Crazy Crab Seafood House

This washed up strip mall in Northlake has been a hobo hangout of sorts... The only thing that really keeps this dumpy mall alive is Coco Cabana and they are fucking suspect as hell... Their menu is just ok but the club scene on the weekends are just a fiesta loca. There is a helluva lot of salsa dancing and sweaty belly rubbing to the tunes of Marc Anthony and Pitbull. The fashion of the patrons looked it came off the run way of a halfway house... Or a donation box outside of Kacey's Home Cooking. So much fucking muffin topping up in that piece... And half of the crowd ain't even Latinos, they're Mexican'ts. It may look like an episode of Life Goes On but in reality it's just an organized shit show of mutts in there... And I can't wait to go back for a revisit.
But a few doors down, there was a spot that once lived a mythical creasture called Mandarin Palace that dwell in this lair for dynasties until one day it just mutated into Red Bowl Asian Bistro... What the fuck is the thought behind this move? Trying to capture the millennial demographics? Not in this neck of the woods... I don't think they can even capture the possum and raccoon demographics in this area. Even the pouch said no fucking way after reading the menu... I can get that shit anywhere, USA.
And then not even months later it transformed into a crab boil joint... These fucking things have been popping up everywhere in the last 2 years. You just can't eat this shit everyday, not even once a month, it's just too goddamn messy to eat... Plus, making this shit at home is easy as fuck, even a fat fuck like this oinker can do it. Just toss everything in a pot and turn it to 11. Dunzo.
But pouch, we don't care about your home made slop... We want to know what's the deal with this new crab joint. Don't worry, my one reader will get the scoop on this crab shanty soon enough... Like now... The inside hasn't changed much, they just basically redecorated it with a seaside riff. It's cheesy as fuck but it's clean at least. Jesus, I'm scratching my one ball already... I can feel the crabs crawling up my pants to attack my shriveled sack. Stay the fuck away from the baby turtle or else there will be trouble. Ok, let's take a first look... I'm kinda skeered, just a lil lady bit.

Crazy Crab Seafood Boil Combo for 2, snow crab legs, shrimp, crawfish, clams, mussels, sausage, corn, potatoes. When the server brought this out, I was like why the fuck is she putting the garbage on a silver platter on our table... Shouldn't they be taking out the garbage through the back door? Is this the Royal family's stool bag from under their throne? I was about to yell rat shit until she said that's the combo boil. Ok, I'll buy that, my mistake... For now. Let's open up this sack of suds...

Release the Kraken! And my button fly popped open... Behold! Tis a hefty serving, more than enough for 2 piglets. You can get different flavors and heat levels. But most people will prolly get the garlic butter and mild heat level... Just get the hot sauce on the side and add to it as you like because we all know most hot sauce sucks midget balls. Digging through this cinch sack revealed a lot of food... It's just all resting on the bottom beneath the snow crab legs. It's messy and greasy as fuck, so they give you a plastic lobster bibb and rubber gloves to compensate for this IBSD in a bag on a silver platter... I can hear those crabs saying, no glove no surimi. It's a good boil but what boil isn't? Unless it's full of rancid rotten seafood or just way over cooked to mush. I wouldn't be surprised if most of these ingredients were frozen but it tasted just fine. I ain't gonna rush back here for another combo deal any time soon but it was respectable enough to tell people about it... Shit, I may have spoken too soon... My bowels are starting to erupt into a musical score... Sounds almost like the Flight of the Valkyries... This may be how angels lose their wings... In a shit storm they can't fly through. Ok, it wasn't that bad... But there were some grumblings in the pouch like the Frog King and Lemmiwinks were battling within.

Fried Oyster Basket, cajun fries, hush puppies. The picture looks much heftier than it was... There were about 8 medium size oyster, some with more breading outside than the sea snot inside. They were ok tasting, nothing that gave you an explosion of flavors in your mouth when you bite into them. The cajun fries were regular old brown bag fries with a dusting of fake Old Bay, not much flavor to it... I had to keep dipping it in the garlic hot sauce that came with the boil combo. Hush puppies are always boring, just saw dust filler to trick your stomach that it's satiated. Overall, it's not a bad fried basket just not a lot of oomph to it. When I think of fried oysters, I think of a fat bellied oyster with a light thin crispy crust that literally explodes in your mouth with the full power of it's briny jizz... I think I just soiled my cameltoe underpants thinking about it. Now, I'm thinking about Fork in the Road's fried clam strip dinner... That shit is so good, just like HoJo's back in the days. Based on this oyster fried basket, I assume their other baskets will be similar in taste and execution... Shit, most of them will be from the freezer anyways. Unless you're fucking starving, I wouldn't order the fry baskets... Just stick to the boil items.

I don't have anything too bad to say about this joint, it was actually decent for what it was and it wasn't "Crazy"... But based on the initial small crowd in here on a weekend night, they may be manifesting into another trendy concept in the near future if this doesn't pan out... I don't want to say it but it may eventually have something to do with poke. But in the mean time, I won't stop my one reader from making a visit here. I don't think it will matter much to the viability of this spot but Coco Cabana will still be living la vida loca now matter how many times Sybil changes her personality in this space.

4073 Lavista Rd Suite 369
Tucker, GA 30084
http://www.crazycrabga.com/