Masterpiece

Jesus Christ, did I just walk into PF Chang's? Am I in the right place? I had to walk back outside to make sure I was at the right place. I have been to this shitty strip mall so many times before to eat at the ever changing restos that come and go here (none really wow'd me). Walked down to Tai Pei at the other end but the entire menu has changed to Sichuan cuisine... This is like a blackhole or something because nothing makes sense like that weird viral Chinese video of a monkey walking a dog... C'mon, two Sichuan joints within spitting distance? Walked back into MP... And I was shocked again, it wasn't a dream. The entire place and I mean entire place was full of old gwai-los. WTF is going on up in this piece? One goddamn article from the AJC and Ward and June Cleaver loses their fucking minds and rush over like it's their last meal. Are they mistaking Peter Chang for PF Chang's? I remember driving by this place last year but the pouch never had a good gut feeling about it so I kept on going. But since everyone is soiling their underpants about losing Peter Chang, it's almost like they are grasping for anything that resembles the past. I just got back from NYC and had some sick ass Sichuan grub, so let's see if this ex-cook from Tasty China lives up to the hype everyone is jizzing over. Remember, sometimes you just have to let go... No matter how fucking hot your ex-girlfriend was because somewhere some other guy is sick of her shit, too.

First off, don't even think about complaining on Yelp about the service... There isn't any, even for a FOB Chino joint. It's the worse service you will ever get in this life and the next. You will sit there for hours until they decide to clear a table and the tables are a fucking filthy mess. They got like 3 people running the entire place, hire a couple of Mexicans for fuck sake at least to clear the tables. Cooking good food might be one thing here but running a resto is definitely not their strong suit. Hell, let's face it, they can't run a restaurant for shit, period. But don't let that dissuade you if you got a hankering for some spicy Sichuan grub... At least that's what's advertised here. Time to see if the pouch approves.

Dumpling with Chili Sauce. And I thought new Gu's Dumps were bad... These were soggy, mushy and devoid of any chili... It was just soy sauce with garlic. Did they fuck up and put the wrong sauce on? Who knows, who cares at this point, the dumps were so uninteresting and flavorless... I had to add the chili oil from the nasty can on the table. Still wasn't spicy enough. I seriously hope this was just a one time fuck up. Awful.

Beef Tendon. I was curious about their take on the Dong Po pork belly but I was not interested in eating a 60% block of fat swimming in a cloying brown sauce on this visit... So, I got this instead. The thinly sliced tendons were spot on but the chili sauce needed a bit more heat. But overall, this was a good little dish.

Mapo Tofu. You have to get the classic to see what the fuck is up on the skills by the man. The menu showed only one chili pepper which blew my mind. Mapo is usually decently spicy but if they are only committing one chili, then their other dishes with 3 or 4 chilis must be fucking unreal on the heat level- Yes, please! Ok, this mapo was not spicy at all, just because it's red doesn't mean shit. This was very wimpy. The flavor were just ok, it needed a bit more pork and a lot more spiciness. This would be a good beginners dish.

Eggplant with Chili Powder and Pepper Ash Powder. The infamous "dry fry mooli"... And yes, this was good. A bit of a different take on it with the chili powder and pepper ash which I liked a lot. It was pleasingly tingly on the tongue. But I know this was too much for the whities around here, I noticed every table that ordered this were left mostly uneaten. That is fucking insulting. But this dish will prolly be the most ordered dish anywhere in Atlanta. This was done correctly unlike the shit show at the new Gu's Dumps version which was sacrilegious.

Boiled Fish Fillet in Chili Stew. There are so many different takes on fish in chili oil or what not on this menu it almost gave me a headache. I went for the classic and told them to make it super super spicy. The red glow was impressive when it came out but after tasting a few spoonfuls of the "stew", it was all just a mind fuck from the molten lava color. It wasn't bland, it had very decent flavors overall but not the super spicy that I had requested. The fish fillets were very tender as expected and no, the entire bowl is not all fish, there's a good amount of veggie filler underneath it. It's an OK rendition but I would not order this again... Maybe one of the other 50 styles of fish in something something if there is a next time for me. If you want a classic no fuss on the cheap excellent version- go to Chong Qing Hot Pot in Chinatown food court, it's better and closer intown.

Hunan Fried Chicken. What kind of sorcery is this? This was not the Hunan fwied cheekan I was looking for. Lost in translation got me fucked again... It says fried cheekan, but stir fry comes out. Did they just give up and said fuck it, they won't notice the difference anyways. I was expecting more of a (I hate to say it) General Tso's cheekan but made in the real Chinese way with a ton of hot peppers... And this shit comes out. I shoulda just stuck to the bone in chicken with hot peppers. Well, this ain't going back so let me dissect it and see what's what. At first glance, it looks like some Americanized Kung Pao cheekan dish but if you look closer there is all sorts of chili peppers in there. It's a wolf in sheep's clothing because this was prolly the spiciest dish of the night. The cheekan nuggets were run of the mill hole in the wall Chino joint style. Besides the heat this dish was pretty lame.

I don't know what to think... It wasn't bad and it wasn't great, there were some notable dishes but nothing that craveworthy that made me want to have it again. Maybe I'm spoiled, maybe I had better, maybe I'm a retard, who knows. But I do know he's got some cooking skills back there but I also know trying to run a full service restaurant alone with your wife and some nitwit kid might have some ill effect on the subpar customer service, that's not saying they don't work hard and bust their ass... They just don't know how to run a resto. Plus, the menu is ridiculously long given that there's really only one person cooking in the entire place. Downsize the menu will not only make the food better but also lowers your stress level, pal. The food didn't take that long to come even though the place was packed with non-ex-pats whom were all ordering really bland dishes which I didn't understand why they would come here in the first place. There was one Chinese family behind us and they even walked out after a few minzies... That takes a lot of bullshit for Asians to walk out of a Chino joint. Or maybe it was just the sight of pile upon pile of plates of savagely eaten/butchered food left on the tables uncleared for hours and let's not forget about the empty beer bottles that the whities left all lined up on the ledge of the walls and floors. If you bring booze in, have the fucking decency to clean up after yourselves when you goddamn well know this place doesn't clean up after themselves on a timely basis, either. I don't usually care about bad service/shitty decor/filth if the food is rocking but they need to hire more people and make it look like a place that you want to spend your money in at least. People are still desperately trying to hold on to that mysterious Peter Chang figure... That mystery and allure always make the food taste better than it is... As is the case for this joint.

The place is all yours, gwai-lo... I won't be coming back any time soon no matter how many stars this place gets. Do yourself a favor and just go explore the Chinatown food court, you'll have a better experience overall.

3940 Buford Hwy
B103
Duluth, GA 30096
770-622-1191