If you're boasting an incredible cocktail program, you better have a 1930 copy of The Savoy behind the bar. I don't want to start with an ok Sazerac then a terrible Old Fashioned that looked and tasted like the Sazerac with a giant slice of orange with pulp and all, to a weak Moscow Mule that tasted like water with a slice of lemon, to a Sidecar that was served in the wrong vessel. You may be able to fool the dumb late 40 something blonde that pretends to be an early 2o something gastronomic guru that shills the midtown mile... But you're not gonna pull the pannus over my eyeballs.
The cost of these drinks is even more absurd... Especially, the Mule in which they charge me $9 for the drink, fine, but then another $0.75 for GINGER ALE (not even ginger beer). It's like ordering a burger where the buns are extra. You want paella? The rice is extra. You want ice water? Ice is extra. My guess is that the infamously crass chef/owner ridicules you publicly to the point where you just shut up and sit down and eat whatever he puts in front of your snout. What a fucking joke. I don't take or give a shit if I hurt the owner's wittle feelings, being on the line for some of the best restaurants in NYC, I tell it like it is. If you don't like it, get the fuck on the line or get the fuck outta da kitchen and stop Twatting pics of chicks' giant asscracks, that's Anthony Wiener's job. Speaking of giant asscracks... Nevermind.
Ok, let's insert a Yelp phrase here, "I really wanted to like this place but...". Well, I do like the atmosphere of this joint (decor, feel, look, kitchen setup, bathroom, etc. etc.), I'll give them that but what I'm looking for in a place is the nuts and bolts behind the kitchen. Unfortunately, the only thing through the window, behind the pass and an angwy cook was a Mexican circus. Who taught this kitchen staff how to cook white people food... HB 87? I'm sure they can make a killer crunchy fried chicken taco with slaw, lettuce and shredded cheese.
The menu read decent. The oyster "po'boy" sounded good but I kept checking items off the list every time I saw a dish come through. It looked worse and worse. I asked a girl at the next table how the oyster sandwich was, her reply was as evident as the remnants on her plate. She said her oysters were fine but the roll was soggy and stale. Ok, scratch that off the list. I changed my main dish 3 times and ended up getting the goddamn burger (How fucking pedestrian. One way only. Should I be a schmuck and ask for a temp?)... In which the server said "Great choice." What? So, that means every thing else sucks? Seems so. I was there to drink really and only sampled a few things on the menu and watched what the rest of my table ordered. Thank god, there were other suckers there to be the guinea pig.
Take a gander at this specimen...
($9 Tater Skins, what a bargain! What is that white stuff? Squirt.)
I hate tater skins, it's so low rent. People who drive Camaros and maintain a mullet eats these things. I didn't order it, it magically appeared like the cooking staff from across the border. Look at that picture above... I wouldn't serve this to my family dog.
($9 One Way Burger, that's more than I can say for it. It looked like it was gang banged and thrown in the dumpster.)
Is it me or does it look like it came outta Super Mario Bros.? You know, that brown mushroom thing. Shit was so soggy from the juices (look at it pooling around the bottom), thing basically turned to mush, not even a pitch fork and shovel could get the job done. H&F burger tis not.
The only thing that they have going for them is the location, some of the drinks (as in beer, not cocktails) and cozy walkable neighborhood vibe. The menu is so terribly developed that I rather eat at Sonic. But having one decent neighborhood restaurant doesn't mean you can have another semi-successful one across da street... Well, mebbe you can, based on the crowd that is there weekly. But look at this flesh mesh, they're not there for the food, they're there to hangout and mingle, the grub is just conversation and to soak up the booze before you drive back home with some floozy. This is a dog with fleas... You might wake up the next morning with some, too.
Alpo.
1 Star.
1402 North Highland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306
404-249-0180
http://thefamilydogatlanta.com/
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