Rosati's Pizza and Sports Pub

All of the sudden, this one horse town is all goddamn giddy AF about Chicago deep dish 'Za with the opening hype of the new Gino's East of Chicago... Sadly, Gino's is going through some growing pains, maybe their deep dish pies will be edible when they grow up. But before there was Gino's East, there was Nancy's which somehow quietly stayed in business after all this time. Then Rosati's popped up a couple of years ago in limbo between Buckhead and Sandy Springs off Wieuca. They also have a location in Cumming and Hoschton (where?) but strangely they have two different websites, I don't know what the fuck that is all about. But anyways, before I even went to Gino's East, I secretly got a deep dish pie to go from Rosati's at the Buckhead location a couple of weeks ago to see what the fuss was all about. Let's see if this tomato cheese cake is more edible than Gino's East...

10" Deep Dish. It's pretty hefty for a $16 casserole. Let's open up the hood and sneak a peak

What's with the tin hat? Are there aliens around? Mel Gibson? Jaoquin Phoenix? Are these Signs? I get it, they want to keep it as warm as possible for the trip home. But wouldn't it make it all soggy? Perhaps not, since this ain't no regular old pizza pie... This was a Chicago style deep dish, it has the cojones to brave the windy city's most treacherous weather. Let's peel this tin foil back and see if there's a glory hole in the center.

Chicago Deep Dish in all it's glory... No holes in the center. Let's see what they have to say about it- Pan-cooked, buttery crust that is smothered with cheese & chunky tomato sauce, then baked to perfection for over 40 minutes. Ahh, so, this is what perfection looks like... Like it was dropped from the roof of a 5 story building. Did the cook finger bang the side of my tomato pie before he boxed it up? Nevermind, I don't want to smell his fingaz.

Let's take a closer look at the side of the crust and see if it was really made in a pan. I tell y'all what, it looked a hundred times better than Gino's East deep dish... But this was no prize, either. The crust is just so goddamn thick and bready.

I don't know what happened to this part of the pie... Trump better not use them to build the wall... Shit was cheaply built and falling apart. But it was prolly from the rocking pizza cutter. This may be the only time that I wished the crust was stuffed with cheese a la Pizza Hut. If I'm gonna gain 10 pounds in one sitting, I might as well do it in style.

The construction of this tomato pie was a lot better than Gino's East, it held together even when you pulled a "slice" from it. Gino's shit was oozing all over the place. I had one slice and I was done. It's an absolute gut bomb... But it tasted pretty good. The stringy cheese had nice pull and softness, the tomato sauce could use more seasoning for a more zesty flavor because there is just way too much dough/breading which was pretty much flavorless except for the outside part where they brush the butter on. No wonder why obeast midwesterners love these things... They're great padding and insulation for the harsh midwest weather because... Winter is coming.

Like I said before, deep dish just ain't my thang. It ain't pizza. It's a lazy man's pie. Who fucking eats pizza with utensils? It's like George Constanza eating his dessert, a Snickers Bar, with a knife and fork. But this shit will fill you up for a week and put 10 pounds on your ass instantly, as if this fat fuck really needs to go shopping for size 46 pants... Who am I kidding, I should just wear a moo-moo from now on... So the kids don't get scared of my stretch marks because that shit looks like Godzilla used my muffin top as a scratching post. Jesus, I need to go on a diet, but that wouldn't be fair to my one reader who depends on the Pouch for all that's fit to eat.

4629 Wieuca Rd
Atlanta, GA 30342
https://www.rosatispizza.com/location/atlanta-ga/

Gino's East of Chicago

When did this one horse town cared so much about Chicago style deep dish pizza? No one gave a shit about Nancy's or Rosati's when they opened and they still don't.... So, how is Gino's East even getting as much hype as they are for their opening... The Pouch is stumped and baffled but the mystery must be revealed for my one reader. Maybe it's because they're from Chicago? But does that even matter these days when concepts expand all over the universe... Look at The Halal Guys, they're from NYC and they suck ass big time here, why they're opening another location is beyond me. Deep dish isn't even pizza, it's a fucking casserole... It's like a dude that can't toss a proper pizza decided to make a dense bread with cheese and sauce on top inside a pan swirled with an excessive amount of oil and butter.
Maybe I'm just bitter that this trailer park town can't produce a decent NYC 'Za... I'm not a big fan of Chi-town 'Za but the deep dish I had at Giordano's in Chicago was actually pretty tasty. It was a total gut bomb but it tasted decent. I don't know if the water matters in a Chi-town ca-ZA-role but it sure does in a NYC 'Za, maybe that's why no one can do a proper NYC 'Za down here. Anyone remember that bullshit dump- Brooklyn Water Bagel Co. that opened years ago in Cobb? They boasted about producing their own Brooklyn style water via a 14-step filtration system to make all their bagels and other shit on the menu... Needless to say, they didn't last long. This town loves gimmicks but gimmicks never last more than a couple of years... That fucking ridiculous Poke gimmick has ran it course in under a year and all these suckaz with golden franchise dweamz poured a ton of money into it with nothing to show. Bless their fishy hearts.
Let's get back to the cheesy tomato fruit cakes... So, they took over short lived Rize pizza space on the other side of CO (how the fuck is that place still in business?). I wonder if the leasing agent disclosed to them that this space is cursed. They pretty much redesigned the entire space, it looks a lot smaller in the same footprint... Maybe Rize seemed bigger because no one was in there, ever. Walked in and of course, there was a huge line... At least they had a mural on the wall to admire while waiting. It is a fucking frog in a space suit or a pair of martian ballsack in a helmet... You don't need K2 or Spice to hallucinate this crazy shit. They are also trying to be hip AF with the social media demographics with the overuse of the acronym as a product selling point. Enough of the blah blah blah... Get to the grub already Pouch, you gotta be hungry AF by now...

The whole menu is pornographic AF... 9", 12" and DEEPAF. That American Pie scene just popped into my pea brain... But in reality, there's prolly a whole lotta twerking in the back. Let it cold down first, Pouch. Pump pump squirt... Mmm, cheesy and creamy.

Chicken Wings, carrots, celery, fries and sauces. At first, I was like $11 for 8 fucking wings? Then I read the description closer and it comes with all that shit. Ok, maybe it's not such a ripoff, yet. The wings have a thin batter crust, it's really crispy and tasted pretty good. The shoe string fries were limp and soggy. The hot sauce was garbage, the BBQ sauce was too sweet, the bleu cheese was weak and runny... But the wings were good. Would I get them again? As a whole dish, hell no AF. Just stick with a dozen wings for $11 and keep it simple with a standard hot sauce like Frank's and real bleu cheese.

Charred Brussels Sprouts, pancetta, garlic, panko.  Brussels sprouts is played out AF but that doesn't stop people from ordering them over and over again. I like brussels sprouts and this execution can be found everywhere no matter the cuisine or restaurant. It came out pretty good, the pancetta made this dish tasty AF.

Homemade Spinach Mozzarella Sticks, marinara. They were boasting about this app over and over again, saying order this instead of the regular mozza sticks. Fine. It looked ok when it came out but after one bite, it was all spinach and barely any cheese. It wasn't horrible but it had nothing to hold your attention after one stick. The marinara was nothing special but you needed it like oxygen to get it down. Skip it and stick with the regular mozza sticks if you must get them.

Diavola, spicy pepperoni, basil, truffle oil. $27 for a 12" casserole pie. This thing looked flat AF. I have seen wheels on a lawmower bigger than this. Did they even cook this bread frisbee in the pan? Looked like they cooked it on a flat pizza pan and then put it in this pan to make it look authentic. Look at the side of the crust, it's fucking rounded... That shit never even touched the side of this deep dish pan. Fraud! Who the fuck are they trying to fool? It's like a fancy steak house putting side dishes in mini cast irons pans after it's cooked... All for the presentation. But you can imagine how many retards thought it was cooked in there... Yeah, that mac and cheese was made in the cast iron. Sure, that's believable AF. Let's take a closer look at the "slice"...

It's just a big bloody blob of dough, tomato sauce and cheese. Nevermind that filler crap, the crust is the most important part of a Chi-town deep dish. I swear, that rounded crust was such a dead give away it wasn't even cooked in that pan. I have never seen a pizza dough that shrunk like a Shrinky Dink. It's just falling in on itself. Let's take a closer look on the crust.

Under-cooked and gummy loaf of bread. Looked miserable AF... It was almost as sad as my muffin top, it even kinda looked like it with all the stretch marks. The sauce and cheese was standard issue, the pepperoni wasn't spicy but it had a nice finish with the truffle oil. Overall, this shallow dish was pretty disappointing AF.

Gino's Supreme, pepperoni, Italian sausage, onions, green peppers, mushrooms... All this crap for a measly $31. These motherfuckers just can't keep their grubby hands off the pies. They "have" to start cutting it up and plate it for you to show you the stringy cheese. I'm like, yo, I ain't handicapped, I can pick up my own slice. Based on what's left in the pan, the dough looked much better... As if it was cooked in the same pan as evident with the flat crust against the side of the pan. Let's take a closer look... Wait a second, I couldn't stop looking at the remnants in this pan and if I spewed regurg back into the pan, it really wouldn't make a difference.

The side of the crust was thinner and flatter like the retaining wall of the pool in Poltergeist trying to hold out the dead from doing the back stroke. This looked more like the Chi-town casserole we're used to.

I New Yorker-fied it AF with a nice heaping of red pepper flakes and grated parm. Now, it looks more like a 'Za. This behemoth tasted a lot better than the last disaster. The crust was cooked more properly according to the deep dish specs. Thin flat crust on the side and not too thick on the bottom... So, you don't have a mouthful of breading on every bite. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here... It still ain't a 'Za, but for what it was, it was acceptable.

Thanks Fat 'Murica, you did it, again! Who the fuck can really eat an entire pan pizza in one sitting, better question is why would any mofo want to eat an entire pan pizza in one sitting. I get it, these types of pies are geographic specific... Like in the midwest because it's cold AF and you need a lot of padding for the rough winters. There are no lack of fat slobs in the midwest. But this is Hotlanta... Wait, this town is not lacking obeast creastures, either... And this fat fuck is in the front of that pack. I ate 2 1/2 normal size sections and I was about to explode and regurgitate it to all the baby birds around me within a 5 foot radius. It sat at the bottom of the pouch for 2 days, it was like a paper weight.
The hype for this type of gimmick in this town is expected and they will be packed for at least a couple of months. There was a family of 15 who came here on opening night celebrating something, who the fuck plans a huge family gather and go to an unproven resto on opening night? People with the education level and palate of a 5 year old, that's who. But the hype will die down soon enough and the gimmick will not be as sexy after gaining 15 lbs. Look at Hattie B's, the crowds have died down by more than half and that curiosity has been satisfied by the pedestrians and they are ready to move on to the next new shiny kitchen. This place will be no different by the end of Q1 next year.
It's not terrible but there's really nothing here to bring me back on a monthly basis, not even on a semi-annual basis. It's also really pricey for what it is... But what gimmick isn't pricey in this town? The deep dish tomato cheese cakes just ain't my thing... But don't let that keep y'all from trying it out and judge for yourself if you are a fan of this type of pie. Jesus, I'm still bloated AF 3 days later.
I'm still waiting for Al's Italian Beef, Portillo's or Abe Froman to open up here... We need the sausage king of Chicago in this one horse town... Desperately, because I'm fat AF.

675 North Highland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306
https://www.ginoseast.com/atlanta

Gu's Kitchen

Once upon a time, Gu's Bistro was a destination spot for Szechuan cuisine but then they suddenly shuttered with little notice while at the same time they were opening their food stall at KSM... Coincidence? Well, y'all know the answer to that. It was 2015 and the whole food hall movement was just getting started in this one horse town. It seemed like they wanted to downsize and ride the hipster food court wave with their Gu's Dumplings concept... With dopes lining up for hours for their overpriced and under-filled dumps in hopes that it would turn into a franchise opportunity. Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with franchises these days... Get rich quick schemes hasn't worked since Ronco's Showtime Rotisserie, with his "set it and forget it" gimmick which made Ron Popeil a filthy rich motherfucker. Now, he just spends his remaining days spray painting his bald spots with GLH.
The Americanized grub at Gu's Dumplings was created for the millennial demographics who are more than willing to pay up for sub-par quality. The menu was not made for the expats, it was made to keep them away so they don't call them out. Their namesake item, the Zhong style dumplings, are watered down versions for the gringo palate... They were all wrapper and no filler and a total ripoff but the roundeyes gobbled that shit up like there was no tomorrow and declared them the best dumps they have ever had. It doesn't matter if they are authentic or not, these dumpy doughy sacks made them rich enough to reopen another location on Buford Hwy. Deep down, I'm really hoping for a Gu's Bistro comeback with their spicy dericious affordable mala morsels but the Pouch's instinct says otherwise...
Let's go take a first look and see if they can convince the Pouch to make a revisit...

Gold metal chopsticks and Bram Stoker's dracula armor dishware... How do they afford all this fancypants gear? Oh, yeah, keep pricing the menu for the KSM hipster crowd on Buford Hwy... Sold! If the suckaz are willing to over pay for cheap Chino street food why stop?

Chengdu Cold Noodles, cold egg noodles tossed in a homemade sweet and spicy sauce with robust minced garlic, and bean sprouts; sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds and fresh green onions. Wait a minute... Where the fuck am I? Am I in Alinea? If you're gonna come up with a gimmick, make sure it is relevant to the dish itself... And I have no fucking idea what the meaning of this was. Is it a rasta pasta? Oodles of noodles? Or worms? They're only noodles, Michael. Let's take a closer look at this contraption and see what's under the hula skirt. 

Don't go chasing noodlefalls, please stick to the chowfun and the lo mein you're used to... I don't even know where to begin with this specimen. Do I pick it up with a napkin and throw it out in the trash like hair in a drain or do I eat it right off the floating wooden chopsticks... I decided to pull the chopsticks out quickly and make it rain noodles. It made it a lot easier to mix with the chili oil sitting at the bottom when all the noodles are in the bowl and not hovering in the air like Linda Blair. When they say cold noodles, they mean it... It was straight from the fridge cold. The sweet and spicy chili oil sauce was acceptable but I couldn't get over the ice cold noodles. They really should be at room temp. It's not a bad noodle dish but it was nothing special, either... It really should be like a $6 dish tops since it's only a dollar worth of egg noodles coated in sweetened chili oil.

Was this a Bad Robot Production? I wonder if they are using the robo chef in the kitchen... What's the robo chef you ask?

SCIENCE!

Spicy Dried Eggplant, battered sticks of crispy eggplant stir-fried with sliced garlic, dried red chili peppers, numbing Szechuan peppercorns, and fresh cilantro. The portion was priced correctly, so I don't feel as ripped off paying $13 for this. It was fried golden brown and the crust ultra crispy and the inside was piping hot. The only problem with this good looking execution was not enough flavor. It needed a lot more Szechuan peppercorns and seasoning... It looked great but it was kinda bland. I was expecting a lot more numbing action in my facehole.

Spicy Dried Beef Noodles, warm egg noodles tossed with hot chili peppers, chopped peanuts, spicy ground beef, robust minced garlic, fresh bok choy, and fresh cilantro. Doesn't look much different than the Chengdu Cold Noodles (or the Dan Dan Noods)... Except they toss in a couple of spoonfuls of dried spiced minced meat on top and a couple of scraps of bok choy. It tasted basically the same but the chili oil sauce was a tad spicier and not as sweet which I prefer. This was also an acceptable dish but nothing crave-worthy enough for another visit ASAP.

Szechuan Spicy Popcorn Chicken, lightly breaded and deep fried chicken dusted with Chef Gu's special spice rub. Served with a choice of spicy mayo, honey mustard, or ketchup. Did something get lost in translation here? They are serving "Taiwanese" style cheekan nuggets with spicy mayo, honey mustard or ketchup??!! Where am I, Wing Stop? What kinda shit is this? Fucking ketchup? Wait, I take it back, Wing Stop actually has some pretty damn tasty sauces... I didn't mean to insult them, my bad. That spice rub is just chili flakes sprinkled on top, it did nothing for it. But how was the cheekan, Pouch? Let's just say this was the first time I have never finished a small plate of fried chicken. The sweet potato starch crust was crispy but the white meat chicken inside was as dried out as a 70 year old woman. No amount of spicy mayo, honey mustard or ketchup will help lube it down your throat... I even tried spitting on them because saliva is a natural lubricant... No dice. Why are they using white meat instead of dark meat, especially, at a semi authentic Chino resto? It was hard, chewy and bland, even with the spicy mayo. This was such a waste, what a shame.

What about the Zhong style dumps that you were talking about earlier, Pouch? Where are they? Where they fucking belong... Back in the kitchen or on someone else's table. I ain't wasting valuable marsupial pouch space or money for middling dumps. I saw them at another table and they didn't look any better here.
Is Gu's Bistro crave-worthiness back at the new and shiny Gu's Kitchen? No. Not even close. Nothing I sampled had me wanting more. This first visit was kinda forgettable after a couple hours of eating it and I was already thinking about dinner. What wasn't forgettable was the $50 I shelled out for lunch. Why did they have to fuck with a winning model at Gu's Bistro and ruin it with Gu's Dumplings... It was such a disappointment from the beginning that it has left a bad taste in my mouth ever since. Have they never heard the saying, if it ain't broken, don't fix it... But I'm not writing them off just yet... There's still a couple other dishes I want to try before I close the book on them. And the po'boys ain't them... They look abhorrent and need to be aborted. Maybe they will come out with a Szechuan Detroit style pizza next or a Zhong style poutine...

4897 Buford Hwy
Suite 104
Chamblee, GA 30341
www.guskitchen.com

Brew And Bird

This marsupial's pannus has gotten wider and wider like a new bride's FUPA after 7 months of marriage with all the fwied cheekan it has been consuming in mass quantities... I'm like a Conehead, no, wait, more like a cheekanhead. This fat fuck has been on quite a fried chicken journey for the last month... While most people would have tapped out after a week, the Pouch can eat cheekan every day of the week for months on end and never tire of it. KFC has been quietly making a comeback and this newish joint that took over the old Villaggio Eyetalian supposedly is doing Corean style cheekan... I'm not saying KFC because the d-bags' pics on Yelp does not look at all like KFC. But I have a responsibility to fulfill my duties for my one reader and report back. Time to make a visit... Quietly.
Is there a surprised birthday party for me or am I in a dream... Ok, everybody, come on out, I'm here. I said, surprise me, now! Surprise me, now! I didn't say that twice, that was an echo. Oh, wait, I forgot I have no friends to throw me a surprise party. Seriously, where is everybody up in this piece? It's a Friday night at prime time and the joint looks like the picture they used on their website... Dead as fuck empty.
I walked in here on two other occasions in the past 3 months and walked right out each time because it was dead as fuck as well... One of those times there was nobody working there, I thought they were closed. I guess third time is a charm... Or not. Walked in again and there was literally one person working. A sweet old lady taking orders at the front desk. She was trying so hard to up sell me on their overpriced beer but I wasn't having it... Bless her heart. The overpriced beers were all snoozers. All I wanted was the cheekan and based on the vibe of this place, I knew it was gonna be a real short visit. But hey, you never know... So, I'll play along...

Dead as fuck on a Friday night... *Crickets*

This is their stock photo on their website... Hmmm. They musta took it on a Friday night, also.

2 Dark Fried Chicken served with homemade coleslaw and pickled turnip. Of course, my first instinct is to order the 3 piece dark... But I came to my senses after a minzie or two since this was an unconfirmed KFC joint. I'm glad I did... Look at that specimen. Looked like they just picked it out of the garbage when they saw someone coming into the joint. The tulip cup of slaw was just shredded cabbage, nothing else. The daikon was barely pickled. The soy dipping sauce was boring as fuck, they just added sugar to it, ok, maybe a little mirin. Sounds like we're off to a good start... Let's take a closer inspection of this fowl looking creasture.

Jesus, I have seen driftwood with more moisture in it... I should just hang this over my dining room table for decor. If this was my last meal, I would use the steak knife to slit my wrists... Who uses a steak knife to eat fwied cheekan? Maybe I'm supposed to use it to kill my prey in the back alley. The meows back there is not a sign of confidence. The crust tasted like old frying oil, it was hard like layers of mica, not crispy at all. The meat inside was dried out and chewy, totally devoid of all taste and texture. This was one of the worst fried chicken, let alone "KFC" that I have ever had. Just toss this driftwood back into the Chattahoochee.

House Wings, buffalo and Korean pepper garlic spicy sauce. What sarcophagus did they pulled this out of... It looks like King Tut's toes. Let's take a closer look...

Holy shit... I think I see a couple of his toenails still intact! Someone get me a dog toenail clipper, STAT. I want to send some samples to a lab for carbon dating. Ah, fuck, I can't put this off any longer, I guess I will have to eat it sooner or later. It looks just as bad as the fried chicken... Took a bite... That fucking old oil taste again. And the crust was bitter and tasted burnt. I barely ate 2 wings and I gave up. The chicken didn't live up to their claim of being marinating for up to 14 hours... It was more like 1400 years, brewing inside that sarcophagus with the mummy juice they scooped up with those little plastic cups as wing sauce. These wings are fucking rank... I have had better wings at Golden Corral and we all know they taste like fried dung beetles.

This place sucks... As evident by the crowd in here. But the sweet old lady told me that Fridays and the weekends and the weekdays are usually slammed packed... She just couldn't figure out what was going on tonight. Listen, sweetheart, you couldn't even remember what I ordered 30 seconds ago and you're telling me this place was packed last night? I highly doubt it but you should always respect your elders... So, I kept my mouth shut along with the rest of the wings. This was not Korean or even Korean fusion... It was an embarrassment, no wonder why the Korean owner stayed in the back. Ok, he did stick his head out for a second and then retracted back into his shell like a peeping turtle.

 

Flush.

1355 Clairmont Road
Decatur, GA 30033
https://brewandbird.com/

ChiChop!!

The shops and restos in this Doraville strip mall have been very limited for years, the only tenants were basically H-Mart and Shoya forever and they kept this mall in business for all that time. Now, years later this strip has been in high demand with a bunch of news shops and restos that opened recently or in the process of being opened. There is no lack of Japanese grub if you're craving ramen or sushi, or Korean BBQ, Laotian street grub and bubble tea shops... But one thing missing here was fried chicken. You can get a dumb down version of KFC inside H-Mart at one of the food stalls but it's pretty much garbage. But now, there are two chicken joints opening. One of them is Harue KFC which is opening a second location here. The other is a new Taiwanese fried chicken joint that has a few locations sprinkled along the east coast, they also own Cheers!! Cut in NYC and Kung Fu Tea... But I don't know if they are associated with the ones in Atlanta. Harue has a pretty decent KFC but I was more interested in the TFC since there aren't many that does it. You can find a handful of Taiwanese chicken nuggets around town but ChiChop!! fry more than just chicken... I couldn't wait to find out more about this place. 
When the Pouch saw the sign go up for this new Taiwanese fwied cheekan joint before Thanksgiving, I was so excited that I almost shat my underpants... But I did tinkle a little, though. The sign says, "Fried Chicker & Badger" or maybe it was Baoger but Badger sounds so much sexier. Then on their menu it says, "Hibachi, Grill & Fried Chicken Cafe" and on the packing it says, "Fried Chicken & Seafood"... I'm confused, I think they are mixing up all their other concepts into one. Their Engrish game is not very strong, hopefully, their cheekan game is... Let's take a first look...

You be the judge... Baoger or Badger? I also don't know what a chicker is but I'll eat the fuck outta it... Along with the badger meat. Let's sample a few morsels...

Dual Ninja Crispy Chicken, Minced Meat Rice, House Combo of Chicken & Beef & Squid. They have a special for their grand opening right now, BOGO Ninja Crispy Chicken... Ah, fuck yeah, pweez! Their Ninja cheekan comes in a giant cardboard sleeve, but is it really a full 12 ounces of dericious fwied cheekan? I took advantage of the BOGO and got a Taiwanese Teriyaki mild and Thai Sweet & Sour spicy flavor. 

Minced Meat Rice. They also have a plain white rice and curry rice... All $2 a bowl. Why would anyone just get the plain rice? This minced meat rice is similar to a Lu Rou Fan but this comes with minced beef bits and bacon bits. It's a pretty tasty rice bowl... Thank god they don't have poke bowls or else I would shit.

They're Taiwanese but they seem to really love Japanese warriors... Ninjas and samurais. This is their house combo of crap in a box of Taiwanese fried scraps... I kinda want a tattoo of it.

House Combination, Taiwanese fried chicken, beef and squid... I know what y'all are saying, what the fuck is fried beef? Just like it sounds... Nuggets of beef battered and fried. The thin crust is crispy and crunchy but the meat nugget is kinda chewy even though there's hints of red in the center. The cheekan nuggets were pretty good and the squid was not as chewy as I thought it would be. I wanted to get the Fried Giant Squid at first but I didn't want to eat an entire portion of a whole squid. This sampler box is a good way to get a little taste of each. But don't be fooled by the portion at first glance, half of the box is filled with prawn chips... Which is a good thing because I didn't want to eat an entire box of fried critters. 

The sleeve is printed with the words "Cheers!! Cut" on it... What the fuck is going on here? I thought this joint was called "ChiChop!!". Come to find out that Cheers!! Cut is their other concept on St. Marks in NYC and the menu is almost exactly the same. Stop fucking around, Pouch, and get to the good stuff already, you fat fuck. How do you eat this thing anyways? Let's turn it around and see if there's instructions...

That's a pretty sweet katana but what does it have to do with Taiwanese fried chicken? And sure enough, they do have instructions on how to tear this sleeve apart to eat the elusive Ninja crispy chicken inside... But I never figured out how tearing a corner off will allow me to get to the cheekan...

Fuck it. I just slid it out and use the cardboard sleeve as a plate. Look at this beast... I don't know if it's a full 12 ounces as promised but it is a full chicken breast with ribs split up and pounded like a schnitzel. Yes, this is a bone-in fried chicken schnitzel, Taiwanese style. The vibrant red chili powder gives the illusion that it will be spicy but it's not. The thin crispy crust is delicately crunchy from the sweet potato starch coating and the meat is juicy. It's a pretty damn good fried chicken and the shape and size of it makes it a bit more fun to eat than the usual fried chicken pieces.
I liked it a lot but was it really worth $8.50 for a breast with no sides or even some pickled veggies? The BOGO deal is worth it but when the promo is done, will the gimmick still bring the people in here? Speaking of which, I know it just opened but it was dead when I visited (where were all the FOBs and Yelpers?) and the space is not very big, either. I think there's enough seating for 10-12 peeps and it's all counter service. It will be tough if they get a big rush. But the concept is pretty much a quick service take out kinda spot, anyways... The menu is full of on the go snacks and everything is fried.
I will most likely be back to try their other fried goodies like the Exploding Chicken Cutlet with cheese in the middle and the Fried Chicken Wings... Wait, who is this fat slob fooling? This porker will definitely be back, their whole shtick is fwied cheekan and I'm licking my lips just thinking about it...

Squirt.

6035 Peachtree Rd
Unit C108
Atlanta, GA 30360
www.chichopusa.com

Son of a Bear

The Pouch has been on a KFC quest and this joint was on my list to try... But do we need to talk about what was here previously? Fuck yeah we do... I don't know if Double Dragon was opened as a spoof or not but nothing on the menu was Asian, it wasn't even fusion. They wanted to give the citizens of modern day Atlanta a taste of American Chinese food from the 80's... Shit, Atlanta wasn't even discovered until 1996, they don't know what the fuck Chinese food was back then let alone the 80's. It was so bad that it wasn't even close to be considered slutty Chino grub nor edible even after a night out of heavy drinking... It was less satisfying than a $2 whore. Is that even possible? No, because nothing on that menu was $2. It was painful eating that slop on my one and only visit... Painful, Pouch? Let's just imagine your friend donkey punching a toothless hooker while she's playing your skin flute. The pain was comparable to a gorilla grip. When Yelpers are even bashing the food, you know it was bad or they didn't get it for free. In the end, that double dumpster soon closed and transformed itself into a Corean street food joint... Because the whole Korean theme is so trendy right now. That's all Oakhurst needs... Another gimmick in this space. Fuck it, since, I'm such a sucka for gimmicks, I'm gonna have to do it for my one reader. My only fan expects nothing more from this sad sack of shit eating grin slob. And they supposedly have a whole KFC... I am totally excited for this, now...
I snuck in quietly on a Friday night... And ironically, the place was quiet as well. Let me say it again, this was on a Friday night with only a handful of middle-aged customers in there. Walked in... What the fuck did they do to this place? Why is there a wall with door in the middle of the bar? Who designed this... Helen Keller? No one was sitting at the bar because it was so awkward. The other side was an ice cream pop up or something, so fucking weird. The host creasture led me to the back in the dark corner... I'm like, fuck no bro, I always need an exit strategy. I sat down at a table in the middle with a light above the table so I have a 360 degree view just in case some shit goes down. The server comes over and asked if I have ever been here... I'm like no, not since it was Double D's. She gives me an uncomfortable smile as if her lips were having a mini seizure or maybe she was flirting with me. I quickly cock blocked her and said, I know what you're thinking... Say it with me, Double Dragon's food was god awful. And she totally agreed and we shared a hearty laugh together. She promised that the food here is a lot better... Yeah, famous last words. Like I haven't heard that from a staff member at any and every restaurant before. I gently stared into her eyes and said, I'll be the judge of that, my juicy little muffin top.

Kalbi Jjim Poutine. Yeah yeah, we all know poutine has been played out... But they took off the whole grilled squid so I had to resort to trying this. For $9, this was a very decent portion of crap on a tray. The seasoned fries stayed relatively crispy under that mess. Speaking of mess, the topping was a well seasoned, savory and a teeny spicy mix of shredded short rib. It's messy but it was pretty tasty overall. I was fucking shocked that this dish came out of this kitchen... It was totally edible for some reason. It may be just a fluke...

Whole Korean Fried Chicken Platter. Before I even ordered anything, I asked the server if they have the KFC. She was like, we don't resell KFC but we do have a fried chicken platter... Bless her heart. Unlike a lot of the other KFC joints, this joint actually gives you a real whole cheekan. You can literally count all the pieces that comes on a real whole chicken which kinda gave me a blood flow. There are so many KFC places that load you up with hacked up pieces of legs and thighs and called it a whole chicken... Hmm, excuse me, Miss, I have never seen a chicken with 3 and half legs before. When this platter came out, I was surprised and happy to see something that actually resembled a chicken. The thin skin crust looked really crispy, I can imagine the crackling sound it will make. Picked up the thigh first naturally and took a bite... Shit, this is pretty good. Shut your mouth, Pouch! What the fuck are you talking about, Willis? Don't you know this is the same place that was pumping out some heinous food not too long ago? But I cannot lie, this fwied cheekan was very acceptable. I liked the crispy thin skin crust and the meat inside was tender and juicy and it was not greasy. Wake up you fat fuck, you're having another dream... So, I ate another piece to make sure it wasn't a dream. At the end of the day, it was a respectable fried chicken but it was not a KFC, not even close to it. $23 for a whole fried chicken at a resto is not a terrible price to pay, but for what it was, I don't think I would come back for it again. I just ate an entire fried chicken and I am already thinking about how much Popeyes I can get for $23... That boy is a P I G, pig!   

Grilled Kalbi Short Rib Steak, Korean sweet soy marinate, kkakdugi, rice. They were out of the Beef Kalbi Jjim and Braised Chicken & Fall Veg... Fail. So, I had to resort to ordering this dish... I usually order at least 3 items to get a feel for their kitchen talent. I already had a not so great feeling about this... The Pouch's instincts never fails. But there's always a first for everything... I highly doubt it, though. My Spidey senses were tingling off the charts. For $18, I don't know about this... And then this came out... I think I just found John Wayne Bobbitt's severed member. While it looked like it was cooked mid-rare plus, the chew was a different story. I picked up a middle piece where it is usually more tender and not over cooked... And I was gumming this thing like a 70 year old woman with a banana. This dish was kinda pathetic and the memories of Double Dragon came flooding back in. What a way to end a decent start and middle...

I can't say this change of concept will redeem themselves from that garbage they served at Double D's in this part of town... Oakhurst is a small little town and the locals like what they like which is simple American food like burgers and tacos. Restos and breweries have come and gone in this part of town on a regular basis and I don't know if this "ethnic" concept will last long around here. Their next concept could possibly be turning this Korean "tavern" into a ramen joint. Not that Taiyo's ramen is that good but the roundeyes love ramen no matter how bad it is, just like the Mexican't grub they crave. But for now, it's not awful... Then again, I have no interest on coming back here anytime soon, either.

350 Mead Rd E&F
Decatur, GA 30030
www.sobdecatur.com

Harue Korean Snack Bar

This blubbery blob has been in a deep slumber since the KFC scene in this town has quietly slowed down within the last year or two... That was until recently. The inner Pouch was woke once again with the arrival of the crave-worthy Choong Man Chicken. Their amazing Korean fwied cheekan re-lit the Pouch's quest for the best fried chicken in this one horse town. I have been on a KFC marathon lately... Eating every fwied cheekan in sight. Which brought me back to this joint... It used to be another KFC joint way back in the day, I think it was a Bonchon, a ripoff of the ones in NYC... Or maybe it was a Bonbon, whatever, who gives a shit... It was pretty decent but they closed down not long after. On a side note, there is a Bonchon and Bonbon somewhere in upstate Georgia but that will be another review.
So, this location became a Harue KFC joint a few years back. I have been once like 3 years ago, it was decent but the location is not close to K-town at all. Maybe that's why I haven't gone back. But for them to last this long, they must be doing something right. Maybe it's time to make the trek for a revisit. Alright, enough of the talky talky, we want more walky walky. Let's just get right to it...

Whole Fried Chicken. It's usually $20 but they were doing a Fall special for $13... SOLD! It's a very hefty portion but if you inspect all the pieces, it ain't from a whole chicken... It's all dark meat. It's like all legs, thighs and bungholes kinda like the human centipede. They also camouflage a few giant fried wedges of potato in there to make it look more hefty. The batter/crust looks pretty crispy. It's not flaky like in a dry coating but it's smoother like in a wet batter. Picked up a piece and it's crispy alright. It has a nice crunch to it but it's kinda greasy... And not just the crust, the meat inside as well. It's not overly greasy, just enough for you to notice it and coat your fingers to make you lick them constantly. The pieces don't have a lot of meat on them, either, it's kinda boney. But this cheekan dinner will fill you up if you eat all the potato wedges. I like the crispy crust on the KFC but not enough to come back all this way for it. It looks satisfying when it comes out to the table but you will leave kinda dissatisfied... Hoping that it had turned out better even for this finga lickin' fat fuck.   

Tonkatsu. For $10, this is some meal... A giant mudflap of pounded fried pork, a scoop of rice, cheesy corn, pickled yellow and white daikon, slaw and fries. And this corpulent slob ate it all, every last drop of that brown jizz on that hog. The panko crusted pork cutlet was hot and crispy on the outside and juicy tender on the inside. This was a very good tonkatsu and kinda crave-worthy enough to make another visit to upstate GA in another year. I would eat this once a week if it was closer to town, but being a pudgy porker, you don't really move much, let alone leaving the house on a regular basis, except to lean over to one side to pass wind. 

The drive was a hassle, the KFC was middling but the tonkatsu made up for the previous let downs. Would I come back here? Eh, maybe if I was forced to be in this area like being tied up in the back of a trunk. Let's face it, no one wants to be up here but if they lasted this long they must be doing something right.

To the next KFC joint...

3585 Peachtree Industrial Blvd
Duluth, GA 30096
http://www.loveharue.com/

Choong Man Chicken

Is KFC in this one horse town dead yet? Hasn't this trendy gimmick ran it's course? FUCK NO, bro. This portly fuck can always use one more fwied cheekan joint... Boy, I'm so lonely. This place took over the old JM BBQ which was a Korean BBQ joint that turned into a dance club on the weekends. It suddenly closed with not much notice back in September sometime. The K-BBQ competition is fierce up in Duluth... But so is the KFC competition. Seriously, can Duluth use another KFC joint? Shit, the Pouch can use a KFC joint on every other block if I had my way. Another reason why JM BBQ may have closed is because of this strip mall... There are a bunch of restos in here but it's always dead as fuck. The only place that keeps this strip mall alive is Sweet Hut on the other end. Top Ramen which is basically the sister resto to Lan Zhou Ramen on Buford Highway came and went as well... Which is surprising because their food was just as good as Lan Zhou Ramen. I swear, this strip mall is cursed. So, I better get my fat ass in here before this chicken gets killed crossing the street.
This joint is a small chain with two locations in Virginia and I'm kinda curious how they decided to open one here so far away... This may be a short lived expansion if it sucks ass.
There's not much hype on this joint so far... So, let's go see if it's worth talking or trashing about. Walked in and the place still looks like JM BBQ, they just got rid of the exhaust vents and moved the furniture around. It doesn't bother me because I rather them spend the time on executing the menu, instead of the decor. Let's take a gander at the menu...

I am so fucking excited right now. This menu is all about cheekan and nothing but cheekan... Ok, they got a couple of bullshit side items like french fries, curly fries and coleslaw... Meh, get that shit outta my face. I guess they have to have something for the roundeyes which was strange because there were a handful of gringos in here- How did they find out about this joint so quickly? Nevermind the bearded hipsters, let's just get to the chicken already, Pouch... Stop fucking around, you're on a mission.

This has got to be the weirdest combination of chicken and topping. This is definitely not a first date kinda dish if you want to get lucky afterwards. You'll still be crying from all the onions while trying to get your first kiss. Look at that picture, it's not like a little bit of onions for a little contrast and sweetness... It looks like they throw a shitload of it on there. Only one way to find out... But first, I need a little snack to whet my facehole...

Tikku Soy Sauce Gizzard. I'm a little surprised they didn't have fried chicken livers but I'll take gizzards all day long if it's done correctly... And these were spot on. The crust is crispy and not heavy. The gizzard was tender and had a nice pop to them when you bite into them. They are supposedly fried and then charcoal grilled to make it extra crispy and give it a lil smokey flavor. They are a really tasty little snack. They were so good I kept popping them in throughout my entire meal.

Snow Onion Fried Chicken. It's like a mountain of pure snow, it's everywhere... Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is? The menu says you can get it with wings, tenders or whole chicken. But if you ask nicely they can do a half chicken. Sold! They say that this is their most popular signature item on the menu and it's loaded with sliced onions with a "savory and creamy" sauce. If you like onions, this is your dish. They give you an entire onion sliced on top and drenched in their white sauce. The golden fried chicken peeking out on the edges looked real crispy but can it stay that crispy with all that sauce... One way to find out.

I pulled out a wing with a good amount of sauce on it... Twisted it apart and took a bite... Damn, it's crispy, crunchy and flavorful. You gotta eat a little onion afterwards and the sweetness of the onion works pretty well. The sauce is thin but sweet and savory. It is such a weird combo but it works. I inhaled 3 pieces within two minutes because it was so good or maybe I was just hungry. The chicken is not greasy, it's juicy and hot... I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was almost perfect. I can't even compare it to Popeyes because they are so different. I gotta take a break and come back to it later and see if it's still as good as I think it is... And just at that moment, the spicy wings came out... Great timing.

  

Red Hot Pepper Chicken wings with gochujang sauce. These look pretty legit. I like how that are not swimming in sauce but each piece are fully coated with the gochujang sauce. The crust is still crispy even with the sauce all over it. It has a good crunch to it and the sauce is sweet and spicy. The chicken inside is juicy and flavorful. This is one bad ass hot wing. Ok, it's not that spicy but I still fucking loved them. I gobbled down all of them easily in one sitting. Christ, I just ate a plate of gizzards, 10 wings, half a chicken and a whole onion in one sitting... I truly am a lard ass but it was friggin' worth it. I'm still thinking about it hours later... You know it's good if the Pouch is still craving it.

I'm wobbling back to my ride and I see this on ground... I guess the people who ordered it to go couldn't wait to get home to eat it... I hear ya, bro. It's that good.

Then a couple feet away I see this... What the fuck, dude? That is cheekan abuse... I was so tempted to pick it up and eat it. What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? I call the 5 minute rule... But why is there a good necklace with stars around it? That is the weirdest shit I have seen in many moons... This mystery will never be solved.

Well, if my one reader can't tell already, I'm pretty much in love with this new KFC joint. How long will the honeymoon last? Who knows, but as long as they keep pumping out that gorgeous chicken, I'll be making many more visits to try out all their other flavors... Especially, the garlic spicy chicken since they ran out it on this visit. Jesus, I was actually going to order a 4th fried chicken dish in one visit. Why am I obeast again? The next table got the lemon spring onion chicken which looked just as amazing.
Not much else to say except... Winner winner cheekan dinners! I just can't eat one.

2180 Pleasant Hill Rd.
Duluth, GA 30096
https://www.cmchicken.us/