Jesus Henry Christ... Why the fuck am I even writing about a joint way the fuck upstate GA? No one will come up here for this slop. It musta been a light eating week for the pouch... Well, not really but I gotta give my one fan the scoop on what chow is available when you're boating and drunk as a hillbilly hobo on moonshine. Y'all gotta nosh on something to absorb all that white lightning. Ok, I'm just fucking wit y'all... A lot of people on Lake Lanier ain't fucking poor, they might be total rednecks but the yacht they're driving cost the same as 2 bedroom condo in midtown... Manhattan.
So, where do these rich mossbacks go to eat after boating and whoring all morning? Some come to the Aqualand Marina to snack on some touristy BBQ and a ton of fried shit. This marina is pretty nice, they got some nice docks to park in. Let's go check out the grub...
Frickles, kosher dill chips hand battered and deep fried. Crispy, light batter and briny pickle chips... They were seasoned nicely and the jalapeno ranch was not spicy but doable. What's not to like?
Cheddar Cheese Pints, beer battered Wisconsin white cheddar cheese bites. Look at these ultra redneck nuggets... Wisconsin white cheddar, c'mon, it was like a Polly-O string cheese cut into 8 pieces battered and fried. There is no such thing as Wisconsin white cheddar, it ain't a real cheese... But don't tell that to the hicks up here, let them live the dream.
Gator Hater, crispy fried gator bites served with Boom Boom sauce. I'm fucking laughing so hard already at the "Boom Boom sauce", it kinda reminds of the Donkey sauce... The dumbest name for sauce ever. By the time these gator haters got to me, they were half gone... Are they that good? If you're fucking 11 beers in, they are god's gift to your pouch. It says gator but they taste like cheekan, shit, everything taste like cheekan... But, yes, they are made with real gator and they pretty damn tasty. C'mon, it's fried.
Smoked Brisket, certified Angus beef brisket slow smoked and served with two Hawaiian sweet rolls with pork rinds on the side. Do I even dare to try the 'brisket' up here? Usually, hillbilly places in the woods do make some good BBQ but if you don't try it you won't know if it's any good. It's interesting they give you a couple Hawaiian rolls, do they even know what that shit is? The big hunk of brisket was ugly looking... I was expecting slices of it with a dark bark, nice smoke ring, tender and moist. This brisket had a really nice smoke ring but everything else about it was disappointing. The pork rinds were pretty decent but it's hard to fuck them up unless they have been sitting under a heat lamp for hours.
Up close and personal... Kinda reminds me of an ex-girlfriend... And man, was she a psycho... In bed. That's what her fortune cookie said... No, really she had a fortune cookie fortune tattooed around her vag that said that. I wished I coulda broke up with this dry ass brisket as easily as I did with that broad. There was so much fat globs all over this thing... And I had to sauce the shit outta it just to slide it down my throat. The brisket was underwhelming, stay away from it and get the pulled pork instead.
The joint is ok for what it is... If you have been out on the lake all day and drinking heavily, this place will do to get your belly filled and to absorb all that liquid funk. But this ain't a destination for their food, especially the BBQ... I didn't even see or smell a smoker.
6800 Lights Ferry Rd
Flowery Branch, GA 30542
http://pigtaleslakelanier.com/
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