Saltyard

I was excited to see this place finally opened for business. It looked like they were getting consistent traffic. A good sign or just the sheep making the rounds? The pouch waited for the wool to settle down for a couple weeks. The space looks small from the outside but quite spacious on the inside. I liked the design of the space. Let's hope the menu delivers... It looked promising.

But first things first... The booze! Fuck yeah! The drink menu looks decent enough, I didn't expect it to be anything more than what's suitable for this spot and menu. But I was more interested in what they offered in their "signature" cocktails. The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot and Handlebar Moustache sounded interesting. Here's the punchline: It took forever to make these drinks. I looked over and this poor old man was reading the recipe for these drinks. C'mon, there's 7 specialty cocktails that each have 3 ingredients in it. You're a bartender, learn the fucking drinks! By the time it got to the table, the small ice cubes have mostly melted and watered down the damn drinks already. Sukhasana, pouch, Sukhasana... Breathe... Ok, let's order a few plates to sample what they got before we go ape shit on the menu.

Crispy Oysters. Looks like a good start... Plump crispy oysters obviously harvested from a jar but anything fried with batter makes it all better. The pickled veggies were colorful and briney but this was no escabeche... Nice thought, though.

Local Pork Cracklins. Fwied swine skin... What's not to love? Crispy, well seasoned and addictive. But where's my cocktail to go with this? Oh, yeah, the "senior bartender" has to check the recipe for a simple whiskey drink. Bless his heart... Fuck that, make my drink already, Gandalf.

Grouper Ceviche of the Day. I think they ran out of serving dishes. No worries, the mixing bowl works but the grouper didn't. This ceviche had no flavor, seasoning or acidity. The chips tasted just like Willy's... At least they got that going for them. No salsa bar in sight.

Salad Nicoise. Not exactly pleasing to the eyes but also not so fugly that you might find it on Awkward Family Photos either. The tomatoes, taters, eggs and haricot vert were ok (missing olives and anchovies) but the tuna preserva... Speechless. Grainy, mealy and scary. Fancy Feast this was not but I'm sure Heathcliff would eat the shit outta this.

Classic German Steak Tartare. Hey, look... There's the nicoise's anchovy! Tartare were sloppy looking... Even with the assistance of ring molds. The meat tasted like Mike and Ike's, just not as flavorful, but it was definitely chewy. Even after mixing in the yolk and anchovy, it barely made a dent in the taste department. Funny thing is... German tartare is usually made with raw pork and it doesn't involve egg yolks or anchovies. Where am I? Someone open the window, I can't breathe.

Chicken Liver Parfait. This chicken liver has been sitting around for days given the hard nasty crust on top. Even when you dig underneath that manhole cover, the liver was hard and dry... Water bath anyone? It was like spreading Silly Putty... Kinda tasted like it, too. Marinated fennel was ok. The citrus marmalade was just plain overpowering. But maybe that's a good thing for this "parfait". Ok, Allen Funt, come on out.

Roasted Red Pepper, Garlic Aioli, Crispy Prosciutto. Even Sandra Lee laughs at this. Snooze.

Grilled Octopus. I was excited for this dish from pictures I saw in the beginning. It looks like they went through like 5 different stages of portion sizing in 2 weeks. They decided to skimp on the main ingredient and compensate instead with brunoise size cubed taters filler for maximum profit gain. The 4 to 5 bites of octo were tender but the tiny tasteless taters were hard and dry and did absolutely nothing for this dish. Some simple Greek style taters would have been a better choice. These boring cubes of fried taters were just lazy on their part. Total let down and really cheap on the octopus. Makes me sad.

I guess we ain't ordering anything else from this kitchen after this dismal display... It was obviously an off week for them. Or was it that the menu was too much for this unseasoned staff. I observed the kitchen line for a couple minutes and it looked like total confusion. Maybe they should start making burritos... The tortilla chips were good. Let's hope they can go back to their original idea of what the food should be... Edible. Turn it around because I'm sick of mediocre food in nicely designed new spaces.

Check, pweez.


1820 Peachtree Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30309
404-382-8088
http://saltyardatlanta.com/