Makan

I was pretty excited for this new concept to come to fruition, real Asian(Chinese) street food in this town could be a real game changer... But ended up disappointed like everything else that's marketed as something new and interesting that turned out to be the total opposite. This town still has a long way to go for global cuisine tolerance.

So, it was billed as Asian street food and now it's just Asian comfort food. I have been skeptical of this joint during their build out and menu planning process. Chinese owners but mostly Korean dishes... How is this Asian street food again? Where are the curry fish balls, pig intestines, meats and squid on a stick, stinky tofu, rice noodles with sesame seeds and hoisin sauce, egg waffle, pineapple bun, congee with 1000 year old egg, macaroni ham soup, SPAM... These are some of the classics you'll find on every street in Hong Kong and throughout Asia, except here.

It's cute they come around the table with a cart of ban chan for $2 a piece but after spying the 2 bite size little petri dishes of dull looking palate waker uppers, I had to pass on that entire cart and go straight to the menu which is printed on a local newspaper style rag. The menu is not that exciting or maybe it just reads boring because there's no cross word puzzle or comics in there. The Salt & Pepper dish is made with a "seafood" available that night... Which the server said "frog". I said wow, really, a whole frog dish not just the legs? She said yes but then didn't know a second later. Sent her off to ask and she comes back and says it's just the frog legs. No shit Sherlock, this server obviously have no clue about Asian cuisine or any cuisine for that matter, seems like everything she knows about Asian cuisine she read on The Onion. So, anyways, ordered a few samples from the menu for a first look..

Fried Chicken.  I see fried cheekan, I order it. Little fried nuggets with a thin coating and a good helping of 5 spice. Fried jalapeno was a cute gesture but did very little to improve the dish. It's a small kid size portion to nibble on. These weren't craveworthy like Quickly's highly addictive Taiwanese cheekan nuggets. A fried chicken dish that I will not be ordering again... Yes, I said that for reals.

Pork Belly Bun. Looked kinda skimpy. Bun was cold.

Open sesame! Chintzy filler inside and the pork belly was literally a small piece of FAT, maybe a couple of strands of pork meat hairs. This was flavorless and just plain awful rendition of a classic. No other way to say it. How can I take them seriously when there's no quality control here.

Ramyun. Roasted pork, Sun Noodles, poached garlic, kimchi, overnight pork broth. Ok, the Sun Noodles got me.. And they were good but sadly the rest of the bowl was a miss. The roasted pork once again was pure fat, I mean almost the entire protein in there was fat fat and more fat. Did they get the cheapest cut of pork belly? The soft boiled egg seemed poached and the whites were barely cooked through. I'll eat raw eggs but the broth was barely warm enough to continue to cook the whites. Mixing in the raw yolk into this broth made no sense, it would have ruined it, so I ate the almost raw egg in one mouthful. The broth was ok, nothing noteworthy or demands a return visit for this. If it wasn't for the Sun Noodles, I woulda got the ox tail beef noodle soup.

Hong Kong Noodle Soup. Roasted whole quail, shrimp and pork wonton, noodles, chicken broth. I had to get this dish, it was a must for my roots and my peoples. Their original version on their website had an egg in it, no egg in tonight's service. First major fail is the two tiny wontons... Absolutely dismal, it was all wonton skin and barely a 1/4 teaspoon of filling. I have seen meatier flaps on a skinny girl. Even after eating it, there was no evidence of shrimp or pork, just some type of spongy substance, perhaps tempeh. The quail while a weird combination with a HK style wonton noodle soup was a bit chewy and soggy. In HK they sell tiny roasted quails that are super juicy, tender and thin crackling skin. This was no where close to it. The "wonton noodles" were over cooked and lacked that all important crunch to it. The broth was totally flavorless, a great wonton noodle broth is made with shrimp roe, fish and pork like at the world famous Mak's in Hong Kong. I have no idea what this broth was made with, perhaps dirty dish water... Look at that cloudy color. For $16, this was more of an insult to people of Hong Kong than to my pouch. Get rid of that quail and make a decent bowl of wonton noodle soup instead. Ming's has a very decent Hong Kong style WNS for only a few dollars.

I may have expected too much from my brothers from another mother for real Asian street/comfort food. But at the end of the day, they must change the dishes to suit the taste of this culinary challenged town if they ever want to make any money. Maybe in a few years, a concept like this might work with the true tastes of Asia that they were aiming for initially. But until then I have no desire to go back any time soon no matter how many 5 star reviews they got on Yelp. Shit, 5 stars shoulda been a glaring warning sign. And another thing, that open kitchen and "chef's table" concept might have been a mistake now.

Next.

130 Clairemont Ave,
Suite 100
Decatur, GA 30030
404-996-6504
http://www.makanatl.com

MarBar

Note to Pouch: Do not ever read white people's reviews on any Mexican't joint... They will all love it. Dumb down Mexican't grub has a place in society, usually, around 2AM with your pants half undone missing a shoe and waving around a few crumpled up singles in your hand like you're trying to hail an Uber car but the only ride you can get may be going down on a giant pair of dirty bug filled pink moustache, instead. Ok, this place revamped itself into a more casual seaside ambiance space than their last theme. I like the space, it really looks relaxing in here and a place to booze til dawn. It would be better if it was ocean front but we must settle for some old train tracks and a hipster depot. If you sniff real hard you might be able to smell some oyster sea drippings from across the street. Ok, speaking of bi-valves, time to sample some tacos up in this piece.. 

Mojito and chips. One of the ugliest looking mojitos in recent years, it looks like an aborted jellyfish fetus floating around in there. And you want me to drink this? I rather eat pan fried Wondra dusted placenta in baby oil with a side of smoked umbilical cord... The snappy casing is my favorite part. But I did drink it and it was weak as a 14 year old shih tzu. The chips were chips and the red and green salsas were pretty much a snoozefest, the red was the better one. Thank god for Cholula.

Cebiche MarBar, octopus, calamari, shrimp, scallops. I don't get it, why would you put a scoop of wet "ceviche" on an oblong plate with chips next to it soaking up all the liquid. It's like the deck of pirate ship in a storm, water swooshing back and forth across the deck. Those poor chips on the bottom were water logged before it even reach land at my table. The cebiche mix was a decent balance of seafood and other stuff like corn, maters, avocado, mango, red onions... Too bad it was bland as shit. They should serve this with a side of sea water. And what's with the pickled stuff on the other side... They were barely kissed with vinegar. If you're gonna pickled something, take a giant vinegar piss on it and let it soak in. $11 for this... Tasted like a buck and change.

Shrimp + bacon, seafood mixto, octopus, marbar shrimp. Taco time! Lightly grilled corn tortilla, good start. Let's hope they don't fall apart. The shrimp with bacon was the stand out, the rest tasted pretty much the same one after the other. How is that possible, they are different tacos. Don't worry, whities will absolutely adore these. Speaking of which there was not one Latino in the place, not even in the back. Ok, I look kinda like a Mexican, so I'll be the token shy Mexican't for the night...Siiiii. To give this joint some street cred. Next!

Carne asada, smoked pork chamorro, mahi mahi dorado. Man meat taco time! The carne and pork weren't half bad. Decent flavor to them but nothing noteworthy. It seems that they used real beef and pork proteins in there. It is amazing what happens when you let the natural flavors of the meat do it's own thing without bastardizing it. They were decent tasting, not saying it made me mess my underpants up. The mahi mahi was ok in a I'm starving kinda way. The one thing I must say is that they need to season all their food here, well, everything that I have tasted.

It's a cute place after the make over but the real make over really should be in the kitchen. Tacos are not hard to make, really good tacos are not hard to make... Because tacos are the star of any Latin joint, everything else is just conversation. Focus on the protein (aka main ingredient) and everything else shall fall into place. The cebiche was a debacle. I was kinda bummed they took off the tortas, how fucking difficult is it to make a sandwich? I also get the feeling that microwaves are heavily in play on many of the dishes on the menu. It's hard to ignore the ding if you listen for it. Hey, a lot of people like nuked food, the monkeys at Fukushima enjoy it well enough, betcha they would love tacos. I don't know if I will be back anytime soon but I will next door at Las Brasas... I like cheekan.

314 E Howard Ave
Decatur, GA 30030
404-373-2725
http://www.marcoastal.com/ 

Gokul Sweets & Vegetarian Restaurant

There's two locations for this joint within midget tossing distance of each other... One next to a novelty shop and the other in the newly renovated Patel Bros strip mall. Both are exactly the same setup. I'm no vegetarian but I do submit myself to eating healthy once in awhile.. But there is no way this is healthy. Just because it's meatless doesn't mean it's good for you (ask my boys in midtown). There is so much fried shit to chose from up in this piece. Most of the food coming out were golden brown and coincidentally most of the patrons were golden brown, too. That's a good sign to me. So, let's get a sampler and hopefully I will come out with a beautiful golden tan as well...

Masala Dhosa. Look at that length and girth... I'm so fucking jealous. They say every comma in your bank account adds an inch to your cock, boy, I would be such a stud with the ladies in the Hobbit's Shire. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight. This Peter North size dosa was stuffed with mildly spiced potatoes and onions. This was pretty tasty. You would have to try really hard to fuck up a dosa, like rolling up butcher's paper and serving that shit to non-brownies to see if they know the difference but they did a good job here. The "lentils" soup was watery and coconut chutney was standard issue, nothing to report.

Samosa. Not bad at all. The crust was a little thicker than I like but still tasty all the same. The green chutney and tangy tamarind sauces were decent.

Wada Pav. Who knew they had Indian sliders? It's like a giant fried potato ball bathe in their two special chutneys between a shiny lacquered dinner roll. This shit was fun and tasty.

Aloo Mutter. Potato and green peas curry. This is why I'm not a vegetarian. Don't get me wrong, I love curry like any of my brown skin kin but this was a little too liquidity. Curry needs to be thicker and have more complexity. It wasn't bad but I coulda made this at home for a fraction of the cost and 10 times better.

Bhindi Masala. Okra and veggie mix. It looks more like raccoons got into the trash on this dish. The taste wasn't bad but after awhile all this shit tastes the same. I thought it would come with rice but at least I can wrap this shit up in the naan like a burrito. 

Accoutrements. Throw all this shit into the two dishes above and you got some texture that requires more than a healthy set of gums to knock this down into the pouch, a set of dentures at the minimum. Those peppers, carrots and blob were pretty spicy... Finally, something to give it some flavor.

Garlic Naan. Not bad at all, plenty of garlic flavor, fluffy and brown nicely in hopefully a tandoori oven. Totally a decent naan. I would come back for it, if I wasn't paying.

Hot and Sour Soup. This is great, never seen an Indian version of H&S soup. It doesn't taste like the swill from the local Chino hole in the wall, it tastes like it came from an Indian hole in the wall. Ok, it wasn't that bad, it had a lot of spices, little peppers and tofu in it but it had a funky after taste to it. You know it's slutty Hindu-Chino slop when it also comes with that fried wonton skin strips.

"Szechzuan" Noodles. One would just think the misspelling is just part of the cultural disconnect but after tasting this dish, they really were disconnected to even the most low rent of slutty Chino grubbery. Thin spaghetti with other veggie shit tossed in there with some spices. They give you a nasty hot sauce and pickle juice to try to make it look legit... I'm still looking around for that shot of whiskey to go with the pickle juice. 

Ok, first off, do not get anything that has to do with Chinese food in here. Stick with their specialty, as in Chaaty morsels. The Wada Pav were my fav and dosa was legit. They have a lot of sweets in here but don't expect Skittles and Gummi Bears... It's weird sweet shit. I would try the thali next time.

763 Dekalb Industrial Way
Decatur, GA 30033
404-229-2062

1910 Public House

Who knew Sprig had a semi hipster sister resto way out in nowhere where the children of the corn dwell? Come to think of it, Malachai and Isaac are fucking hipsters in disguise! It kinda reminded me a bit of Nashville but without the hipsters and fake beards. The crowd is more local yocals because seriously, how many people do you know who lives up in Lilburn are cool, trendy and hip? Your cousins don't count. But this town is literally a single block, one stop sign and you're outside town limits... And this resto/market takes up half the block. Let's go see what's cooking in Amish country and please god let me get the fuck outta here in one piece.

Fried Green Tomato. Good effort, nice crispy cornmeal crust but the entire thing needed seasoning aka salt and pepper. The chipotle aioli gave it some pop for flavor but without it, it was kinda bland. It's not bad, I think it tasted better than it really was because I was really hungry.

Country Fried Steak. Nice heaping of fattening goodness. I totally blank out for a second and thought it was fried cheekan on first sight until the first bite. Surprise chickenhead, it was tenderized cubed steak inside. It was a nice piece of fried steak but the saw mill gravy was the star of the show, they should really serve this with a big fluffy biscuit on the side. The mash taters were mash taters, the green beans were standard issue and spot on. A tasty southern dish done right.

Smoked Pork Chop. Thick cut bone in pork chop cooked spot on medium minus with a touch of pink. And unlike some BBQ joints that claims their meats are smoked, this really had the smell and taste of a smoked chop. The peas and carrots at first glanced seemed like it came from the Kroger frozen aisle but this was the real deal made from scratch. It was fresh as can be with that inherent crunch that can not be found in the common household freezer bag combo. The mash taters were mash taters. Another well executed southernish dish that delivers without all the extra bling we find in all the other modern southern restos these days.

1910 PH Burger. Sometimes all you really want is a juicy burger cooked to temp... And this didn't disappoint. It was cooked spot on at mid- rare but the bun really needed a quick brush of butter and toasting. That extra crunch of a toasted bun makes a big different in taste and also helps to capture the juices and not turn the bun into mush with all the other condiments applied on to said bun. I have been becoming more of a burger purist in that a great burger need not any cheese, I think it takes away from the natural flavor of the meat, but that's just me, today. Overall this was a pretty good burger. Sundays they have a burger and draft for $10, fries are $2 extra. Skip the starch and just get another cocktail instead.

Goat Cheese & Prosciutto Flatbread. Pretty much an after school special snack with caramelized onions, mushrooms, goat cheese & prosciutto on grilled naan bread. This was part of their resto week special which is why it looked like it came from the kiddie menu. Not bad, decent flavor, they coulda melted the goat cheese a lil, though. If this came outta an Easy Bake, then I'll be impressed.

Smothered Chicken. Also, part of their resto week menu but just a smaller portion than the regular menu's. A semi thin grilled chicken breast topped with carmelized onion ,bourbon peaches, vegetable medley & rice. It was an ok dish that anyone could make in a wok but the rice tasted weird to me... A taste I haven't tasted since the days of yore when I was a poor college kid making instant rice in the microwave. Any rice that has been rehydrated always looked broken or cracked and unusually bland... Not saying it was instant rice because they pride themselves on fresh local ingredients but it had all the characteristics of one. It's funny because Cafe Alsace promised fresh haricot vert but I was once served olive drab canned green beans that weren't even frenched... What a crock of frogshit. But we all know there is no real French food in this town. Anyhoo, this dish sounded better on paper than on a plate.

Chipotle Shrimp Tacos. Who doesn't have tacos on their menu these days in the land of fusion confusion, it doesn't even matter what type of cuisine the resto is, tacos has to be on it. Eskimo whale blubber tacos are to die for. This was a chipotle seasoned shrimp topped with fire roasted corn salsa on a corn torilla. Came out looking pretty impressive until I looked at the single ply of corn tortilla... Everyone knows that a reputable taco should have 2 ply like a reputable toilet paper because they break apart from all the sweat from the sauce, salsa, protein juices.. Imagine what the corn tortillas has to deal with. At least grilled them off a lil to give them more tensile strength. The flavors were decent, the shrimp had a lil spicy kick to it but definitely not spicy on any level that's worthy. Overall, a tasty lil filler at the bar when pounding cocks and chasing tails.

Chocolate Cheesecake. Chocolate and cheesecake... That's all she wrote. Oh, and some chocolate drizzle like some kid went to town with some crayons. One bite was more than enough for me.

I like the place, friendly staff, decent and consistent grub, ok cocktails and beers, cute out in nowhere location... Works for me but don't know when I'll be back again because I feel like a tourist out in the woods. Might have to revisit Sprig soon... Closer to civilization.

107 Main St.
Lilburn, GA
(770) 564-6911
http://1910publichouse.com/

Blue Ribbon Grill

If Johnny's Hideaway ever had a sister restaurant... This would be it. Wait, they don't own this joint do they? That would be a frightening and intriguing thought. This was like real adventurous eating... Not because of exotic ingredients but because of erotic exchanges between the blue hairs at the bar.
I have passed by this place through the years but never actually gone inside to examine the specimens within. This place is fucking awesome. Kinda like discovering a rubber in your wallet when a hot girl wants to bang you in the toilet unexpectedly... Hell, what am I saying, old people have no fear of dying and they don't need no stinking condoms. They barely have any sensitivity downstairs let alone any consistent blood flow, so they need every nerve ending they can feel to perform the job. Speaking of barebacking it... I guess it's time to sample some of the chum up in this piece. Why am I doing this to myself, again... Oh, yeah, for my one loyal reader! I should get a Purple Heart after this...

Jumbo Buffalo Wings. Nice that you can split the style of wings to be had. Spicy hot wasn't all that spicy, it was pretty pathetic actually. I think it was carrot puree sauce. The other was lemon pepper, if you wanna call it that. It was like under seasoned dry fried wings with a squirt of lemon from a bottle with a couple flakes of black pepper from the paper packet you get with to-go orders. The wings weren't jumbo but more the standard mid size. It's pretty pedestrian but I ate it all anyways. I'm such a careless fat fuck.

Chicken Pot Pie. OK, when this came out, I was kinda impressed, especially, coming from a place like this. They actually made this puff pastry plate bowl thinger. I know your first thought is, well, Panera has their bread bowl slop... And yes, this is not much different. But it doesn't mean that I didn't liked it... Even though the pot pie filling was salty as shit and pasty and kinda tasted like it was from a can, I was still intrigued by the edible plate bowl presentation. I need to make some edible puff pastry underpants or depends... Now, that would be a whole new meaning of eating out a chick.

Grilled Reuben on Marbled Rye, golden brown onion strings. Do I dare to even order a New York staple in this dump? Do they even know what corned beef is or marbled rye? I wasn't in the mood for a greasy burger so a greasy reuben it was. It came out looking ok I guess... Took one bite and I was right, not a real reuben, just a mediocre knockoff. I do respect them for subbing out the brown bag fries for some of their onion strings which were nothing special but it woulda been good as a burger topping. I like the effort but this will never happen again.

This place is a trip... A time warp of sorts. The staff is attentive and the menu is very standard pub grub with a couple of visual surprises. Taste is not their main objective here... Their selection of classic and trendy cocktails from the 80's still lives on for the low low price of $7.25. After a couple lemon drops and cosmos, I'll be feeling frisky and in the mood for a cheekan pot pie the size of a naval carrier like the gaggle of haggles at the bar. I can totally score here without cleaning out my stash of blow unlike at those other trendy nightclubs and the hawks that circle around. Well... Maybe. I have been dryer than the sabertooths at the bar. Bartender, another cosmo, pweez... Then I'll go home and cry myself to sleep.

4006 Lavista Rd
Tucker, GA 30084

(770) 491-1570

http://theblueribbongrill.com/

Smoke Belly

Who doesn't like a new BBQ joint in town? It is always a nice welcome so we don't have to drive way out to bumblefuck just to have a taste test... But should we really trust anything that says BBQ in Buckhead? I want to but the low information Buckhead bimbos could probably care less about the grub vs. the scene to show off their new sundresses and trend of the week open toe sandals... And don't forget to wear a thong that's darker than your sundress, so everyone can admire it. But I digress.. The space is built out nicely, there's a lot of space and a lot of horny broads up in this piece (there I go again!). Bros, come dressed in your best and pressed triple pleated khakis, pastel Polos and boat shoes with the knotted leather laces.. Oh, and don't forget the croakies for your Aviators. You know chicks dig that shit, like putty in your A&F cargo shorts. Ok, enough of making fun of the Buckhead militia (even though, it's so much fun!)... Let's get to the main act.

Pork Rinds. House freebies, guess you can't really complain about them... But you know I will, though. They're a little stale from sitting around for a bit too long but decent. They really need to be made to order and arrive at the table still popping and crackling, it's the only way to eat them. But it's a nice gesture.

Fried Pickled Okra, bbq ranch sauce. Is this from the kid's menu? The crust/batter barely held on to the okra. They were not terrible, just needed another minzie in the fryer. If the okra was indeed pickled, the fryer oil musta reversed all the pickling process. This is a scientific break thru, y'all, kinda like reverse osmosis but turning something pickled back to it's natural state. 

Sauces. Sweet, Savory, Carolina Gold, Cherry Cola, White, Carolina Red, Spicy. There were more sauces at the sauce station but how many sauces do you need, seriously. With all these options, you would think one sauce would be the rock star... Sadly, none of these sauces, not one, was even worth mentioning. Some were so revolting it would make a billy goat puke... And those fuckers will eat anything. Just looking at this pic is making my bowels twitch.

Deluxe. Pulled pork, sliced brisket, mac n cheese, bourbon baked sweet potato souffle. My eyeballs laser beamed right to the sliced brisket.. On the look out for that exquisite bark and pink smoke ring. Where are my 3-D glasses because it was such a chintzy portion of scraps, barely a slice and a half of dried out baked brisket with no evidence that it was even smoked for 10 minzies. It was almost as chewy as beef jerky. But here's the real kicker in your nads, they don't tell you about the hidden charge for sliced vs. chopped brisket. That extra dollar sneaks into the bill at the end of this nightmare hoping no one will notice. The pulled pork was dry as well but at least they give you a semi decent portion. The mac n cheese was cold and congealed and it was akin to eating white cheddar Cheez-It. The potato souffle had so much brown sugar in it that it basically liquified and made it into almost a soup. The pickles were just sliced cucumber sprayed with vinegar, Massengill perhaps. The toast was spot on, though. None of the meats had any flavor, how does that happen? This was quite baffling.

Baby Back Ribs. One look is all you need to know how it was prepared. Fat Matt's anyone? If I'm paying top dollar for BBQ ribs, I expect it to be smoked from beginning to end... Not poached off in liquid and then briefly tossed into a smoker to pretend it was smoked slow and low. You might get away with this in Vermont but not in the South. These were not fall off the bone tender, pieces of it seemed like it was super glued to the bone. How many times must I try to saw the meat off with a knife? Once again, how is this devoid of all flavor? It's a real mind bender. Fuck it, I give up.. I'm breaking out my smartphone and pulling up my McRib locator app, STAT...

Brunswick Stew. The test of a competent Que joint... With the luck we have been having with the rest of the menu, I'm not very confident. The color was off already, the sniff test... Whoa, what is that smell? First, bite... Salty, tart and tasted like it was drowned in liquid smoke. There's no mistaking liquid smoke, it's like that gasoline burn in bad cut up coke you get from a dumpy club. I've had really underwhelming stew before whether it's way too sweet, too thick, too watery, wrong ingredients, etc, etc... But this was probably the worst version I have ever tasted, I didn't even finish half of it. That's a first for the pouch. The salt level was unbearable. It's not that difficult to make even a half-ass stew with recipes found on the interwebs, hell, I'll even settle for Guy Fieri's version... Ok, maybe not that low rent but still, is anyone tasting this food up in this piece? Perhaps, Mikey? He'll like anything.

When I saw a blog post praising this place for their salmon and trout (no meat whatsoever), I knew something was fishy. I was really hoping to have another decent BBQ option within close proximity but it seems like the food here is just for background noise, the real reason you come here is for the trim scenery. With so much ass for the picking, who really cares about the pork butt... You can get some of that at the Pool Hall  or 5 Paces down the street. I have no doubt this place will slay it with their targeted demographics... No doubt.

Smoke Belly, mission accomplished.

128 E. Andrews
Atlanta, GA
404-848-9100
http://www.smokebellybbq.com/