Brew And Bird

This marsupial's pannus has gotten wider and wider like a new bride's FUPA after 7 months of marriage with all the fwied cheekan it has been consuming in mass quantities... I'm like a Conehead, no, wait, more like a cheekanhead. This fat fuck has been on quite a fried chicken journey for the last month... While most people would have tapped out after a week, the Pouch can eat cheekan every day of the week for months on end and never tire of it. KFC has been quietly making a comeback and this newish joint that took over the old Villaggio Eyetalian supposedly is doing Corean style cheekan... I'm not saying KFC because the d-bags' pics on Yelp does not look at all like KFC. But I have a responsibility to fulfill my duties for my one reader and report back. Time to make a visit... Quietly.
Is there a surprised birthday party for me or am I in a dream... Ok, everybody, come on out, I'm here. I said, surprise me, now! Surprise me, now! I didn't say that twice, that was an echo. Oh, wait, I forgot I have no friends to throw me a surprise party. Seriously, where is everybody up in this piece? It's a Friday night at prime time and the joint looks like the picture they used on their website... Dead as fuck empty.
I walked in here on two other occasions in the past 3 months and walked right out each time because it was dead as fuck as well... One of those times there was nobody working there, I thought they were closed. I guess third time is a charm... Or not. Walked in again and there was literally one person working. A sweet old lady taking orders at the front desk. She was trying so hard to up sell me on their overpriced beer but I wasn't having it... Bless her heart. The overpriced beers were all snoozers. All I wanted was the cheekan and based on the vibe of this place, I knew it was gonna be a real short visit. But hey, you never know... So, I'll play along...

Dead as fuck on a Friday night... *Crickets*

This is their stock photo on their website... Hmmm. They musta took it on a Friday night, also.

2 Dark Fried Chicken served with homemade coleslaw and pickled turnip. Of course, my first instinct is to order the 3 piece dark... But I came to my senses after a minzie or two since this was an unconfirmed KFC joint. I'm glad I did... Look at that specimen. Looked like they just picked it out of the garbage when they saw someone coming into the joint. The tulip cup of slaw was just shredded cabbage, nothing else. The daikon was barely pickled. The soy dipping sauce was boring as fuck, they just added sugar to it, ok, maybe a little mirin. Sounds like we're off to a good start... Let's take a closer inspection of this fowl looking creasture.

Jesus, I have seen driftwood with more moisture in it... I should just hang this over my dining room table for decor. If this was my last meal, I would use the steak knife to slit my wrists... Who uses a steak knife to eat fwied cheekan? Maybe I'm supposed to use it to kill my prey in the back alley. The meows back there is not a sign of confidence. The crust tasted like old frying oil, it was hard like layers of mica, not crispy at all. The meat inside was dried out and chewy, totally devoid of all taste and texture. This was one of the worst fried chicken, let alone "KFC" that I have ever had. Just toss this driftwood back into the Chattahoochee.

House Wings, buffalo and Korean pepper garlic spicy sauce. What sarcophagus did they pulled this out of... It looks like King Tut's toes. Let's take a closer look...

Holy shit... I think I see a couple of his toenails still intact! Someone get me a dog toenail clipper, STAT. I want to send some samples to a lab for carbon dating. Ah, fuck, I can't put this off any longer, I guess I will have to eat it sooner or later. It looks just as bad as the fried chicken... Took a bite... That fucking old oil taste again. And the crust was bitter and tasted burnt. I barely ate 2 wings and I gave up. The chicken didn't live up to their claim of being marinating for up to 14 hours... It was more like 1400 years, brewing inside that sarcophagus with the mummy juice they scooped up with those little plastic cups as wing sauce. These wings are fucking rank... I have had better wings at Golden Corral and we all know they taste like fried dung beetles.

This place sucks... As evident by the crowd in here. But the sweet old lady told me that Fridays and the weekends and the weekdays are usually slammed packed... She just couldn't figure out what was going on tonight. Listen, sweetheart, you couldn't even remember what I ordered 30 seconds ago and you're telling me this place was packed last night? I highly doubt it but you should always respect your elders... So, I kept my mouth shut along with the rest of the wings. This was not Korean or even Korean fusion... It was an embarrassment, no wonder why the Korean owner stayed in the back. Ok, he did stick his head out for a second and then retracted back into his shell like a peeping turtle.

 

Flush.

1355 Clairmont Road
Decatur, GA 30033
https://brewandbird.com/