Popeyes Ghost Pepper Wings

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YO!
Ghost Pepper Wings???!!! Slap my pannus and call me flappy... Is this for real or was it a wet dweam? I don't care, I have eaten Popeyes so many times in my dreams (mostly wet) that it became reality like Freddy Krueger could kill you in your dreams... But my Nightmare on Pouch Street was that he made me fat, instead. That insensitive burnt motherfucker. So, will this box of mystery meat be a dream or a nightmare... Time to see if I will be in awe like Vincent with Marsellus' briefcase or just a sucka with a new PS4 box filled with rocks in a bag.

"Taste the mystery" it says... It's no mystery what's inside, there should be spicy ass wangz in there. Let's take a peek... I'm so nervous and excited! I hope I don't pee my diaper, I just put on a new one.

Voilà! ...and I hear the sound of a loser on the Price Is Right. That fucking Bob Barker fucked me again! 6 wings and a biscuit is what's inside... They don't look so spicy to me. I have always been a huge (no pun) fan of their regular spicy cheekan but their wings not so much. They always seemed kinda chintzy to me. The crust was good, crunchy, crispy, flavorful but where the fuck is the ghost peppers? Not even a hint of it. A few red spots that give the illusion that it may contain ghost peppers but I tongued it and nothing. I stick my tongue in a lot of things and I usually get some kind of feedback in return but these wings were weaker than an 80 year old hag... And no, I didn't stick my tongue anywhere near that dried up old thing. But the biscuit was warm and buttery.

Popeyes build me up with the promise of scorching hot wings but at the end of the day they were a let down... Not because they were bad wings, they were just not as advertised. Can someone please fucking make me some wings that will live up to the pouch's standards for fuck's sake??!! Don't tickle my taint and leave my muffin top dangling... Not even a neighborly reach around. I would not recommend these Ghost Pepper Wings, they're a mystery alright... Who the fuck came up with this brilliant idea is still a mystery. I do appreciate them for trying out new shit but let the pouch inside that test kitchen and he will deliver as promised. My smack will be so hot that it could double as a chemical peel... After only one treatment, you will look and feel like a spicy spring cheekan again.

I still love you, Popeyes.

Cooks & Soldiers

Basque cuisine in this one horse town? C'mon, stop poking my pouch... You might lose a finger in there. So, they promise pintxos and asados, in other words, tapas. Yes, we all know tapas has been played out but that doesn't stop me from sampling as many little morsels as I can. I'm not gonna get too much into each dish because there were a ton of them... Shit, my one fan can't read so good anyways, just likes to see the purdy pics and the stuff that went into the pouch.

Octopus Hongkongensis... I'm gonna eat you, mofo, even if you're just a sketch.

Foie Gras. Not the biggest piece in the world but for what it was, it was definitely very tasty with the fig and grapefruit.

Veal Cheek. Need I say more? Super tender cheek with a nice rich demi glace. Tasty savory dish.

Clams. Nice clam dish, the broth was pretty good, too... Might need a little more bread to sop up the goodies.

Bikini. It's only a grilled cheese sando with jamón Ibérico and black truffle... That's all, nothing to see here. Crunchy yet gooey in the middle with those potent flavors.

Cassoulet. My pic looks like shit because I couldn't wait to dig my fork into this... It had chistorra and morcilla sausage, the duck confit was just a bonus. 

Pulpo. This was good, period. I love octopus served in any style and this was no exception. It was super tender and had a nice light char finish to it. The little squirt tube is silly but the flavors were spot on.

Chistorra in a Blanket. I did not mind these at all. The croissant blanket was a little flappy but I guess you can't do much when it's wrapped around a nubby sausage. 

Croquetas de Jamon. Square and boxy, a nice break from the balls or the mozzarella stick shapes. They were tasty but nothing that is out of the ordinary.

Patatas. These are good fries. Very crispy and seasoned well. The fondue and Basque ketchup were ok, just something to dip them in.

Tartare. Cured tomato as the tartare with a carrot yolk... Very cute. But how does it taste? Not too shabby. It has the texture of a beef tartare but there's no mistaking it for meat. The carrot yolk does break and it's cute to mix it all together. I like the dish even if it's very vegan freely.

Boquerones. White anchovies, blood orange, apple.. White anchovies are the best.

Bruleed Fig. Figs were great with a little ham in there. These were a nice nibble.

Hongos y Setas. The coal roasted shrooms and truffles, c'mon... Tasty of course.

Caña y Frutas. Apple, cheese, mango... A little on the lighter side but a nice change from the cook stuff.

Fried Chickpeas. Can't eat just one.

It was a good first showing. I had no real complaints.. Imagine that, the pouch was happy. Pretty much everything came out better than than I had expected. Most dishes were pretty simple to execute, so the difficulty level were pretty minimal. But of course you still want it prepared properly. The true test is to see if they can keep it up and get better as time goes on or worse.. But for now, I'm totally OK with this place. I would come back but you have to order smart because it adds up real quickly and you may get sticker shock at the end of the night.

691 14th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia 30318
404-996-2623
http://cooksandsoldiers.com/

The Luminary

The Krog Street Market is a great addition to this one horse town. They are killing it every time I go through there. They got some great players in there. Spotted Trotter, Fred's, Yalla, GC BBQ, Hop City, Craft Izakaya and hopefully Gu's Dumps and Cockentrice will open soon. But the place that I didn't run into earlier was this joint, The Luminary. I heard it was just so-so in the beginning so I wanted to wait a bit for them to get up and running. I like Eli, he's a good cook and good guy, so I wanted to make sure he puts out the best when I finally eat here. Doing a French Bistro is a bold move in this town. Bilboquet was pretty much a let down but the service was great. So, I was hoping that Eli knew what he was getting into. Let's take a look if the French techniques are being executed correctly here...

Foie Gras. Nice piece of foie cooked perfectly with a little pink inside. Melted like butter in my facehole. The chestnut polenta was something different and paired well with the foie. Great little dish.

Beef Tartare. This was one dish that I will be examining closely. I used to make hundreds if not thousands of these when I was cooking in NYC. We did it the real way, the raw egg on top is a cute gimmick but it's not the correct way to serve a proper tartare. I was very surprised that this was done pretty much the right way with the chopped egg whites, yolks, cornichon instead of capers, and red onion incorporated already. The only thing I would put in extra is some chopped anchovies, they fucking kill it in a tartare. This tartare had a really nice bold flavor. I had them sub out the fries for the smokey bacon beans but they forget the bread to go with it. Not a big deal but you can't eat this without a carb vehicle to transport that raw meat into your hole.

Smokey Bacon Beans. The smokey bacon bits does justice to anything, but it made the beans even better going in.. Going out is another story.

French Dip. The fries were excellent, I couldn't stop eating them. The au jus was rich and flavorful, really nice. The bread was like a big gougère but it missed the mark, it broke apart even before trying to pick it up. The beef was damn good, great color, tender and flavorful. Dip it in the jus and it becomes instantly addictive. Good dish but work on that bread thing, maybe even just switch it out for a nice H&F bread that can hold up to the dipping action. 

Duck Confit. Finally, someone doing a proper duck confit. It was Frenched correctly, both the leg and thigh bone came out with ease. Even the nub was done right, no loose skin hanging off like a half picked scab. The meat was super tender and pulled apart easily. The skin was crispy and fat rendered nicely. This was just a good dish done right.

The service is great. The bartenders doing a great job at not only making drinks but also being bartenders that actually talks to the customers. I have no complaints with the service department, the food was surprisingly well executed and thought out. Maybe except for that French Dip gougère bread thinger. If this place continues doing what they're doing now, I will be back more often to see what's else pops up on the menu. Are they doing real French here, maybe not exactly but they are doing it better than most French restos. Eli is doing good stuff here. Check it out.


99 Krog Street Northeast
Atlanta, GA 30307
404-600-6199
http://www.theluminaryatl.com/

Golden BBQ

This space has seen restaurants come and go the last few years. Most recently was Coco's which was sub-par and I was waiting for them to close up so another sucka could take over and now another sucka has taken over the semi-cursed location. Golden BBQ is now serving dim sum, BBQ meats and classic Cantonese dishes. Every time I see the name, the word shower should be in there somewhere because I have a dirty mind. Let's take a peek if this place is solid gold or just plated garbage. 

Dim Sum. I like that all the dim were made to order. The bad part is that the dim sum was below average. The soup dumplings were just plain bad, the broth was almost non-existent in flavor and actual liquid inside, the meat was tough and chewy, the skin was too thick but it was wrapped nicely. Siu mai was decent but the har gao was falling apart and flavorless. The tripe was not cooked enough, chewy and sauce needed to be a lot more spicy. The beef in the cheong fun was like ground up chicken white meat, so strange. The rest was forgettable and regrettable. I would not come back here for the dim sum. I'm spoiled now from Best BBQ's seriously amazing dim sum at the Great Wall food court.

Congee, pork, 1000 yr old egg. This was velvety and pretty tasty. The consistency was very nice. I would get this again and the price is cheaper than most places.

Whole BBQ chicken. Skin was just right, a little crisp to it and flavorful. The meat was a little tough.

Salted fish and chicken with eggplant. This was decent but the salted fish pieces were so small, almost like a fine dice that got lost in there.

Their version of shaking beef. This came out sizzling hot which was nice. The smell was amazing when it came out. The beef was nice and tender, cooked perfectly. Bad part is that they don't give you enough to share with entire table because I'm fat and greedy.

Fried Capelin with Roe. Yes, these delicious little bastards are fried whole and they have a ton of roe inside. They are like chips, can't eat just one. This is a must get dish.

Beef chowfun. Looks decent but it was just ok, the beef was a bit overcooked and dry tasting. Ming's version is still one of my favorites.

Fried Pork Chops. Nice crust and sauce. Some pieces are tender and others were a bit chewy. Still pretty good to gnaw on.

Squid with mustard greens. The squid was tender but a bit on the small side. The mustard greens were mostly the stalk, I prefer more of the leafy part. It's an ok dish, Hong Kong Harbor does a killer version.

Scallops. Can't complain about scallops. It's a nice dish but the flavors were kinda boring.

Overall, this wouldn't be my first choice but it's not bad either. They just need to work on some dishes because the flavors were lacking. The service was good and the menu does have some interesting dishes on there, it's pretty extensive, too. Go with a group, then you can try more dishes because if you go solo and order a crappy dish, that will put them on your shit list. The roast meats looked pretty decent. The brought out a freshly roasted whole piggy but I was too stuffed to get some. I will try if there is a next time... Ok, most likely.
 
4897 Buford Hwy 
Ste 104 
Chamblee, GA 30341

Mamak

More Asian street food popping up... This time it's Malaysian street food. Ok, not really but I'll play along. Anything to get people in... But they do have a pretty extensive menu which is nice. Some people are raving about this joint. I think some dishes are good and others have promise to become one day. Seems like most of their customers are from the overflow at Sweet Hut which doesn't hurt. I still don't know why nothing has replaced the Ranch 99 space yet, but that would be a sick ass food court. But enough with the talkie talk.. Time to do the walkie walk or waddle waddle in my case. Pouch hungry.. Feed me, Seymour.

Roti Canai. The classic Indian infused Malaysian flatbread. The Roti was warm and had a nice chew to it but it needed to be a little more puffy. The curry sauce was too watery and lacked that curry flavor it needed. Penang still makes a killer one.

Fried Chicken Wings. You don't say! You know this shit is on. The wings were super crispy and had a orangy hue to it, they marinade it in something but it's very faint. Need to ask them next time. Good wings but $7 for 5 drums and flats doesn't make it so great. Popeyes just keep making themselves look better and better every week without even lifting a thumb.

Mamak Tofu. Bits of shrimp, pork and fried tofu. This was savory comfort food. Get youself a big bowl of that fragrant rice and just start pouring this slop on top. It cures cancer. Trust me.

Beef Chow Ho Fun. Decent looking plate of noods. Pretty tasty but a bit greasy. I prefer Ming's across the way for their very tasty chowfun.

Hainanese Chicken. Singapore's national dish that many claim to make but fail to execute. This version was just ok. The fragrant rice wasn't that fragrant. I don't know if they even used the chicken broth left over from making the chicken. You could always mash in some of the ginger and chili sauce for flavor. The chicken should be really tender, almost melt in your mouth tender but this tasted more like it was prepared a couple days ago. The meat had tighten up and the skin was not soft and moist. It's not bad but you can't call this Hainanese cheekan, it's just boiled chicken and steamed rice.

I like the place, it has promise. There's a lot of other goodies to try here like the Nasi Lemak, Special Fish Head, Curry Laksa, Curry Chee Cheong Fun and Chow Kway Teow. So, I'll be back a few more times and my one fan will be updated accordingly.

5150 Buford Hwy, Suite A-170
Doraville, GA 30340

678-395-3192

http://www.mamak-kitchen.com/

Southbound Revisit

I liked what I had on my first couple of visits. I liked the space and the vibe.. Even the desolate location is growing on me. The menu consisted of nothing ground breaking or overly adventurous but I was still drawn to come back and try more of the dishes. Maybe the 3 giant Big Green Eggs had some Pavlovian effect on me... My facehole leaks every time I think about that ginormous smoked bone-in short rib I saw at another table once. Time to run by again and see what's up... Pouch needs a proper rogering of manmeat.

SB Hot Chicken. I had to do it again, see if it has changed for the better. Nope. As a boneless fried chicken, it's great but as a hot cheekan, not even close. Sprinkling some cayenne rub on the top piece does not make it a hot cheekan. I want it drown in super spicy cayenne chicken grease!

Poutine. Their take on the once trendy dish... But it doesn't stop me from ordering it. The gravy was more like a thick sausage gravy, a bit tough to get it on all the fries. It's a tasty dish but not craveworthy enough to order it again.

Wood Grilled Cauliflower, fried florets. This was a cute dish. I liked the cauliflower done two ways. I used to hate this albino shit but as you get older your taste buds just don't give a shit anymore and shove whatever is in front of you into your facehole... Especially, when it's fried.

Mushroom Toast. People still loves this. I'm kinda over it. It's still decent but I rather waste my pouch space on something more substantial.

Fried Green Tomatoes. Small slices of FGT but not too bad overall. I'm kinda over this, too. I bet this stuff to hillbillies is like rice to me, old hats.

Pimento Cheese, bacon jam. What are they thinking with just giving you a couple scraps of bread with this? Ask for more bread when you order this, you'll need it unless you like to eat the pimento out of the jar like a pint of Talenti mango sorbetto. The bacon jam, well, you know, its like bacon toothpaste.. For that beautiful shit eatin' grin.

Steak Frites. I was pissed that they stopped offering the smoked bone-in short rib on a regular basis (available on Wednesday only now) and they were also out of the lamb shoulder at 6:30pm, so, I resorted to getting this ubiquitous dish. But I pleasantly surprised by what a nice piece of ribeye was placed in front of me and it was cooked spot on medium rare. I don't know why restos like to put the meat on top making all the fries soggy with all the manmeat juices dripping down... So, sometimes I imagine the fries are like sexy Nair legs, then it's ok to have your juices run down them.

Wood Grilled Scottish Salmon. I don't order salmon when dining out, it's like ordering a roast chicken for your entree. Just don't do it... So, I usually let some sucka order it so I can take a bite of it. I like salmon but it's so fucking boring. It's prepared the same way everywhere, it's cheaper to just make it at home. But the salmon here was a nice portion and grilled appropriately. Nothing exciting but I guess it's ok for people who don't eat meat. Suckaz.

While this visit didn't raise the food to a new level, it was still totally acceptable because it was consistent and well executed. If you come not on a Wednesday, I would just grab a seat at the bar and order the burger and a few drinks. But come on a Wednesday early if you want the smoked bone-in short rib... I need to clear my calender and prepare for this in advance. I do not want to be disappointed again, you don't want to make the Pouch angry. You don't want the Pouch to smash.


5394 Peachtree Road
Chamblee, GA 30341

678-580-5579

http://www.baconsnobs.com/baconsnobs/welcome.html

The Southern Gentleman

When did fist pumping become trending again? You can almost see Ed Hardly's shit eatin' grin dying to make a come back and the overly animated bronzed ginzos up in here may just be the catalyst it needs this winter. The decor is almost all white and pristine like some party at a B celebrity's Hamptons' summer hotspot but offset by the rich mahogany of faux skin tone that warms the setting along with a light mist of Drakkar Noir for mystery. The Buckhead militia has been waiting for a place like this for years and they couldn't be more happier. Now, they can fist pump and dry hump each other in their natural habitat without the stigma of being poked fun at because of the antics from The Jersey Shore... Just watch out for the gel spots on the floor. The vibe on a recent Friday night was energetic with a colorful crowd of unabashed $45,000.00 millionaires spending other people's money more obscene than two girls can do with one cup.
Speaking of cups... The Moscow Mules were pleasantly served in copper mugs which was a nice touch. How long will they keep that practice up is anyone's guess. Time to fill up Santa's pouch with some presents, will it be wonderful toys or lumps of coal...

Chicken & Waffles. Chicken liver mousse, brown butter herb waffles, Nana's chow-chow. Sounded cute on paper but the "waffles" were the size of silver dollars. If you put these in your wallet, a friend might think it's a condom and ask to borrow one when he takes the half drunk homely cougar next to you home. The liver mousse was actually decent but the chow chow tasted like Nana did a farmer's blow on the plate.. Southern cookin', child.

Hoppin' John-Boudin Balls. Warm pepper jelly. I expected the balls to be a little bigger like the testosterone here. The Sitch would be insulted to eat balls that were not overly embellished kinda like his DJing skills. The boudin balls were mind numbing and made me blue... What else is new. Yes, I will be crying myself to sleep tonight, again.

Louisans Parish Meat Pies. Riverview Farms beef and pork, holy trinity, tomato, pie crust, comeback sauce. Stop it with the comeback sauce, already.. It's almost as stupid as the Donkey sauce. But the meat pies were surprisingly tasty even though they were the size of the pan fried dumplings at Chico and Chang.

Southern Porchetta. Loin, belly, skin of Riverview Farms heritage pork, balsamic braised greens, cornbread puree, au jus. They changed the name on the menu because it's really not a porchetta but they forgot to change it on the itemized receipt. The whole idea sounds great because porchetta is awesome and full of crazy flavors. But somehow this dish fell apart like the reassembled block of pork bits on the gruelish puree. The porchetta still thinks it's Movember with that bushy stache attached to it. While the skin was candy crackling hard which was fun to munch on but the thick layer of fat was off putting. The meat itself was ok, not very flavorful. That cornbread puree, even Oliver Twist wouldn't ask for seconds. For the price of admission, this dish was a bomb. It would have taken less time to actually make a proper porchetta. I'm sad because this was the stand out dish I wanted to try when I first read the menu.

Shrimp & Grits. Head-On Gulf shrimp. New Orleans 'BBQ' sauce, speckled whole grain white grits. I liked that they did the head-on shrimp, too bad the millenials in here have never seen or eaten one on a plate placed in front of them. Sucking the heads were probably the highlight of this dish. The grits were submerged in a bitter muddy fluid which made it taste like it was sitting out in the hot Weezeeana sun all day long on the deck of a fishing boat.
 

Duck & Dumplings. Duck confit, root vegetables, duck fat dumplings. The duck confit was a bit dry but I'll let that slide since it's a new kitchen crew. I don't think they should be doing anything confit this early in the resto's life. What baffled me were the duck fat dumplings, they were more like biscuits. This was a pretty scant plate with a few bits of veggies. The frenching technique was minimal at best and they left the mitten on the nub and the bone was still attached. Bilboquet is downstairs if you need some advice but take that with a grain of salt.

Cast-Iron Seared Culotte Steak. Black trumpet mushrooms, sweet potato gratin, ‘Orange-Eye’ gravy. Is that Baklava? Oh, it's just sheets of sweet taters layered on top of each other like phyllo-esque puff pastry. The steak was cooked spot on and pretty tasty, along with the shrooms. Meat and taters, imagine that... A dish that came out decently executed even though I swear I saw Hobbits eat this exact plating once in a Lord of the Rings scene which was a nice hat tip to those Middle Earth midgets. Don't forget to get a side of lembas bread.

Stump cake... Well, that's what I'm calling it because the muffin top on this was around my waste already. This was some tangerine/clementine coconut cake thinger. It wasn't good. Either the fridge it was held in was too cold or the cake was freeze dried. It was like chewing on damp saw dust held together by some thick spackle frosting. I have had better cakes from Hostess. Damn, I miss eating Ho Hos and Ding Dongs... Doctor Detroit's orders.

It's not a fluke that the menu is what it is... Full of gimmicky dishes designed exclusively for their targeted demographics. All show and no substance... And that goes for the food here, too. The menu is not a total mess but it's good enough for the patrons, Atlanta gets what Atlanta deserves. As for the crowd, it's old school Buckhead at it's finest. The bullshit was as thick as the foundation used on the broads with bad skin in hopes of finding their future ex-husband in here. Move aside, the new Southern Gentleman has arrived because fat chicks need loving, too. This place will have an audience no matter what they serve and they will most likely be successful. Maybe.

3035 Peachtree Rd
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-939-9845
http://www.thesoutherngentlemanatl.com/restaurant/