Varuni Napoli

Forget all that you know about what I said was the best 'ZA in da ATL that I discovered a few years back on the westside. That joint has become annoying, irritating, gentrified by Beliebers and played out... I mean they could take a giant steaming dump on a sheet pan, sprinkle some Grana Padano and EVOO on it and the sheep would squat and gobble that crap up and declare it amazeballs. Pizza for Dummies, I say. The quality/execution has gone down the last time I was there and heard from credible sources that it has gotten worse since, that's why I haven't been back in over 2 years and had to look for alternatives. Luckily, I found them at Sapori di Napoli (which is wonderful at times) and Ammazza (totally acceptable on a hit and miss basis), but the hipster life style at those places drained all my life force and had to get rid of my childhood oversized glasses frames. You say, what about Don Antonio by Starita? After tasting their fried pizza, I am still waiting for them to make a real one. So, when I heard from the mouth of the long gone original pizzaiolo from Antico that he was opening his own spot, I pissed and shat my pants not once but twice. So, I waited and waited for this gluten messiah to rise from the dead of this long emptied space. Mama Mia! I want some gluten and I want it now! And like the bearded baby Jesus, Varuni Napoli has risen... Along with the mother dough.

Let's take a first gander at this joint... Will it please the pouch or will the pouch have an allergic reaction to more mediocre dusty crusty.

Real Stefano Ferrara dual ovens, Eddie? Oh, nuthin' but da best...  A real pair of beauties, huh? Just like waking up everyday between Kate Upton. Squirt. Luca tells me that he likes to keep his temp under 900 degrees vs what others might say otherwise. I'm coming to my senses, now.

So, Luca just starts flinging pies at me.. No complaints from me, I had worse thrown at me like that time at the zoo at the gorilla cage. No buono. Ok, time to nut up or shut up... I shutted up when I saw this trim put in front of me. The crust, the blisters, the color... And I knew this would be asskickery when I saw that the basil was put on AFTER the pie came out of the oven. This mofo did dun guud. This tasted like heaven, the crust was perfect, the crispiness, the chew, the char, the pull, the flavor was all there. The sauce, vibrant and the flavor came out naturally with the top notch ingredients used. The moo mozz perfect melt was spot on. The Calabrian peppers even better than that other joint, smaller and more powerful. Pouch fucking loved that. There were also a few spicy salumi slices that put it over the top. This is one damn fine Napoletana 'Za. Anywhere.

Another custom 'Za without sauce, just cheese and spicy cured meats. I had tried at least 5-6 different pies throughout the night but didn't have a chance to document them, believe me, they were cum worthy beat off material. I kept on stuffing my fat face one after another. Crust expanding in the pouch had no chance of stopping my mass(ass) consumption of these incredible edibles. Then when I thought he couldn't top the pies, this came out...

Fried Pizza. This was quite sizeable like a giant calzone when it came but the vultures kamikazed in with their grubby asscrack pickin' claws before I had a chance to snap a glamour shot of it. But I won't dare use the word calzone in here, though... That's Americanized shit, kinda like fortune cookies to Chino grubbery. The fried crust was light, airy and thin, filled with the usual suspect of great ingredients inside like the imported mozz and salumi. The marinara sauce was perfect with it. But the star is the fried crust here. I don't want to go there and compare this to it but it reminded me of an eggroll crust from a Chino dump found on Moreland but only 1000 times better. Don't fucking hate because I know you fuckers lurv that slutty blistered crusty eggrolls at 2AM. So do I, I'm a slut if there ever was one. My only complaint about this was the size of it, it should be more of a portable pouch of filled goodness, kinda like an Eyetalian Hot Pocket. Oh, shit, no you didn't..

Scugnizzo. Half-moon baked pizza, stuffed with Italian ricotta, buffalo mozzarella, salami, basil. It's a sizable specimen and quite delicious but it's just too large for one person to eat, it's definitely a sharing dish. While this was good, go for the fried pizza ("calzone") first if you have never tried it.

I need one of these beer glasses to go with my beer googles... Some hot broads up in this piece but I'm more in the fatty league and I could use all the help I can get. 

 And to end off the night... A couple of home made on the spot cannolis. This is G U U D shit. Not like that hard gooey cream cheese filled crap you get everywhere. The filling was silky smooth ricotta that would made Peter North proud. I would use that filling on my face like Pond's Rejuveness Daily Anti- Wrinkle Cream. Yeah, I use it, so what. Your mother does and she goes to college, too.

The pouch has good feelings about this one and it's longevity and quality control, time will prove me right. So, I'll make it real simple for y'all and my one blog fan...

2 words: Fucking Go.

1 more word: Now.

Like the Highlander, there can only be one. 


1540 Monroe Drive,
Atlanta, GA 30324
404-709-2690
http://varuni.us