Golden Corral

Like a slimy politician fishing for votes... You have to put yourself in your constituents' shoes or stomach and mingle with the plebeians sometimes. I'm not running for office or anything, I'm usually running away from them most of time. But I do indulge in some low rent grubby sometimes just to keep me grounded. Fuck, who am I kidding, I'll eat anything, anywhere, anytime. The pouch don't discriminate. I ate a Hot Pocket the other day at 7-Eleven, I even used that dirty microwave and I liked it... Well, only with my eyes closed and dreaming about Gal Gadot and how skinny she is. I'm friends with her on Facebook, just sayin'.
Ok, I don't really eat at obesity chain dumps, maybe once every couple of decades... It's usually filled to the brim with slobs with the palate of cardboard. I don't know how these people do it on a weekly basis. These places are here for one thing and one thing only... To support the toilet paper industry. Flush. The fucking Coneheads would love this place... Mass consumption. This location is pretty much brand spanking new with a fancy LED sign out front with pretty moving pictures to lure in the sheeple. I resisted for a few months but I finally broke down and went in to see what the fuss was all about since this is like the only one ITP... Curiosity will most likely kill the pouch. Pray for me, Fraudie Buddha.

The entry gates to gluttonous hell... Sheeple marching in line. This place is a trip... Or one must be tripping to come here. It really is a corral, fattening up the cows for slaughter. There were so many fatties in here I couldn't tell which were the fat rolls and the yeast rolls. The tongs are there for a reason, poke at it first and if it jiggles and giggles, put it down fast and walk the other way. Never provoke an obeast while it's feeding. Most of the food is super fattening and buttery, sadly, the calorie count can only be found on the website. But who's really counting up in this piece... Except for the pieces of chicken eaten.

It's an AYCE fwied cheekan freak's wet dream... I did tinkle a little in my underpants when I saw the massive pile of chicken right out front. It's not the best fried chicken but wasn't bad for what it was. The skin was crispy but not very flavorful, the smaller pieces seem to be over-fried since they throw everything in the same fry basket. They also had fried chicken livers, like with the fried chicken half were a bit dry and other half pretty decent. Just douse it in hot sauce and you're good to go. If one were to come here, go on the steak nights (which is on the weekends I assume because of the crowds). The meat quality is just ok but what makes me laugh is watching the people ordering their meat temp... 99% orders them well done! WTF. I asked for a mid-rare and i got medium+, chewy. Then I got smart and asked for rare next time and got mid rare minus, hey, I'll take it. One time this bro next to me had no clue what asking for a temp was and he ordered what I ordered (mid rare) and when he saw the grill cook cut it open to show me the temp, the bro freaked out and said that's disgusting, who would eat meat red in the middle. This guy must ask for well temp at a sushi joint. I like NE clam chowda, but this wasn't that good and salty as shit but somehow I went back for another cup. I ate it, musta been the crack in there. There's a bunch of other stuff like pizza, pastas and salads, blah blah blah, you know your usual cafeteria slop but I stuck with the cheekan and steak mostly and some veggies/rice. They also had a chocolate/caramel fountain with strawberries on a stick... Just imagine how filthy that station was. So, I went for some orange sorbert and it was half icy and half syrup, and all nasty. Then I spotted the soft serve machine...

Push clinch plop... It's like taking my dog for a walk. My muscle memory was triggered when I saw this and my hand was reaching for a poop bag in my back pocket instantly. Always pick up after your dog... And yourself after a visit here. If you can reach around that is.

It wasn't a horrible experience, I'm glad I did it. It just makes me more appreciative of the great food I eat elsewhere... Fuck that, what am I saying? There's a ton of shitty food out there at fancy places. I'm just glad I can warn my one reader of the places to avoid. I'm sure he appreciates it very much.