Urban Wu

Sichuan cuisine has become the new trendy cuisine of the month in all the major cities... Even Eater New York just put out an article titled "How Sichuan Became NYC's Dominant Chinese Cuisine". The Pouch loves to eat some spicy ass Chino grub but gwailo, puh-leez... Fuck that shit. Sichuan will never be better than Cantonese. Even this one horse town has been getting into the act. Ok, Atlanta has no shortage of Sichuan restos, some are just watered down wannabes and some are surprisingly pretty good. And of course, the good ones are on Buford Hwy, Pleasant Hill, Duluth and Smyrna. Wait a minzie, Pouch... Smyrna? Are you fucking smoking cracklings?
Ok, I admit that the original Tasty China in Marietta was quite good back in the day when you know who was cooking there. Big Peter shafted us by mysteriously disappearing for a lengthy period of time and then resurfaced in Atlanta to help open up Tasty China II (aka Peter Cheng's) in the old Rio Bravo space. Then the Sichuan magician fucking disappeared again without notice and he was spotted in the woods of Tennessee and Virginia... There was even a blurry photo of him online taking a leisurely stroll in the Alaskan wilderness. This guy is like the big foot of Sichuan cuisine. Not surprisingly, TC2 shuttered not long after he left for good but the owners had a grand plan to make their mark in the mainstream gwailo market with the opening of Jai in the PCM. Jia was as dumb down as Gu's Dumplings when they shuttered their once great Gu's Bistro on Buford Hwy to cater to the roundeyes' delicate palate in hipster KSM. Then Gu's tried to redeem themselves by opening another "authentic" Sichuan joint on Buford Hwy, the menu was overpriced and still catering to the hipster crowd who will never be regulars. Both Jia and Gu's were major fails to introduce the hot and numbing cuisine to the general population... But to their credit, they were able to Jedi mind trick enough pedestrians to accept their grub as the real deal... So many suckaz, so little General Tso's cheekan.
Let's get back on track here... Sometimes the cellulite around my marsupial pouch clots the blood flow to my pea brain and I start talking smack about nothing... Like why don't they have more Smurf porn online. After the opening of Jia, the TC crew started thinking about opening another Tasty China in the same-ish area of the original Marietta location in Smyrna. Why would anyone open two of the same resto in the same proximity? They ain't Willy's. It's not like there is a huge Asian community over there. I have not gone back to the original Marietta location in many moons but I did make a couple of visits to the Smyrna location and it was totally acceptable with a couple of outstanding dishes. Now, a couple of ex-employees from TC decided to hit up the Buckhead crowd because they are suckaz for anything new and also willing to pay up for it. I know what they were thinking, "Shit, if it worked for Jia in PCM, it's gonna work in Buckhead with all the brodudes and bradudes. Let's do this shit!" I'm pretty sure that's exactly what they said.
I rarely go to Buckhead these days because my Rascal Heavy Duty Mobility Scooter has only a 10 mile range due to my excessive weight but I can always plug it in when I get over there. I will not let something like electricity get in the way of delivering the goods to my one reader.
Let's see if this joint is as good as Tasty China or just another fraud like Jia in disguise... I ain't even gonna fucking pussyfoot around, I'm going straight for the jugular.

Sichuan Pickled Vegetables, $6. Skip this slop, shit wasn't even pickled. What a joke.

Beef Tendon & Tripe in Chili Sauce, $10. This was pretty good, a nice balanced portion of tendon and tripe... Not spicy enough, though. Make sure to ask them for extra spicy.

Peanut Salad with Black Vinegar, $7. Not as good as Tasty China's version. Needs more black vinegar, it's barely visible and lacks the kick that a properly vinegar marinaded peanuts should give... And not to mention a total rip off for the price they're charging for some Chino beer nuts.

Dan Dan Noodles with minced beef, $7. Thank god, they didn't drown it in some disgusting red clay broth like at Pao Pao Ramen Factory. After mixing it all up, I thought it would taste spicier than it looked. Always ask for extra chili oil/paste to add to taste. It's still a very decent specimen, maybe just ask them to make it spicy when ordering.

Mala Beef Roll, $8. I like the bait and switch on the napa cabbage for iceberg lettuce. 99% of the pedestrians wouldn't even notice but this fat fuck did... It ain't a big deal but c'mon, it's fucking napa cabbage, that extra nickel ain't gonna kill y'all on the bottom line. First off, don't fucking call it "Mala", take that shit off until you know what the meaning of Mala is. Shit wasn't even spicy but it dripped watery red oil on the plate when you try to eat it. Half of the roll was filled with shredded iceberg that it fell apart with the first bite. There's no fucking way they cut those sloppy rolls without a bread slicer contraption. Save the dough for something else on the menu.

Dry Fried Eggplant. This is the weirdest thing, this dish is not even on the menu but it's one of their best selling dishes. I guess if you forget to order it then it's your fault, suckaz. But there is a dish called Sichuan Style Stir-Fried Eggplant which could be it, who the fuck knows, just ask them for the dry fried eggplant so you know what you're getting. I ain't got the time to be rolling the dice and taking any chances that something else comes out. It's a hefty portion but it's also half full of scallions, and there's no fucking need for that much scallion filler in this dish or any dish. The fried eggplant logs were good looking but the batter was thick as fuck. It's crispy in an armor plating kinda way. The flavor was pretty good but the thick crust was the only thing that I kept thinking about over and over again. I'm really on the fence with this classic dish...  But if they can get the crust thinner I would definitely order it again.

Mapo Tofu, $11. It's the simple classic dish that I consider if a resto is the real deal or a fraud. Some joints do it porkless so they can consider it as a veg dish but I prefer it with minced pork... The pork flavor puts it on another level. This joint does not use pork so it's a strict veg dish. For $11 without pork, it's kind of a ripoff... But where are we again? Oh, yeah, Buckhead... Marked up 3000 percent for a tofu dish with chili sauce and fermented black bean sauce that cost 99 cents. This version was totally acceptable even without the pork bits... I would totally get it again but once, I see the price of it again, I may be looking elsewhere on the menu to spend my money on. This is at most a $9 dish.

Braised Fish in Chili Oil, $14. One of the most important dishes for a Sichuan resto. I was really hoping they would execute this properly and... They didn't disappoint. I was surprised and relieved at the same time which made the Pouch happy. This was a good showing and it proved they could do something right. Plenty of tender fish slices and enough nuclear red broth to soak an entire bowl of rice with... The only complaint is that I would have liked it a bit more spicier... But once again, ask them to make it flaming spicy when you order it. I'm happy again, now.

Sichuan Style Stir Fried String Beans, $11. Since, I was in such a good mood after the spicy fish bowl, I also didn't mind the string beans being made without the minced pork bits. The execution was good enough that the flavor of it made up for the missing pork bits that usually gives it that extra layer of flavor. It's a good veg dish that I would order again.

Home Style Honey Roasted Chicken, $14. It says battered and fried crispy, stir-fried with fresh garlic and carrots in a sweet honey house sauce. Those are some of the greenest carrots I have seen, they must not be ripe yet. They make it sound like it was such an authentic Chino dish but it was nothing more than a PF Chang fried chicken slices gringo dish. But this fraudy fusion dish didn't stop this fat slob from trying it... Everyone, errr, I mean my one fan knows that I love fwied chicken in any form and I ate the fuck outta it even if it wasn't a real Chinese dish. The chicken slices are thin and the crust is thick but this is the perfect hangover food the next day. Would I order it again? Fuck no, bro. Save the money for Popeyes afterwards.

Shan City Chicken, $13. This is another classic dish that can make or break them, but the server was adamant about pushing the shrimp option for another $3. This FOB doesn't know who she's dealing with... Don't fucking mess with the Pouch's fwied cheekan. I just ate fake fried chicken and I'm ready to eat it again. Fuck the shrimp, just get me the cheekan, wimman! This did not disappoint... It was light years ahead of that last bullshit fried chickenhead dish. Beautifully fried and seasoned nuggets of genetically modified poultry with enough Sichuan peppercorns to tingle your tongue and taint. Ok, it was all fucking white meat but what do you expect in Buckhead? If it was dark meat... I would have jizzed all over my pants on the spot. I would get this again... It's worthy enough for the Pouch.

Eggplant with Spicy Garlic Sauce, $12. Another classic claypot casserole dish... And it came out bubbling hot like a cauldron. The eggplant was tender and tasty but the garlicky brown sauce was not spicy and a bit too sweet... But not to the point where it was cloyingly sweet. Yet again, we have to look at their target demographics in this area. It was an acceptable dish but I would try another dish next time.

Wu's Crispy Pork Rib, $15. It says battered and deep fried to crispy, then tossed with special flavorful seasonings... Hmmm, you mean covered with panko. I started laughing at it because it looked like someone kicked fresh mulch over a pile of fresh dog shit. After you brush off the bread dust, the ribs didn't look battered nor deep fried. It looked like it was braised and then maybe flash fried. They were ultra tender and pulled of the bone with ease and it was seasoned well... But it just didn't wow me. It was nothing special. Let's face it, it was just regular old ribs with panko on top. And the wood plank they served it on turned out to be plastic with a sticker on the bottom that said Made in China... Hey, at least one thing was authentic.

I must admit that this new Sichuan joint in Buckhead was a pleasant surprise given that every Sichuan joint that has attempted the intown scene and hipster crowd have all turned out to be dead on arrival on authenticity... Jia and Gu's are not Sichuan, not even close but not everyone wants true Sichuan flavors, they just like to tell other people they do. Of course, not all the dishes sampled here were authentic or turned out great but there were enough dishes that did which made it weigh in favor on the Pouch's good side... And that requires a lot of weigh since I'm so fucking obeast.
Jesus, I was just scrolling back up to see all the dishes that was had in one night... Thanks fat fuck, you did it again! Seriously, I have no self control... Nor respect. I'm like a hoarder of food. I don't even know if my Rascal's grocery basket has enough room for all the leftovers... I guess I'll just have to eat some of it on the way home. Oh, shit, did I plug that fucker in? I will be shit outta luck if there isn't enough juice for the ride back because I can feel the gout kicking in right about now...

PS- Don't even think about getting the weekday lunch or dinner entree menu... I tried it and it sucked ass big time. It's amazing that their crappy lunch specials came out of the same kitchen.

3330 Piedmont Rd NE
Ste 22B
Atlanta, GA 30305
www.urbanwu.com