Who doesn't like a new BBQ joint in town? It is always a nice welcome so we don't have to drive way out to bumblefuck just to have a taste test... But should we really trust anything that says BBQ in Buckhead? I want to but the low information Buckhead bimbos could probably care less about the grub vs. the scene to show off their new sundresses and trend of the week open toe sandals... And don't forget to wear a thong that's darker than your sundress, so everyone can admire it. But I digress.. The space is built out nicely, there's a lot of space and a lot of horny broads up in this piece (there I go again!). Bros, come dressed in your best and pressed triple pleated khakis, pastel Polos and boat shoes with the knotted leather laces.. Oh, and don't forget the croakies for your Aviators. You know chicks dig that shit, like putty in your A&F cargo shorts. Ok, enough of making fun of the Buckhead militia (even though, it's so much fun!)... Let's get to the main act.
Pork Rinds. House freebies, guess you can't really complain about them... But you know I will, though. They're a little stale from sitting around for a bit too long but decent. They really need to be made to order and arrive at the table still popping and crackling, it's the only way to eat them. But it's a nice gesture.
Fried Pickled Okra, bbq ranch sauce. Is this from the kid's menu? The crust/batter barely held on to the okra. They were not terrible, just needed another minzie in the fryer. If the okra was indeed pickled, the fryer oil musta reversed all the pickling process. This is a scientific break thru, y'all, kinda like reverse osmosis but turning something pickled back to it's natural state.
Sauces. Sweet, Savory, Carolina Gold, Cherry Cola, White, Carolina Red, Spicy. There were more sauces at the sauce station but how many sauces do you need, seriously. With all these options, you would think one sauce would be the rock star... Sadly, none of these sauces, not one, was even worth mentioning. Some were so revolting it would make a billy goat puke... And those fuckers will eat anything. Just looking at this pic is making my bowels twitch.
Deluxe. Pulled pork, sliced brisket, mac n cheese, bourbon baked sweet potato souffle. My eyeballs laser beamed right to the sliced brisket.. On the look out for that exquisite bark and pink smoke ring. Where are my 3-D glasses because it was such a chintzy portion of scraps, barely a slice and a half of dried out baked brisket with no evidence that it was even smoked for 10 minzies. It was almost as chewy as beef jerky. But here's the real kicker in your nads, they don't tell you about the hidden charge for sliced vs. chopped brisket. That extra dollar sneaks into the bill at the end of this nightmare hoping no one will notice. The pulled pork was dry as well but at least they give you a semi decent portion. The mac n cheese was cold and congealed and it was akin to eating white cheddar Cheez-It. The potato souffle had so much brown sugar in it that it basically liquified and made it into almost a soup. The pickles were just sliced cucumber sprayed with vinegar, Massengill perhaps. The toast was spot on, though. None of the meats had any flavor, how does that happen? This was quite baffling.
Baby Back Ribs. One look is all you need to know how it was prepared. Fat Matt's anyone? If I'm paying top dollar for BBQ ribs, I expect it to be smoked from beginning to end... Not poached off in liquid and then briefly tossed into a smoker to pretend it was smoked slow and low. You might get away with this in Vermont but not in the South. These were not fall off the bone tender, pieces of it seemed like it was super glued to the bone. How many times must I try to saw the meat off with a knife? Once again, how is this devoid of all flavor? It's a real mind bender. Fuck it, I give up.. I'm breaking out my smartphone and pulling up my McRib locator app, STAT...
Brunswick Stew. The test of a competent Que joint... With the luck we have been having with the rest of the menu, I'm not very confident. The color was off already, the sniff test... Whoa, what is that smell? First, bite... Salty, tart and tasted like it was drowned in liquid smoke. There's no mistaking liquid smoke, it's like that gasoline burn in bad cut up coke you get from a dumpy club. I've had really underwhelming stew before whether it's way too sweet, too thick, too watery, wrong ingredients, etc, etc... But this was probably the worst version I have ever tasted, I didn't even finish half of it. That's a first for the pouch. The salt level was unbearable. It's not that difficult to make even a half-ass stew with recipes found on the interwebs, hell, I'll even settle for Guy Fieri's version... Ok, maybe not that low rent but still, is anyone tasting this food up in this piece? Perhaps, Mikey? He'll like anything.
When I saw a blog post praising this place for their salmon and trout (no meat whatsoever), I knew something was fishy. I was really hoping to have another decent BBQ option within close proximity but it seems like the food here is just for background noise, the real reason you come here is for the trim scenery. With so much ass for the picking, who really cares about the pork butt... You can get some of that at the Pool Hall or 5 Paces down the street. I have no doubt this place will slay it with their targeted demographics... No doubt.
Smoke Belly, mission accomplished.
128 E. Andrews
Atlanta, GA
404-848-9100
http://www.smokebellybbq.com/
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