Rosati's Pizza and Sports Pub

All of the sudden, this one horse town is all goddamn giddy AF about Chicago deep dish 'Za with the opening hype of the new Gino's East of Chicago... Sadly, Gino's is going through some growing pains, maybe their deep dish pies will be edible when they grow up. But before there was Gino's East, there was Nancy's which somehow quietly stayed in business after all this time. Then Rosati's popped up a couple of years ago in limbo between Buckhead and Sandy Springs off Wieuca. They also have a location in Cumming and Hoschton (where?) but strangely they have two different websites, I don't know what the fuck that is all about. But anyways, before I even went to Gino's East, I secretly got a deep dish pie to go from Rosati's at the Buckhead location a couple of weeks ago to see what the fuss was all about. Let's see if this tomato cheese cake is more edible than Gino's East...

10" Deep Dish. It's pretty hefty for a $16 casserole. Let's open up the hood and sneak a peak

What's with the tin hat? Are there aliens around? Mel Gibson? Jaoquin Phoenix? Are these Signs? I get it, they want to keep it as warm as possible for the trip home. But wouldn't it make it all soggy? Perhaps not, since this ain't no regular old pizza pie... This was a Chicago style deep dish, it has the cojones to brave the windy city's most treacherous weather. Let's peel this tin foil back and see if there's a glory hole in the center.

Chicago Deep Dish in all it's glory... No holes in the center. Let's see what they have to say about it- Pan-cooked, buttery crust that is smothered with cheese & chunky tomato sauce, then baked to perfection for over 40 minutes. Ahh, so, this is what perfection looks like... Like it was dropped from the roof of a 5 story building. Did the cook finger bang the side of my tomato pie before he boxed it up? Nevermind, I don't want to smell his fingaz.

Let's take a closer look at the side of the crust and see if it was really made in a pan. I tell y'all what, it looked a hundred times better than Gino's East deep dish... But this was no prize, either. The crust is just so goddamn thick and bready.

I don't know what happened to this part of the pie... Trump better not use them to build the wall... Shit was cheaply built and falling apart. But it was prolly from the rocking pizza cutter. This may be the only time that I wished the crust was stuffed with cheese a la Pizza Hut. If I'm gonna gain 10 pounds in one sitting, I might as well do it in style.

The construction of this tomato pie was a lot better than Gino's East, it held together even when you pulled a "slice" from it. Gino's shit was oozing all over the place. I had one slice and I was done. It's an absolute gut bomb... But it tasted pretty good. The stringy cheese had nice pull and softness, the tomato sauce could use more seasoning for a more zesty flavor because there is just way too much dough/breading which was pretty much flavorless except for the outside part where they brush the butter on. No wonder why obeast midwesterners love these things... They're great padding and insulation for the harsh midwest weather because... Winter is coming.

Like I said before, deep dish just ain't my thang. It ain't pizza. It's a lazy man's pie. Who fucking eats pizza with utensils? It's like George Constanza eating his dessert, a Snickers Bar, with a knife and fork. But this shit will fill you up for a week and put 10 pounds on your ass instantly, as if this fat fuck really needs to go shopping for size 46 pants... Who am I kidding, I should just wear a moo-moo from now on... So the kids don't get scared of my stretch marks because that shit looks like Godzilla used my muffin top as a scratching post. Jesus, I need to go on a diet, but that wouldn't be fair to my one reader who depends on the Pouch for all that's fit to eat.

4629 Wieuca Rd
Atlanta, GA 30342
https://www.rosatispizza.com/location/atlanta-ga/

Gino's East of Chicago

When did this one horse town cared so much about Chicago style deep dish pizza? No one gave a shit about Nancy's or Rosati's when they opened and they still don't.... So, how is Gino's East even getting as much hype as they are for their opening... The Pouch is stumped and baffled but the mystery must be revealed for my one reader. Maybe it's because they're from Chicago? But does that even matter these days when concepts expand all over the universe... Look at The Halal Guys, they're from NYC and they suck ass big time here, why they're opening another location is beyond me. Deep dish isn't even pizza, it's a fucking casserole... It's like a dude that can't toss a proper pizza decided to make a dense bread with cheese and sauce on top inside a pan swirled with an excessive amount of oil and butter.
Maybe I'm just bitter that this trailer park town can't produce a decent NYC 'Za... I'm not a big fan of Chi-town 'Za but the deep dish I had at Giordano's in Chicago was actually pretty tasty. It was a total gut bomb but it tasted decent. I don't know if the water matters in a Chi-town ca-ZA-role but it sure does in a NYC 'Za, maybe that's why no one can do a proper NYC 'Za down here. Anyone remember that bullshit dump- Brooklyn Water Bagel Co. that opened years ago in Cobb? They boasted about producing their own Brooklyn style water via a 14-step filtration system to make all their bagels and other shit on the menu... Needless to say, they didn't last long. This town loves gimmicks but gimmicks never last more than a couple of years... That fucking ridiculous Poke gimmick has ran it course in under a year and all these suckaz with golden franchise dweamz poured a ton of money into it with nothing to show. Bless their fishy hearts.
Let's get back to the cheesy tomato fruit cakes... So, they took over short lived Rize pizza space on the other side of CO (how the fuck is that place still in business?). I wonder if the leasing agent disclosed to them that this space is cursed. They pretty much redesigned the entire space, it looks a lot smaller in the same footprint... Maybe Rize seemed bigger because no one was in there, ever. Walked in and of course, there was a huge line... At least they had a mural on the wall to admire while waiting. It is a fucking frog in a space suit or a pair of martian ballsack in a helmet... You don't need K2 or Spice to hallucinate this crazy shit. They are also trying to be hip AF with the social media demographics with the overuse of the acronym as a product selling point. Enough of the blah blah blah... Get to the grub already Pouch, you gotta be hungry AF by now...

The whole menu is pornographic AF... 9", 12" and DEEPAF. That American Pie scene just popped into my pea brain... But in reality, there's prolly a whole lotta twerking in the back. Let it cold down first, Pouch. Pump pump squirt... Mmm, cheesy and creamy.

Chicken Wings, carrots, celery, fries and sauces. At first, I was like $11 for 8 fucking wings? Then I read the description closer and it comes with all that shit. Ok, maybe it's not such a ripoff, yet. The wings have a thin batter crust, it's really crispy and tasted pretty good. The shoe string fries were limp and soggy. The hot sauce was garbage, the BBQ sauce was too sweet, the bleu cheese was weak and runny... But the wings were good. Would I get them again? As a whole dish, hell no AF. Just stick with a dozen wings for $11 and keep it simple with a standard hot sauce like Frank's and real bleu cheese.

Charred Brussels Sprouts, pancetta, garlic, panko.  Brussels sprouts is played out AF but that doesn't stop people from ordering them over and over again. I like brussels sprouts and this execution can be found everywhere no matter the cuisine or restaurant. It came out pretty good, the pancetta made this dish tasty AF.

Homemade Spinach Mozzarella Sticks, marinara. They were boasting about this app over and over again, saying order this instead of the regular mozza sticks. Fine. It looked ok when it came out but after one bite, it was all spinach and barely any cheese. It wasn't horrible but it had nothing to hold your attention after one stick. The marinara was nothing special but you needed it like oxygen to get it down. Skip it and stick with the regular mozza sticks if you must get them.

Diavola, spicy pepperoni, basil, truffle oil. $27 for a 12" casserole pie. This thing looked flat AF. I have seen wheels on a lawmower bigger than this. Did they even cook this bread frisbee in the pan? Looked like they cooked it on a flat pizza pan and then put it in this pan to make it look authentic. Look at the side of the crust, it's fucking rounded... That shit never even touched the side of this deep dish pan. Fraud! Who the fuck are they trying to fool? It's like a fancy steak house putting side dishes in mini cast irons pans after it's cooked... All for the presentation. But you can imagine how many retards thought it was cooked in there... Yeah, that mac and cheese was made in the cast iron. Sure, that's believable AF. Let's take a closer look at the "slice"...

It's just a big bloody blob of dough, tomato sauce and cheese. Nevermind that filler crap, the crust is the most important part of a Chi-town deep dish. I swear, that rounded crust was such a dead give away it wasn't even cooked in that pan. I have never seen a pizza dough that shrunk like a Shrinky Dink. It's just falling in on itself. Let's take a closer look on the crust.

Under-cooked and gummy loaf of bread. Looked miserable AF... It was almost as sad as my muffin top, it even kinda looked like it with all the stretch marks. The sauce and cheese was standard issue, the pepperoni wasn't spicy but it had a nice finish with the truffle oil. Overall, this shallow dish was pretty disappointing AF.

Gino's Supreme, pepperoni, Italian sausage, onions, green peppers, mushrooms... All this crap for a measly $31. These motherfuckers just can't keep their grubby hands off the pies. They "have" to start cutting it up and plate it for you to show you the stringy cheese. I'm like, yo, I ain't handicapped, I can pick up my own slice. Based on what's left in the pan, the dough looked much better... As if it was cooked in the same pan as evident with the flat crust against the side of the pan. Let's take a closer look... Wait a second, I couldn't stop looking at the remnants in this pan and if I spewed regurg back into the pan, it really wouldn't make a difference.

The side of the crust was thinner and flatter like the retaining wall of the pool in Poltergeist trying to hold out the dead from doing the back stroke. This looked more like the Chi-town casserole we're used to.

I New Yorker-fied it AF with a nice heaping of red pepper flakes and grated parm. Now, it looks more like a 'Za. This behemoth tasted a lot better than the last disaster. The crust was cooked more properly according to the deep dish specs. Thin flat crust on the side and not too thick on the bottom... So, you don't have a mouthful of breading on every bite. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here... It still ain't a 'Za, but for what it was, it was acceptable.

Thanks Fat 'Murica, you did it, again! Who the fuck can really eat an entire pan pizza in one sitting, better question is why would any mofo want to eat an entire pan pizza in one sitting. I get it, these types of pies are geographic specific... Like in the midwest because it's cold AF and you need a lot of padding for the rough winters. There are no lack of fat slobs in the midwest. But this is Hotlanta... Wait, this town is not lacking obeast creastures, either... And this fat fuck is in the front of that pack. I ate 2 1/2 normal size sections and I was about to explode and regurgitate it to all the baby birds around me within a 5 foot radius. It sat at the bottom of the pouch for 2 days, it was like a paper weight.
The hype for this type of gimmick in this town is expected and they will be packed for at least a couple of months. There was a family of 15 who came here on opening night celebrating something, who the fuck plans a huge family gather and go to an unproven resto on opening night? People with the education level and palate of a 5 year old, that's who. But the hype will die down soon enough and the gimmick will not be as sexy after gaining 15 lbs. Look at Hattie B's, the crowds have died down by more than half and that curiosity has been satisfied by the pedestrians and they are ready to move on to the next new shiny kitchen. This place will be no different by the end of Q1 next year.
It's not terrible but there's really nothing here to bring me back on a monthly basis, not even on a semi-annual basis. It's also really pricey for what it is... But what gimmick isn't pricey in this town? The deep dish tomato cheese cakes just ain't my thing... But don't let that keep y'all from trying it out and judge for yourself if you are a fan of this type of pie. Jesus, I'm still bloated AF 3 days later.
I'm still waiting for Al's Italian Beef, Portillo's or Abe Froman to open up here... We need the sausage king of Chicago in this one horse town... Desperately, because I'm fat AF.

675 North Highland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306
https://www.ginoseast.com/atlanta

Gu's Kitchen

Once upon a time, Gu's Bistro was a destination spot for Szechuan cuisine but then they suddenly shuttered with little notice while at the same time they were opening their food stall at KSM... Coincidence? Well, y'all know the answer to that. It was 2015 and the whole food hall movement was just getting started in this one horse town. It seemed like they wanted to downsize and ride the hipster food court wave with their Gu's Dumplings concept... With dopes lining up for hours for their overpriced and under-filled dumps in hopes that it would turn into a franchise opportunity. Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with franchises these days... Get rich quick schemes hasn't worked since Ronco's Showtime Rotisserie, with his "set it and forget it" gimmick which made Ron Popeil a filthy rich motherfucker. Now, he just spends his remaining days spray painting his bald spots with GLH.
The Americanized grub at Gu's Dumplings was created for the millennial demographics who are more than willing to pay up for sub-par quality. The menu was not made for the expats, it was made to keep them away so they don't call them out. Their namesake item, the Zhong style dumplings, are watered down versions for the gringo palate... They were all wrapper and no filler and a total ripoff but the roundeyes gobbled that shit up like there was no tomorrow and declared them the best dumps they have ever had. It doesn't matter if they are authentic or not, these dumpy doughy sacks made them rich enough to reopen another location on Buford Hwy. Deep down, I'm really hoping for a Gu's Bistro comeback with their spicy dericious affordable mala morsels but the Pouch's instinct says otherwise...
Let's go take a first look and see if they can convince the Pouch to make a revisit...

Gold metal chopsticks and Bram Stoker's dracula armor dishware... How do they afford all this fancypants gear? Oh, yeah, keep pricing the menu for the KSM hipster crowd on Buford Hwy... Sold! If the suckaz are willing to over pay for cheap Chino street food why stop?

Chengdu Cold Noodles, cold egg noodles tossed in a homemade sweet and spicy sauce with robust minced garlic, and bean sprouts; sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds and fresh green onions. Wait a minute... Where the fuck am I? Am I in Alinea? If you're gonna come up with a gimmick, make sure it is relevant to the dish itself... And I have no fucking idea what the meaning of this was. Is it a rasta pasta? Oodles of noodles? Or worms? They're only noodles, Michael. Let's take a closer look at this contraption and see what's under the hula skirt. 

Don't go chasing noodlefalls, please stick to the chowfun and the lo mein you're used to... I don't even know where to begin with this specimen. Do I pick it up with a napkin and throw it out in the trash like hair in a drain or do I eat it right off the floating wooden chopsticks... I decided to pull the chopsticks out quickly and make it rain noodles. It made it a lot easier to mix with the chili oil sitting at the bottom when all the noodles are in the bowl and not hovering in the air like Linda Blair. When they say cold noodles, they mean it... It was straight from the fridge cold. The sweet and spicy chili oil sauce was acceptable but I couldn't get over the ice cold noodles. They really should be at room temp. It's not a bad noodle dish but it was nothing special, either... It really should be like a $6 dish tops since it's only a dollar worth of egg noodles coated in sweetened chili oil.

Was this a Bad Robot Production? I wonder if they are using the robo chef in the kitchen... What's the robo chef you ask?

SCIENCE!

Spicy Dried Eggplant, battered sticks of crispy eggplant stir-fried with sliced garlic, dried red chili peppers, numbing Szechuan peppercorns, and fresh cilantro. The portion was priced correctly, so I don't feel as ripped off paying $13 for this. It was fried golden brown and the crust ultra crispy and the inside was piping hot. The only problem with this good looking execution was not enough flavor. It needed a lot more Szechuan peppercorns and seasoning... It looked great but it was kinda bland. I was expecting a lot more numbing action in my facehole.

Spicy Dried Beef Noodles, warm egg noodles tossed with hot chili peppers, chopped peanuts, spicy ground beef, robust minced garlic, fresh bok choy, and fresh cilantro. Doesn't look much different than the Chengdu Cold Noodles (or the Dan Dan Noods)... Except they toss in a couple of spoonfuls of dried spiced minced meat on top and a couple of scraps of bok choy. It tasted basically the same but the chili oil sauce was a tad spicier and not as sweet which I prefer. This was also an acceptable dish but nothing crave-worthy enough for another visit ASAP.

Szechuan Spicy Popcorn Chicken, lightly breaded and deep fried chicken dusted with Chef Gu's special spice rub. Served with a choice of spicy mayo, honey mustard, or ketchup. Did something get lost in translation here? They are serving "Taiwanese" style cheekan nuggets with spicy mayo, honey mustard or ketchup??!! Where am I, Wing Stop? What kinda shit is this? Fucking ketchup? Wait, I take it back, Wing Stop actually has some pretty damn tasty sauces... I didn't mean to insult them, my bad. That spice rub is just chili flakes sprinkled on top, it did nothing for it. But how was the cheekan, Pouch? Let's just say this was the first time I have never finished a small plate of fried chicken. The sweet potato starch crust was crispy but the white meat chicken inside was as dried out as a 70 year old woman. No amount of spicy mayo, honey mustard or ketchup will help lube it down your throat... I even tried spitting on them because saliva is a natural lubricant... No dice. Why are they using white meat instead of dark meat, especially, at a semi authentic Chino resto? It was hard, chewy and bland, even with the spicy mayo. This was such a waste, what a shame.

What about the Zhong style dumps that you were talking about earlier, Pouch? Where are they? Where they fucking belong... Back in the kitchen or on someone else's table. I ain't wasting valuable marsupial pouch space or money for middling dumps. I saw them at another table and they didn't look any better here.
Is Gu's Bistro crave-worthiness back at the new and shiny Gu's Kitchen? No. Not even close. Nothing I sampled had me wanting more. This first visit was kinda forgettable after a couple hours of eating it and I was already thinking about dinner. What wasn't forgettable was the $50 I shelled out for lunch. Why did they have to fuck with a winning model at Gu's Bistro and ruin it with Gu's Dumplings... It was such a disappointment from the beginning that it has left a bad taste in my mouth ever since. Have they never heard the saying, if it ain't broken, don't fix it... But I'm not writing them off just yet... There's still a couple other dishes I want to try before I close the book on them. And the po'boys ain't them... They look abhorrent and need to be aborted. Maybe they will come out with a Szechuan Detroit style pizza next or a Zhong style poutine...

4897 Buford Hwy
Suite 104
Chamblee, GA 30341
www.guskitchen.com