Porch Light Latin Kitchen

I know what y'all are saying... What the fuck are you doing up here, pouch? Aren't you deathly afraid of mossbacks and country bumpkins in upstate Georgia... Yes, motherfuckers, I am... But there was a sale on HST 124 grain 9mm ammo at this local yokel gunshop that I couldn't pass up. You can't find that shit anywhere and when you do, you will drive OTP for it... Well, at least this fat dumb fuck would. So, since I was so far away from home anyways, I might as well do the touristy thing and grab a bite to eat at this hyped up Latin joint in cracker Cobb county. I heard good things about this joint... And so has the entire county. The place was packed on a recent weekend lunch rush... Shit was out da door. But the wait wasn't too bad, got a seat at the end of the bar which was great so I can see the line at work. They don't fuck around here, slaying it and pumping out a ton of grub... And of course, the ginormous PR fried pork chop can-can was in full effect. It was a sight to behold and so was the rotund creasture gnawing on that beast in the seat next to me... I swear if he farts in my general direction I will gut him like hogzilla. Wait, isn't he committing cannibalism? Oinkers really would eat their own if it was deep fried... Shit, so would I.
Ok, enough oinking and open up your snout, pouch... And show us what all the fuss is about here... I'm on a diet so I decided against the can can for lunch but I did sample a few things...

Plantain Empanadas, braised pork cheek filling, avocado aioli. When it first came out, I was like two  fucking Chihuahuas just took a shit on my plate... Then I realized it was the plantain dough that looked so unappetizing... True, it may not look purdy on the plate but it tasted purdy in your mouth. But that doesn't say much since dogs do eat their own poo. The pork cheek filling was savory and dericous but the aioli wasn't very avocado-y... It didn't even have a hint of green in there. I wouldn't get them again until I have tried all the other snacks on the menu... But that might be awhile unless they have another ammo sale up here in Deliverance country.

Confit Duck Fried Rice, soyfrito, farm egg, coconut yum yum sauce. I am such a fucking gringo sucka for this... Not because of the fried rice but because of the confit duck. I just can't say no to greasy fowl... Cheekan, yardbird, ghetto pigeon, duck... My bowels get weak just thinking about it. Look at that egg, it's a perfect circle just like George Michael's ass... Scientist can use that to calibrate their instruments. Now, I need to get that tiny frying pan made just for eggs the next time I'm at Marshalls. Break that yolk up and mix it all into the fried rice but don't you dare mix that coconut yum yum jizz anywhere near the rice... It ain't that good. The tiny pieces of duck confit were sparsely spread around. Not much in there but it still tasted pretty good. The portion was pretty small for $9... But the hicks up here were ordering this like crazy.

Pressed Cohiba, roasted pork collar, gruyere, hot dill pickle, cilantro mayo, mojo mustard, grateful bread. This was basically the Puerto Rican version of a Cuban sando. I should be upset about those panini press grill marks but I was ok with it since the bread looked pretty rad. This sando had me at pork collar... I like the play off a hamachi kama like at a izakaya. It's a nice looking sando and tasted pretty good, too... Savory, gooey and flavorful but it wasn't spicy at all even with all the spicy ingredients listed. If this was spicier, it would be on another level.

I only had a small sample of the menu but this joint is obviously pretty popular and I can see why... This Latin spot is pretty good and light years ahead from the Moe's and other shitty Mexican't joints a few doors down where flour tortillas and soccer moms rule. And also, you ain't gonna find many PR joints around town let alone around here in rustic God's country. I like the menu and the execution is pretty consistent and I need to try that beast of a can can next time... But getting up here for those who live intown may be a logistical nightmare. These bushwackers up here got a good thing going here and they know it... Lucky basturdz. Hector needs to do a can can night at El Super Pan... Por fav.

300 Village Green Circle SE
Smyrna, GA 30080
www.porchlightlatinkitchen.com

Tortas Factory Del DF

This corner strip mall is pretty much overlooked with all the other stuff going on around here... Most people aren't looking for Mexi-grub, they are figuring out which Korean/Asian joint to eat at. I don't remember what was here before but I have been watching this place for awhile since I drive by here on a weekly basis. Any time I see the word "Torta", I get a small blood flow in my chode... Not that anyone would notice, even if I was nekid. They finally opened not too long ago but I wasn't rushing all the way over here just to get a torta. I kept saying I'll get here when I get here... But I drove by it like 3 separate times forgetting it was now open since it always looked closed because no one was in there. I finally made it a point to go inside and see what the fuss was about.
The space is clean and modern but it feels empty and not fully finished on the build... But the pouch doesn't care about ambiance, it cares about what it can stuff in it's snout. They got tacos, sopes, flautas, huaraches, quesadillas, enchiladas, fajitas, burritos and pambazos... That's a handful of options for a small place that just opened... But I was here for what the joint was named after... Tortas, motherfuckers. Pouch needs comida pronto...

Al Pastor. This $2 taco is pretty small but the flavor packs a big punch... Well, that was also due to the salsa roja where the heat sneaks up on you after a few seconds. The double ply corn tortillas kept all the goodies intact even if the taco was only about 3 bites. It's a decent taco but I still love the taco joint in Plaza Fiesta where most tacos were under a dollar for years and now they are $1.50 but still a helluva deal. I got this taco as an appetizer to get the pouch properly lubed and in da mood before the main event...

I ordered a torta but it looks like a giant baked potato... It's so shiny. Time to unwrap this motherfucker... Don't fail me now, cabron!

Torta Cubana.This beast was glorious and all this was just $6... Not too shabby. They make the bread next door at Panaderia del Valle Bakery which were pillowy footballs. They stuff these bread pouches with a good heaping of goodies inside and the pouch will soon be stuffed inside as well. This torta was pretty legit and I will be back to try the other tortas, especially, the pambazo on the next visit... The tacos not so much.

5781 Buford Hwy
Suite 101
Atlanta, GA 30340

Bar Mercado

The Cockentrice was one of the first original tenants to go into the KSM... I liked their meat market/butcher shop, The Spotted Trotter, a lot and that's what they should have been focused on always and nothing more. But they really wanted to showcase their product in a full service resto setting and sadly it didn't translate well with this one horse town's palate and demographics. Sure, a lot of people went to see what the fuss was all about and to satisfy their curiosity but the avant garde meat-centric menu didn't make it back on most people's rotation. They were way ahead of their time with their menu which was made up of mostly charcuterie. Then they quietly closed everything down and decided to just focus on their shop in Kirkwood, which they should have done all along.
The large space sat empty for awhile until the Castelluccis took it over to bring their Spanish tapas concept  to the tourists rich KSM. Shit, if bad Tex Mex can make a killing there, imagine what good tapas can do... The Iberian Pig and Cooks & Soldiers have been very successful tapas joints for them, so why change a working formula... We all know that tapas was trendy a few years ago and the hype has died down the last couple years but it's still good eats every once in awhile if it's done right. Let's sample a few dishes and see if they will have staying power in this high turn over food hall. 

Alcachofas, crispy artichokes, lemon garlic allioli. Brussels sprouts is so 15 minzies ago, the new gimmick is artichokes these days... And this is a winner. The lightly charred hearts really brings out the flavor of the artichoke. The aioli added just a hint of creaminess without masking the artichoke overall flavor. Good stuff.

Empanadas, pork cheek and golden raisins. Look at these little beauties... Brilliant golden brown color and perfect plump shape. The filling was pretty tasty and I coulda used more pork cheek... Couldn't we all?

Boquerones, white anchovy. The presentation was kinda weak looking but the anchovy was delicious.

Setas Salteadas, oyster mushrooms, sherry, herbs. They were earthy, juicy and meaty and seasoned spot on.

Arroz De Tomate, bomba rice, roasted tomato, red pepper, broccolini, eggplant, shiitake. Mix it all up and you got a comfy creamy dish that you can't stop eating.

Estofado, pork belly, bean stew, potato, carrot, swiss chard. Crispy cubes of pork belly... What else do you need? A classic dish.

Berenjena, seared eggplant, saffron yogurt, black olive caramel, crispy chickpeas.Nice presentation and everything paired well together, make sure you get a little of everything with each bite to get the full flavor bomb.

Tortilla, spanish omelette, manchego. Egg and cheese, what else do you need? The picture pretty much says it all... And it was dericious.

Pulpo a la Gallega, braised octopus, potato, pickled red onion, chive, vizcaina sauce. It was tender and full of flavor. It was just plain good and well executed.

With all their experience at their other tapas joints, this smaller version will do well in KSM. Let's face it, tapas is way more approachable with the pedestrians than a meat-centric charcuterie heavy menu. The prices are reasonable, the menu while small is diverse and the portions are spot on to keep the foot traffic and tourists coming in for more. The cocktails were pretty decent as well... You can always start off here and end the night at Ticonderoga with more food and drinks... Y'all know that's what the pouch did on this night and the nights to come. Jesus, I am such a fat fuck...

99-V Krog Street
Atlanta, GA 30307
www.barmercadoatl.com

Mary Hoopa's House of Fried Chicken & Oysters

Once upon a time, fat fucks could only get some kickass fried chicken on Monday nights at One Eared Stag... It was quite the hassle to get over there on a weekly basis, let alone on Mondays because this rotund marsupial is usually hibernating after boozing all weekend like a merpouch... Until now. So, the lovely Stag decided to open a store front dedicated to their fwied cheekan not just Monday nights but every night of the week! But the bad news is that they are located in East Lake... I know what y'all are saying, where the fuck is East Bumblefuck Lake? I know it's in the middle of nowhere but it ain't that bad. They are neighbors with Poor Hendrix and Mix'd Up and Greater Good BBQ is across the street. It's a cute little development they got going on over there but the area is still kinda far from everything else. Kirkwood is not too far but let's not kid ourselves, no one really goes there. But if there's fwied cheekan involved, the pouch will risk life, limb and muffin top just for a taste. Since, I'm a fan of One Eared Stag's fried chicken, I couldn't pass this joint up...
Time to make a visit and see if the cheekan is just as good as the Stag's... Parking is not too much of problem, they got a lot behind the building and you can also park on the street. Walked in and the space is bright and the L shaped lay out is an efficient design for traffic flow. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be which was a plus. Walked up to the bar and motherfucker... They don't have their liquor license yet. I was tempted to go next door to slam down some whiskey and a tall boy... So, I did, but there was some wicked stench inside Poor Hendrix, so, I got the fuck outta there STAT and came back over and waited to be seated for some cheekan. Maybe it would be better if I didn't drink with my cheekan, so, I can taste the yard bird with unaltered tastebuds. The server came over to pour some water and I put in an order of the whole bird right away because good fried chicken made to order usually takes like 20 minzies... She ran off to put it in and came back for the rest of the order. I really hope this will be some kickass cheekan but first, let's sample a few other dishes...

Collard greens, braised bacon, egg, polenta. Asked the server how it was prepared... She said, it was like pho. I was like, huh... Did I hear that right? Did she just say pho, like the noodle soup? Ok, now, I'm pho-king curious... And then this came out... Where the fuh is the broth and rice noodle, miss? $11 for a side dish size of southern style pho... It tasted pretty decent but nothing special that would make me pay the price of admission for this 4 bite snack again. The portion is a lot smaller than how the picture looks. I'm still baffled about how this was prepared like pho...

Beer battered smelt, malt, tartar sauce. I really liked the fried smelt at the Stag and of course, I assume it would be just as good here... Wrong. The portion was pretty large for $10, but it was so fucking greasy. The smelt was sweating grease which made the beer batter crust soft and flaccid like the image of my grandma on the toilet pinching a loaf. I ate two and it made my sausage fingers so greasy, shiny and fishy smelling that a teenage boy wouldn't even smell my fingers. I tried to eat a 3rd but couldn't do it with all that grease... All I could imagine was Lardass drinking a bottle of Castor Oil before the blueberry pie eating contest. I wanted to wring out the smelt to see how much oil I could squeeze out. There were some fried lemon slices, too, but they were also soaked with oil like a sponge. No wonder not one roundeye ordered this dish... But the pouch took one for the team and will always report back to my one loyal reader on all that's fit to eat and puke. This dish is what Chinos would call, "yeet hay". I still can't believe how oily and greasy this dish was, I can feel a zit forming in the middle of my forehead as we speak...

The Chicken Sandwich. I was on the fence on this $13 chicken sando. I looked around the room and no one was ordering this... And once again, the pouch stepped up to the plate and took another for the team. Who the fuck in their right mind would pay $13 for a fried chicken patty sandwich... This dumb fuck would to appease my one reader. It looked pretty impressive when it came out but after dissecting it, it was looking more average with every passing minute. The bun looked pretty nice, the slaw was bland and made the crust soggy, the chicken itself had nice crispy parts that wasn't in contact with the slaw and the meat was a tad dry. For the price point they are charging, this needs to be amped up a lot more... Put some bacon and a fried egg in it or something. But as it is now, it's worth maybe $6 at best. Do you know how much Popeyes I can get for $13...Of course, y'all do, I basically eat it once a week.

Turnips, salsa verde. This is not an optical illusion... This is really the size of this side dish. A couple of spoonfuls of turnips on a coffee saucer for $6. The cost of this snack couldn't be more than 15 cents... Ok, I'll round it up to 20 cents. Is there a blight on turnips that I wasn't aware of? I think I got Pied Pipered, did they use some compression algorithm on this to save space but forgot to decompress it before serving it? Who knows but I'm sticking with Hooli side dishes from now on... At least they are full uncompressed size dishes. Let's just forget about this disappointment and hopefully the cheekan will make up for the dismay display of dishes so far...

Whole House Fried Chicken. $19 for a whole fried chicken at a specialty shop is not bad at all... But I see only 6 pieces when a whole bird usually consist of 8 pieces... Wait, where are the fucking wings? If this was a handicapped chicken, I want the prosthetic wings also, I paid for it. Maybe they are on the other side of the platter... Let's turn it around and see if they are hiding under the other pieces.

Nope, no wings to be found, I got bamboozled again... But whatever, I'm used to disappointment at this stage of the night. Let's just focus on the specimen... Of course, I got the half and half. Sweet was basically drizzled with honey so I had them put the honey on the side, so, I can taste the fried chicken by itself and see if it's just as good as the Stag's... And the other half, the hot cheekan. I did ask them for the hot cayenne oil on the side at first so it doesn't get soggy but they gave me some fucked up excuse about the hot oil breaking or something if it was put on the side... I'm like what the fuck does that mean... Nevermind, just make the hot cheekan the way they do it.
So, the crust is really dark, like really really dark... Either the fryer was set way too high or the flour mix was full of spices and it burned while frying. Look at the color of the regular fried chicken compared to the hot chicken... They are basically the same color except the hot chicken looked like they used a Misto pump to spray bronzing oil on it. The crust is also really thick... Like the chicken was wearing body armor to protect itself from people eating it. You can't bite through the crust unless you were Jaws from Moonraker. Even a knife could barely cut through the thick crust. The meat inside was moist, prolly from the thick crust that sealed in all the juices. There wasn't much flavor on either styles but I would think the hot chicken would be spicy at least but it wasn't. Far from it. It had a hint of spice but there was no heat to it whatsoever... This was no hot chicken, not even close. It really saddens me to see how poorly executed these yard birds were when compared to Stag's excellent fried chicken.

This initial visit was a bit disappointing to say the least... It kinda reminds me of Shoya's new ramen joint, Yebisuya... Shoya still kicks ass but Yebisuya ramen sucks ass. Just like One Eared Stag's fried chicken slays it but Mary Hoopa prays people won't notice. But I am not writing them off just yet, I hope they can work out the kinks and consistency issues... And I'll go back once they do. Maybe it woulda been better if I was properly lubed up. Opening up for biz before you can serve booze may had an effect on the overall taste. They coulda gave out some free swill to get the patrons in the mood, instead they said you could go buy a bottle of wine at Poor Hendrix and bring it over... Boy, how convenient and generous of you. It almost seemed like they set themselves up for disappointment because they rushed to get the doors open before getting everything in place... Maybe I'm just talking shit because I'm full of brown juice right now, bloated and half naked... Talk about disappointment. My college dean was right... Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

2371 Hosea L. Williams Dr.
Atlanta, GA 30317
www.maryhoopas.com

The Freakin Incan

Let's face it M572 wasn't that great. It had potential to be really good but the execution and management fumbled it over and over again. The bar looked great but the cocktails were weak and the trickster glassware they used gave the illusion that it was a full cocktail but the convex bottoms gave you less drink. The generic new southern cuisine was hit or miss. I had a couple of good dishes there but the rest was lackluster. I wasn't surprised when they finally gave up and closed the doors. And the space sat empty for awhile... Until, now. This is the Freakin Incan's second brick and mortar location. I went by this new Peruvian joint a couple times but never enticed me enough to open the door and walk in. It was quiet every time I went by and I kept moving. Then the local Tucker rag did an article about it and voila... They got bombarded on that weekend. And of course, this fat fuck couldn't help himself to see what they could do when they had customers. Can they handle the rush of curious first timers trying out self proclaimed authentic Peruvian grub in the woods of Tucker? Who knows but it will either be a treat or a shitshow... And that will dictate if they will be repeat customers in the future.
Walked in and they were pretty busy, just stood around and scratched my ball sack until someone came around to put the pouch on the seating list which they said it will be awhile. I'm ok with that since there was a bar to booze at. Ordered a pisco sour and before the drink came the table was ready... WTF happened to "it will be awhile" since they were so busy? Maybe they were on Peru time. Got put at a table all the way back in the corner, good... Did they know it was the pouch or perhaps they put fat people far away from the front door? I kinda prefer to be out of sight since the pouch is such a local celebrity in it's own puny mind and I wasn't in the mood to give out my autograph on napkins since most of them are used to wiped their greasy faceholes afterwards. Who am I kidding, they're wiping their assholes with my name. The place was pretty chaotic and the staff was running around like pollos with their cabezas cut off... Perfect time to put a bunch of dishes in and see how they handle it. Let's sample a few dishes and see if it's worthy of a revisit...

Empanada, lomo saltado. I couldn't wait to take a bite of this empanada filled with savory meat but when I cut this open it was filled with a glob of congealed queso. It took forever to get this out so I wasn't in the mood to send this back to get the correct filling which coulda been next week. The dough was flaky but the entire thing was cold and the queso inside had the texture of Play-Doh. The weird mustard sauce tasted like some all purpose joint grease. It looked good at first glance but it turned out to be a let down.

Anticuchos. Grilled beef hearts... Wow, this might be the most adventurous item on the entire menu... And, of course, the pouch had to get anything that deals with offal. The presentation looked like a French bulldog had the runs but it was pretty tasty. It was seasoned well, tender and had a nice bite to it. The fried taters and corn were just filler to make the plate look like it was worth it.

Chicharron De Pollo. Ok, this was off the kid's menu but I had to try the wings... The pouch is obsessed with wings and the server said they were "really good". And true to their description, these wings were truly for kids... They were the size of a sparrow's wing. There were the smallest wings I have ever seen. They were over fried, at least 3 times over and they were dry and chewy. The brown bag fries were so uneventful that it resembled a bird's nest for the wings to rest in... I wanted to regurgitate the partially digested wings back up into the sparrow's beak... And then please peck my eyeballs out, mama bird. But I still can't unsee it even without eyes. Yes, I know kids don't give a shit about food, so, this bowl of dry limp fries would be a hit with the youngsters.

 

Ceviche de Camaron. Let's play a new game called Where's Camaron? This entree was served on what seemed to be a side dish. It was also the most expensive item on the menu. I see the mahi mahi but is that a single shrimp hidden in there... Oh, wait, there was a total of 3 tiny shrimp on this dish, my bad. Maybe it's just me but when I order a shrimp ceviche, I kinda expected more shrimp than anything else. As a ceviche dish, it was below average, nothing to set itself apart from being anything else than looking exactly like every picture found on Google image. The "slices" of semi raw fish chunks were too thick, I prefer them to be smaller cubes so you can get a little bit of everything in each bite vs. eating everything separately. The one thing missing from this Peruvian ceviche was chile peppers or aji amarillo, there was zero heat or seasoning in this ceviche... But most people won't even notice. It was basically large fish chunks drowning in a mix of bottled and real lime and lemon juice. There was nothing on this side dish that would convince me to get this ever again... Especially, for $16.

Arroz con Pato. This was literally how it came out... The duck leg was presented upside down. It looked more like Arroz con Zapato... Because it resembled an old leathery shoe from WW2. Give me a second and let the pouch re-plate this and see if it can be more appealing...

Voila! Now, this looks a million times more appetizing for the second priciest item on the menu... All I did was turn it on the other side and scraped off the pulverized saw dust like cilantro rice. First thing I noticed was the entire plate was cold to barely room temp. The duck leg was obviously cooked in advanced... So way in advance that it was so dry and chewy that it wasn't even worth the effort to cut this leg up. I had a couple of bites and I gave up... Even the rice tasted like it was a couple of days old. So, why even bother warming it up. The entire plate tasted like it was nuked for a minute and rested like a steak in the microwave for another 5 minzies for maximum juiciness and flavor. This was prolly one of the most disappointing dish I have had in recent memory and I'm already suppressing it before my next appointment with my therapist.

Shrimp Saltado. Ceviche and zapato memories suppressed... Let's move on to something that hopefully they have to cook to order. The saltado is basically a Chinese inspired stir fry and it includes a liberal use of Asian ingredients like soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and white rice... The french fries is not really Chino unless it's served with fried chicken wings... Like on the kid's menu. Wait, did I walk into Chico and Chang, instead... Wake up, pouch, you're not that desperate, yet. But this shrimp stir fry was pretty tasty and it's a filling dish because of the double punch of starch. I can see how people would come back here for the saltado... Because everyone loves Chinese grub. 

Lomo Saltado. Ok, the shrimp proved to be a tasty dish... Let's see how the marinated beef version turned out. The beef slices were tender, juicy and pretty flavorful overall. Those Chinos really know how make a tasty dish. Another filling dish that's worth the price. I assume the chicken saltado will be just as tasty. I'm surprised that they didn't have an arroz chaufa on the menu which is a classic Peruvian street food inspired by the huge Chinese immigrant community in Peru. They went with a stir fried noodle dish, instead.

The Pisco Sour was acceptable, the Dry County 41 cocktail tasted like Red Bull, the food were more misses than hits... The ceviche and duck were dismal but the saltados were tasty but not craveworthy enough for the pouch to come back any time soon. The staff also sat at the table next to mine and took a break while some tables were still waiting for their dishes... Which was really weird and something you just don't do while the resto was still in service. Jesus, that's like restaurant 101. But I do hope they can keep this space filled and in business because Main Street needs all the business it can get, but I don't know if the locals will put this joint on their rotation on a regular basis unless they get their freakin subpar dishes in order... So, this fat fuck doesn't get accused of libel, slander or defamation for poorly executed dishes like those Yelp fuckers... I wonder if I can sue for defamation and slandering this disgusting fat body after all this food.

2316 Main St., Ste C
Tucker, GA 30084
www.thefreakinincan.com

Ah-Ma Taiwanese Kitchen Revisit

It's been awhile since I made a revisit... Mostly because Trader Joe's is such a constant fuckfest goat rodeo that I try to avoid it at all costs. I don't get why people are so in love with this place, everything is so low rent and the sheep gets suckered in by it's gimmicky packaging. Finding a parking space is next to impossible, it's worst than NYC with alternate side parking. I wish there were street sweepers that would take their garbage to the dump. And no one fucking knows how to drive or park up in this piece... It's like a bunch of Austin Powers trying to do a U turn. So, sometimes you just gotta park in the back lot and walk a little. I was actually heading over to Highlander for a couple drinks anyways but I didn't want to eat bar food... I needed some Chino grub... And Chico and Chang ain't gonna do it. I'm still surprised that this joint is still in business with Taiwanese street food in midtown, not exactly the demographics for that cuisine but I'm happy for them since it's different than anything else around here.
Let's see how they're doing these days... Walked in and there are still FOBs supporting this joint. Good sign.

Fried Pig Ears. This may be the only mammal on this dusty rock that is totally edible from tail to snout... And y'all know that orientals will even eat the shit outta that porker's asshole. But let's focus on his head flaps. They are still pretty good but the portion has gotten smaller and smaller over time. But I guess how many pig ears can you eat... Well, shit, at least a pouchful.

Salt & Pepper Chicken. You can't go to a Taiwainese joint and not order the cheekan nuggets. Just like the pig ears, the portion size has shrunk as well. A few measly nuggets on a coffee saucer but they still retained the crispiness on the outside and tenderness on the inside. They were not that spicy, though. I forgot to tell them to make it extra spicy... I may have to get another order for dessert.

Cold Sliced Beef Shank. This looked amazing... Maybe because no one orders it except for this fat fuck, so, they were prolly happy to make a dish they don't do often... Who knows, but this was pretty damn tasty. I wished it was more spicy but it was good enough as is... It had the texture like a good headcheese. You can always spice it up with some chili paste.

Lu Rou Fan. The classic minced pork rice bowl... And it still tastes as good as it was in the beginning. It's such a simple dish but it tastes like a million bucks when you have been boozing 15 minzies ago at Highlander. They have nothing that compares to this... And you don't want to eat chili after slamming down a few Guinness. That's like a defcon 5 combination. Stick with the pork rice bowl and it will absorb everything in the pouch.

Pork Belly Bao. Yeah, yeah... These fucking buns are so 15 minzies ago but I was still curious to see if people even take these things seriously these days. Look at all that fat... Took a bite and nope, nope and nope. It was cold, gummy and gelatinous... Tasted like chewing on a giant gummi dildo soaked in tepid water mixed with Astroglide. Not that I would know what that would taste like but that was the first thought that came into my mind while I was in the bathroom. I still love steamed buns but not when I have to over pay for them in restos, just make them at home... It's easier to make than a PB&J sando.

Three Cup Chicken Wings. Of course, this fat fuck had to get some wings, I always get wings if it's on the menu. I will always be a wingman like the Goose. So, how are they nowadays? Hold on, I'll ask... Talk me Goose. They are still pretty good but I want more sauce, you gotta have them drowning in the sweet brown juice. I would like to taste some more rice wine, chilis and garlic in there but they were tender and juicy, though... And I'm also buzzed, so almost anything would taste good right now.

As if all that other food wasn't enough... I had to get a little dessert. So, make it another order of cheekan nuggets and make them spicy this time. But once again, it wasn't that spicy, I guess they have a heat limit for the roundeyes so they don't start choking and crying. Jesus, I think I got suckered in again for a tiny portion of cheekan nuggets... But I don't care. I make poor life choices when I'm guzzling down whiskey and Guinness. I'm gonna go broke drinking and eating like this and burning a hole in my fanny pack.

I still like the place, the food is still pretty tasty and the intown location is convenient when you're drinking around midtown but don't want to eat bar food. And I still fucking hate Trader Joe's and their cult followers who can't park for shit.

931 Monroe Drive NE A108
Atlanta, GA 30308