Lan Zhou Ramen

Why is the word ramen even involved with a Chinese joint these days? Yes, ramen was invented by the Chinese but the Japs have basically appropriated it from the Chinos in the 1920's with their obsession with the Chinese noodle soup because it was cheap and filling. This place should really be called Lan Zhou Lai Mein... which means pulled noodle. But then all of the sudden I'm like, wait, I know this name from somewhere... Motherfucking NYC, that's where... There's a joint with the same exact name on East Broadway with the same goddamn painting of the ancient old dudes pulling on their noodles... So many sickos in this world. This place must be a small chain spreading quietly across the east coast... So, they took over the really shitty old Honey Bits Bakery space. I don't even know why anyone would open a wannabe Sweet Hut concept when they are literally almost across the street slaying it on a daily basis non-stop... You ain't taking any market share away from them, you silly motherfuckers... So, they surprisingly closed up shop quietly not long after.
Now, comes a new Chinese hand-pulled noodle joint... They like to say "hond-pulled" instead... Tomato, tomatoe, whatever. If you're still wondering why the word ramen is on their name... Well, supposedly, they thought people where too stupid to figure out that it was a noodle joint, so they put ramen on there so people don't get confused. So fucking stupid, right? I deal with dumb fucks everyday and it makes my pouch boil. But most people don't realize they are morons... How could they? They're fucking idiots... And they definitely don't deserve to eat good food, they're too stupid to know if it tastes good or not.
So, there's other places in this town that does hand pulled noodles, so, how is this different or better... You know what, y'all are right, I don't fucking know. It could be a total shit show with the food here. Just because there's a new place here with the same name up in NYC doesn't mean it's the same owners or food execution... Even if there's an ancient old dude pulling his noodles in the window with a creepy smile on his face in the back. I guess there's only one way to find out... Let's go put some old dude's noodle in my mouth... I think I just threw up a little and I didn't even use two fingers.

Seaweed, peanuts, pickled carrot/radish. A little palate starter dish that was quite decent. The seasoned seaweed and nuts were pretty tasty. The carrot and radish needed more pickling.

Sliced Beef and Ox Tripe in Chili Sauce. When they slapped this down in front of my snout... I started sniffing this immediately and I knew I was in love... It's a heaping pile of offal goodness. Tender slender pieces of tripe and other organ meats that melted in your mouth with a nice little spicy finish. You can add more chili oil from the jar on the table but it's not necessary because all you have to do is just mix it up from the bottom, there's a nice pool of chili sauce sitting underneath all that tripe. This is one of the best versions I have had in this town... Still craving it, now. It's that good.

Kaifeng Steamed Soup Dumplings. This might the first time I have ever seen any Chino joint use the name of the old capital of China in their soup dumps... Most people associate the xiao long bao with Shanghai but Kaifeng is nowhere fucking near Shanghai... But you can find soup dumps in almost every city in China... That's a lot of fucking soupy dumps. Look at these beauties, I poked them with my finger to see if it sloshes around inside and all of them do. The skin is pretty thin which is a test for a good soup dump but the real test is when you suck that juice into your facehole. And these pass the test easily. It's juicy and meaty and the thin wrapper doesn't get all gummy when you inhale that beast whole into your dirty gash. It's a good showing and I'm craving them right now as well... Yeah, that's a good sign when the pouch wants more of everything so far.

Shranghai Pan Fried Pork Bun. Fuck the Shanghai buns... The real shit is from Shranghai... I can't tell you the exact location of this place on the map but it's prolly on the Bizarro side of China. I don't care if some grotesque monster from Stranger Things made these buns, I will still eat them because they are so fucking good. Look at that specimen, it's a thing of beauty with the thin crepey crust holding all the buns together like some freak with webbed feet. Let's turn this mutant floozy over and check out the odd numbered mams... Up close and personal...

Jesus, Total Recall ain't got nothing on these succulent mammaries and there's five of them not three to suckle on... These buns are fucking dericious. I don't know what it is about these baos but goddamn they're good, it must be that crispy crepe thinger because food always taste better when you get to play with them and I love playing with bouncy juicy round fleshy sacks of meat and soupy goodness inside them. I would order these every time I come here... Just thinking about them is making me moist.

Beef Tendon Hond-Pulled Knife Sliced Noodles. I shit you not these noodles are really hond pulled... I don't know what creasture those honds come from but that's a skilled motherfucker when it comes to making noodles. I fucking love authentic Chinese menus, the typos and fucked up translation is always a laugh riot. But let's get back to this bowl... The tendon was ultra tender, I mean like melt in your fucking disgusting mouth tender. And they were cooked down in a familiar Chinese medicinal herby marinade... It gave it such a nice flavor and finish to it. I wished they gave more of it in that bowl. The knife sliced noodles are some of the best that you will ever put in your filthy piehole in this town... They are like wavy ribbons with a perfect toothy bite to them... So damn guud. Parts of it were thin and others were thicker... It was so fucking addictive because the chew on it was so habit forming and you just want more and more... Then you gotta wash it down with that rich broth full of flavor. Goddamn it, why is this so friggin good... And why did it take this long for them to come down from NYC... I hate you bastards, now, give me another bowl.

Miced Meat Fried Hond-Pulled Noodles. Who doesn't love mice meat... Once it's grounded up those pesky little varmints taste just like pork! I love that the menu shows the basic ingredients: "Onions, Sprouts more". I love surprises like "more"... More of what, who the fuck knows but I want it. It's like a non spicy version of dan dan noodles but guess what... There's a whole jar of chili oil on the table... Dump a few dozen spoonfuls of that shit in this noodle dish and you got yourself a sick ass savory spicy noodle dish with mice meat. I have no problem getting this again but there's so many other options that I will have to try them all and then circle back to this next week.

This joint is fucking legit. There are many many more dishes that I must try up in this piece. But I haven't been this excited about any other new place recently as much as this joint that quietly opened without any PR or marketing... These types of places usually have the best food because they know it and don't have to flaunt it like some NYC gyro joint down the street that kept hyping their slop all over the interwebs which turned out to be total fucking garbage. The entire place was full of slants which was a great sign except for a couple of smelly millennial hippies... They prolly came in here because they missed the bus to Avondale or something. I hate sucking off a place like this so soon because then all the fucking mooks will ruin this for me with their requests for Mongolian beef and moo shoo pork and then get pissy on Yelp because they didn't give the customer what they wanted... Well, if you want those roundeye dishes I know a great little place that just opened up in Oakhurst which is right near Avondale that would be perfect for y'all... And stay the fuck outta this place. Yeah, this place is gross and awful.. Don't come here. The pouch will be the guinea pig and suffer here for mankind and my one fan.

Pump pump... Squirt.

5231 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 30340

Double Dragon Oakhurst Chinese

Is there a coincidence that the hit video game was created by Taito and this Chino resto was created by Taiyo? Well, we don't know if the grub here will become a smash hit but the old Makan crew quietly opened up a new Chinese joint in Oakhurst... What? Come again... Yeah, I said, Oakhurst because it has such a large Asian population. Well, you kinda gotta give it to them that they had the balls to even attempt this, it's the only Chinese joint in an area which has been pretty much quiet and localized for the last decade or two. But this area is getting more visibility on the food scene with the recent opening of Scout and the media is hyping it up to become the next hip area in this one horse town.
Their focus here is on "The best of American Chinese & Authentic Chinese." Ahh, now, it all makes sense, it ain't for the ex-pats, it's for the roundeyes. Dude, slutty ass Chino paired with authentic ass Chino grub under one roof in the middle of nowhere Oakhurst where the hipster urban farmers roost? Fuck yeah... But I don't fucking believe they will have authentic dishes until I eat it. There's been a lot of talk around the food industry about cuisine and culture appropriation... Luckily, slutty gwailo Chino grub has not been exposed to public shaming yet... Until, now with da pouch. The gimmick here along with the video game name is that they serve slutty American Chinese grub that they grew up eating and fell in love with... Duh, who didn't at some point in their measly lives? After a heavy alcohol fueled night, the only prescription that can cure your fever is more cowbells... Wait, wrong review... Only slutty Chino can cure your hangover and herpes.
Let's take a first look and sample a few morsels shall we...

Smashed Cucumber Pickles. Who smashed these pickles? Maybe the Hulk had the day off or something. The whole thing about Chinese smashed cucumbers is that they absorb the spicy vinegary sauce because they are, well, smashed... Not smashed to a mushy mass but enough that it's broken down enough to act like a sponge. They should be more of a bite size dice instead of these logs. The vinegar sauce was just ok, it was too watery and lacked the intensity of a good sesame oil, toasted sesame seeds and it was missing the garlicky kick and a little heat from Sichuan peppercorns. The addition of a few simple ingredients would have taken this to the next level... Like being flavorful and edible. It was pretty much a watered down version.

Sliced Chinese Pork, garlic soy sauce. They were out of the beef tongue so I got this instead... I'm still wondering how they sold out of the tongue so quickly in this part of town, it's quite baffling. The sliced pork rounds were kinda boring and that garlic soy sauce seemed like they were splashed on there with a spoon and not enough of it. The micro greens garnish was only there for the illusion of height and volume. It's nothing special, overall... Tasted more like boiled meat slices left out to dry on top of a microwave.

Long Beans, black bean sauce. A decent amount of long beans but the black bean sauce was pretty weak. It should be more of a sauce than just a thin coating. It didn't give it that fermented goodness you find in so many other Chino dishes that involve the liberal use of black beans. It's was borderline but acceptable.

Spicy Sichuan Sweetbreads, Rick & Morty Mulan Spicy Sichuan Sauce. I hope this doesn't stay on the menu for 9 more seasons Morty! For $16, this was a tiny morsel of sweetbreads and it tasted like Windex on the finish. Could it be that they found the last remaining cases of that Mulan Sichuan sauce from a closed down McDonalds from the 90's? They shoulda served these sweetbread nuggets in a take out box with the Spicy Sichuan dipping sauce on the side to complete the gimmick. But your best bet is to just skip right over this for something else... I shoulda went with my first instinct and got the spicy Sichuan white fish, instead. But who knows, it coulda been tilapia poached in sriracha ketchup with a spritz of Simple Green.

Five Spice Chicken Nuggets. All this talk about dipping sauce and none is to be found anywhere near these nuggets. I guess I'll have to go out and find more of that Mulan Sichuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty... I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce... I want that Mulan McNugget sauce, Morty! ...9 more seasons until I get that Sichuan dipping sauce, Morty! Well, we saw how well that Mulan sauce worked out on that offal dish above, let's not go for two here. But look at that lame ass presentation... There's a few shreds of lettuce under there but why even bother? I rather you roll up a piece of Chinese newspaper into a cone and toss those nuggets in there. You can't miss the five spice seasoning but the salt was even more heavy handed than the five spice mix. I don't know if they wanted me drink more beer or trying to cure me from the inside out. These nuggets were so plain and boring that I wouldn't even put them on the kiddie menu. There was basically no thought process involved with this during the menu development... Just stick with the Chino hole in the walls, they have excellent greasy as fuck fried chicken nuggets... And they give you nuclear orange HFCS sauce with it, too.

Moo Shu Pork. Why did I even bother with this classic specimen... I can't tell if this was chop suey or moo shuey. It was basically all cheap filler and the brown sauce was so liquidity that it turned the dried out wrapper into a soggy mess breaking apart with every bite. It was salty and it was worse than any slutty version I have ever had. Shit, just get some old tortilla wrappers you have in the bottom draw of your fridge and microwave any leftovers you still have from days ago and slather some hoisin sauce on it and stuff it with said leftovers... Voila, now you got a proper moo shuey. Jesus, I should have just got the damn General Tso's cheekan and Mongolian beef... At least I know what to expect. The next table over loved their moo shuey prok... They ate that shit up like they just came back from an episode of Naked and Afraid... Gwailo survivalists, go figure.

Wrappers. It looked ok when it came out... Until you picked it up and notice all the dusting on it and how dried out it was. The real wrappers are steamed and pliable and strong enough to hold all the goodies inside without tearing apart like moist toilet paper after splashing water all over your ass cheeks.

I can't even say this was the American Chinese grub I grew up eating in NYC... It's definitely not authentic Chino grub by any means. It's almost as comical as the video game. It's like how many levels of awful dishes you must endure before you reach the final stage where Machine Gun Willy will serve you a decent meal... Maybe by then you might just want Willy to pump you full of lead, instead. They got balls to open up a gimmicky American Chinese slop house concept but this wasn't even good in a minimal slutty kinda way. Everything was executed half-assed and it wasn't even close to the Chino hole in the walls... What's worse is that you're gonna pay triple for half of the amount than you would at those dumps. Once the gimmick and novelty wears off... So will the sign above the door to this joint. But you never know with these gwailos... They will eat anything the local rags tell them to and pretend it's the place to be. Wait.. Too late, the roundeyes are swooning all over this joint as we speak. Good, that will keep them away from my new secret Chino hand pulled noodle spot.

350 Mead Rd, Decatur, GA 30030
https://www.doubledragonoakhurst.com/

Ameer's Mediterranean Grill

The fucking Halal Guys are still pissing me off every time I drive by it... They shafted the entire city of Atlanta with their deliberate dumbing down of a NYC classic street grub... They may have tricked the non ex-pats with their low rent mass volume slop but the pouch ain't falling for that banana in the tailpipe ruse. I had such high hopes for a piece of NYC icon to shine in this mossback state... But noooo, they went full retard and all commercial and now it's all about the Benjamins. So, fucking mad still... And, now, I have to resort to going back to the local Medi eateries. Not that they are bad, it's just a been there done that kinda deal... I go to Waikikie from time to time for a SPAM musubi when I'm too lazy to make them at home and noticed that I haven't been to Ameer's in many many moons... I remembered it was pretty decent on my last visit and now, I need to make a revisit and see how they're doing these days... It's basically the same set up, nothing has changed and that awful wrap around painting of the beach and the village scene in the middle of the desert is still as gaudy as fuck like before... I love it. Makes me want to eat a shawarma on the backside of a sand dune... Riding on a camel.
Ok, let's just dip our cameltoes right into this joint and order a bunch of shit and see where they stand these days... All I can taste right now is that nasty after taste from The Halal Guys even weeks if not months later. Bringing up bad memories again... Can this place erase the smut from my taste buds of old with some tasty grubs of new... Let's go find out.

Fatayer, spinach pie with herbs, spices, and lemon. Ok, does this looks like it belongs in one of those new camel toe underpants every women is raving about... I kinda want one, too. If you attach a toilet paper roll on the back of it, it could be a home made fleshlight... Did I say that out loud? Nevermind. So, I split that labia majora V pie in half to inspect and smell the goods inside before I put my tongue on it... I mean you gotta practice safe cunilingus with all the bad health scores out there these days. This was pretty tasty, I would actually eat this out on a nightly basis... Nice crust and the filling was flavorful even though it's vagintarian.

Fried Eggplant Salad, garlic, spices, and herbs. Where's the tortilla chips, ese? There was so much middle eastern pico de gallo on top, that it overshadowed the eggplant underneath it... But once you push all that salsa aside the eggplant was pretty good. I liked it, it was a nice little herby salad but I wouldn't order this again as a whole item, it should really be on the side in a combo or entree.

Kebi, cracked wheat and lean meat stuffed with lamb and pine nuts deep fried. Look at these gorgeous mountain oysters from Mount Parnassus. Jesus, if I had a set of these babies in my cameltoe underpants, who knows what I could accomplish in the world... But all I got are a couple of tic tacs, no wonder I have no life or gender identity and cry myself to sleep every night. But these golden fried balls of mince meat were crunchy on the outside and delicate and flavorful on the inside.

Combo #2, chicken kabob, beef & lamb shawarma, falafel, hummus, tomato pickle parsley salad, Arabic rice. They have a few combo plates that gives you a decent amount of feed for a decent amount of loot. I got the one that had a nice variety of shit on it. I tell you what, all the proteins were executed pretty spot on and flavorful. This is prolly your best bet if you want a nice portion of food.. But of course, the pouch eats like it's having quintuplets, so I usually order enough food to feed the entire Brady bunch plus da pouch. 

Pita. The combo also gives you a giant pita, too, to make your own sando... The quality of the pita is pretty decent.

Kufta Kabob, Humus, garlic spread, tomatoes, onions, and tahini. It ain't gonna win any beauty contests but beauty is only a light switch away... Trust me, the pouch has eaten some nasty ass shit in the dark and liked it...  I mean look at this creasture, it either looks like a turd sando or a monkfish with head injuries. But the kufta was full of spices, moist and firm with a nice bite to it. Why do people hate the word moist? I get moist just thinking about Popeyes. This also came with some regular old brown bag steak fries... For a quick lunch, this steak tube pita sando will do.

"Baklawa", pecans, walnuts, and spices. You would think with all the tasty shit that was had earlier that a baklava would not be some kinda difficult thing for them to make right but this was just ok... It was too moist.. Oh, shit, that word keeps popping up at the end of this ridiculous post. I kinda prefer the filo to be crisp and flaky and the filler to be smooth and moist.... I think they watered down the honey binder because it was just too wet overall... Or maybe it has been sitting around for quite some time and it just naturally broke down with age... Jesus, I sound like I'm talking about myself. No wonder I cry myself to sleep so often.

This joint still has what it takes to stick around for awhile... As long as they keep up the quality and consistency. Is it craveworthy enough to be one of the best intown? Prolly the fuck not but for a local Medi joint, it's pretty solid and doable in a slutty kinda way... I would do this putana again. Shit, I ain't picky... You can't be when you're as rotund as the pouch.

2168 Briarcliff Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30329
http://www.ameersmediterranean.com/

Chinatown Food Court

Yes, everyone all knows Krog Street Market and Ponce City Market as the real food halls in Atlanta but fuck that noise, the people in the know will always consider the Chinatown Food Court as the OG of food halls in Atlanta. When I say OG, I meant it in the literal sense... This food court is like a prison yard where all the gangs stay in their area. You got the Orphans and Boppers on the Top One Gourmet and Yanmi Yanmi side, the Furies and Rogues in the middle with China Kitchen and Chong Qing, and then the Warriors and Riffs on the other end with Hong Kong BBQ... It's like a turf war up in this piece... Can you dig it? ...Why am I wasting my time on this blog again? This is the stupidest blog ever.
Ok, this food court is not a hotbed of rival gang activity but it's obvious where the good shit is located by how close certain groups of people are huddle up next to. The Chinos love HK BBQ and Chong Qing while the Chicos love Top One Gourmet and Yanmi Yanmi and the roundeyes are just sprinkled throughout the place because they are dazed and confused... It's funny to see the blatant segregation by choice but it's a harmonious environment in here... Rodney King would be so proud to see everyone getting along and he would absolutely love the cheekan wangs and flied lice combo at Top One Gourmet... Get some fried intestines on the side, too, bro.
I was running around getting shit done in the area and I needed to eat something on the quick and cheap... So, I stopped in for a quick bite because it's always dependable, tasty and affordable. But of course, the pouch just can't eat like a normal person with one stomach, it has to eat like a cow with four stomachs... Look away when the pouch eats... It's udderly disgusting and make sure your children keeps their hands and feets as far away as possible. I just got a bunch of different shit from each stall. It's time to feed...

Xiao Long Baos.

Scallion Pancakes.

Beef Chowfun, wet style.

Fried Fish with egg and green peas gravy rice plate.

Dan Dan Noodles.

Mixed up but not very spicy.

Pork with String Beans.

BBQ Pork.

House Lo Mein.

Still one of the best options to grab some incredibly tasty grub on the cheap. I didn't do any spicy fish in hot oil on this visit because I had more shit to do afterwards and crapping my underpants was not on the agenda. But I'll be back when I have more time to digest and process the tasty Sichuan grub up in this piece... And I'll never use the bathroom in here because the sink faucets don't match. Go around the block to Southbound, their bathroom is much nicer to mess up... But grab a whiskey cocktail first so you can say you're a customer. Splash.

5383 New Peachtree Rd
Atlanta, GA 30341
http://www.atlantachinatown.com/eat-chinatown/eat-chinatown.html

Food Terminal Revisit

This massive "Malaysian" street food court has been fucking killing it since day one with zero PR or adverts... Word of mouth is stronger than any paid PR garbage with their email blasts and this is ethnic food, too... On Buford Hwy. There were a ton of gwailos up in this piece and they don't even serve tacos here... El Rey is up the street, brodudes. How can this be? It was a goddamn zombie herd in this joint for the first couple weeks... You couldn't even get in the door without waiting in line outside in the dense pollen. But they do try to get the brain sucking tourists in and out as efficiently as possible with their army of staff and cooks. They got like 35% of Atlanta's Asian population working here... It's ok, tho, we breed like rabbits. The shit comes out quick and relatively fresh and made to order. It's obviously not the best ethnic street grub you will ever have but for this town, it will totally do. I was not super impressed with some of their dishes in the beginning... People went more to see what the fuss was about. This joint is a FOB's dream come true... It's obvious that Sweet Hut's fingerprints are all over this place but it's a bit more classy and mature. The menu, shit... Who can not comment on that ginormous menu. It's like reading the 10 commandments etched on the stone tablets. I don't get the whole giant laminated picture filled menus, it's like they ate at Royal China one night and said, "Hey, this is a great idea! Let's do it, too." I guess I'm ok with the giant cartoony menus because the FOBs dig it, but the product is what I'm here for... The first few visits were good not great, nothing craveworthy enough that made me want to come back over and over again. So, once the initial hype and crowd has been through the joint a couple of times, it was time for the pouch to go back and see if they have improved their work flow... Let's go check out the lunch time service. I need a little something to tie me over before my real lunch...

Shiitaki Ground Pork Cheong Fun. This was good the first time except that the rice noodles were over steamed and gummy... This time around it was pretty much spot on. It had good texture and a nice bounce to it. The shiitaki and minced pork bits and the sweet and savory soy sauce basically makes this dish. Definitely get this and the XO one is good, too.

Five Spice Shrimp Rolls. Ok, when I saw this on my first few visits, I was like Jesus fucking Christ, c'mon, how fucking roundeye is this... But I had to try it at least once in my measly life... And it was pretty decent. It was crispy, crunchy and the minced shrimp paste filler had a nice bite to it. I finally had this dish and I'm prolly not gonna get it again.. No that it was bad, it was just kinda average and boring.

Salted Goji Herbed Chicken. Similar to the Hainanese Chicken Rice but with the distinctive Goji berry flavor. I liked this better than the Hainanese cheekan. This also came with the chicken rice but they forgot the sauces.

Crispy Pig Ears. I get these every time I'm here... Yeah, they're that good. Git yo some.

Grandma Wonton BBQ Pork. I had to get this again to see why everyone loves this so much... The fried wontons are still as gwailo as fuck, I mean it's like something you give to kids to shut them the fuck up at the table. But everything in this crap in a bowl was pretty damn decent and the bbq pork was a lot better this time around, the thin noodles are great. This is not a real dish, it's something they made up, they call it a family recipe... Ok, whatever to honor your paw-paw.

6 Hour Braised Beef, thin noodles, beef broth, pickled mustard greens, spring onions, cilantro. The broth could be a little more richer and complex but it's totally acceptable when there's a heaping pile of tender as fuck meat flesh in there. They didn't skimp on this bowl... And it's also loaded with their kick ass thin noodles underneath all that meat flaps. It's totally satisfying and great for nursing a massive whiskey hangover.

Black Pepper Rolling Hot Plate, ground beef, zucchini, bell pepper, mushroom, egg, fried shallots, spring onions, tomato braised rice. Looked like my 8th grade science project... Where do I add the vinegar and baking soda in this rice volcano? It also looked like a giant titty to me... Yes, I'm a sicko... And fat. On some demented level, this specimen kinda reminded me of this skank with a botched boob job that worked at a bowling ally I dated many moons ago... I wanted to finger it and throw it into a gutter. I just need to get my head outta the gutter and just use the spoon to mix it all up... Let's go ahead and do that, now... Move along move along...

First off, can I tell y'all that I friggin love that giant heated stone bowl, too bad it won't fit in my jacket... Perhaps I can hide it under my pannus flap. No one will question me let alone be the one to pat down the pouch. After mixing it all up it transforms itself into a ridiculous tasty fried rice concoction... Why I didn't order this before was just plain stupid on my part. I'm not a smart man but I know what love is and I loved this dish. The portion is huge and the price is low. Easily, one of their best dishes.

After a few visits, the pouch can safely say this street food joint is a solid choice for a quick bite or a feast with friends. It's fun food, so don't expect anything on this menu to blow your mind and pouch. The prices are affordable but they add up real fast because the giant menu is designed to trick you into ordering more and more dishes... Which the pouch will instinctively do with any menu anyways. In my younger days, I used to look at a menu and say "OK" to the waiter. Shit, I came here for a quick bite and ended up over ordering... Again. No wonder I'm such a fucking fat slob. They are getting their beer/wine/sake license pretty soon, so, those fuckers will be seeing a lot more of the pouch when they do. Here just take my money and shut the fuck up and feed me. Pweez.

Squirt.

5000 Buford Hwy NE
Chamblee, GA 30341
https://www.foodterminal.com

Shoya

This has been one of the best and most reliable joints in town since forever... It's barely ITP but I come here more often than their smaller sister location, Ginya, on Northside Drive. I haven't been back to Shoya in many moons... But it's not like they're waiting for the pouch to show up so they can make their weekly numbers. They fucking slay it on a nightly basis no matter what day it is. The pouch's share is just the icing on the taiyaki fish cake for them... Because these motherfuckers have been raking in the Benjamins since they opened and they deserve it... Let's sneak in quietly for an update on how they're doing these days...

Hizzy Wisky. Jesus Christ, look at that pour, it's at least 8 ounces for $6. Me rikey.

Ankimo. Still some of the best monkfish liver, velvety and smooth.

Udon & Tempura. Moist and crispy. Slurp and swallow.

Beef Belly & Tendon. It was mostly all ultra tender belly and no tendon but still good.

Fried Baby Octopus. One of the newer items and they were fucking dericious.

Kibinago Karaage. Like goddamn fries, you just keep eating them on repeat.

Whole Squid. Still one of the classic favorites for the pouch.

Miso Cod. You can't not order this up in this piece, always executed spot on.

Ribeye Steak. I have never ordered this but it came with tater cubes and it was perfect mid rare.

Sausage. These little pudgy snausages are so damn finger licking good that sometimes I can't tell if I'm eating my own fingers or not.

Chicken Karaage. Naturally, these fwied cheekan nuggets will always be on my table.

Soft Shell Crab. Sometimes I want to stuff these in my pants and ask people if they want some tasty crabs.

Beef Tongue. Tender and thinly shaved... Just like the memories of the cheerleaders in high school.. Whom I admired from afar with my new telescope.

Sashimi Deluxe. Always a must have on every visit. It's just a gorgeous spread with a variety of raw fish... Kinda reminds me of the Cheetah.

Fried Shrimp Heads. The best part of these sea roaches.

Jesus Christ, did I fucking order enough dishes or what? I am such a fat fuck and there's no hiding it... But the pouch can hide many things underneath it's pannus flap. Shit, I found a bag of lunch size Fritos in there once... That was kinda embarrassing, you shoulda seen the hooker's face when I pulled my underpants down and a bag of chips falls out. The original izakaya of Atlanta is still killing it after all these years and there's no evidence that they'll be fucking around any time soon... They just slay every motherfucker that comes in nightly, taking names and running them down with dericious grub. Some of the hardest working bastards in this town... And the end product proves it nightly. This has always been on my radar and always will be... Until I say otherwise. But for now, every mook already knows about this joint and how sick the menu is... I don't need to circle jerk them anymore... They are just pumping and squirting on full auto.

6035 Peachtree Rd A101
Doraville, GA 30340
http://www.shoyaatlanta.com/