What the fuck happened to this place? I haven't been back in many many moons but the few times I have eaten here it was totally acceptable. Is it authentic French? Fuck no. But they were consistent and their techniques were totally satisfactory. I had an itch to see how they were doing these days after how the VID destroyed so many restos and they were still standing due to their solid financial backing from the Buckhead Life Restaurant Group. The VID ordeal created chaos in the service industry across the nation. A huge percentage of small mom & pop shops were destroyed thanks to shutdowns and government mandates... Only the big resto groups with unlimited funding survived while secretly modifying their menus smaller with cheaper ingredients and increasing the prices to keep their profit margins in check... Labeling cheap menu items with fancy names and the oblivious public didn't even bat an eye. Like P.T. Barnum famously said, "There's a sucker born with every bite." I know what y'all are thinking, that's not what the greatest showman said and y'all are right. I'm talking about Pouch Trough Barnum, the infamous fatman that will eat anything and then cry itself to sleep.
Let's get this over with quickly... Just like pulling off a band-aid.
Traditional Country Pate, "Chef Gary's specialty", BN pickled vegetables, grain mustard, baguette toast. Gary's pate itself didn't look too bad. It had nice color, consistency and density. The flavor was fine, nothing that you would remember after they take the plate away. The grain mustard and cornichons aka "pickled vegetables" were spot on, what a stretch that was. The baguette looked ridiculous. Look at it, there's two normal slices and then some half midget pieces... And it was stale. This whole dish was forgettable. No Gnews is good Gnews with Gary Gnu.
Ahi Tuna Tartare, hass avocado, pickled ginger, soy. Why the fuck did I even order this... I already knew it would be a mess. Look at that plating... No passion whatsoever. Wait, is that a raw meatball or a rotten beet? Where's the avocado and ginger? They thought they could hide it with a sprinkle of micro-greens on top. And that nasty soy... What did they mix it with? Boogers? At least the baguette slices looked uniform in size... Wait, I spoke too soon... They were stale as well. I hate throwing tuna away but it was pretty bad. Ate half of it and pushed it to the side.
Steak Tartare Parisienne, watercress, toast points. Did they just redeemed themselves with this pretty good looking tartare? Almost... Those toast points were bright white like Baba Booey's horse teeth. They were stale and hard as a fucking marble countertop. I tried to snap one in half and it made me look weak like Napoleon Dynamite. They could use these fucking tiles to repair a stucco wall. The tartare was actually pretty good, a little bit too moist, but still decent. It was missing the yolk but maybe they mixed it in already since it was so "wet". So, I asked for some fresh toast points. They said they were all out and they brought out the same stale baguette but instead of slicing them into slices, they literally ripped it apart with their hands. It looked like a pile of rubble. I have never seen such a vulgar display of power! Someone must be having a bad day. I ate the tartare with a spoon like a schmuck eating pudding alone in the corner of a school yard. That watercress was useless with this, they shoulda paired it with cornichons or fries at least.
Oysters on Ice, Bluepoint (LI Sound) and Barnstable (Cape Cod). Can they fuck up the oysters as well? Thank god, that's a fucking no... Unless they dropped it on the floor and put it back in the shell. Shit, rinse it at least... Even you can't hide pubic curlies and dirt under a sea snot. But luckily, these did look pretty good and plump. And they were fine. Thank baby Jesus they didn't have to cook these.
Rillettes de Saumon, cold smoked fresh salmon spread, toast points. What the fuck is in that jar? Sea Monkeys? Whatever was in that jar was no spread. It looked like what you would fine inside a garbage disposal. It was big shards of pink bits with white smegma... Wait, was this a sample from the labiaplasty center next door? And this was just a gift that keeps on giving... Look what's hiding behind that jar... The same stucco tile toast points. Still hard as a fucking prison shiv. The only good thing about this was that it was in a jar that you could close up to stop the stench and avoid contracting salmonella.
Skate Wing, brown butter, nonpareil capers, spinach, steamed fingerling potatoes. Wait a minzies, am I still in the same place? This looked too good to be coming out of the same kitchen. The golden brown color was spot on even though the presentation wasn't perfect. A couple of ripped strands doesn't bother me if it tasted is good... And by the grace of the almighty marsupial gods, this tasted pretty good. The brown butter needed a little more heat but the capers made up for it. I don't even remember eating any spinach but the unseasoned potatoes were merely just filler. The skate wing was the star of this dish. Thank goodness this was the last dish, I don't think I can take anymore of their savage punches of crap to the pouch.
I don't know what happened to this place but the entire joint just looked worn out all over... From the bartenders, the front of the house staff to the kitchen crew. They all just gave up. No wonder the service industry is starving for competent workers. They are just hiring anyone with a heartbeat. The senior citizen bartender looked like his retirement portfolio crashed to zero and he had to take a job again... That poor bastard. There was zero urgency to do anything. I almost walked out after sitting at the bar for 15 minutes without even a word from him. Don't worry lazy grandpa, I won't be back ever again...
Flush.
Atlanta, GA 30326
https://bistroniko.com/
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