Thursday, June 26, 2014

Kochi Sushi & Hibachi

I have driven by this joint a few times before, it always seemed suspect to me. But sometimes curiosity gets the better of the pouch. The pouch is like a curious cat (it also likes a delicious cat every now and then), always meddling in things that shouldn't concern it. I was up this way to run a few errands and was kinda hungry... So, I couldn't pass up the chance to see what this place was all about. I sat in the car for few minutes pondering if I should go in and risk having diarrhea for the rest of the night or not. Fuck it, I just restocked a butt load of Charmin... Let's go and munch on some pink tuna. It can't be that bad... Right?

Your standard accoutrements of lackluster and flavorless ginger carrot dressing and miso soup (thanks Sysco)... I think they serve this at County on Tuesdays.

Mixed Tempura. I thought it was two fwied cheekan legs when it came out which put a smile on my facehole until I remembered I ordered tempura. The crust was so heavy and thick that it even made wire marks on where the pieces of the battered rocks rested at the bottom of the fry basket. These things had no flavor at all, I mean bland as cardboard. The tempura sauce did nothing to introduce any seasoning to these over fried dough turds. It was awful. Here's a hint, use fucking cornstarch next time... Maybe even some panko if you're feeling Japanese American that night.

Umikaze. Yes, it's umikaze and not omakase. The umikaze was a class of Japanese naval destroyers... What it means here at this dump, I have no fucking clue.. Neither does the sooshee chef it seems like. The rice was cold and the fish was warm. Someone has dyslexia me thinks. Take a closer look at that "box" roll... It has friggin lettuce on it! It was quite frightening and tasted like agent orange. The UFO (unidentified fishy objects) sashimi were chopped into nugget form... The nigiri looked a bit better but the taste of all the fish on this plate was just gone from freezing and defrosting multiple times. I rather be milked like a cat by Gaylord Focker... This was udderly disgusting and it destroyed my bowels like a 16" gun.

Spider Roll. If it's on the menu, I will order it. But I should be ashamed of myself, that's like ordering a spider roll from Chick-fila. The rice was days old and mushy, you can see it in each grain of rice... It was like coming home at the end of the day to flush the wadded up toilet paper sitting in the bowl from the morning. The crab had that thick ass batter again that could shield a nuclear blast. Eating this was painful to my mouth and my dignity.

These Mickey Mouse sushi joints are dime a dozen and their proliferation seems to never end. They were nice enough people but we know where nice people finish... But hey, people with low rent taste need places like this, too. If they are making money, fuck it, more power to them... But you won't see me back here again, I have only so much dignity left to spare. At least the Sapporo was tasty, though.

4306 Lawrenceville Hwy #110
Tucker, GA 30084
(770) 939-3831
http://www.kochiatlanta.com/

No comments: