Donkey Pouch

Another week passes and another weekly round up from the pouch... Let's see what grotesque shit it has been haphazardly shoveling inside the pouch this week...

Willy's.

Frito Burrito. I don't eat here much but when I do, it's because of some stupid ass new offering they have that is so pathetically retarded and who and why they conjured up this beast and actually charge money for it. It was such an ill-conceived specimen that I had to do it for my one fan. If the pouch wasn't gonna do it, who the fuck will... This creasture even scared me. Y'all have no idea how long I sat in my car in front of Willy's trying to weigh the pros and cons of doing this challenge. I thought about going to Popeyes first, then I played with the radio for bit, checked my emails, scroll down a few times on FB, stuck the key back in my car, started it up and turned it off... Stared at that the damned poster of the Frito Burrito on the door... And said fuck it. Stop being such a fucking bloody gash and just do it. What a big fucking mistake...
I said to the dude, just make it exactly how it looks like in the picture... There was so much shit and HFCS brown sauce in there that the dude couldn't even wrap the fucking thing up... Shit was spilling all over, the tortilla was ripped apart like my pants when I bent over to pick up a nickel, he did like 6 tries before the tortilla making girl came over with another tortilla and just double wrapped that fucker... As we all know, no one likes their meaty burrito double wrapped. It just doesn't feel the same when you stick it in the hole between your cheeks... Barely any sensitivity. But anyways, this thing was so bad, so bland, so disgusting in texture and flavor that I had to dump all 5 salsas on it to even slide it down my throat... And I'm an expert of getting girthy fleshy things down my throat. The Fritos did nothing for this because after awhile they get soggy inside that beast's colon and all it does is makes you gag trying to inhale this hog... It's like a donkey punch to the pouch. The ladies know what I'm talking about. Skip it and stick with the regular burritos.


Venkman's.

Meat Ramen. Pork and chicken broth, porchetta, kimchi, egg, house made noodles. So, they were trying their hands on a couple of ramen bowls one Monday night. This was the meat one obviously. The porchetta was slice ultra thin which was savory and ultra tender. The noodles were thin and good but a tad overcooked. The pork head/trotter, chicken, kimchi broth was nicely spiced but it was pretty salty. I ate all the goodies in the bowl but only half the broth since the sodium level was making the pouch retain water and pulling in humidity from the air. The egg had nice soft yolk but was ultra salty like a Chinese preserved salty duck egg... And I liked it. Besides the saltiness of the broth, it was a pretty tasty bowl of slurp.

Veghead Ramen. Mushroom broth, eggplant, bamboo, egg, house made noodles. Had to get one of each. This was pretty good as well but like with the meat bowl, it ran into the same salty issues... The egg was the same which I gobbled up but the mushroom broth was not as salty in this bowl. I liked both because they were different than the ramen bowls you find at every ramen pop up. A little adjustment on the broth and these could be crave worthy. But I liked the effort very much, especially, for a place that just recently opened and mixing up the menu.


Pinewood.

 

Shrimp Gumbo, andouille sausage, jasmine rice & scallions. Where is the French Dip sando? Are you kidding me... This is a gumbo? Looks like rusty corn mash water with some rice thrown in. The shrimp scuba diving in there were rubbery and flavorless. There were no trinity, no roux or file thickener, no flavor, no spice, no nothing. This was awful, almost laughable... I have had better gumbo from a Progresso can.

Grit Tots, Logan Turnpike cheese grit cakes, sweet chili aioli. These were cute and tasty. Hot and crispy but the aioli was pretty much crap. No problem with having a few buckets of these with a fistful of cocktails.

I have seen the price of the Michter's 10 Year from $85 to $400... Which is ridiculous. The 20 year may command $400 to the dull-witted but definitely not the 10 year. There are tons of amazing bourbon/whiskey that are aged for years upwards of 12 years and still doesn't command those lofty dollar demands. This place charges $30 for a pour which I thought was a bit pricey but my friend got it anyways. I took a couple of sips and it was good but not $30 good. I have had better for a lot less. This place still baffles me... While the cocktails are pretty decent here, the menu still needs a lot of work after all this time except for the burger. Yeah, imagine that... A burger.


Stay tuned for more gut-wrenching tales of the pouch adventures... I have to take a dump now after ingesting that Frito burrito. Flush.