during the day that I had to piss like an inflated fugu... Don't worry, I will be enjoying myself in the shitter, I might even light my farts on fire in there for extra enjoyment.

Fry Bread, pepperoni butter, sesame, scallion. The fry bread was nothing special but the pepperoni butter was what I was interested in... How can this possibly be good? It's grease on fat... But y'all know what, it was surprisingly edible and a taste that was quickly acquired. It wasn't craveworthy enough alone to bring me back here but I would order it again if I was here again depending on the rest of the dishes.

Butternut Squash Ravioli, white bean, pumpkin seed picata, parmesan crisp, brown butter. Look at this plating... Where the fuck is the rav? It looks like it's hidden under a coral. If Nemo peeks out from beneath I will swallow that lil fucker like I did in college pledging. Let me re-plate this for them... Amateurs.

Voila! How difficult was that? Now, I can see all the actors in the bowl... That ravioli, one ravioli, looked so lonely in there all by it's lonesome. Is it too much to ask for two ravs? Not like it's filled with foie gras and truffles... It's squash for crying out loud. The parm crisp is nicely made, the white bean puree was velvety smooth, the ravioli pasta was toothy, the squash inside was fine and the entire execution was seasoned nicely. It's a good lil dish but don't be so friggin' cheap with just one veg rav... It's take two to make a Pouch feel right, it takes two to make it taste outta sight.

Wagyu Rare Beef Salad, peanut crisp, togarashi mayo, pickled carrot, tatsoi, soft egg. I was real skeptical about getting wagyu beef in EAV... It could be from the plethora of roadkill found on Bouldercrest... That road is filled with shady roadkill creastures. Ok, let's start from the top... The soft egg was spot-on, can't complain about that at all. The salad was more of a pickled veggie tasting. The use of exotic sounding Asian greens like tatsoi annoys me... Like they discovered some new breed of greens. It's just a friggin' spinach mustard thinger. Let's get to the main actor here... hidden under all that shit soaking up all the juices. The thinly slice manmeat wasn't as rare as stated but it tasted just ok, nothing really stood out on the flavor because it's been marinating under that mess. Not that it was putrid, either... But I wouldn't get it again because it got real tiresome after the perfect soft egg.

Pork Cheek Skewers, shishitos, garlic chips, dragon sauce. This will either be a big hit or a massive miss... And then this came out... This beautiful skewer of chubby swine cheeks sandwiched between shishito peppers looked amazing. There was no dragon sauce on the plate but it looked to be glazed on the cheeks. This dish was pretty damn tasty... the cheeks were tender as fuck and had a hint of sweetness and heat from the so called dragon sauce aka spicy soy sauce. This was good enough for the Pouch to put in a second order. Now, this was craveworthy enough for me to go back for more.

Pappardelle, sauce portugaise, shiitake mushrooms, fresno pepper, sage gremolata. Paying $16 for a small bowl of pasta usually pisses me off since pasta is low rent filler grub. This bowl may have been worth the price of admission if it wasn't all stuck together... I had to quickly rip the ribbons of pasta apart like a hair wax strip. The sauce and shiitake was pretty good and hearty but it coulda use a bit more seasoning. Every time I look at this bowl of pasta it reminds me of the 40 year old virgin. Oh, nipplefuck! Kelly Clarkson! I bet she likes to eat sticky pasta...

Pork Tenderloin, fig olivada, charred leek, almond, port jus. There was no fucking way in my rational pea brain I was gonna get the duck mezzelune but I really wanted to experience that nightmare... Alas, I played it safe since this entire visit has been going way better than expected. You can't fuck up a pork tenderloin, right? And that seemed to be true with this dish.. The medallions of Ms. Piggy were tender and moist, the figs were sweet and the port jus gave it that hint of richness. It's not a generous portion by any means but the execution was good enough to not make me mad for over paying for this tapas size portion. 

I was buzzed and all psyched to rip this joint a new brown balloon knot, but with the very decent visit I just had here, I have nothing really that crass to say... But then again, I didn't order the duck. I may just have to next time and then finish it off with the pork cheeks to cover up that salty cesspool in my cesshole.
The service was pleasant and prompt, their signature cocktails were ok but just stick with the classics like the old fashioned and sazerac along with the pork cheeks... And your night will not be a total shit show like the rest of EAV on a weekend night. I hope they can make it last in this shithole.

1271 Glenwood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
www.banshee-atl.com