Everybody and their mom has been here in the last decade and half... I come here for the burgers, the shows, cheap booze and your mom. After a bottle of Champagne (of Beers), she's putty in my hands. Zippp.
Anyhoo, this joint has looked the same and smelled the same for over an decade... Except for the EMOs in here, they've morphed into a whole new gender. Everyone looks so God damned depressed chain smoking cheap cigarettes. Stop blowing your ass-baited breath in my face or else I will be forced to fart in your general direction. Stop crying about how your parents doesn't understand you, because they don't give a fuck... Go watch Twilight again for the 100th time, you emotional prick.
The burger rocks... Just like your mom, I'll eat every last bit of it and lick that shit clean. I can't even tell you what else is on the menu. The drinks are cheap unless you suck down the top shelf shit like I do. Just like cousin Eddie's real tomato ketchup... "Oh, nothin' but the best" will only do for me.
The jukebox rocks as well but the shows are the shit when a local band plays... Like Snowden. Why do all the opening acts sound like someone is killing a cat out back... Where am I? Ming's BBQ? Those friggin EMOs are draining everyone's life force until Snowden stepped up to play. I looked over to some old dude named Joe and asked him what he thought about the band and their new album... He replied, "This is a big fucking deal!"
Touche, old dude... Touche.
Another Jameson, pweez.
Gulp.
488 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 522-3950
Friday, March 26, 2010
Antico Pizza Napoletana
Ate a San Gennaro on a Friday night.
Dreamt about it on a Saturday night.
Wet myself on a Sunday morning.
Did it again last weekend.
And I'm gonna do it again this weekend.
Squirt.
I'll shit my pants if I can finish their newest creation... 4 pizzas in 1 pie. This beast looks like a Tauntaun (size of a hotel pan) and it scared 4 old hags right out the door... Me, I wanna sleep in it.
Fuck yeah.
Burp.
1093 Hemphill Ave NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 873-1272
What-A Burger
This ain't a story about the famous Whataburger chain but...
A story about 2 Burgers and 1 Pouch...
Classic Burger - This Frankenburga came out in like a minzie and half... Damn Doc, did you nuke that cow muffin? It was pretty much a standard issue burger, mebbe that's why it's called the classic. But it started to fall apart after the first bite from the liberal dousing of pearl juice. That mayo jizzlobber in the back needs to chill out on that money shot.
Bulgogi Burger - With only a handful of joints doing this Korean minced meat sandwich, I had to see how this thing compared. Tasted like nothing but it looked cute. It wasn't bad but the marinade was weaker than Kim Jong-Il and meat was pureed silky smooth like a proper Cleveland Steamer.
Fries - Sysco's crinkle cut finest. Best when fried and eaten in moderation.
This shack is an Asian teenager's wet dream... You got all your pimple popping hits. Burgers, seafood burgers, sammies, subs, wings, fried shit, Asian BBQ, salads and fwied rice... Only thing missing are the noodles. WTF, yo. Nevermind, I'm getting cottonmouth from all them bagger fries.
Have you 2 lovely ladies seen my cup?
For the soda fountain... Jesus, people, work with me here. Thank goodness I didn't make a mess, you know how those pumps can back up sometimes and suddenly spray a Root Beer float all over your face. I hate when that shit happens...
I think they even Youtube-steaked it... http://tinyurl.com/2s4x6q
Squirt.
3780 Old Norcross Road
Suite 302
Duluth, GA 30096
(678) 514-2904
A story about 2 Burgers and 1 Pouch...
Classic Burger - This Frankenburga came out in like a minzie and half... Damn Doc, did you nuke that cow muffin? It was pretty much a standard issue burger, mebbe that's why it's called the classic. But it started to fall apart after the first bite from the liberal dousing of pearl juice. That mayo jizzlobber in the back needs to chill out on that money shot.
Bulgogi Burger - With only a handful of joints doing this Korean minced meat sandwich, I had to see how this thing compared. Tasted like nothing but it looked cute. It wasn't bad but the marinade was weaker than Kim Jong-Il and meat was pureed silky smooth like a proper Cleveland Steamer.Fries - Sysco's crinkle cut finest. Best when fried and eaten in moderation.
This shack is an Asian teenager's wet dream... You got all your pimple popping hits. Burgers, seafood burgers, sammies, subs, wings, fried shit, Asian BBQ, salads and fwied rice... Only thing missing are the noodles. WTF, yo. Nevermind, I'm getting cottonmouth from all them bagger fries.
Have you 2 lovely ladies seen my cup?
For the soda fountain... Jesus, people, work with me here. Thank goodness I didn't make a mess, you know how those pumps can back up sometimes and suddenly spray a Root Beer float all over your face. I hate when that shit happens...
I think they even Youtube-steaked it... http://tinyurl.com/2s4x6q
Squirt.
3780 Old Norcross Road
Suite 302
Duluth, GA 30096
(678) 514-2904
Autentico INC Street Food
I was pretty excited when I saw a sign for "Latin Street Food" in this cruddy space a few months ago... I was pretty pissed when I realized I was in the bumpkin fuck Roswell//South Carolina area.
The menu read like a Buford Hwy's wet dream... I was baffled why they would compile a menu of this caliber in an area where the cars actually stop at the pedestrian crossing. Seriously, does little Johnny really wanna drink something called a Horchata? Does house frowl Susan with the stiff Botox face and flabby middle age ass really wanna munch on some Pupusa... Ok, mebbe the hot dog. Does hard working father Stephen really care about some Octopus with herb crema on a plate when he has his secretary on his desk every Tuesday and Thursday nights?
These were the questions that needed to be answered... Is INC's skirt steak better than Stephen's secretary's skirt meat curtains? Come with me and let's find out together...
Fried Hominy - Cute little fried kernels were a tasty tweat... Even better with a good dousing of Tapatio salsa picante for a bit more flavor (not heat). Anything hotter than picante up in this piece, they may have to install another bano for the pedestrianos.
Queso Fresco - A wedge of queso in a cast iron skillet begged to be asked... "Who cut the cheese?". El Milagro torts were a nice surprise but the cast iron needed to be sizzling hot.
Cuban - Looked great, taste decent... While it was properly constructed and pressed, it just didn't have that kick your culo factor. Yucca fries were crispy but in the end it's just filler. Black beans were verra tastee, though... Well, the half that wasn't spilt all over the sandwich.
Sonoran Hot Dog - Bacon wrapped hot dog... F me silly and call it a day but their family jewels was all covered up with curly slaw and mayo jizz. It looked it had premature something or other. I wished they would go commando like me and dogscape a little... Shit, half these people in here looked like hippies. They loved it.
Pals had the Empanadas, Carnitas and Skirt Steak Tacos which looked decent enough (wished they got the veal cheeks, albondigas and relleno)... But I was too full to even eat a pink taco. Speaking of which... Our server was so cute, I coulda prolly took a nibble of hers. Oh, did I say that out loud? Nevermind...
The grub is solid which is not bad considering what they're trying to do and where they're trying to do it. It ain't a destination for me but if I ever had to get farming equipment in the future, I'll definitely come back and try out the rest of the menu.
3.5 Stars.
Burpo.
948 Canton St
Roswell, GA 30075
(770) 998-3114
The menu read like a Buford Hwy's wet dream... I was baffled why they would compile a menu of this caliber in an area where the cars actually stop at the pedestrian crossing. Seriously, does little Johnny really wanna drink something called a Horchata? Does house frowl Susan with the stiff Botox face and flabby middle age ass really wanna munch on some Pupusa... Ok, mebbe the hot dog. Does hard working father Stephen really care about some Octopus with herb crema on a plate when he has his secretary on his desk every Tuesday and Thursday nights?
These were the questions that needed to be answered... Is INC's skirt steak better than Stephen's secretary's skirt meat curtains? Come with me and let's find out together...
Fried Hominy - Cute little fried kernels were a tasty tweat... Even better with a good dousing of Tapatio salsa picante for a bit more flavor (not heat). Anything hotter than picante up in this piece, they may have to install another bano for the pedestrianos.
Queso Fresco - A wedge of queso in a cast iron skillet begged to be asked... "Who cut the cheese?". El Milagro torts were a nice surprise but the cast iron needed to be sizzling hot.
Cuban - Looked great, taste decent... While it was properly constructed and pressed, it just didn't have that kick your culo factor. Yucca fries were crispy but in the end it's just filler. Black beans were verra tastee, though... Well, the half that wasn't spilt all over the sandwich.
Sonoran Hot Dog - Bacon wrapped hot dog... F me silly and call it a day but their family jewels was all covered up with curly slaw and mayo jizz. It looked it had premature something or other. I wished they would go commando like me and dogscape a little... Shit, half these people in here looked like hippies. They loved it.Pals had the Empanadas, Carnitas and Skirt Steak Tacos which looked decent enough (wished they got the veal cheeks, albondigas and relleno)... But I was too full to even eat a pink taco. Speaking of which... Our server was so cute, I coulda prolly took a nibble of hers. Oh, did I say that out loud? Nevermind...
The grub is solid which is not bad considering what they're trying to do and where they're trying to do it. It ain't a destination for me but if I ever had to get farming equipment in the future, I'll definitely come back and try out the rest of the menu.
3.5 Stars.
Burpo.
948 Canton St
Roswell, GA 30075
(770) 998-3114
Urban Cannibals Bodega + Bites
Dood! I think I just saw Larry Platt walk in here... That mofo is following me, I swear it. Hey, pal, don't axe me for change just because your pants are on the ground. Get a belt, bitch... And let me eat this delicious 'Urban Reuben' and toothsome 'Chicken Salad Sammie' in peace... In front of you... Mmmm, it's so gooood... Can't you just taste it... Staring in through the window... So stuffed, want the other half? Psych.
This place is cute and full of neat little stuff but I didn't see any Rebel flags or an El Camino parked out front... So, I don't know what all this CSA stuff is about up in this piece. But I'm sure Earl J. Hickey would still love this joint even without the strippers. They have a few rolls of toilet paper on a shelf at the ready... It's like they really listen and know their customers. They even have a box full of matches, too. They should call it "Bodega + Bites + Bano". Fuck yeah, brah.
This local biz got my support because they are just so darn cute like my collection of Monchhichis. Oh, yes, they are oh so soft and cud-dle-ly... Just like their sandwiches. Their dinner specials look tasty, too.
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
477 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 230-9865
This place is cute and full of neat little stuff but I didn't see any Rebel flags or an El Camino parked out front... So, I don't know what all this CSA stuff is about up in this piece. But I'm sure Earl J. Hickey would still love this joint even without the strippers. They have a few rolls of toilet paper on a shelf at the ready... It's like they really listen and know their customers. They even have a box full of matches, too. They should call it "Bodega + Bites + Bano". Fuck yeah, brah.
This local biz got my support because they are just so darn cute like my collection of Monchhichis. Oh, yes, they are oh so soft and cud-dle-ly... Just like their sandwiches. Their dinner specials look tasty, too.
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
477 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 230-9865
Thien Thanh Restaurant
Finding another new Pho shack is as exciting as another new Jack shack on Buford Hwy. When you're horny, umm, I mean, hungry... I'm always game for some new action. You never know how it will taste until you eat it... And that goes for the Pho, too. Hey, variety is the spice of life... Whether it's Poon Tang or Pho Tai Nam, I will eat that shit clean.
The joint is nice and clean and seems like it has more TVs than tables. The menu has a little something of everything for everyone. And the hostess/server had a little something for me... She was redunkulusly hawt. Amen, sista.
Pho Dac Biet - All the way with the combo of meats and offal... Only way to eat it. Even with the small, there's a shit load of brown yum yums dumped in the bowl. I flushed it all down my pipe. Broth was sick. Super flavorful and rich. I almost shed a tear by dumping a cup of Sriracha and Sambal in because it was so beautiful... Almost, I said. So pho-king G O O D.
Cha Gio - Is that an eggroll in your pocket or do you just wanna eat it? This fried Boner was not depressed at all, I inhaled that cripsy log. Love the pickled radish and carrot sticks.
Com Bo Nuong Sa - Grilled lemongrass sliced beef with broken rice. Beef was tender but coulda used more lemongrass... Just couldn't really taste the flavor in it but it was tastee nonetheless. The broken rice was spot on. Came with a soup and some veggies on the side which I like to call trim.
Banh Mi - Grilled pork was flavorful and tender, fillers were perfect and the bread was good. Could this be better than Quoc Huong's banh mi... Hmmm. Mebbe.
This little Viet-noshery was G O O D and cheap... Like it should be. Imagine what the reviews would be if this was intown... It would be So Ba-dass. But it's not... So, drive that extra 10 minutes for some tasty grub for the pouch and candy for the eyes.
Where are the napkins...
Squirt.
5219 Buford Hwy
Doraville, GA 30340
(770) 676-0512
The joint is nice and clean and seems like it has more TVs than tables. The menu has a little something of everything for everyone. And the hostess/server had a little something for me... She was redunkulusly hawt. Amen, sista.
Pho Dac Biet - All the way with the combo of meats and offal... Only way to eat it. Even with the small, there's a shit load of brown yum yums dumped in the bowl. I flushed it all down my pipe. Broth was sick. Super flavorful and rich. I almost shed a tear by dumping a cup of Sriracha and Sambal in because it was so beautiful... Almost, I said. So pho-king G O O D.
Cha Gio - Is that an eggroll in your pocket or do you just wanna eat it? This fried Boner was not depressed at all, I inhaled that cripsy log. Love the pickled radish and carrot sticks.
Com Bo Nuong Sa - Grilled lemongrass sliced beef with broken rice. Beef was tender but coulda used more lemongrass... Just couldn't really taste the flavor in it but it was tastee nonetheless. The broken rice was spot on. Came with a soup and some veggies on the side which I like to call trim.
Banh Mi - Grilled pork was flavorful and tender, fillers were perfect and the bread was good. Could this be better than Quoc Huong's banh mi... Hmmm. Mebbe.This little Viet-noshery was G O O D and cheap... Like it should be. Imagine what the reviews would be if this was intown... It would be So Ba-dass. But it's not... So, drive that extra 10 minutes for some tasty grub for the pouch and candy for the eyes.
Where are the napkins...
Squirt.
5219 Buford Hwy
Doraville, GA 30340
(770) 676-0512
Sushi Bar Yuk-a
Soto! Come back!
Sadly, Soto (like Shane) rode off into the mountains of Manhattan and never looked back. He told me he was tired of being Rick-Rolled by the self-proclaimed sooshee connoisseurs ordering California rolls after fucking California rolls. That shit wasn't even on his menu but these nudnicks were chanting "Never gonna give you up"... Apparently, It's all about authenticity.
Well, looks like the tradition continues... Open the 5 page menu and 3 of them are ROLLS. Fuck me silly and call me Nancy... Every God damn table up in this piece ordered California rolls. How do I know this yous ask? Because the hot ass server repeated it out loud and stressing the "California" part. Jesus, for the love of avocados...
Hamachi Kama - Bitch was G O O D... Crispy skin, moist and tender fishmeat. Almost as good as Shoya's but this shit was ginormous. Don't worry people, I finished it.
Sashimi Combo Thing - Pretty much run of the mill snatch you find at most middling sushi joints. The cuts were not sliced, more like chunks. Fish wasn't bad but the selection was poor. Out of toro, otoro, chutoro, uni, scallop, sweet shrimp, cod sperm (ok mebbe not cod sperm)... Meh. Only thing they weren't out of were surimi, cream cheese and avocados. Sweet Jesus.
Yakisoba - I love this shit... When it's done right. This version was okay. Totally edible... Like the pair of edible undies I got last X-Mas. Cream cheese flavor. Hmmm, mebbe I should make a sooshee roll outta it.
While this Korean owned bait shack ain't the most adventurous or "authentic", it does the job for the local yokels around here... (read between the lines: this place is safe for white people). Y'all can get your sushi rolls fix here.
I put this in the "Tepid Mess" category.
Rock out with your Roll out.
Squirt.
3330 Piedmont Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 233-6700
Sadly, Soto (like Shane) rode off into the mountains of Manhattan and never looked back. He told me he was tired of being Rick-Rolled by the self-proclaimed sooshee connoisseurs ordering California rolls after fucking California rolls. That shit wasn't even on his menu but these nudnicks were chanting "Never gonna give you up"... Apparently, It's all about authenticity.
Well, looks like the tradition continues... Open the 5 page menu and 3 of them are ROLLS. Fuck me silly and call me Nancy... Every God damn table up in this piece ordered California rolls. How do I know this yous ask? Because the hot ass server repeated it out loud and stressing the "California" part. Jesus, for the love of avocados...
Hamachi Kama - Bitch was G O O D... Crispy skin, moist and tender fishmeat. Almost as good as Shoya's but this shit was ginormous. Don't worry people, I finished it.
Sashimi Combo Thing - Pretty much run of the mill snatch you find at most middling sushi joints. The cuts were not sliced, more like chunks. Fish wasn't bad but the selection was poor. Out of toro, otoro, chutoro, uni, scallop, sweet shrimp, cod sperm (ok mebbe not cod sperm)... Meh. Only thing they weren't out of were surimi, cream cheese and avocados. Sweet Jesus.
Yakisoba - I love this shit... When it's done right. This version was okay. Totally edible... Like the pair of edible undies I got last X-Mas. Cream cheese flavor. Hmmm, mebbe I should make a sooshee roll outta it.
While this Korean owned bait shack ain't the most adventurous or "authentic", it does the job for the local yokels around here... (read between the lines: this place is safe for white people). Y'all can get your sushi rolls fix here.
I put this in the "Tepid Mess" category.
Rock out with your Roll out.
Squirt.
3330 Piedmont Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 233-6700
Shoya Izakaya
Shit is still so G O O D... I almost crapped my pants.
Giant grilled oysters in the shell... I almost jizzed in my pants.
Fried sweet shrimp heads... I just crapped my pants.
Bowl of cod sperm... I swallowed it then jizzed in my pants.
Sliced beef tongue, ankimo, grilled chicken skin, yakisoba, softshell crab, kushiyaki... That pair of pants is history. Shit needs to be burned.
But will I be back next week?
Depends.... Of course!
They just came out with another new menu and more booze?
I just pissed my pants.
See y'all next week.
Squirt.
6035 Peachtree Rd
A-101
Atlanta, GA 30341
(770) 457-5555
Giant grilled oysters in the shell... I almost jizzed in my pants.
Fried sweet shrimp heads... I just crapped my pants.
Bowl of cod sperm... I swallowed it then jizzed in my pants.
Sliced beef tongue, ankimo, grilled chicken skin, yakisoba, softshell crab, kushiyaki... That pair of pants is history. Shit needs to be burned.
But will I be back next week?
Depends.... Of course!
They just came out with another new menu and more booze?
I just pissed my pants.
See y'all next week.
Squirt.
6035 Peachtree Rd
A-101
Atlanta, GA 30341
(770) 457-5555
Popeyes
Hey girl, I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been hungry, such a long, long time
And now I'm ready to lay it on the plate
Weow, you know it's Popeyes and my mouth is open wide
Gonna feed you something, so you know what's in my pouch
A grub real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's fried chick in a box!
Not gonna get you an onion ring
That sort of crap don't mean anything
Not gonna take you to a fancy bar
Girl you gotta know I ain't drivin' that far
Not gonna get you Spago rez in the Hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' delicious girl
It's fried chick in a box, fried chick in a box, girl!
See, I'm wise enough to know when a grub needs grubbin'
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Get a 10 piece box
2: Take a wiff of that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you eat it
It's fried chick in a box...fried chick in a box, girl
Christmas; fried chick in a box
Hanukkah; fried chick in a box
Kwanzaa; a fried chick in a box
Every single holiday, fried chick in a box
Over at your parent's house, fried chick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store, fried chick in a box
Delays at the Terminal, a fried chick in a box
Fried chick in a box...
Hartsfield Airport, Concourse C
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 768-2799
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been hungry, such a long, long time
And now I'm ready to lay it on the plate
Weow, you know it's Popeyes and my mouth is open wide
Gonna feed you something, so you know what's in my pouch
A grub real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's fried chick in a box!
Not gonna get you an onion ring
That sort of crap don't mean anything
Not gonna take you to a fancy bar
Girl you gotta know I ain't drivin' that far
Not gonna get you Spago rez in the Hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' delicious girl
It's fried chick in a box, fried chick in a box, girl!
See, I'm wise enough to know when a grub needs grubbin'
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Get a 10 piece box
2: Take a wiff of that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you eat it
It's fried chick in a box...fried chick in a box, girl
Christmas; fried chick in a box
Hanukkah; fried chick in a box
Kwanzaa; a fried chick in a box
Every single holiday, fried chick in a box
Over at your parent's house, fried chick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store, fried chick in a box
Delays at the Terminal, a fried chick in a box
Fried chick in a box...
Hartsfield Airport, Concourse C
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 768-2799
Samui Island Authentic Thai Cuisine
When Phoenix Noodle died... I poured one for my homie.
Will the Phoenix rise again?
Looks like it did... Into a Thai Bird Chili.
Question is... Are you hot as balls?
I ain't talking about Megan Fox hot... I'm talking Shaun White and Carrot Top firebush hawt!
Ok, Megan Fox is hot as ballz, too.
I ain't gonna pussyfoot around with your Larb and Kha Ka.
Green Curry had the only 4 Chili rating.
Make mine a 8 Chili rating... Yes, THAI HOT TOGO MOFO!
Pweez.
Patiently waiting...
Some fluffer comes in and orders fwied rice... And axes if that is spicy. Does that come with an eggroll and soda? Jesus Christ, I'm gonna AXE you. Get out.
Everything seemed well composed and the Thai eggplant was a nice surprise. It was a nice lunch... Nothing more, nothing less. The only thing that still is and always will be... Thai Hot does not exist in Atlanta.
Looks promising... But looks can taste deceiving. Next up, Pad Thai and Papaya Salad test. Fancy Stuffed Wings looked interesting as well.
Developing...
Squirt.
5054 Peachtree Pkwy
Norcross, GA 30092
(770) 807-7684
Will the Phoenix rise again?
Looks like it did... Into a Thai Bird Chili.
Question is... Are you hot as balls?
I ain't talking about Megan Fox hot... I'm talking Shaun White and Carrot Top firebush hawt!
Ok, Megan Fox is hot as ballz, too.
I ain't gonna pussyfoot around with your Larb and Kha Ka.
Green Curry had the only 4 Chili rating.
Make mine a 8 Chili rating... Yes, THAI HOT TOGO MOFO!
Pweez.
Patiently waiting...
Some fluffer comes in and orders fwied rice... And axes if that is spicy. Does that come with an eggroll and soda? Jesus Christ, I'm gonna AXE you. Get out.
Everything seemed well composed and the Thai eggplant was a nice surprise. It was a nice lunch... Nothing more, nothing less. The only thing that still is and always will be... Thai Hot does not exist in Atlanta.
Looks promising... But looks can taste deceiving. Next up, Pad Thai and Papaya Salad test. Fancy Stuffed Wings looked interesting as well.
Developing...
Squirt.
5054 Peachtree Pkwy
Norcross, GA 30092
(770) 807-7684
Hobnob
Came for a quickie... Ended up polishing my Nob with the Hob-bits.
Their shit was packed. Literally.
Couldn't even get a reach around... To the bar.
I was offered to have my stool pushed in... But I declined the generous offer. Twice.
I wasn't even sitting down.
Joint reminds me of a log cabin... Look at all the wood in here. It's not even morning. Not a lumberjack in sight... But there were a lot of Lincoln Logs fluttering around. Timber.
Decent booze and beer selection. They got 4 cute jars of infused booze- Lemon, cucumber, ginger vodka and a grapefruit tequila. The milkshakes were like a set of ginormous boobs in my face because some had booze in it. Yeah, I said Booze. But the $10 Hazelnut Mud Slide Shake was apply named. Splash.
I like how the menu starts off with "Bar Nuts". A snack to some and a mouthful to others. It's your standard list of pub grub but there's a few "complex" dishes on there as well. But don't get your panties in a wad over it, I didn't... Because I don't wear any. But when I do, it's usually something special. Lace.
Shrimp & Grits - 3 decent size shwimpz and a grit cake that resembled polenta or a yellow sponge. Squirt.
Poutine Gravy Fries - Thin-ass fwies, salty-ass gravy and tofu-ass like cubes of "cheez curds". No medals for this event. Canuck'd.
Pot Pie - The only pie in the whole joint. Decent trim but the chicken was way too smokey. Dude, you need to cut back on the sauce. Liquid Smoke does not have booze in it. Just FYI.
Pan Seared Trout - Don't remember eating it... It was that good. Have the sudden urge to swim upstream... Hmmm. Splash.
This place is cool but the parking sucks. My ass got booted outside and paid $50 to get off... Shit, I coulda got off inside for free. I'll be back for that fiddy, Mate.
Pump.
Pump.
Zippp.
1551 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 968-2288
Their shit was packed. Literally.
Couldn't even get a reach around... To the bar.
I was offered to have my stool pushed in... But I declined the generous offer. Twice.
I wasn't even sitting down.
Joint reminds me of a log cabin... Look at all the wood in here. It's not even morning. Not a lumberjack in sight... But there were a lot of Lincoln Logs fluttering around. Timber.
Decent booze and beer selection. They got 4 cute jars of infused booze- Lemon, cucumber, ginger vodka and a grapefruit tequila. The milkshakes were like a set of ginormous boobs in my face because some had booze in it. Yeah, I said Booze. But the $10 Hazelnut Mud Slide Shake was apply named. Splash.
I like how the menu starts off with "Bar Nuts". A snack to some and a mouthful to others. It's your standard list of pub grub but there's a few "complex" dishes on there as well. But don't get your panties in a wad over it, I didn't... Because I don't wear any. But when I do, it's usually something special. Lace.
Shrimp & Grits - 3 decent size shwimpz and a grit cake that resembled polenta or a yellow sponge. Squirt.
Poutine Gravy Fries - Thin-ass fwies, salty-ass gravy and tofu-ass like cubes of "cheez curds". No medals for this event. Canuck'd.
Pot Pie - The only pie in the whole joint. Decent trim but the chicken was way too smokey. Dude, you need to cut back on the sauce. Liquid Smoke does not have booze in it. Just FYI.
Pan Seared Trout - Don't remember eating it... It was that good. Have the sudden urge to swim upstream... Hmmm. Splash.
This place is cool but the parking sucks. My ass got booted outside and paid $50 to get off... Shit, I coulda got off inside for free. I'll be back for that fiddy, Mate.
Pump.
Pump.
Zippp.
1551 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 968-2288
Cafe 101
Walked in. Hmmm.
Looks like the word is out on this joint. Sigh.
The eyes in here were as round as the building. Did a twirl.
There were like 2 other Asians up in this piece. Oh dear.
I spied General Tso's Chicken and Mongolian Beef. Double dog dare.
Don't make a fucking spectacle of yourselves. Jesus.
They were from Alabama. No wonder.
Excuse me? You're excused, now fuck off. Enough of this malarchy... It's my time to nurse the pouch.
Ja Jiang Mien - Shit is still G O O D. One of a few dishes still done right and craveworthy. I just Ja Jizzed My pants.
Sweet & Sour Pork Chops - Big meaty chops but the sauce was way to syrupy. Needed more soury. Obligatory canned cubed pineapples. Uncanny.
Taiwanese Braised Pork Rice Bowl - Minced pork, cilantro, radish and wice... Meh. Street food that belongs out in the street. Gutter preferably.
House Hot Pot - Crap in a bowl. Everything under this dome was dumped in to this bowl. I think there was a small child in there. Didn't check to see, just ate it.
Some decent dishes can still be had up in this piece, just don't expect too much or you'll be disappointed. Hey, if you want value, there's always China Bucks next door... For Mexican Value.
Time to move on to Resto 202.
Hasta luego.
5412 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 458-8883
Looks like the word is out on this joint. Sigh.
The eyes in here were as round as the building. Did a twirl.
There were like 2 other Asians up in this piece. Oh dear.
I spied General Tso's Chicken and Mongolian Beef. Double dog dare.
Don't make a fucking spectacle of yourselves. Jesus.
They were from Alabama. No wonder.
Excuse me? You're excused, now fuck off. Enough of this malarchy... It's my time to nurse the pouch.
Ja Jiang Mien - Shit is still G O O D. One of a few dishes still done right and craveworthy. I just Ja Jizzed My pants.
Sweet & Sour Pork Chops - Big meaty chops but the sauce was way to syrupy. Needed more soury. Obligatory canned cubed pineapples. Uncanny.
Taiwanese Braised Pork Rice Bowl - Minced pork, cilantro, radish and wice... Meh. Street food that belongs out in the street. Gutter preferably.
House Hot Pot - Crap in a bowl. Everything under this dome was dumped in to this bowl. I think there was a small child in there. Didn't check to see, just ate it.
Some decent dishes can still be had up in this piece, just don't expect too much or you'll be disappointed. Hey, if you want value, there's always China Bucks next door... For Mexican Value.
Time to move on to Resto 202.
Hasta luego.
5412 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 458-8883
Green's Beverage Store
This Green's woulda been called "Gringo's" and selling fish tacos today if they didn't learn from The Battle of the Alamo in 1836.
They honor the men of the Alamo Mission by supplying me with enough booze to float me down the Chattahoochee. Speaking of the 1800's... Throw in a bot of the Silver and Reposado for good measure. It's ok, Jack and Jim are my DDs.
I'm gonna Shoot da Hooch tonight...
With a plastic bag full of Taco Bell's finest.
That shit's waterproof.
Splash.
2614 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 321-6232
They honor the men of the Alamo Mission by supplying me with enough booze to float me down the Chattahoochee. Speaking of the 1800's... Throw in a bot of the Silver and Reposado for good measure. It's ok, Jack and Jim are my DDs.
I'm gonna Shoot da Hooch tonight...
With a plastic bag full of Taco Bell's finest.
That shit's waterproof.
Splash.
2614 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 321-6232
Green's Beverage Store
Everything you need is within pissing distance... Including the hobo sleeping behind the dumpster.
Lookie here...
Green's got the Booze (it's glorious).
Kroger's got the Hot Pockets.
Ponce's got the Crack.
Liberty's got the Ink.
Local's got the Emos.
Clermont's got the Hags.
Cameli's got the Monster Slice.
And a Dialysis Clinic just in case Blondie's meat cans crushes your kidneys instead of your PBR cans.
Green's motto: "If you're not wasted, the day is." ...Muddafukken words to live by.
I wonder if that bum needs a roommate... Fucker's got the life of a rockstar. What a country.
Mazel Tov!
Squirt.
737 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 872-1109
Lookie here...
Green's got the Booze (it's glorious).
Kroger's got the Hot Pockets.
Ponce's got the Crack.
Liberty's got the Ink.
Local's got the Emos.
Clermont's got the Hags.
Cameli's got the Monster Slice.
And a Dialysis Clinic just in case Blondie's meat cans crushes your kidneys instead of your PBR cans.
Green's motto: "If you're not wasted, the day is." ...Muddafukken words to live by.
I wonder if that bum needs a roommate... Fucker's got the life of a rockstar. What a country.
Mazel Tov!
Squirt.
737 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 872-1109
Mac McGee's
Well, show me the way
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
For if we don't find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you...
I think I just soiled my underpants.
Look at that whiskey list. Fuck me, I'm in booze heaven. Ardbeg, Laphroaig, Lagavulin, Bunnahabhain... Yeah, yeah, just give me a drink already you stuttering prick.
Love the feel of the joint. Bartenders are super cool dudes... Good beer list (Trois Pistoles was mad good) and awesome booze selection (whiskey/bourbon/scotch from all over). These days, I tend to stick with the hard stuff vs. beer. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Plus, I gotta watch my girlish figure. The menu looked good with a lot of interesting vittles... But the real chef had left early for the night and I sneaked a peek who was in the kitchen. Oh, dear, looks like it's gonna be a crapshoot. Too bad Jerk Chicken is not on the menu.
Lamb Sliders - Special of the night. Two dirty brown balls... Not even worthy to be near my chin, let alone my mouth. Alcohol makes you eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
Beef Pasty - Looked like an Irish Empanada. Too bad it tasted like an Irish Zapato. Dried out and bland cottage pie filling inside a salty doughy crust. Coulda been good but executed poorly. Pour some booze in it and shoot the boot, instead.
Irish Breakfast - Eggs (can't mess this up), baked beans (freshness is a can opener away), bangers (never seen sausage breakup like sawdust before), rashers (two tiny bites of beggin' stwips), black & white pudding (some things are better without color), roasted tomato (2 measly slices). With all these different ingredients on a plate, why does everything taste the same? Baffled.
If they wanted to be authentic, they got their shit spot on... Irish cuisine is everything they said it would be. Terrible. But the booze cruise more than makes up for it... That's the only way to forget what you ate the next day. I hope it was just a fluke.
Stumbled over to the iPig next door and continued my medication from the hands of the famed Fable. Mofo still gets my nips hard every time he breaks out the bacon bourbon.
And I must have whiskey,
oh, you know why
Now, show me the way
To the next little girl...
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
111 Sycamore Street
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 377-8050
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
For if we don't find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you...
I think I just soiled my underpants.
Look at that whiskey list. Fuck me, I'm in booze heaven. Ardbeg, Laphroaig, Lagavulin, Bunnahabhain... Yeah, yeah, just give me a drink already you stuttering prick.
Love the feel of the joint. Bartenders are super cool dudes... Good beer list (Trois Pistoles was mad good) and awesome booze selection (whiskey/bourbon/scotch from all over). These days, I tend to stick with the hard stuff vs. beer. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Plus, I gotta watch my girlish figure. The menu looked good with a lot of interesting vittles... But the real chef had left early for the night and I sneaked a peek who was in the kitchen. Oh, dear, looks like it's gonna be a crapshoot. Too bad Jerk Chicken is not on the menu.
Lamb Sliders - Special of the night. Two dirty brown balls... Not even worthy to be near my chin, let alone my mouth. Alcohol makes you eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
Beef Pasty - Looked like an Irish Empanada. Too bad it tasted like an Irish Zapato. Dried out and bland cottage pie filling inside a salty doughy crust. Coulda been good but executed poorly. Pour some booze in it and shoot the boot, instead.
Irish Breakfast - Eggs (can't mess this up), baked beans (freshness is a can opener away), bangers (never seen sausage breakup like sawdust before), rashers (two tiny bites of beggin' stwips), black & white pudding (some things are better without color), roasted tomato (2 measly slices). With all these different ingredients on a plate, why does everything taste the same? Baffled.
If they wanted to be authentic, they got their shit spot on... Irish cuisine is everything they said it would be. Terrible. But the booze cruise more than makes up for it... That's the only way to forget what you ate the next day. I hope it was just a fluke.
Stumbled over to the iPig next door and continued my medication from the hands of the famed Fable. Mofo still gets my nips hard every time he breaks out the bacon bourbon.
And I must have whiskey,
oh, you know why
Now, show me the way
To the next little girl...
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
111 Sycamore Street
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 377-8050
Singha Thai
I woke up. Had one shoe on and could barely see out my eyeballs. Rolled my fat arse outta bed and noticed that my hand was in a tubesock. WTF. Couldn't remember a God damn thing. My pants weren't on the ground at least... Eh, it musta been a good night.
Even with a hangover from the bowels of Hell, my pouch demanded to be fed. This bitch is high maintenance. I'm starting to think this marsupial gig is more trouble than the Yelp ink this review is written with.
Shit was OTP, if I hadn't passed out in the driver's seat with the cruise control on, I would have never made it here. Technology is fucking rad, yo.
After slamming down 2 glasses of water, I started pointing at things on the menu like I just got off the short bus. Believe me, it's easier than speech. Where's that Stephen Hawking's voice machine when you need one...
Spring Rolls - I hate these meatless things. Luckily, I was still dwunk. Crunch.
Curry Puffs - Still have no clue what they were. One can safely assume it's one part curry and one part puff. Puff puff give, Smokey.
Fried 1000 Year Old Egg w/ Pork and Basil (secret menu)- Who doesn't like fried preserved black eggs? This shit was G O O D. Fear Factor ain't got nothin' on me.
Pork Jerky (secret menu) - This was as good as jerking my own pork at home. Couldn't stop eating this stuff and the hot sauce cleared out my sinuses. That tubesock would come in handy right about now.
Papaya Salad - As always, never spicy enough for me. But a decent version. The authentic white people seemed to enjoy it.
Pad Thai - This was alright. A little too mushy and wet for me... Did I just say that out loud and I'm complaining about it? I take it back. And take this slop back as well.
Panang w/ Beef - Asked for Triple Thai Hot... Like usual, I got round-eyed, again. Came out weaker than Roger Moore, sent it back for a proper Rogering. Came back as hot as Octopussy. The dish was not bad, just needed a lot more heat.
Mussaman w/ Tofu - Some white chick ordered it. I had a taste of it. But with tofu? Baffled.
Someone else got this beef thing... And I got up to pee. By the time I got back, shit was half eaten. All I can tell you is that it had beef and green beans in it.
It's a solid 3 stars but with the secret menu... I'll bump it up to 3.5 stars. Nice service, skip the sooshe.
Burp.
5554 Chamblee Dunwoody Rd
Dunwoody, GA 30338
(770) 390-8619
Even with a hangover from the bowels of Hell, my pouch demanded to be fed. This bitch is high maintenance. I'm starting to think this marsupial gig is more trouble than the Yelp ink this review is written with.
Shit was OTP, if I hadn't passed out in the driver's seat with the cruise control on, I would have never made it here. Technology is fucking rad, yo.
After slamming down 2 glasses of water, I started pointing at things on the menu like I just got off the short bus. Believe me, it's easier than speech. Where's that Stephen Hawking's voice machine when you need one...
Spring Rolls - I hate these meatless things. Luckily, I was still dwunk. Crunch.
Curry Puffs - Still have no clue what they were. One can safely assume it's one part curry and one part puff. Puff puff give, Smokey.
Fried 1000 Year Old Egg w/ Pork and Basil (secret menu)- Who doesn't like fried preserved black eggs? This shit was G O O D. Fear Factor ain't got nothin' on me.
Pork Jerky (secret menu) - This was as good as jerking my own pork at home. Couldn't stop eating this stuff and the hot sauce cleared out my sinuses. That tubesock would come in handy right about now.
Papaya Salad - As always, never spicy enough for me. But a decent version. The authentic white people seemed to enjoy it.
Pad Thai - This was alright. A little too mushy and wet for me... Did I just say that out loud and I'm complaining about it? I take it back. And take this slop back as well.
Panang w/ Beef - Asked for Triple Thai Hot... Like usual, I got round-eyed, again. Came out weaker than Roger Moore, sent it back for a proper Rogering. Came back as hot as Octopussy. The dish was not bad, just needed a lot more heat.
Mussaman w/ Tofu - Some white chick ordered it. I had a taste of it. But with tofu? Baffled.
Someone else got this beef thing... And I got up to pee. By the time I got back, shit was half eaten. All I can tell you is that it had beef and green beans in it.
It's a solid 3 stars but with the secret menu... I'll bump it up to 3.5 stars. Nice service, skip the sooshe.
Burp.
5554 Chamblee Dunwoody Rd
Dunwoody, GA 30338
(770) 390-8619
Umaido
Seriously, unless your name is Henry Hill or you lost a bet... No one consciously decides to live out here. The fuck. I would get lost going to the out house. I rather get violated by the Po Po at the Eagle... Hey, just don't forget the satchel.
If I'm gonna have to drive all the way to bumblefuck, I better be getting more than egg noodles and ketchup. Walked in, shit looked pho real. They even had fresh whole garlic and a press. I was getting excited like some redneck was noodling in my pants.
Yaki Gyoza - These dumps looked cute on the plate but they belong more at the bottom of a toilet bowl. The meat filling was bland as sawdust and shit was cold.
Tonkotsu Ramen - Ramen was good and the broth was decent in flavor and complexity but it got salty towards the end. Not a bad bowl of noods with all the other goodies (egg, chasyu, green onions, tree ear, bean sprouts).
SPICY Tonkotsu Ramen - Level 3. Are you kidding me? It's a shame the server was hotter than my bowl of noods. Just because it looks red doesn't mean it's spicy... It was weaker than Roger Ebert's jaw. Just FYI- don't cap the word "SPICY" if it ain't... I don't go around advertising myself as "HOT MARSUPIAL".
I do like the "EVENT" (there you go again with the caps) though... "Finish 4 bowls of ramen within 20 minutes= Freeif fail to finish = $20 (must empty all the bowls)" ...I'll empty the bowls, just don't make me clean them. And I don't mean the bowls at the table.
I like this place but it wasn't good enough for me to drive to lower Chattanooga just for the ramen (need to try the rice dishes-chasyu, mentaiko, yaki onigiri next time)... But there's a Super H Mart next door and they have a Toreore Korean Fried Chicken which made up for the excessive distance traveled. I got some pork belly and skate wings as well for good measure.
Someone point me to the closest bowl with a lockable door. Thanks.
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
2790 Lawrenceville Suwanee Rd.
Suwanee, GA 30024
(678) 318-8568
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