Cafe 101

Walked into Asam House, only customers in entire joint, sat down, looked thru menu, waited, waited some more, no service, not even a glass of water, look around, whistled a tune from Mary Poppins, scratched my butt... Still nothing, starting to get Snarky, got up, thanked da skank for a delicious meal of oxygen and walked out. And headed straight to Cafe 101... It was packed and got seated right away.

This chow is still tops... I can eat here everyday and not get tired of the grub.

Basil Squid - Hellz yeah...

Chinese Okra & Golden Shrooms - Mmmm...

Smoked Pork & Leeks - I can't bweathe...

Za- Jiang Mein - OMG, someone open a window...

Shaved Ice Combo (Strawberry, Kiwi, Mango) - A threesome of manscaped goodness...

Washed it down with some Sapporo and Asahi...

All is well in the land of Gastro's marsupial pouch...

Burp.

5412 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30340

(770) 458-8883

cafe101atlanta.com

Babette's Cafe

Gastro doesn't do brunch... Every Joe Blow joint in town runs a great scam with their $10 omelettes but I won't even buy that for a dollar. Lunch is for wimps and brunch is for chicks. Gastro is neither. A real man eats dinner... Not the early stages of a Balut with cheese.

Take a gander of a night in the life of Gastro's pouch...

Escargots - 2 big ass snails in a puff pastry bouche wading in a delicate red wine reduction... Ah, yum, oui oui! Toilette is to the left, pal...

Mushroom Tartlette - Call me a tart, I don't care because this grub was G O O D.

Piroshkis - Nice pastry crust but the pork and veal was a bit overwhelmed by the heavy amount of onions. The tarragon butter sauce is very Fwench... Thick and fatty goodness. If you closed your eyes, it almost tastes like foie gras... I said Almost.

Creme of Celeriac - Campbell's cream of mushroom ain't got nothing on this celeriac wild mushroom soup. I can swallow a mouthful of this creamy goodness every night and I don't even expect a kiss. Yumum.

Paella - Ok, you're asking WTF am I ordering this at a Fwench joint? I asked the same question and wonder could this be good? The answer was meh. It wasn't bad just not a real paella obviously, no crispy yum yums. They shoulda just called it Latin-Atlanta rice with meat and seafood. I still didn't get why they put this on the menu... Curiosity didn't killed Gastro's appetite cuz he ate every last morsel. Burp.

The bwead service was kinda dirty but tasty... Half a crunchy baguette that you shred to pieces trying to break apart. The wine selection is good for a cozy joint of this size... A bot of Cotes Du Rhone was reasonably priced and did the trick for the Snarky Snacker but she didn't get too rowdy.

This joint gets looked over so many times and really doesn't get the attention it should for it's fresh ingredients and good cooking techniques. As good as the dinner menu is... I'm still not paying $16 for a friggin Balut Benedict for brunch.

Munch.

573 N Highland Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
(404) 523-9121

www.babettescafe.com

Hearth Pizza Tavern

From the owners of Cypress comes this red-headed stepchild of a mess... And I ain't talking about the pizza sauce.

I really hoped it would be good but everything seems out of place here. From the missing bartender that no one seemed to know where she and the manager went, servers all huddling around the kitchen area instead of the dining area... To the family of 5 where the dad and 3 boys looked like they just played mud football and the mom is dressed like she's ready to goto Hal's in her 5 inch leopard print heels.

This oven fired 'ZA comes in 8" or 12". The "Queens Right" is basically a Margarita 'ZA... But it gave me the "Silent Fluidity". This thin crust thing came out covered with raw flour. I didn't know whether I should blow it off or snort it. The bottom had spots of char which didn't add much to the flavor... It really looked like a pita bwead re-heated. The sauce was thin and flavorless... Eerily similar to watered down tomato paste. The fwesh mozzarella and basil chiffonade sprinkles after it came out of the oven barely saved this shipwreck. This tasteless mystery orange oil in a squirt bottle had me dumbfounded, I guess it was there to help lube your linings. Sadly, my ship sank as well in the bathroom.

The pedestrian menu reads like a high school student's wet dweam. It would do well in Sandy Spwings... Oh, wait, it is in Sandy Spwings! Skip this Californication Pizza and go next door to Canton House for some real tasty grub...

Ni Hao!

5992 Roswell Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30328

(404) 252-5378

www.hearthpizzatavern.com

Stout Irish Pub

Stout, Stout, let it all out, these are the beers I can't do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

In prohibition times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul
In black and tan, they really really ought to show
Those one track minds that took your Yuengling Lager
Kiss them hello, you really should jump for joy
You really should shout for joy

Stout, Stout, let it all out, these are the beers I can't do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

They gave you Yuengling, and in return you gave them 'Hell Yeah!'
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale
I hope we live to tell the tale

Stout, Stout, pass them all out, these are the drinks I can't do without
Come on, I'm slurring to you, come on

And when you've downed your last bottle
If I could change your mind, I'd really love to buy you another
I'd really love to drink another

Stout, Stout, hope y'all don't run out, these are the drinks I can't do without
Come on, I'm still drinking with you, come on

56 E Andrews Dr
Ste 16
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 869-1151

www.stoutirishpub.com

Alex's Pan Asian Cuisine

Pan Asian cuisine is a mockery to the modern free world... It is the mud baby of Asian grubbery or just plainly crap in a wok. A mish mash of flavors struggling to be recognized... And you thought you can tell the difference between Asians? Prepare your taste buds for a firework show of mediocrity... It is Norcross afterall.

This former Frontera location is dimly lit and looks like a dusty old saloon in the dayz of yore... Nothing inside has changed except the food (if you can see it in the dark). Mebbe when Obama gets into office he will re-distribute the cuisines back to their respective cultures.

Their claim is "Chinese-Japanese-Thai-Steak-Seafood-Sushi and Fun"... The only thing missing is taste. Try saying all that in one breath, I can't. I'm feeling light-headed, someone open a window quick! Just looking through the menu is painful... Asparagus with Twin Nuts, Chinese Sausage Salad, Shrimp MoonPie, Bangkok Shrimp and Pad Prik. I don't know about you but I don't want my kok Bang'd or Prik'd.

Spicy Flat Noodles - Ok, how bad could that be? It's got shrimp, chicken and beef... And spicy noodles. Yum right? Yeah, like scooping a pail in a river of raw sewage. Noodles so overcooked that it turned to mush, Slimer wouldn't eat it. The shrimp, chix and beef while plentiful were lackluster and devoid of any seasoning except the pile of chili paste mixed in after the fact. I spied a couple jalapenos in there... I was wondering where my side of sour cream and guacamole were.

This joint is as dead as the strip mall it's located in... And the food might as well be too. I had better Oriental chow at the food court at Greenbriar Mall, it's a good sign when there's chicken bones on the curb. There is nothing appealing to the sense here... Because everyone knows that we eat with our eyes first. And my eyes are starting to rain.

Meh.

3466 Holcomb Bridge Rd
Ste AA
Norcross, GA 30092

(770) 209-7889

alexscuisine.com

Waffle House

Screw Flying Biscuit... They should call this joint The Flying Sausage. Literally, my sausage patty flew off my plate... I think it tasted good but who knows at that time in purgatory. Speaking of sausage, there's a lot of it in this shack at 4:30 AM... Dude, cross your legs if you're in a mini skirt or do a Ken-Tucky Chrome, Buffalo Bill style.

"You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a tranny."

"You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still gonna blow you behind da dumpster."

Why am I here....

Duct Tape.

2264 Cheshire Bridge Road N
Atlanta, GA 30324

(404) 634-9414

www.wafflehouse.com

Barker's Red Hots

I'm wondering if the owner is named Bob... Because the price is wrong bitch. Even though the grub was tastee, I don't know if I want to spend $12 for 1 Red Hot (more like Pink Warm), 1 Weck (Not a total Wreck) and 1 MoonPie (Mmmm, Pie)... Again.

I'm not bashing the place but actually enjoyed it. The owners/staff were very friendly which made shelling out over 10 clams for processed meat a lil bit more comforting. It is very clean (proudly displayed 100 point report on the wall) and quality of ingredients looked fresh.

Red Hot - While the mystery meat was good, the preparation was ok. They didn't cook it long enough to give it that char and flavor of the coals. It was warm through but not very juicy. Not bad but I prefer a nice snap of a natural casing.

Grilled Flank Steak on Weck - This was tasty and a decent imitation of a true Beef on Weck. The flank steak was tender but a little too thick... Just stick with a good, juicy and thinly sliced roast beef. The Kummelweck roll on the other hand nailed it, it was a tasty balance of caraway seeds, kosher salt (pretzel salt preferred) and horseradish. A bit pricey for meat, bwead and a tiny pickle. Oh, well... It's for a good cause, my belly.

MoonPie - Enough said... Yum.

I like this joint and will support them when I'm in the area... Otherwise, I'll stick with Nathan's. I second what Ivan mentioned, Papaya King can't be beat.

Burp.

3000 Windy Hill Rd
Ste B-6
Marietta, GA 30067

(770) 272-0407

www.barkersredhots.com