Popeyes Ghost Pepper Wings

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YO!
Ghost Pepper Wings???!!! Slap my pannus and call me flappy... Is this for real or was it a wet dweam? I don't care, I have eaten Popeyes so many times in my dreams (mostly wet) that it became reality like Freddy Krueger could kill you in your dreams... But my Nightmare on Pouch Street was that he made me fat, instead. That insensitive burnt motherfucker. So, will this box of mystery meat be a dream or a nightmare... Time to see if I will be in awe like Vincent with Marsellus' briefcase or just a sucka with a new PS4 box filled with rocks in a bag.

"Taste the mystery" it says... It's no mystery what's inside, there should be spicy ass wangz in there. Let's take a peek... I'm so nervous and excited! I hope I don't pee my diaper, I just put on a new one.

Voilà! ...and I hear the sound of a loser on the Price Is Right. That fucking Bob Barker fucked me again! 6 wings and a biscuit is what's inside... They don't look so spicy to me. I have always been a huge (no pun) fan of their regular spicy cheekan but their wings not so much. They always seemed kinda chintzy to me. The crust was good, crunchy, crispy, flavorful but where the fuck is the ghost peppers? Not even a hint of it. A few red spots that give the illusion that it may contain ghost peppers but I tongued it and nothing. I stick my tongue in a lot of things and I usually get some kind of feedback in return but these wings were weaker than an 80 year old hag... And no, I didn't stick my tongue anywhere near that dried up old thing. But the biscuit was warm and buttery.

Popeyes build me up with the promise of scorching hot wings but at the end of the day they were a let down... Not because they were bad wings, they were just not as advertised. Can someone please fucking make me some wings that will live up to the pouch's standards for fuck's sake??!! Don't tickle my taint and leave my muffin top dangling... Not even a neighborly reach around. I would not recommend these Ghost Pepper Wings, they're a mystery alright... Who the fuck came up with this brilliant idea is still a mystery. I do appreciate them for trying out new shit but let the pouch inside that test kitchen and he will deliver as promised. My smack will be so hot that it could double as a chemical peel... After only one treatment, you will look and feel like a spicy spring cheekan again.

I still love you, Popeyes.