Bosphorous Turkish Cuisine

When I think of Orlando... I think like a fat person with a slobby grin on their chubby checks thinking about every single chain restaurant that is available within a 5 mile smell radius. So, that's why sometimes you gotta get away from all the Clark Griswolds waiting in line for unlimited soup and breadsticks. Winter Park is a nice area of Orlando that is not too touristy, it's a pretty affluent area with businesses, fancy shops and restos all within walking distance in downtown Winter Park... Basically, your standard rich white hood. And the only gangs you will find here are the stroller gang. They are armed and dangerous... With pacifiers, dirty diapers and milk sucking machine guns. Walking on the sidewalk with all these wheeled thugs is like a NFL practice drill. You gotta stick and move. I ducked into the first joint I saw and was surprised that it was a Turkish resto... What?! A Turkish resto here in whitieville? This can't be... I need to examine this specimen closer...

Lavas Hollow Bread. It's like the puffer fish of bread. Giant ball of bread that you rip apart and shove in your facehole.

Cracked Wheat Patties, A traditional Central Anatolian dish made of ground lamb, onion, bulgur wheat, walnuts and herbs, hand formed and fried to a golden brown. You can play Nerf football with these things.

Fried Liver, tender, hand-breaded beef liver pan-fried and served over sautéed fries and freshly sliced red onions. I don't know what sauteed fries are but these look like crinkle cut deep fried fries with seasoning on top.

Falafel, chickpeas, celery, parsley and green onions tossed in spices and lightly fried. A bit dry but that's what you get for being a vegan... Too bad it was deep fried in lard. Suckaz!

Sigara Boregi, crispy filo dough stuffed with creamy feta cheese and parsley. Think turkish egg rolls.

Mixed Appetizer, A combination of Humus, Babaganoush, Sautéed Eggplant, Tabbuli, Ezme, Tarama, Haydari and Zetinyagli Yaprak Dolm. Is that Engrish? Fuck no... It's Dothraki.

White Bean Salad- White beans, tomatoes, bell pepper and parsley, topped with a hard boiled egg, kalamata olives and a freshly made vinaigrette. You know what they say, beans beans they're good for your heart, the more you eat the more you shit your pants...

Turkish Style Pizza- freshly ground lamb blended with peppers, tomatoes, parsley and fresh herbs
on thin crusted dough. Jesus Christ, this looks like the chunks of skin I pulled off after the road rash I got from a mountain biking crash... But this tasted a lot better.

Lamb Sis Kebap- skewers of tender lamb marinated in our chef’s unique seasonings and char grilled to perfection. Mistor Hanky, are you comfortable? More rice bedding perhaps?

Doner Kebap- tender lamb, grilled vertically and thinly sliced. So many meat flaps, so little time and pouch space.

Okra Saute- fresh okra cooked with red & green peppers, onions and garlic in a savory tomato sauce. Served with rice pilaf.

Bosphorous Mule-Tito’s Vodka, Bungalow 23 Pear Ginger mixer, fresh ginger, club sod.

Izmir Iced Tea- Wild Turkey ı0ı Rye, freshly brewed Turkish tea, pomegranate molasses, fresh mint, Gosling’s Ginger Beer.

This joint was surprisingly good. Everything was vibrant in color and tasted pretty good. I would come back here and try the other two items that I didn't get.

108 S Park Ave 
Winter Park, FL 32789
http://bosphorousrestaurant.com/

Michael Ali's Coal Fired Pizza

Winter Garden's Plant Street Market is one of the many food halls that have been popping up across the nation. Food halls are the it trend right now... They have their positives and negatives. Some food halls consist of overpriced slop shops that tourists buy into hook line and sinker. And other food halls try to have quality shit in them. This small food hall in this up and coming hipster town in Florida is the home base of the Crooked Can Brewing Company. They are the anchor for this food hall. The beers are pretty decent here but what about the food in the hall... There's a crappy sushi stall, a vegan stall, a juice bar, a gourmet chocolatier, a butcher, a bakery, a paleteria, a grill joint and of course... A 'ZA joint.
This one is special, though... It's an all coal fired oven... Hmmm, just like Lombardi's? Fuck no, they ain't got a 100+ year old brick oven built into the building... They got a modern standard issued wood burning oven that can use coal or wood or even a mix of the two. But they strictly only use coal. Hmmm, sounds like a challenge for da pouch... The place is pretty packed since food halls are always family friendly places and of course the snot nosed kids all want pizza. I put my order in and they said they will call me on the phone when ready... Screw that, I stayed and watched them make the pies. The dude assembling the pies was as happy as a bag of douche. I asked them if they use any wood chips for smoke or flavor... He looks up and shakes his head sideways. Thanks, mistor happy go lucky. The pies looked well put together when it went into the oven. I see they're rotating it but they don't lift it to the dome before it comes out. They just leave it in the oven longer. So, I finally get my 3 pies after 20 minzies or so because they were pretty busy. Let's examine the pies shall we...

 Regular Coal Fired Pie. Open it up and the crust is pretty dark. Then I remembered them brushing olive oil on the crust before it goes into the box. Why? To enhance the dark crust with a shiny clear coat? Whatever, weak. So, I take a bite and it's not bad... Not great but not bad, the ingredients were pretty good quality. The cheese had a mild pull and the sauce was barely noticeable. The crust was kinda hard pretzel like with a smoky char on it, maybe too smoky. It was an ok 'ZA.

Brooklyn, fresh mozz, Italian sausage, rapini, onion. Is this crust darker than the first one? Looks like it to me. You can barely fold it properly because the crust is kinda hard and it just won't crack and fold easily. The ingredients inside were all pretty good. It's a tasty 'ZA but the crust really drags it down. Just eat the good stuff and leave the crust.

Parma, prosciutto di parma, artichokes, gorgonzola. And this crust is even darker than the other two. It's almost comical now. The artichokes, prosciut and gorg cheese were tasty, the crust not so much.

I bet the 3 person crew can make a really kick ass 'ZA if they weren't so busy and backed up on orders and not giving the attention it needs for each pie. Leaving the pies in the oven a bit too long because they're doing other things. It's understandable but really not acceptable when people are paying for it. I rather wait a few minutes longer for a properly made pie that is not almost burnt. Most people won't even notice or even care about a properly made pie but you can definitely taste it in the end product. I prolly won't be back here anytime soon. Good luck, suckaz.

426 W Plant St
Winter Garden, FL 34787
http://www.plantstmarket.com/

A1A Ale Works

Like with hookers, I'm not even gonna get that involved with this place... It looked good on the outside and the inside looked acceptable but once you sit down, it's basically all down hill from there. Sat at the upstairs bar because the downstairs bar was packed with local creastures... How did I know they were locals? Three words: acid washed jeans. I'm not just talking about the pants, they had matching leather fringed jackets and the big hair, too. The 80's just called, they want Alyssa Milano's wardrobe from Who's the Boss back. So, I'm at the bar and the entire bar is sticky, the menu had to be peeled off and the pages were stuck together like some teenager's heavily used beat off material. Then I look around and the floors were all filthy... I'm like what the fuck am I doing here? Oh, yeah, the lady at the front desk recommended this joint. Whatever, I'm at a bar and there's whiskey, beer and more booze... I got a shot of Bookers and a pint of their house brewed beer... And the world is alright again... Until the food started arriving. Now, I'm back to a world of shit with a disgusting fatbody like private Pyle. Ok ok, I'm being a douche, the place is located on prime real estate and has a great view of the water and the Bridge of Lions... It can't be that bad. Let's nosh, shall we...

Lobster Bisque, rich and creamy with a hint of sherry. Looked decent enough... Until you put a spoonful of it in your mouth. It was just god awful, tasted like it was made weeks ago and lumpy... And the lumps weren't lobster, it was clumps of flour. The creme fraiche or whatever the jizz of white stuff was didn't not blend into the bisque after a quick stir. The hint of Sherry was prolly the loogie she spat into the cup before it came out of the kitchen. Sent this shit back and they never took it off the bill as promised. Just give me another shot of Bookers.

Fisherman's Platter, crispy, breaded seafood platter with seasonal fresh fish, shrimp, calamari and hush puppies served over house fries with A1A tartar and marinara sauces. What a cornucopia of old frozen sea roaches...

Ragtime Shrimp Appetizer, shrimp dipped in our own ale-infused batter, tossed in flaked coconut and
deep fried. Served with honey mustard sauce. The name of the dish goes perfectly with the raggedy presentation of plain old coconut shrimp. Why don't you just call it coconut shrimp? You ain't fooling anyone with that ridiculous name. These shrimp tasted like they had 5 years worth of freezer burn on them. Look at the tails, they looked like they were stored in the tailpipe of the Apollo 13 during re-enter. The honey mustard sauce tasted like left overs from the Apollo 11 mission. You would think being on the water and being a seafood centric resto that the seafood would be somewhat fresher than the Gorton's Fisherman.

So, after the seafood debacle, I have resorted to cheekan wings at a seafood joint. When I thought my pathetic life have been brewing at the bottom of the barrel for the last 4 decades, it has just reached a new low. Surprisingly, these naked wings from the back of a Sysco truck were light years ahead of the seafood found in the waters across the street. I'm just joshing, their seafood was also from the back of a Sysco truck, an unrefrigerated truck. The wings were medium sized and plump... Weren't half bad until you got to the hot sauce... There's a reason why I always get the sauce on the side. It tasted like the Chick-fil-A Polynesian sauce mixed with Taco Bell's hot sauce.

This place was special... Real special. Like a class of gifted young simple Jacks. The food sucked ass big time but the bartender was the saving grace, he gave me triple pours of whiskey all night. That washed away the memories of the shitty grub... Well, not really but it helped me write this stupid ass post. Don't let the location and appearance fool ya... Skip this place at all costs.

1 King St #101
St Augustine, FL 32084
http://www.a1aaleworks.com/

Catch 27

St. Augustine, Florida has no lack of foot traffic and touristy restos and bars but hidden on some side streets within all the touristy attraction you can find some local joints that actual locals hit up on a weekly basis... One of them is the seafood centric Catch 27 that was hidden in plain sight. Their original space was tiny, maybe like 8 table tops, so they moved around the corner to a larger space on a less trafficky street. The locals prolly prefer it to be out of sight from the yahoos. But that didn't matter, it was still jumping on a Monday night, a mix of locals and outlanders packed the space.
Let's just get to the good stuff... The grub. I'm not gonna talk too much about the food because it was all pretty good, better than I expected. Just look at the purdy pictures...

Crab Cakes, two seared blue crab cakes topped with a fried farm egg, atop a bed of spring mix and served with remoulade.

Shrimp & Grits, three cheddar and bacon Greenway Farm grit cakes, topped with lightly blackened shrimp and sherry cream sauce.

Deviled Egg BLT w/ Southern Fried Oyster, crispy corn fried oysters, house tomato-bacon jam, local micro greens.

Land And Sea, pan seared scallops, crispy root-beer braised pork belly, ratatouille, and sweet potato purée.

Minorcan Clam Chowder, a spicy red chowder.

Blackened Fish, local catch (snapper), blackened and served with angel hair pasta, sherry cream sauce, tasso-braised greens, and heirloom carrots.

Farmer's Market Risotto, local, farmers market vegetables, tossed with risotto.

 Farmer's Market Risotto with snapper (fish of the day).

Gumbo, Cedar Key clams, shrimp, sausage and spices. Served over Congaree and Penn Farm rice.

Dark Chocolate Creme Brulee with homemade chocolate chip-pecan cookies.

I like this place... It's cozy, quaint and local. The food was above average and good but nothing mind blowing in the creativity of the dishes, really didn't expect it to. They had a Cuban sandwich on the menu and I was so tempted but after all this food, I was about to enter a fucking coma. Overall, this joint is a good local restaurant with fresh ingredients. I would hit this place up again if in the area.

40 Charlotte St
St Augustine, FL 32084
http://www.catchtwentyseven.com/

Spicy Shin Ramyun Fried Chicken

I usually never post anything that I cook because it's pretty fucking pathetic... But everybody and their moms have been bastardizing anything and everything with ramen... Ramen burger, ramen taco, ramen waffle, ramen grilled cheese, ramen pizza, ramen omelet, ramen frittata, ramen scallion pancake, ramen snack mix, ramen paella, ramen mac & cheese, ramen burrito, ramen cottage pie, etc etc... I have even seen a dildo made out of ramen. For fuck sake, does anyone ever just eat ramen as it was meant for anymore? Prolly only college students because they're poor and stupid. So, with all the hype about ramen this and ramen that... I'm gonna see if I'm actually missing out on something here. I'm gonna attempt a ramen fried chicken... I thought about using thighs but I had wings in the fridge... Plus, wings are a better test subject for this ridiculous experiment. Ok, let's get our hands and pouch dirty and make some Corean ramyun fwied cheekan...

So, I used a pack of Spicy Shin Ramyn... I buy these in bulk because they are just plain good, quick and easy for a light snack before dinner. Blend the shit outta them in a food processor, I wished I had a robot-coupe because a regular processor took forever to grind that shit down to flour form. But once you get it to a good consistency, I like it with some small pebble texture for that extra crunch, add the spicy soup base packet and also the garnish packet. Give it a quick turn in the processor and you got yourself the ramen flour. Add more shit into it if you want more spice or what the fuck not.

Next, I brined the wings for 24 hours in a simple salt and water mix with herbs and other seasonings. I would use like a 1/6 to 1/8 salt to water mix or else it will become to salty. You can also add some sugar into the brine. Set up your paner a l'anglaise before frying... You know, flour, egg wash, bread crumbs aka ramen mix. You can parboil, steam or just fry the wings raw if you wanted to... I parboiled/simmered the wings in half brine/water, so I don't have to keep it in the fryer for too long and over brown the crust. Just simmer until it's not raw inside. Bread it and fry the mothercluckers a few minzies until it's golden brown but not too dark. You can do a double fry technique like in a Corean fwied cheekan but since I already pre-cooked them, there was no need to do a second fry. They were more than crispy enough.

Look at these beauties... Now, for the taste test... Crunch crunch. How is this possible? This Ramyun fwied cheekan was Damyun tasty! I actually cooked something that didn't wanna make me barf... Like that time when I thought a turducken burger between two bear claws would be a good idea with SPAM fries. Make whatever sauce you want, I just used some bhut jolokia sauce that I made. But you really don't need anything else because it's seasoned on the inside and outside already.

Go git ya some, cocksuckers... I got a mouth full of cocks and it's heaven, heaven, baybee!

Hawkers Asian Street Fare

I have never been to Jacksonville, Florida... But it looks like a decent size city with a decent list of restos. Too bad I was only driving through and only had a couple hours to kill here during lunch hours. Met up with a friend here and suggested we get some Asian street grub... I'm like fuck yeah, bro. But he never mentioned the place until we got into town. Hawkers was the name and I'm thinking to myself- where the fuck am I, I'm in a southern town that has no ethnic cuisine or population here. Then I remembered my bro in Orlando saying that his little kids love this place called Hawkers down there. Fuck me, it's a goddamn fake Chino chain for whities... Jesus, what have I done to deserve this... What is this place all about? It's kinda a demeaning mashing up of every single Asian cuisine into one location... When will this type of fusion brutality end?  This cultural appropriation is unacceptable... But I'm gonna eat the fuck outta it anyways because this place looks so promising for amazing beat off material in my next review... You know everything is gonna be so sauced up because they have an unlimited supply of hoisin and oyster sauce in bulk cans lining up the shelves in front of the open kitchen as if they were decor. No one in the place had a clue what those cans were except that they were cute looking and so Asian inspired... Even the lights had woks as lamp shades. Fucking shoot me now, here's my .45 cal. and end my suffering.

The place was packed for lunch on a Sunday, not one Asian in sight except this one mud baby that looked kinda like an eskimo hipster... I couldn't tell with all the hair in his face. It was full on mall pedestrians up in this piece in supposedly the hip area of town called Five Points. I figured out why this joint was so packed, because nothing was opened on Sunday around here, it's like their big day off or something, only a handful of other places were opened. 

Ah, fuck it, how bad can it be? Famous last words...

Chicken Egg Rolls. HAHAHA... C'mon, bro, stop fucking with me and bring out the real plate. What? This is not a joke? Jesus, look at that, it's like something you would find on the wall menu with a number next to it. Ok, it wasn't god awful... It's like something you get on the children's menu.

Coconut Curry Shrimp. This is a not a food trend, the whole Freezer to Table movement has been in play for decades... And this is a perfect example of it. Once again, it wasn't terrible just really low rent on the culinary skill level here. The curry dipping sauce was disgusting, though... All from a can filled with HFCS.

Curry Meatballs.Oh, look, the same curry sauce from the coconut shrimp, but now, I have no choice in the matter of dipping my balls into it... My balls are already bathe in the diarrhea juice. The kitchen knows best, thanks. The meatballs were kinda dry, grainy and chewy. Mmm... Tasty. Where's a spittoon when you need one.

Bulgogi Beef Skewers. The plating here is just top notch, first class all the way... Skewers placed far away as possible from the kimchi. Now, I know why... Because they are in a turf war. They both clash in appearance and taste. But if you eat them separately at different times, it's actually ok. The kimchi was kinda a joke, nothing kimchi about it except in appearance.

Crispy Roast Pork "Siu Yoke". This shit made me laugh... The Engrish spelling of "Siu Yoke" in Chinese for the "grilled meat". There is nothing siu yoke about these pork belly cubes.... They just deep fried the shit outta them. Don't get me wrong, they tasted good as anything deep fried should but calling them "siu yoke" is an embarrassment to the real thing. I ate it all still.

Roast Duck. Wha da fuk is this? Where is the duck? Looked more like what a duck dropped off flying above than what the kitchen put out. I mean this plate looked like pure duck shit. Remember all those cans of hoisin and oyster sauce? Oh yeah, this is where it went. The shredded pieces of duck were drenched in the brown sauces, totally blanketed the taste and look of the duck. If it wasn't for the green scallions, this plate would look like something that came out of a shark's stomach.

Wok Fired Green Beans. For what it was, this wasn't half bad except for the liquidity sauce coating the entire thing. It just destroyed the crunch of the green beans when you bite into them and that's the best part of wok fried green beans. Overall, it's a decent effort from the kitchen... Even though they have no clue what they're cooking.

Chicken Lo Mein. Hahaha... C'mon, bro, not again. They really fucking love those two sauces. Just drown everything in it and call it a familiar dish and none be the wiser down here. There was nothing Lo and Mein about this... Wrong noodles, wrong sauce, wrong ingredients, just plain wrong.

Beef Haw Fun. Their spelling of the name of the dishes are material enough for a write up... But their version of the beef chowfun was very surprising. It was actually their best dish that resembled the name of the dish. It ain't a spot-on beef chowfun but it tasted pretty good... Even with a heavy handed amount of the "sauces". The rice noodles were acceptable and the ingredients for this dish was pretty close... The slices of beef were a bit overcooked and chewy but shit, it was kinda close enough. The best dish so far in this cartoon world of Asian grub.

South Asian Shrimp Curry. Goddamn it, that fucking curry sauce again. South Asian? Come again? It's more like West Asian shrimp curry... That part of Asia where the cuisine hails from the Gwai Lo distict of western Asia where Panda Express was founded. This dish was so dumb down that it could Indian food.

We also had a few plates of the Roti Canai... While the flatbread was good, the curry sauce was once again that nasty shit found in all the curry dishes... If they put a piece of potato and chicken thigh in it, I woulda been ok with it.

Mango Sticky Rice. This was quite surprising... Surprisingly decent. They used a mix of wild and black/purple Thai fragrant rice which was actually good and the mango sorbet was standard issue. For what it was, it was quite acceptable. Unbelievable, I know...

I have mixed feelings about this joint... While it serves a purpose in towns where there is zero ethnic cuisine or culture, it also dumbs down the actual cuisines they are trying to represent here to the people. Appropriation at it's finest. It gives these Florida crackers a false sense of what they're eating... Because they will think this is what the food is actually like. I know I'm a total asshole about the food here but I'm gonna give them a pass here at the same time... The crackers in the place were all consciously aware of what they were eating and seemed to enjoy it. And that is enough for me that they were having a good time... Even though, I laughed out loud many times as each dish came out. Y'all know that I have to put in my 2 cents and always have to have the last word. Suckaz! It is my stupid blog after all which only two people read... And that includes myself. Fucking sad state of affairs right there. Until next time, suckaz! ...I got a diet date with a toilet that involves two fingers.

Flush.


1001 Park St
Jacksonville, FL 32204
http://eathawkers.com/

Pizza Time

There's no fucking way I will be able to find a decent 'ZA in mossback country down in FLO-Rida... Especially, a NY 'ZA... No fucking way. So, I'm down here checking out the oldest city in the nation and the St. Augustine Distillery because they just released their first batch of Florida Double Cask Bourbon (I know, how dare they call it bourbon in Florida but I bought it anyways)... And a NYC friend tells me about the fucking sick pizza at this ridiculously named joint called Pizza Time... I'm like what the fuck, it sounds like a Upchuck N Cheez family dump with shitty pizza for kids. But sometimes, the whole "you can't judge a book by it's cover" actually becomes reality... Lucky for the pouch, it doesn't give a shit what a place looks like or what it's called, it will eat the shit outta it and give his one fan the scoop...
So, the place is on touristy St. George Street, it's a cute historic street filled with shops and restos... Why on earth would they put a NYC 'ZA joint on this street (owners supposedly from Brooklyn but they speak or yell Eyetalian at each other)... Because it's a fucking gold mine with all the foot traffic around here. Ok, enough talk, let's see if this dump really has NY style 'ZA... Oh, boy, I can't wait to rip this one a new cornholio...
The ordering process has totally gone full retard... You basically order at the counter right when you walk through the doors... You know what that means, it creates the illusion that the place is hot and popular with the line literally out the door and around corner. And then you scoot down a few steps and wait for your slices or whatever to "reheat" in the oven, so the line is never constantly moving. Once you get your paper plates of food and throw them on your school lunch trays, you scoot down some more and pay... CASH ONLY. This is the biggest racket I have ever seen in Florida, looks like they brought down more than just the pizza recipe from NY... Let's see if their pizza is as good as their money making schemes...

Plain 'ZA. Yous gotta get the plain slice to see if it's the real deal... The crust looked damn good. Thin on the bottom with nice spots of char and the crust had the correct 1" width from edge of crust to the sauce/cheese and just enough rise and bubbles as it should for a NY slice. The cheese blankets the slice and just enough of sauce spots peeking out. Could this be true? A real NY slice here of all places? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here... There's still the fold test. And it folded perfectly with a nice snap of the crust funneling the cheesy orangy grease down the center and let it drip on the wax paper on the plate... Jesus Christ, this had all the workings of a proper NY slice. The slice was hot as fuck but I was craving the pizza burn at the top of my mouth... I actually enjoy tonguing the burnt skin peeling off the roof of my facehole, I know, I'm a sicko... But who doesn't know that already. Dicks. The first bite was amazing, it had the crunch from the crust, the sweetness of the sauce and the pull of the cheese... It was all there. Fuck me, this was really goddamn good... Or maybe I was just really hungover and hungry.

Hawaiian. I know, I know... Why pouch, why? Because I wanted to be a cheesy fucking tourist and pretend I'm on vacation at some exotic tropical location. Look, the Hawaiian is cheesy as fuck for a pizza but so is the goddamn orange cheekan at Panda Express and they sell like a billion pounds of it. This Hawaiian was pretty boring, yeah yeah, the ham slices and pineapple were just ok but it prolly woulda been better with an apple and a pen... I just fucking invented the PPAP 'ZA... Pen Pineapple Apple Pen Pizza is gonna make millions. Fuck you, pay me!

Mushroom Pepperoni Salumi. Let's get back to reality here... I saw this slice and it looked good. I needed some ginzo meats in my mouth. And it was pretty damn tasty... Everyone needs a lil hot Eyetalian beef injection from time to time. I shoved half of this manhood in my mouth and took it like a boss... And swallowed it all... Whole in my hole.

Cannoli. It's made to order but the two cheesy fake Maraschino cherries were totally gay as shit. C'mon, it looked like a wart on the end of a pig's penis. Jesus, or a dog's red lipstick... C'mon, I don't want to suck off any other species than my own... Which I have no clue what species the pouch is. This cheese tube was acceptable, not great, not bad... It tasted like a mix of mascapone and ricotta and it was kinda bland, not a whole lotta fireworks when you put it in your mouth. Sprinkling 10x sugar on top doesn't do it that much justice... Needed to be mixed into the filling more. But overall, it's good for the tourists who don't know jack shit about a good cannoli... Leave the cannoli, take the gun.

The NY 'ZA here is legit... For Florida. It ain't as good as the old school NY 'ZA joints but for where they are and what they're pumping out of the ovens here... It's a winner. I would come back for the 'ZA and try a calzone next time... Oh, and the gelato looked pretty decent, too... Until I saw the worker take out a new box of gelato from the walk in and put it in the display case. But that won't stop me from trying it because I'm a fat slob.

124 St George St
St Augustine, FL 32084