Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Southern Gentleman

When did fist pumping become trending again? You can almost see Ed Hardly's shit eatin' grin dying to make a come back and the overly animated bronzed ginzos up in here may just be the catalyst it needs this winter. The decor is almost all white and pristine like some party at a B celebrity's Hamptons' summer hotspot but offset by the rich mahogany of faux skin tone that warms the setting along with a light mist of Drakkar Noir for mystery. The Buckhead militia has been waiting for a place like this for years and they couldn't be more happier. Now, they can fist pump and dry hump each other in their natural habitat without the stigma of being poked fun at because of the antics from The Jersey Shore... Just watch out for the gel spots on the floor. The vibe on a recent Friday night was energetic with a colorful crowd of unabashed $45,000.00 millionaires spending other people's money more obscene than two girls can do with one cup.
Speaking of cups... The Moscow Mules were pleasantly served in copper mugs which was a nice touch. How long will they keep that practice up is anyone's guess. Time to fill up Santa's pouch with some presents, will it be wonderful toys or lumps of coal...

Chicken & Waffles. Chicken liver mousse, brown butter herb waffles, Nana's chow-chow. Sounded cute on paper but the "waffles" were the size of silver dollars. If you put these in your wallet, a friend might think it's a condom and ask to borrow one when he takes the half drunk homely cougar next to you home. The liver mousse was actually decent but the chow chow tasted like Nana did a farmer's blow on the plate.. Southern cookin', child.

Hoppin' John-Boudin Balls. Warm pepper jelly. I expected the balls to be a little bigger like the testosterone here. The Sitch would be insulted to eat balls that were not overly embellished kinda like his DJing skills. The boudin balls were mind numbing and made me blue... What else is new. Yes, I will be crying myself to sleep tonight, again.

Louisans Parish Meat Pies. Riverview Farms beef and pork, holy trinity, tomato, pie crust, comeback sauce. Stop it with the comeback sauce, already.. It's almost as stupid as the Donkey sauce. But the meat pies were surprisingly tasty even though they were the size of the pan fried dumplings at Chico and Chang.

Southern Porchetta. Loin, belly, skin of Riverview Farms heritage pork, balsamic braised greens, cornbread puree, au jus. They changed the name on the menu because it's really not a porchetta but they forgot to change it on the itemized receipt. The whole idea sounds great because porchetta is awesome and full of crazy flavors. But somehow this dish fell apart like the reassembled block of pork bits on the gruelish puree. The porchetta still thinks it's Movember with that bushy stache attached to it. While the skin was candy crackling hard which was fun to munch on but the thick layer of fat was off putting. The meat itself was ok, not very flavorful. That cornbread puree, even Oliver Twist wouldn't ask for seconds. For the price of admission, this dish was a bomb. It would have taken less time to actually make a proper porchetta. I'm sad because this was the stand out dish I wanted to try when I first read the menu.


Shrimp & Grits. Head-On Gulf shrimp. New Orleans 'BBQ' sauce, speckled whole grain white grits. I liked that they did the head-on shrimp, too bad the millenials in here have never seen or eaten one on a plate placed in front of them. Sucking the heads were probably the highlight of this dish. The grits were submerged in a bitter muddy fluid which made it taste like it was sitting out in the hot Weezeeana sun all day long on the deck of a fishing boat.
 
Duck & Dumplings. Duck confit, root vegetables, duck fat dumplings. The duck confit was a bit dry but I'll let that slide since it's a new kitchen crew. I don't think they should be doing anything confit this early in the resto's life. What baffled me were the duck fat dumplings, they were more like biscuits. This was a pretty scant plate with a few bits of veggies. The frenching technique was minimal at best and they left the mitten on the nub and the bone was still attached. Bilboquet is downstairs if you need some advice but take that with a grain of salt.

Cast-Iron Seared Culotte Steak. Black trumpet mushrooms, sweet potato gratin, ‘Orange-Eye’ gravy. Is that Baklava? Oh, it's just sheets of sweet taters layered on top of each other like phyllo-esque puff pastry. The steak was cooked spot on and pretty tasty, along with the shrooms. Meat and taters, imagine that... A dish that came out decently executed even though I swear I saw Hobbits eat this exact plating once in a Lord of the Rings scene which was a nice hat tip to those Middle Earth midgets. Don't forget to get a side of lembas bread.

Stump cake... Well, that's what I'm calling it because the muffin top on this was around my waste already. This was some tangerine/clementine coconut cake thinger. It wasn't good. Either the fridge it was held in was too cold or the cake was freeze dried. It was like chewing on damp saw dust held together by some thick spackle frosting. I have had better cakes from Hostess. Damn, I miss eating Ho Hos and Ding Dongs... Doctor Detroit's orders.

It's not a fluke that the menu is what it is... Full of gimmicky dishes designed exclusively for their targeted demographics. All show and no substance... And that goes for the food here, too. The menu is not a total mess but it's good enough for the patrons, Atlanta gets what Atlanta deserves. As for the crowd, it's old school Buckhead at it's finest. The bullshit was as thick as the foundation used on the broads with bad skin in hopes of finding their future ex-husband in here. Move aside, the new Southern Gentleman has arrived because fat chicks need loving, too. This place will have an audience no matter what they serve and they will most likely be successful. Maybe.

3035 Peachtree Rd
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-939-9845
http://www.thesoutherngentlemanatl.com/restaurant/

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