One time, the pouch was hankerin' for some hot cheekan, so, it hopped into the Fat Mobile and drove non-stop to Nashville to nosh on some dericious poultry bathed in hot sauce... It was a good trip. So, the pouch was in the mood for more, not for the hot cheekan (well, if it had enough time for Prince's, it will) but for the hipster grubbery and fancy cocktails that this town has been birthing recently in the last few years. The pouch had to see what was new in this neck of the woods. So, how does one decide what to eat in one night... Hell, just eat it all...
Rolf & Daughters.
One of the new trendy hip spots... Get there early and wait in line with the other bearded tight rolled skinny jeans freaks because the place got packed faster than a blind date at the Eagle.
Dry aged beef tartare, garlic chips, sunflower sprouts. This was almost as good as the raw dog meat I ate in China... But since I can't get any free range mountain mutts in this part of the world or accepted as a trendy hipster dish, I'll have to settle for this rendition. This bloody flesh was G U U D. The garlic chips paired well with the freshly ground man meat. The sprouts did little except for color contrast.
Crostini, cranberry bean, white anchovy. I am nosy when I hangout at the bar, I like to see what these "foodie hipsters" order because they are so cool. Sadly, they order the most non threatening items on the menu like wings and salads. Fucking twats, the whole lot of them. When I see anchovy on the menu, I order them... One of the most under-rated bait fish of our time. These little fuckers come in different varieties and the bigger, the brinier, the bonier, the better. These white anchovies were really tasty and it was close to umami heaven. Pass the MSG.
Squid ink canestri, shrimp, squid, pancetta, lemon. Fuck me and call me Shirley.. Or is that the other way around. This shit was so goddamn good, I totally ignored the bartender when he asked if I wanted another drink... And that happens.. Never. All the ingredients were prepared about the same size, so you can capture all the items in a single bite to maximize umami orgasm in that dirty little facehole of yours. I love that they were thinking of the pouch when they thought this dish out. Unforgettable dish in my book.
Bucatini, fra diavolo, octopus, lardo, calabrian chili. This is one of my two favorite pastas in the entire solar system, bucatini and gemelli. Bucatini is trending so hard right now but the amazing gemelli, it is almost impossible to find anywhere. I know only one place that sells it and I hoard that shit up because I can't help myself.. The fat kid inside me can't stop eating this little gem and the fat kid outside looks like a disgusting fat blob with marinara sauce all over my face and shirt. This dish was amazing as well, but when you eat the ridiculous canestri first, there is no contest... Even though this dish was tasty as shit, it felt left out like a redheaded stepchild. I kept going back to the canestri but that doesn't mean I didn't finished with this wonderful dish.
Pinewood Social.
It's a warehouse converted into a bar/resto/lounge/bowling alley for the hipster crowd... Yeah, yeah, I know what y'all gonna say, but there's the Painted Pin in Atlanta now. Who gives a shit, that sounds like a place for a bunch of guidos doing donuts in the parking lot with their IROC Z28s fishing for underage trim (not that there's anything wrong with underage trim). Upscale bowling resto bars never had a niche in this town like that Ten Pin Alley by The Douche Group, it's almost as absurd with bocce inside bars. But this joint sent out a cool vibe, it barely had any douche bags hanging out until I walked in..
Fuck it, time to drink and eat...
Fried Half Cheekan. I didn't get the hot cheekan, can y'all believe that shit? I know, but I had to check out the regular fwied yardbird. And this didn't disappoint, lighter crust but delicately crispy, tender and juicy inside, and seasoned well. This was a very nice fried chicken, a little different but I still prefer a thicker crust with a super nice crunch to it. For me, it has to have the two opposing textures, super crunchy crust and juicy dark meat. I don't know what the fuck that cauliflower was doing there on the plate, but if that's some kind of hipster accoutrement to this dish, then I say just leave it off and stop embarrassing yourself.
Hot Sweetbreads. These sounded great on paper... But when it came out, it looked like a sad sack of pre-fabbed crusty monkey balls. One, they weren't hot at all, it had the spice level of cocktail sauce. Two, the crust on these gonads were so thick that if you got kick in the sack you wouldn't feel a thing. Imagine biting into them. Three, the tiny tidbits of "sweetbread" inside were indifferent when compared to pus from an abscess. They were tasteless and mushy. These were absolute garbage. I just don't get it, why would anyone make them in nugget form... Keep them whole, at least I know what the fuck they are when I eat them.
The Patterson House.
The hipster central of this town. Great cocktails, if you can stand the wait... But it's STILL worth it. Never had the small bar menu before, so let's take a gander.. C'mon, the pouch has to nibble when imbibing some classics like the Pegu Club (this classic cocktail is still way too hip for the hipsters, no one orders this according to the head bartender. Go figure.)
Pork Rinds. Looked great on another table but these were over-fried, hard on some and too soft on others. I guess it doesn't matter when you're slamming down a few very finely constructed cocktails. After all, you come here to drink, the food is just conversation and for the fatties that can't control themselves. Yes, I'm talking into a mirror.
The Elvis. You guessed it, it has peanut butter, bananas and bacon... Imagine that. Too bad it was just ok. Elvis had terrible taste in food, seems like the only thing we have in common is waist size.
Puckett's Boat House.
The cute little rich town of Franklin contains some culinary gems, upscale and local grub shacks, this is one of the local favorites.
Coconut Shrimp, Piña Colada Sauce. When you think of coconut shrimp, you think of that redneck dump, Bahama Breeze... Ok, they are not that bad at BB but this joint kills it with their version. Giant butterflied shrimp hand battered with a good amount of coconut flesh that you can actually taste and fried perfectly. Not over fired like 99% everywhere else. The pina colada sauce was different and very tasty... Shit, who doesn't like freshly squirted creamy white sauce in their mouth.
Rusty Bucket, filled with a plethora of sea creastures. Oysters, shrimp, catfish and hush puppies... Yes, hush puppies live in the depths of the abyss, they are so cute when they first hatch. It was a generous portion but I could always use more oysters, instead they fill up the bottom half of the bucket with fries. Smoke and mirrors... But it was still a very tasty bucket of crap.
The pouch hit a few other trendy joints around town but they were mostly drinking holes with standard bar chow that weren't really worth mentioning... Or maybe I just forgot what I ate because I was toasted. It happens. Speaking of which, I did go by George Dickel Distillery on my way back and snagged some limited single barrel whisky. That place is way out in no educated man's land, a place you would not want to visit at night. I just heard a squeal like a pig.. Freaky.
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