Anyone remember that bottom of the dumpster slop that was served here when B. Beatty Bakery occupied this space? I think this is one of them cursed locations no matter how much money you throw at it. Look at Elliot Street Pub, that place is the size of a portable toilet but yet it packs them in. Something is rotten in the state of Castleberry. Let's hope a concept makeover will do this space some justice because who doesn't want more BBQ in town?
Smoked Chicken Wings, White BBQ Sauce. I couldn't tell if it was smoked and then deep fried or vice versa or baked with Liquid Smoke, it was that ambiguous. They looked more like window display food. The skin was barely kissed with smoke, it had that semi lacquered texture to it and the meat was dry. They came out within a matter of seconds, so obviously, they were being held under a heat lamp or warm box. We all know how food tastes when it's been sitting for long periods of time. The white BBQ sauce on plate was supposedly the same as the white sauce on the table but it was "seasoned" more than the table one and tasted totally different.
Old Fashioned. Tray ice cubes, giant slice of orange, 3 chernobyl cherries. I knew I shoulda stuck with a beer when the bartenders whom seemed like they were just hired from the beer tub station at 5 Paces Inn. This was awful, I mean it tasted like a Sex on the Beach. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Spicy Pork Rinds. These were so bad that it made me crave the one's in the bag for fiddy cent at the corner gas station. Hard, shriveled, dried out and bland... I had tree bark with more flavor. Half of them were unedible. Who makes pork rinds days in advance and try to pass it off like it's fresh, especially, coming from a "BBQ" joint. Have they no shame, this is one snack that all BBQ joints should excel. Bookhouse's amazing chicharrones make these look like Home Ec 101.
Bacon Wrapped Kobe Beef Hotdog. Asked the server where these kobe beef dogs were sourced from... She said, "Japan". I almost fell off my stool. I said, "Are you fucking with me?". "No, they are from Japan." You know what, nevermind, I'm not going to argue about getting a $8 Japanese Kobe beef dog. But as we all know, there is no way this was from Japan. Hint, first bite into the dog, you can see the rings within like a tree and it's a tell-tale sign the layering was factory made... In some second rate slaughter house in New Jersey can be my only guess. The almighty bacon which can even make a cow muffin taste good, eerily failed to introduce fat and flavor. Look closely and you can see the wrinkles on the wiener... No, it's not Ron Jeremy, but it's like an old man's schlong for sure like it's been sitting under the sun at a nudist camp. We all know how hot dogs wrinkle up at a cookout when it's been sitting around because no one wants the half burnt ones. If they're trying to pretend this was smoked, I don't know what to say. Even the bun seemed like it's been sitting around. There's a difference between a freshly toasted bun and one that has been hours ago.
Brisket and Pulled Pork Combo, Brunswick Stew, 3 Cheese Mac, Cornbread. Don't fucking get me started... Ok, I'll start anyways. The brunswick stew was so watery and soupy, it was more tomatoes than brunswick... Did I get a gazpacho instead? A couple of squirts of their whatever red BBQ sauce helped a little but this ain't no brunswick stew, it's tomato soup with kibbles in it. The mac was singed like a crispy critter in a "fire in the hole" kinda way... The char works better on a Napoletana 'Za, but once you peel off that burnt shit layer, the mac was pretty decent. The brisket was sliced, a big plus, too bad it was dry, flavorless and barkless. The pink smoke ring was all the evidence you needed. It was so thin it looked like they drew it on with a pink Sharpie. The pulled pork looked like they stuck a M80 in the pork butt and lit the fuse. Dry, crunchy and dry. Once again, everything was presliced, prechopped and sitting out for extended periods of time. The cornbread thinger was like an hour glass, one touch with the fork it bled out like the sands of time. No bueno.
Crispy Brussel Sprouts, Maple Syrup. A bit under cooked and the watery maple syrup just puddled at the bottom of the bowl. It's ok, I guess.. It's brussel sprouts afterall. And sadly, this was the best dish of the night.
After hoping for another go to BBQ joint option intown, I am still left with only a handful of real BBQ options... And that handful belongs on a three-toed sloth. You know what they say about first impressions... They're usually the last, too. I tried to give a hobo who was lingering around the front door looking for money or what not my doggie box stuffed with leftovers but even he wasn't having it... He was like, Whatchu got in there first? I was like, Dude, you wanna Kobe beef hot dog? He said, Where is it from? I said, Japan! Sold! He took the whole box of scraps.
I do feel bad for them because after pouring a bunch of money into making it a very lovely interior space, the location's curse is still alive and well. Maybe it's time to get Phil Robertson to perform an exorcism, I heard he's in good with the big man... Not literally in the big man but you know what I'm saying. I hope they do turn it around and stop taking shortcuts because I don't want another Linda Blair evacuation experience.
309 Nelson St SW
Atlanta, GA 30313
404-228-6377
http://www.smokeringatlanta.com/
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