Bawarchi Biryanis

Anyone remember Tava Indian Bistro? They had some tasty fresh lamb brains and giant ball sandos but not much else... And it was always dead in there. Semi fine dining Indian restos never last long. But out of the ashes came a biryani franchise... There's one in Sandy Springs and a couple other ones way OTP. I have never been to any of them because I'm obese and refuse to drive that far to be disappointed these days. I love biryani but so many places in this one horse town can never just get it right with all the spices and seasonings, the balance is always way off or none at all. If you're gonna open an Indian fast casual chain that specializes in biryani in the Patel Bros. strip mall, you better bring your B game... These expats around here don't play that. Biryani is one of my favorite dishes... I love rice and eat it on the regular, usually, at least 10,000 times in one sitting.
So, this joint specializes in all things biryani but they also have many other things, basically, every type of Indian dish out there. The menu is huge and I'm thinking to myself, there's no fucking way they can make all these dishes taste good. This is gonna be a productive visit either way...If they suck, I will shit on them. If they are authentic, I will shit my pants. But let's see what the losers online have to say about this place. I like how all the brownies panned it on Yelp, it gave me hope for those poor schmucks. Wait, they prolly didn't get any freebies... Still schmucks. One mutt was trying to be funny while telling people that Jon Snow or anyone else will never know or taste what a real 5 star biryani is in this town because they haven't lived long enough... This mook looked like he was 24 and I don't think Westeros has Indian grub. That fuck face never even tells us what a 5 star biryani should be or where we can get some... Already suspect.
Unlike Yelp, the Pouch will never beat around the bush (because I manscape) and always report to my one reader if the grub is edible or not. I'm excited about this joint, let's get to it already you fat fuck...

Chicken 555, deep fried chicken in special sauce with cashew nuts, $8.99. My pouch was set on the Chicken 65 but then I had to ask what the fuss was about on the Chicken 555 and 999... And why isn't there a Chicken 666, I would prolly eat the shit outta that devil's ass. The 555 is in special sauce and cashews and the 999 is with green chilies, curry leaves and spices. Both sounded good but which one is the spiciest? The dude said in a Short Circuit accent, "Oh, the triple 5 is vetty vetty spicy, I can't even handle it!" Number 5 is alive, you motherfucker you... SOLD! This gorgeous platter appeared quickly and it passed the smell test right away with the fragrant aroma. It looked spicy but we all know you can't judge a book by it's scratch and sniff cover. Took a bite... Fuck me, me rikey! I was hoping it would be spicy as the dude stated but it was like a 3 out of 10. But that didn't mean it wasn't good because it was addictive as fuck. I was popping these nuggets into my fat face faster than Jenna Jameson popping dicks in all her orifices during a gang bang. Triple 5 was dericious but make sure you ask them to make it at least 10 times spicier if they are able to.

Masala Dosa, filled with mildly spiced mashed potatoes served with peanut chutney, mint chutney, tomato chutney & sambar, $7.99. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and sits in front of Patel Bros. entrance? Masala Matt. Look at that shit, that ain't no dosa, it's a fucking door mat. This thing was yuge and gorgeous. This golden brown crepe stuffed with spiced taters was fucking dericious. The sauces were just ok but damn, this dosa even surprised me. I want to try all the other ones now.

Paneer Tikka Masala, cheese cubes in a creamy buttery tomato sauce, $8.99. Let's get right to it, it wasn't spicy at all but it tasted good. The curry consistency was creamy as advertised. The cubes of paneer were toothy and yet forgiving. It's a tasty dish but there are many more dishes to try on the menu before ordering this again.

Basmati Rice. Standard issue to soak up the bloody cheese bowl above.

Garlic Naan, $2.49. It's a pretty good naan, nothing exceptional or crave worthy but it will do the trick to sop up any sauce left in the paneer tikka masala. I spread the masala gravy on the triangle shaped garlic naan and topped it off with the cubes of paneer and folded it in half and ate it like a slice of Indian 'ZA. That's the right way to eat it... F'in derish.

Malai Tikka Kebab, chicken marinated in chef's secret creamy garlic sauce, $8.99. This dish was ordered for the roundeye at the table... Their fragile stomach is delicate like a flower. The chicken was tender and had a soft chew to it. The seasoning was fine, nothing special about it. Skip it.

Goat Dum Biryani, served with Mirchi Ka Salan (curried chili peppers), Raita and Avakai (upon request), $12.99. I don't require all these sauces for a biryani but for a Hyderabadi biryani it's a must... Except the Avakai, a spicy mango pickle, which they gave me a sample to taste. And it was pretty nasty like licking a goat's moist asshole. This was a bone in goat biryani and more often than not there's more bone than goat meat and it's such a rip... So, the dude said he will put more meat and less bone in it... That's what she said. It's a gorgeous looking bowl, the colors are bright and vibrant and it smelled awesome... Let's take a closer look.

Look at this beauty. The closer I stick my snout to the bowl the more I begin drool into the bowl... I got dibs on the entire bowl, motherfuckers! Mixed it all up and there was a good amount of goat meat hidden underneath and yes, there was also bone chunks in there. The spices and flavors of this biryani was spot on and you get the full effect with each bite. Damn, this was good... And you know it's crave-worthy if the Pouch is still dreaming about it days later. I can't wait to go back and gobble down more brownie vittles...

On another visit not long after... Shit, I couldn't wait to get back there to try more biryani and cheekan numbers.

Chicken 65, $8.99. So, I went back to see if the 65 was just as good as the 555... And the portion was half the size of the 555 on my first visit. What. Da. Fuck. Patel. Don't fucking tell me they started shrinking down the portion size because the word was getting out that this place was legit. The chicken 65 was pretty damn tasty but I was still furious that this portion was served on a side dish. Next time, I'm getting the 999... No more of this shrinky dink 65.

Palak Paneer, $8.99. The classic Exorcist spinach green puke with cheese chunks. It's a bit too watery and could be seasoned a tad better but once you mix it up with the rice and raita, it's passable if you're starving. I rather have something with more of a spice kick if I'm going veg.

Garlic Naan, $2.49. Same stuff, still good to wipe up the bitchy demon's green bile with.

Veg Dum Biryani, $9.99. This time I wanted to try the biryani in all it's naked glory... Without meat. They should call this the birthday suit biryani. No, the Pouch is not going vegan, fucking never! But this bowl looked as gorgeous as the first bowl I had on the first visit.

Mixed it all up and it looked even better with all the spices revealing themselves from the bottom of the bowl. The basmati rice was spot on and absorbed all the fragrant spices and flavors... It was aromatic and just goddamn dericious. And I didn't even miss the protein nor even noticed it was missing. I could almost eat this everyday.

This little chain Indian resto hidden within all the other authentic Indian joints in Patel Plaza really delivered and even impressed the Pouch... Which we all know is a prissy picky marsupial. The biryani is the star here but many of their other dishes can easily hold their own as well. I am still curious about the Chicken 999 and will report back to my fan after my next visit. I don't know how you motherfuckers did it but y'all made this fat fuck happy as a pig in shit or was that IBS...

Squirt.

1685 Church St.
Suite 110
Decatur, GA 30033
www.bawarchidecatur.com