Hopstix

From the bowels of interior Chambodia, comes a new fusion of Japanese cuisine and American brewery... Ok, maybe not real Japanese cuisine but there's real American made brews here, though. This Asian brewpub is the first of it's kind in this area which is kinda amazing to say the least and it has been gangbusters since their grand opening day which I'm sure Union Hill Kitchen is not thrilled about it at all, not that anyone goes there anyways. Let's get back on topic here... Perhaps we should classify this as a CauxAsian brewpub, instead... Where did all these gaijins come from?  Maybe they're the out of work paid protestors leftover from the election getting paid with chews and brews to fill up the seats... Because there's no way in fucking hell this crowd was from this area. I don't know, maybe they redrew the borderlines for "Brookhaven" and we all know the milpies (millennial yuppies) can't resist a brewery, especially, one with fusion grub if it's in their "hood"... Why do whities love hanging around breweries so much, do they have nothing else to do all day? Enquiring minds want to know! But anyways, you know what they say, if you brew it, they will come. I don't even know where to begin with this joint, I have compiled so much beat off material to work with in only a few visits that I might as well just poke it and stroke it with this imaginary pen... Squirt.
The space looks small from the outside but the inside is quite spacious, you got a large bar which was smart (but not enough bartenders), a large dining room, a sushi chef's bar/table and then the garage aka the children's table. As usual, I prefer to sit at the bar than at a table and especially, the kiddie communal table around back. During the weeks it's bearable and not slammed, but when it comes quittin' time on a Friday and the weekends, they're absolutely butt slammed... Don't expect for a courtesy reach around but do expect to wait a long time for a table or a bar stool... You may get lucky getting herded to the kiddie table in the garage but the service pretty much sucks ass back there when they're in the weeds because it seems like they're actually smoking weed in the back and they totally forget about you. But those are just miscellaneous details... Let's get to the important details. Like the grub and booze... Fuck yeah!

Not a huge selection of party liquors... But I'm gonna get drunk or die trying.

Porter, Stout and Double Rye... Otherwise known as the three stooges... Y'all know, Larry and his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl.

Sushi Corndog, beer battered spicy tuna roll, spicy mayo. A total gaijin gimmick if I ever saw one. I didn't want to do it but I eventually caved in to the pouch's curiosity on this monstrosity. This ridiculous gimmick was tailor-made for the round eyes and they were flying out of the fryer faster than Hamburger Helper off the shelves on aisle 4 at Piggly Wiggly. Jesus, is that donkey sauce squirts on there? Now, this failure is complete. Look at this thing... Even the fat slobs at a county fair wouldn't even eat this and they will eat anything that is fried in batter. I'm still laughing at it. But I have to try it for my one reader... Crunch, squoosh, squish, crunch... Yeah, it's as awful as it looks. But I can understand their thought process here but I still can't figure out the wilted greens on the side... C'mon, bro, this was just plain silly... And a $10 price tag to boot, ain't cheap... But gimmicky grub usually ain't. If you must, try it once, get over it and then spend the money on something else...

Three Way Oysters, oysters of the day, monkfish liver, uni, wasabi tobiko. It sounded great on paper but I knew this was gonna be a total rip off at $15 for 3 oysters with tiny sprinkles of the 3 toppings... And since, I'm a stupid fat fuck... I ordered it anyways, naturally. I can't let my readership of one down. The presentation is quite lovely but as I expected, the ankimo, uni and tobiko were like dirt specks. Look at the tobiko, there's like 2 1/2 tiny fish roe on there and that's like the cheapest shit you can buy at any Asian/farmers market. The bland brineless oysters were nicely cleaned, shucked and looked decently plump as if they were all from the gulf coast. You barely taste the star attractions here, they were like a single kibble nugget that just kinda went with the flow with the oyster down your gullet. Nice presentation but the supposedly Beausoleil, James River and gulf coast of the night were all drained of their brine and rinsed under sink water which made them taste like nothing.

Toro, fattiest tuna belly, serrano, caviar, truffle soy. Can they redeem themselves from the gimmicky dishes with some straight to the point nigiri? Fuck yeah, bro... Look at this shit. Looked pretty damn swanky to me... Nice and simple, just let the natural flavor of the product do it's deed. And it tasted great... Melted in your piehole like buttah. Nice work, keep going.

Foie Gras, sweet tamari, radish. Simple and gorgeous presentation. Yes, it's gimmicky... But the pouch can't pass up a foie gras nigiri... Nice sear, soft as silk and savory as fuck. And this pricey gimmick was totally worth it.

Tuna Tartare, asian pear, avocado, pine nuts, quail egg. Jesus, they're on a roll, now... I kinda like the square presentation vs. the usual round. The tartare was mixed and seasoned nicely... The quail yolk was under the nori threads, just mix all that shit up and add some avocado to it and you're in for a nice treat. I liked the wakame seaweed on side vs. the nasty wilted mixed greens that appear on so many of their dishes. It's a good dish that you should put in your pouch.

Miso Ramen, cloudy broth, robatayaki pork belly, poached egg, scallions, seaweed, ramen noodles. You motherfuckers knew I had to do this... First things first, notice anything missing? One of the most important breakfast items... The incredible edible egg. Asked them for it and pushed the bowl aside until it arrived which shouldn't be a long ordeal... Boy, am I the fuck wrong, again. Everyone knows that you never wait to eat a bowl of ramen, you gotta eat it hot while the ramen noodles are still toothy... So, I started to eat it without the egg. The miso broth was just ok, it was too light in color and flavor. The raw red onions doesn't work with ramen for me, it's like a lazy topping to give it color and crunch. The pork belly was pretty good but way too thin, when you lay it flat on top it tricks you visually like it's more than it is, until you eat it and you're like wha da fuk, yo... It's like half a fruit rollup. After eating like 1/4 of it, the egg finally came out...

There she is, Miss Poached Egg... And it was spot on runny. Too bad the bowl was too tepid now to even matter. Look at the noodles' girth, it has absorbed enough liquid that it lost all bite to them. Overall, it's not a great bowl of ramen but they need to have it on the menu to go with the theme of the joint. If you need a quick fix for lunch or a snack before dinner, this will do... But don't say I didn't warn ya.

I had to finish off the night with a Hopstix House Cocktail.. I was curious about the fish sauce and I gotta say it was prolly the best part of this cocktail.. The fish sauce finish on the palate did it for me. What didn't do it for me was watching the staff work the room... It was like watching people riding scooters in traffic in India, just a total fucking gosht goat rodeo. Why is there a server wearing goddamn high heels? This ain't a fucking fashion show... Literally, she was wearing at least 6" stilettos like she was trying out for the Cheetah but she was more like Follies material. By the end of the night she was wearing fuckin fobbie flippie floppies like she's at Kinko's straight flippin copies.  Overall, this visit was more than interesting enough for me to come back and see what else these mofos can do... I gotta admit, I kinda dig this place, more than I really should. But guess what my loyal one reader? You don't have to wait for the follow up visits on the next post... You want it now, don't ya? You want some meatloaf? MA! The meatloaf, they want it now!

Since, the first look gave me a promising impression that made me curious for more, I went back on another night... It was just as butt slammed and fudge packed as the previous week, I mean a total shit show, all pun intended. Which was a good sign for the joint but might not be so good for the kitchen... The main dining room was a fucking circus, so they put us in the garage space with the communal table, like I said before the fucking kiddie table... Because the entire table was full of goddamn kids acting as if they were at home and the parents didn't give a fuck about those little mooks making it a living hell for other people that were at the same table and if that wasn't bad enough already, we were sat in the middle of the fucking table... I was almost tempted to sit on the floor instead. But I knew it was gonna be even more of a shit show when I found out who the server was... The same server that was wearing the fucking 6" high heels while working the tables the previous week. This was gonna be a very amusing night... If we can even get service at all since the entire staff were totally in the weeds, up shit creek without a paddle, again.... I can't fucking wait, let the hunger games begin...

Oysters on the half. Look, they ain't got the best oyster program in town, not even on this street corner... But I thought I would give this another shot. Ordered a dozen mixed, they still had the same selection of gulf, Beausoleil and James River, so that's four each... It looks like someone miscounted or punched in the wrong amount on the POS (I know what POS y'all are thinking but it's the touchscreen machine thingy). Maybe they're coming over with another platter later... I like how they plop this down and walk away without even telling you which oyster is which. It's like a chef's tasting test, guess which oyster it is... Who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares, just send it down my piehole... Yet again, these were totally devoid of all taste, brine and chew. These were all pre-shucked hours ago, perhaps days in advance. Thank god, they only brought half of them. When I tried to cancel the rest, they all mysteriously appeared like some STD that you didn't expect to get, but somehow you knew you would from that tingling sensation, kinda like the spidey sense... But needless to say they sucked as much as the first sampling. I also ordered the fried oysters but they never showed, which was a total blessing in disguise. At $3 a pop, don't even waste your time on these low grade oysters, just skip them all together... They ain't no Kimball House.  

Kurobuta Sausage. You can't fuck these up, right? Hell no, not when they are store bought and cooked over the "binchotan" grill. Ok, it's robatayaki style but it's the same difference to the gaijins. The sausage was good, had a nice snap to them but it could be juicier.

Kabocha Tempura, crispy squash tempura, grated ginger and radish, tempura sauce. These were pretty decent, good tempura batter, light and crispy but the squash was a bit raw on the inside. Perhaps poach them off in a flavored broth then cool, battered and fried to finish. Still pretty good for what it was.

Hopstix Fried Chicken, beer battered fried chicken, buttermilk, house spices, sweet chili peanut sauce. I can't believe I didn't get these on my initial visit... That's because you never underestimate the pouch's instincts... These cheekan nuggets were amateurishly executed. The crust was too light and kept falling off the meat when you pick them up, either the beer batter was too thin or they didn't dust it in flour first. But either way, they were pretty forgettable... Contrary to popular belief in my imaginary world, the pouch doesn't like all fwied cheekan. Maybe because these were nuggets instead of bone in... Who doesn't like a bone in their chick... Skip these if you have a palate or get 6 orders of them to shut these damn screaming kids up... They will prolly use them as ammo against each other at the kiddie table and knock me in the head with one... Little mothercluckers.

Super Bowl (Fan Favorite), sashimi cubes, pork belly, unagi, scallion, masago, spring mix, ginger, sesame seeds, sushi rice, zuke sauce. I don't know how it's a fan favorite when this is brand new and untested but let's do the litmus test.... This super bowl has been reworked a few times and this is their most recent presentation... Doesn't look half bad, huh... Breaking the quail egg out of the shell and mixing all this crap in a bowl up is work enough, let alone de-sticking the pork belly skewer that is locked on there like a joey inside his mama's marsupial pouch. That shit ain't coming off with ease... But once you do get them off and mix it all up.. It becomes a total mess to eat, layers and layers of flavor just gets melted together and every bite taste the same. The quality was acceptable. This dressed up poke bowl was a bit over priced at $16 because half the bowl is ruffage... Shit, come to think of it, I coulda found cheaper Super Bowl LI tickets, instead.

King Crab Fried Rice, short grain rice, scallion, green peas, king crab meats, sesame oil, fish sauce. I kinda wished they misspelled this on purpose like at Chino joints with King Crap just for the hell of it... I lurv me some flied lice, who doesn't? It's the ultimate hangover grub... It's the slutty Chino grub equivalent of a greasy spoon or Waffle House. But if you dress it up with king crab meat on top for $16 does that make it classy? I don't have any class but I do have plenty of crass... And I'll tell ya that this looked good until I saw that damn side salad on the plate... C'mon, everyone knows slopes don't eat salads with fried rice, this ain't LongHorn where you get a salad with your steak. This pricey fwied wice would be worth it if the crab meat was mixed in and had egg in it as well... And maybe some green peas as promised. It's not a bad fried rice but this was such a simple comfort food dish that it coulda been a lot more flavorful. It seemed like they either used not enough sesame oil and fish sauce or none at all since they were rushing dishes out as fast as possible.

Hopsteak, 16 oz bone in ribeye, shiitake mushroom wasabi butter, fingerling potato, spring mix. The price tag is $55... It's right up there with the top steakhouses in this town for this weight and cut, but what about the quality? When you're asking customers to shell out $55 for a ribeye, you usually brag about the cut, breed, from who and where it was raised and aged. There was none of that to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling about getting a primo piece of manmeat. For the amount paid, this is what  you get... Looked like the aftermath of a frenzied feeding by strays dogs on the streets of Rio's favela... Or a Mexican hairless through a wood chipper. Why the fuck was this all chopped up like low grade dog food? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it. It was absolutely baffling... You can't tell the difference if this was a top shelf $55 piece of steak or a low rent ghetto ass $5 piece of stew meat. The meat was unseasoned, gristly, cut in all directions of the grain, painfully chewy and just visually unappetizing... I've seen younger looking pinkish meat flaps at the Clermont Lounge. The fingerling taters were fine and that fucking side salad made another appearance but on this dish it may be justified if that protein was indeed a ribeye. The pink salt on the corner was soak in meat juice which render it totally useless like wet sand. This was an absolute travesty and molestation of a ribeye steak that I have ever had the pleasure of paying $55 for. My friends took home the bone for their dog and left the few pieces of inedible meat on the plate... The most expensive dog bone ever in history. I would advise anyone with any level of self respect to avoid this with extreme prejudice... Unless you're into that S&M shit, awww, I miss the Chamber. Fifty five bucks down the drain... Fuck me, I coulda blew that money on a few pieces of foie gras and toro nigiri... And still have enough leftover for a piece of cheap ass around the corner.

Yum Yum Sauce. A friend asked for steak sauce but this came out... It was chopped mushroom in oil. Where am I? Someone open a window, I can't breathe... I wonder what would come out if I asked for ketchup... Perhaps a California roll.

I can't totally blame the new kitchen for poorly executed dishes since this place has been opened for only a couple of weeks or so, it has been a total madhouse since they opened. And everybody and their kids and mothers have been jamming up this joint. I actually feel bad for the kitchen staff, they are doing their best to just get dishes out to the tables... But will it really do them any justice with half ass executions... Of course not for the long run but you also can't have tables waiting hours to get their food done properly, either. They need a lot more people in the kitchen if it continues to go this way for them, which is great for business... But how many of those people who had really bad dishes will show up again for the food? Once the hype dies down and the kitchen finds their groove, they will be more successful in executing their menu... But for now the menu is just way too large for them to handle consistently. I would stick with the "sushi" side of the menu which is also priced inline with the best sushi spots intown, maybe some of the robatayaki items and definitely stay away from the oysters and that shameful and revolting ribeye. I can't gauge their sushi program and quality just yet with the few samples I had but for the lofty prices they are charging, they better be sourcing top grade shit. The service is hit or miss depending on the crowds but it needs work overall, it seems like they haven't worked out an efficient system of running the front of the house or the back of the house, just yet. But on the booze/brewery side, I'm totally on board with them on that... I like drinking here, I like that they have half pints so you can sample their thoughtfully stocked beer list of local brews, I like the decent whiskey and other party liquors list but they need to work on the Japanese whisky, I like the sake list, and the wine list is just so-so.
Even with all the food misses, I am still rooting for this underdog... I like their concept, I like the rural fobby location and I just like the dudebros and bras working here. In time, they will get their shit together and pump out some consistent tasty vittles... If they pump it twice in a row for da pouch... It might even make him squirt.

3404 Pierce Dr.
Chamblee, GA 30341
678-888-2306 
https://www.hopstixbrewing.com/