This may be the only time that I wished a fast food joint had an open kitchen so you can see what the fuck is going on back there... There is just something wrong and sneaky about placing your order with the team member behind the counter out front while she spits the order through a mic to the back. What the fuck is back there, I wonder... Every now and then one of the gremlins sticks their head out to see what's going on. It seems very shady to me... Shit, this whole place seems shady to me... Why is there a mountain cabin theme? There isn't even a fucking sink inside the bathroom, it's outside the bathroom like at the Renaissance Festival. Whatever you do, don't fucking wash your hands with the round blue "soap" in the trough... Excuse me while I puke a little in my mouth.
I have never been to one of these places, but every one of these locations is slammed packed all the time... Which is usually located in a pretty shitty area that no cracker would ever deliberately live near by, unless you're a hipster millennial. What is the draw here? Why is it so popular? There is no fucking way this food is that good... You know what they say about the cat... Curiosity made the pouch fat.
Let's go see what all the fuss is about... Do I need to get really fucking drunk before hand? Sounds like I should... Ok, maybe afterwards.
Double Burger Combo, chicken nuggets, fries.You would think a combo for $4.99 would be the way to go to sample a bit of their stuff... Look at what came out from behind the curtain. Let's just say there ain't no wizard of cooking back there. Is this a fucking joke? I've seen week old Happy Meals that looked more appetizing and they give you a toy also. 3 dried out pink slim nuggets, shit doesn't even come with a sauce. I guess ketchup is for everything here. The fries woulda been good if they were freshly fried, these have been sitting under a heat lamp on low for hours... Limp and dried out like the Joneses in apartment 15 at the Sunrise senior citizen home. The burger looked like a three-toed sloth made it. The bun was all wrinkled and looked like it was sitting under a brick. The lettuce looked like it was torn apart a la Mr. Hand to Spicoli's school schedule. The leaky mustard and ketchup underneath the bun looked like it was hand painted on. The crusty overcooked double patties inside reminded me of two gorgeous thinly shaved black truffles... Too bad, even a pig wouldn't shove his snout into this. This burger was worst than any shitty back yard BBQ I have ever had. It was so plain, bland and boring.
Double Burger Combo, bacon wrap, onion rings. Ok, we already know how bad the double burga was... But what's this? A bacon wrap? It was basically a low rent burrito. Gummy flour tortilla filled with bacon strips and chopped up bits. There's something interesting about this until you put it in your mouth. It's just goddamn terrifying. If you closed your eyes and took a bite, you would think you're eating a gummi bear with pop rocks inside a hand towel. The mushy feel with grainy bits of texture and the aromatic essence of clorox makes you want to gag instantly. It's such an ugly display that it shouldn't even be called a Mexican't wrap... Let's just call it a Carlos Danger because you don't want that wang anywhere near your mouth. The onion rings in the lowest form of flattery were prolly the most edible part of this dirty box.
After sampling these morsels, my conclusion is... You gotta be real fucking drunk or have the palate of a billy goat to eat here and keep it down. Why do people love this slop? I have no friggin clue... Maybe because it's cheap and when you're drunk at midnight you just don't give a fuck what you put in your mouth except that it's cheap filler since you spent all your loot on booze and blow... Or maybe this slop reminds them of when they were kids, eating junky fast food that satisfied their childhood cravings and memories of innocence and not ever gaining weight eating shit like this... After all, we are all still kids at heart but just in saggy fat bags.
Flush.
Ok... I also had the limited edition watermelon milkshake which was pretty decent with chunks of actual watermelon. The sweet tea was ultra sweet, pee in it to pH balance that bitch.
Another courtesy flush.
Locations found in shitty areas.
4 comments:
Why are you even reviewing this place? Waste of time. Zzzz.
Why are you even reviewing this place? Waste of time. Zzzz.
your burger looks a tad overdone. We ate at one in NC and it was better, I'd say the burger was solid (but not spectacular), fries were fine; not too thrilled with their choices of sides so I got the slaw, which was pretty decent (not too drippy with mayonnaise). And the mint chocolate chip shake was great (I think that upgrading to a shake brings the combo to 5.99). It's popular because it's dirt cheap and it's one of those Christian occultist type places like CFA.
Next time, get the shawarma on the laffa at the Yalla. That thing is huge, awesome.
~mindspringyahoo
It's a ton of food on the cheap. Their hot dogs are usually decent if I'm not willing to make a long trip for better, and their variety of shakes fits whatever mood I'm in. The burger was trash when I tried it though.
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