Where we going? OTP? WTF... Hold on, let me pack an overnight bag. Woke up with drool all over myself. The fuck. Musta been the altitude or time zone change up here. Not my fault. I needed CPR, stat... You know, as in CaiPiRinha. With time to kill, went across da street to a thing called Lime Taqueria. Corzo, Corzo and more Corzo... And a cheese dip. Who ordered the fucking cheese dip? It always starts out with the best intentions doesn't it? Story of my life.
Time to fill the pouch... Scurried back over to this joint. It's a nice space, there's this sculpture with a red ball pissing water out of it... I don't know what the fuck that's all about. But the servers were super friendly and one was making googly eyes with me. Enuff with the chit chat, I sees me a full bar.
Ordered my go to dwink. What's a whiskey old fashioned? It ain't those rags you're wearing, sweetheart. She comes back with something that looked like one. This shit was weaker than Tom Hanks at the end of Philadelphia. Owner (nice dood) comes by and he goes back and does a double pour just for me... Asians, we're all in the family.
Vegetarian Sampler - Combo of fried tofu, spring rolls and organic veggie tempura. Ok, whatever... I don't even know if you're suppose to eat this. Next.
Hoy Nang-Rom Sri-Raja (Fried Oyster Sri-Raja) - Tastee little fuckers with homemade "Sri-Raja" sauce. Sure, pal and I'm the Queen of Sheba. Sauce was lame.
Bheek-Gai Yad-Sai (Stuffed Wings) - "3 all natural chicken wings stuffed with mixtures of well seasoned minced chicken, bean threads, white pepper and herbs, served with sweet pepper sauce." Dude, there's more words on the menu than there are wings on the plate. They were good but at 2 clams a piece... Say, you don't have a Monday night 20 cent wing special do ya?
Som Tum (Green Papaya Salad) - Som Tum's rotten in the State of Denial... It coulda used a lot more heat but the kids at the table thought it was more than enuff. Wussies. Not bad, though. Pretty tastee as a matter of fact.
Old Fashioned Pad Thai - Guess what I paired this dish with? Yup, a vodka soda... How many drinks did I have already? Noods were decent... I think.
Jungle Curry w/ Flank Steak (made without coconut milk) - Interesting dish not seen on many Thai menus. Triple Thai Hot that lioness... I want Jungle Fever! Shit came out like a kitten with a cold. Snarf, snarf... Not bad though, kinda liked it.
Overall, it's pretty good... There's been so much smack talk about this place in the past that I totally avoided it like the Gay. But since Saxby says tattooed peeps with alcoholic tendencies may be Happier Chaps, I thought I oughta give it a shot. Food was good, no dice on the assless chaps.
3.5 Stars.
Slurp.
4500 West Village Place
Suite 1017
Smyrna, GA 30080
(770) 434-4344
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Iberian Pig
If I'm gonna drive all the way over to Dickhater, there better be a decent drink waiting for me. I was giddy as a school girl when I saw some classic drinks on the black board. Moscow Mule, Sidecar, Pisco Sour, Manhattan, Sazerac and my cock-du-jour-tail... Old-Fashioned. Fuck yeah.
Requested no soda and just a splash of water and watched the first barkeep make my drink hoping he would do it right. Ruh roh, cherry muddled, slice of orange w/ pulp and a chunk of ice that sank the Titanic. That shit was weaker than the skinny old woman next to me that smelled like BenGay. Then, the man, Fable, came by and chit chatted with him a bit. He asked how my drink was, I said "The shit is a bit weak." He replied, "No problem." ...And took a bottle of whiskey that was sitting right in front of me and turned that iceberg into a real drink. Good show, old boy! I knew this was gonna be a good night, a real good night.
Finally, agreed to leave the bar and go to my table.... 25 minzies later. But the drinks didn't stop coming from Fable. I was fucking in love. Menu? What menu? Oh, food menu... "Oh, just pick something... You're cramping my style, bro." I sez to the server. I got drinking to do, man. Let's get back to that whiskey... Irish whiskey? Dude, we are like Twins because that's exactly what I was thinking... I'm Arnold and you're Danny DeVito, though.
Intermission:
Jamon Iberico, Jamon Serrano, Salchichon - All these porkers were delicious... Verra tastee meat curtains if I do say so myself. A lot better quality since the last time I was there... Or mebbe I was dwunk. Shit, Ocar Mayer woulda prolly tasted good.
Tocino con Manzana - Slow braised Kurobuta pork belly... Swine was like butta. With all the hard liquor I put down, my pouch coulda turned bone and teeth into butter. But seriously, it was good but they could have given a lil more.
Salchicha 3-ways - Chorizo, lamb sausage and fennel sausage. I'll eat anything that is meat and stuffed into a tube. It was a nice assortment but my attention was really on my next drink. This was just conversation.
Seared Foie Gras French Toast - Ok, hold that drink... A kick ass piece of foie gras cooked perfectly and melted like LSD on the tip of your tongue. Shit tastes so good when it hits your lips.
My escort was interested in the Cheek Tacos but I wasn't gonna fall for that banana in the tail pipe trick again. Last time I had it, shit was breaking all apart and junk. Passed on the Churros and Eggplant fwies as well... More money to drink with! Right on.
They have come a long way since they first opened... Both in food and making a real drink. This joint is always packed because they have a great location (if you live in Dickhater) and a great concept. But the barkeeps and their drinks are the real draw for me here... And they get so excited when someone knows how and what to drink like they do. Just thinking about it makes my nips hard.
We closed that shit down.
Dude, WTF is my car?
Burp.
121 Sycamore St
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 371-8800
Requested no soda and just a splash of water and watched the first barkeep make my drink hoping he would do it right. Ruh roh, cherry muddled, slice of orange w/ pulp and a chunk of ice that sank the Titanic. That shit was weaker than the skinny old woman next to me that smelled like BenGay. Then, the man, Fable, came by and chit chatted with him a bit. He asked how my drink was, I said "The shit is a bit weak." He replied, "No problem." ...And took a bottle of whiskey that was sitting right in front of me and turned that iceberg into a real drink. Good show, old boy! I knew this was gonna be a good night, a real good night.
Finally, agreed to leave the bar and go to my table.... 25 minzies later. But the drinks didn't stop coming from Fable. I was fucking in love. Menu? What menu? Oh, food menu... "Oh, just pick something... You're cramping my style, bro." I sez to the server. I got drinking to do, man. Let's get back to that whiskey... Irish whiskey? Dude, we are like Twins because that's exactly what I was thinking... I'm Arnold and you're Danny DeVito, though.
Intermission:
Jamon Iberico, Jamon Serrano, Salchichon - All these porkers were delicious... Verra tastee meat curtains if I do say so myself. A lot better quality since the last time I was there... Or mebbe I was dwunk. Shit, Ocar Mayer woulda prolly tasted good.
Tocino con Manzana - Slow braised Kurobuta pork belly... Swine was like butta. With all the hard liquor I put down, my pouch coulda turned bone and teeth into butter. But seriously, it was good but they could have given a lil more.
Salchicha 3-ways - Chorizo, lamb sausage and fennel sausage. I'll eat anything that is meat and stuffed into a tube. It was a nice assortment but my attention was really on my next drink. This was just conversation.
Seared Foie Gras French Toast - Ok, hold that drink... A kick ass piece of foie gras cooked perfectly and melted like LSD on the tip of your tongue. Shit tastes so good when it hits your lips.
My escort was interested in the Cheek Tacos but I wasn't gonna fall for that banana in the tail pipe trick again. Last time I had it, shit was breaking all apart and junk. Passed on the Churros and Eggplant fwies as well... More money to drink with! Right on.
They have come a long way since they first opened... Both in food and making a real drink. This joint is always packed because they have a great location (if you live in Dickhater) and a great concept. But the barkeeps and their drinks are the real draw for me here... And they get so excited when someone knows how and what to drink like they do. Just thinking about it makes my nips hard.
We closed that shit down.
Dude, WTF is my car?
Burp.
121 Sycamore St
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 371-8800
Monday, February 8, 2010
Shaun's Restaurant
If I spend another minute here, I might as well be a piece of fucking furniture. I wouldn't mind it if the broad smuggling the 2 chihuahuas in the blue sweater sat on me all night... It's ok, she floats. Here kitty kitty. 2 words: Communal Table.
I don't even look at the menu anymore... I just say, "FEED ME, I'M STARVING!". Then he makes the magic happen in that tiny ass kitchen like it's his bedroom. And he gives birth to some tasty ass vittles... Hey, I like ATM sometimes.
Chicken Liver Egg Salad - Holy fuck, sounds like a diabolical afterbirth but that placenta on a plate was OMFG good. He's trying to kill me, I know it. He just wants to trade his chopped livers for my choppers.
Salmon Crudo - This ain't no stinky pinky. If only all my ex-gf's looked and tasted this good. Fish was so fwesh as if a bear just delivered it from a river in his mouth. A hint of chili oil was a nice surprise.
Pork Buns - Besides the fact that he totally ripped this off from Momofuku, his buns are fluffy and supple... I inhaled his pork as if I was in prison. Makes me wanna put a couple of them down my pants and make my own pork bun.
Chicken Liver Fettuccini - This shit is so delicious that it deserves to be served in a silver fucking platter... And it was! What class! Call me, pal, when you got no class... We'll drink Natty Light and pick up sleazy wimmen in your Porsche.
Pork Schnitzel - It's better than the Schnauzers I had at another joint. Crispy Panko crust, thin and tender... He should do a Schnitzel truck down here. Beep beep. Hint hint.
Chocolate Mousse and Sticky Toffee Pudding are good if you're into that kinda stuff but as always, one bite and I'm done... But I'll have another whiskey old-fashioned to wash down that load.
Dude, give me your keys to your crib, I need a kat nap... Meet you out at the whorehouse, er, I mean, Bookhouse later.
Thanks, pal... You're the best.
Snore.
Burp.
Squirt.
1029 Edgewood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 577-4358
I don't even look at the menu anymore... I just say, "FEED ME, I'M STARVING!". Then he makes the magic happen in that tiny ass kitchen like it's his bedroom. And he gives birth to some tasty ass vittles... Hey, I like ATM sometimes.
Chicken Liver Egg Salad - Holy fuck, sounds like a diabolical afterbirth but that placenta on a plate was OMFG good. He's trying to kill me, I know it. He just wants to trade his chopped livers for my choppers.
Salmon Crudo - This ain't no stinky pinky. If only all my ex-gf's looked and tasted this good. Fish was so fwesh as if a bear just delivered it from a river in his mouth. A hint of chili oil was a nice surprise.
Pork Buns - Besides the fact that he totally ripped this off from Momofuku, his buns are fluffy and supple... I inhaled his pork as if I was in prison. Makes me wanna put a couple of them down my pants and make my own pork bun.
Chicken Liver Fettuccini - This shit is so delicious that it deserves to be served in a silver fucking platter... And it was! What class! Call me, pal, when you got no class... We'll drink Natty Light and pick up sleazy wimmen in your Porsche.
Pork Schnitzel - It's better than the Schnauzers I had at another joint. Crispy Panko crust, thin and tender... He should do a Schnitzel truck down here. Beep beep. Hint hint.
Chocolate Mousse and Sticky Toffee Pudding are good if you're into that kinda stuff but as always, one bite and I'm done... But I'll have another whiskey old-fashioned to wash down that load.
Dude, give me your keys to your crib, I need a kat nap... Meet you out at the whorehouse, er, I mean, Bookhouse later.
Thanks, pal... You're the best.
Snore.
Burp.
Squirt.
1029 Edgewood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 577-4358
Bobby G's
Anyone who puts the word "Authentic" on their menu better nut up or shut up. They got the decor but do they have balls? Speaking of balls, that damn Saxby Chambliss planted the seed in my head about people who drinks a lot with tattoos may have the Gay. My name ain't Jack Sparrow but I was craving some flesh arrow.
Always been wanting to try this joint out but the original spot is in Alpharetta. Fuck dat... Not even for a Chi-dog. But after a year or two, they took over My Panini's old space. What a dump that was. Patience makes the heart grow fonder, right? Or is that, Patience makes my pouch grow fatter? Whatever.
Bobby G's $9 pitcher of beer special... It's special alright, special ed. Got a tasting of it like it was some stash from their private cellar. It was more like from their private parts. Stick with Yuengling, your bladder will thank me later.
Chicago Dog - Aah, finally a traditional Chi-Dog done right. Dragged through the garden. Shit was tastee but it didn't make me wanna suck face with some dude though.
Classic Italian Beef - The famous Gonnella roll got me. Shaved beef looked very similar to my ex-gf's hoo-hoo. I didn't how or which way I should eat this. This definitely didn't make me wanna lick a sack but I did lick the Au Jus (or Aw Juice as the kid working there would say).
Italian Sausage - This ginzo tubesteak was juiced up! Shit hung out on both ends. We may have a "Situation" here. I tore that shit up like Snookie gnawing on a meat periscope.
Polish Sausage - Why did the Pole put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down. Y'all know I had to do it. But I got the Maxwell street style- Grilled onions and peppers.
Wings - Honey BBQ and Chicago Fire. Passable wings, flavors were pedestrian. Chicago Fire had the BTU of an unlit match.
Onion Rings - Even these brown baggers trump those FUBAR bloomin onion rings at Ormsby's.
Fries - Crinkle cut Sysco special. Filler.
Wunder Bar - Chocolate covered frozen cheesecake on a stick. Nuff said.
Overall, it ain't a bad joint... They got the tools but they need a real mechanic to make this baybee run right. Definitely would go back for some more male organs and it's not because Saxby said to.
Pump.
Pump.
Mustard.
574 Main Street
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 841-6670
Always been wanting to try this joint out but the original spot is in Alpharetta. Fuck dat... Not even for a Chi-dog. But after a year or two, they took over My Panini's old space. What a dump that was. Patience makes the heart grow fonder, right? Or is that, Patience makes my pouch grow fatter? Whatever.
Bobby G's $9 pitcher of beer special... It's special alright, special ed. Got a tasting of it like it was some stash from their private cellar. It was more like from their private parts. Stick with Yuengling, your bladder will thank me later.
Chicago Dog - Aah, finally a traditional Chi-Dog done right. Dragged through the garden. Shit was tastee but it didn't make me wanna suck face with some dude though.
Classic Italian Beef - The famous Gonnella roll got me. Shaved beef looked very similar to my ex-gf's hoo-hoo. I didn't how or which way I should eat this. This definitely didn't make me wanna lick a sack but I did lick the Au Jus (or Aw Juice as the kid working there would say).
Italian Sausage - This ginzo tubesteak was juiced up! Shit hung out on both ends. We may have a "Situation" here. I tore that shit up like Snookie gnawing on a meat periscope.
Polish Sausage - Why did the Pole put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down. Y'all know I had to do it. But I got the Maxwell street style- Grilled onions and peppers.
Wings - Honey BBQ and Chicago Fire. Passable wings, flavors were pedestrian. Chicago Fire had the BTU of an unlit match.
Onion Rings - Even these brown baggers trump those FUBAR bloomin onion rings at Ormsby's.
Fries - Crinkle cut Sysco special. Filler.
Wunder Bar - Chocolate covered frozen cheesecake on a stick. Nuff said.
Overall, it ain't a bad joint... They got the tools but they need a real mechanic to make this baybee run right. Definitely would go back for some more male organs and it's not because Saxby said to.
Pump.
Pump.
Mustard.
574 Main Street
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 841-6670
Nori Nori
"Deadliest catch, without the crabs... Almost outta gas, call the Arabs."
Yup, shit's OTP... So, gas up yo ride and try not to cry. Tugboats and Supertankers pulling up anchor cuz they're leaving dry land, get below deck with a dwink in my hand.
You know you're over eating when the buttons on your shirt starts popping apart. I rebuttoned a couple of them and found crabmeat inside my shirt. The fuck. Crabmeat. I gave up... And left my shirt open and continued the carnage.
Unlimited sooshee on one side and hot stuff on the other. Shit is dangerous... Someone can lose an eye with flying buttons up in this piece. Still like the place though... I can only waddle in here with my moo-moo once a month and that's once a month too many. It's embarrassing. Ok, it's not.
Staff is always friendly (except that fucker hiding all the Uni) and some of the broads here are hot as ballz... Excuse me, Miss, I think I dropped a Geoduck down my pants.
Oops, there goes my pants on the ground... Again.
ZIPPP.
6690 Roswell Rd
Sandy Springs, GA 30328
(404) 257-1288
Yup, shit's OTP... So, gas up yo ride and try not to cry. Tugboats and Supertankers pulling up anchor cuz they're leaving dry land, get below deck with a dwink in my hand.
You know you're over eating when the buttons on your shirt starts popping apart. I rebuttoned a couple of them and found crabmeat inside my shirt. The fuck. Crabmeat. I gave up... And left my shirt open and continued the carnage.
Unlimited sooshee on one side and hot stuff on the other. Shit is dangerous... Someone can lose an eye with flying buttons up in this piece. Still like the place though... I can only waddle in here with my moo-moo once a month and that's once a month too many. It's embarrassing. Ok, it's not.
Staff is always friendly (except that fucker hiding all the Uni) and some of the broads here are hot as ballz... Excuse me, Miss, I think I dropped a Geoduck down my pants.
Oops, there goes my pants on the ground... Again.
ZIPPP.
6690 Roswell Rd
Sandy Springs, GA 30328
(404) 257-1288
Caramba Cafe
Ay caramba...
I am not a destroyer of bad food, I am a liberator of them... Libertad! Libertad! Libertad!
Seriously, ground dog meat in BBQ sauce would be better than this slop... Wait, I think that was one of the dishes I sampled. They make El Azteca's grub tastes like I was back in Spanish Harlem. The only thing Mexican was the busboy doing the Mambo with his foot in the swinging doors to the kitchen. The menu is pretty much your standard issue gringomidas except they have "Multiples" instead of "Combos". Not only is their menu Lost in Translation, so is their cook. I think he was from Canada.
Our server was Dixie Wetsworth from Cabana Chat... Make that Caramba Crap. It was not exactly the poster child for a delicious meal. And I don't think the people here really cared if this was Mexican or Chinese food. I mean if you look around, this whole place reeks with "townies". Beggars can't be critics.
A Texas Marg was in dire need to cope with all these locally sourced dingleberries... I don't know if I was high on life or high on cleaning fumes but this tasted like frozen lime Gatorade. Jose Cuevo musta been the chap who made it.
Guacamole was this pastel nuclear green cream cheese thing. Shit, put some tapioca in it and you'll have a nice avocado bubble tea. Better yet, give it to RA Sushi and have them make a roll with this spunk.
Tacos, wow, what a specimen. If you let it sit there for a few minutes this thing actually moved on it's own. They should serve this on a petri dish instead. Ground beef tasted like sawdust, cheez was shredded on a nail file and the pile of lettuce looked like a goat chewed it up. Fortunately, it was not pink.
Other dishes around the table looked like what seemed to be a Caesar salad, Pancakes w/ lettuce and tomato, and Hot Pockets w/ BBQ sauce. It all just looked so fucking ridiculous... Along with their mixed media decor.
Who ever thinks this is good Mexican grub should not operate heavy landscaping machinery let alone a row boat. Viva la Cuba! My bowels are upset just thinking about it.
Flusho.
1409 N Highland Ave NE Ste D
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 874-1343
I am not a destroyer of bad food, I am a liberator of them... Libertad! Libertad! Libertad!
Seriously, ground dog meat in BBQ sauce would be better than this slop... Wait, I think that was one of the dishes I sampled. They make El Azteca's grub tastes like I was back in Spanish Harlem. The only thing Mexican was the busboy doing the Mambo with his foot in the swinging doors to the kitchen. The menu is pretty much your standard issue gringomidas except they have "Multiples" instead of "Combos". Not only is their menu Lost in Translation, so is their cook. I think he was from Canada.
Our server was Dixie Wetsworth from Cabana Chat... Make that Caramba Crap. It was not exactly the poster child for a delicious meal. And I don't think the people here really cared if this was Mexican or Chinese food. I mean if you look around, this whole place reeks with "townies". Beggars can't be critics.
A Texas Marg was in dire need to cope with all these locally sourced dingleberries... I don't know if I was high on life or high on cleaning fumes but this tasted like frozen lime Gatorade. Jose Cuevo musta been the chap who made it.
Guacamole was this pastel nuclear green cream cheese thing. Shit, put some tapioca in it and you'll have a nice avocado bubble tea. Better yet, give it to RA Sushi and have them make a roll with this spunk.
Tacos, wow, what a specimen. If you let it sit there for a few minutes this thing actually moved on it's own. They should serve this on a petri dish instead. Ground beef tasted like sawdust, cheez was shredded on a nail file and the pile of lettuce looked like a goat chewed it up. Fortunately, it was not pink.
Other dishes around the table looked like what seemed to be a Caesar salad, Pancakes w/ lettuce and tomato, and Hot Pockets w/ BBQ sauce. It all just looked so fucking ridiculous... Along with their mixed media decor.
Who ever thinks this is good Mexican grub should not operate heavy landscaping machinery let alone a row boat. Viva la Cuba! My bowels are upset just thinking about it.
Flusho.
1409 N Highland Ave NE Ste D
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 874-1343
Chong Qing Hot Pot
Ching Chong, Ding Dong, Cheech & Chong...
Call it what you want, just give me your spiciest offal crap in a pot... And throw in some of them blood cakes while you're at it. Dude comes out from the back like Bilbo Baggins with a shit eatin' grin and one hand down his pants whispering "Precious". The fuck. Whatever Smeagol, just bring it.
This food court never ceases to amaze me... It goes from craptastic to fantastic. The jack shack on the left side has all your FMV (For Mexican Value) favorites. Then on the right side you have Hong Kong BBQ tempting me with their fine ass duck and pork. But in the middle you got a couple of Chino joints that serves a good variety of vittles on the cheap.
Chongqing is the birth place of Sichuan grub. I mean, the real shit is hot as ballz... But this shack reminds me more of Chengdu, the redheaded stepchild. This bitch may have a fire bush but not enough fire in the pot. The hot pots are still tastee though but I expected a shitload more heat... Heat that would make a Panda's ass implode. This is good hangover grub.
The noodles et al are all good options as well. There's still so much on the menu to explore. But deciding what to eat in this here food court is a lofty task. All the street type nosheries are good, cheap and hefty portions.
I wished I had a food court like this in my office mall. All's I haz is Raving Blandz type shit. Sometimes you have to drive to Buford highway if you want the good stuff... Settling for sub-par grub (ie: pho) just because is near your house is just a cop-out.
BTW- Their menu es en Mexicanese & Engrish.
Burpo.
5385 New Peachtree Road
Atlanta, GA 30341
(770) 936-1379
Call it what you want, just give me your spiciest offal crap in a pot... And throw in some of them blood cakes while you're at it. Dude comes out from the back like Bilbo Baggins with a shit eatin' grin and one hand down his pants whispering "Precious". The fuck. Whatever Smeagol, just bring it.
This food court never ceases to amaze me... It goes from craptastic to fantastic. The jack shack on the left side has all your FMV (For Mexican Value) favorites. Then on the right side you have Hong Kong BBQ tempting me with their fine ass duck and pork. But in the middle you got a couple of Chino joints that serves a good variety of vittles on the cheap.
Chongqing is the birth place of Sichuan grub. I mean, the real shit is hot as ballz... But this shack reminds me more of Chengdu, the redheaded stepchild. This bitch may have a fire bush but not enough fire in the pot. The hot pots are still tastee though but I expected a shitload more heat... Heat that would make a Panda's ass implode. This is good hangover grub.
The noodles et al are all good options as well. There's still so much on the menu to explore. But deciding what to eat in this here food court is a lofty task. All the street type nosheries are good, cheap and hefty portions.
I wished I had a food court like this in my office mall. All's I haz is Raving Blandz type shit. Sometimes you have to drive to Buford highway if you want the good stuff... Settling for sub-par grub (ie: pho) just because is near your house is just a cop-out.
BTW- Their menu es en Mexicanese & Engrish.
Burpo.
5385 New Peachtree Road
Atlanta, GA 30341
(770) 936-1379
Publix - Howell Mill
Hot young beavers shop here... But the only breasts and thighs I wanted in my mouth were their fwied yard birds. Bro with the hairnet gave me all the big pieces... And a couple pieces of scrawny wingz (I think that's policy, you know, affirmative action and all that shit). He was a righteous dude.
Shit, I needed a lil sumtin' sumtin' to go with my bots of vodka and whiskey from the booze store across da street. Don't judge me, y'all don't even know me... Ok, ok, y'all know how much I like chicken.
I like their club soda as well... I get the small bots because they go flat quicker than a blow up sheep doll. There's like produce and other junk in there, too. Don't ask me what brands they carry but I know they don't have FMV.
Chicken and Booze... Shit was on like Donkey Kong. It was deliciously ludicrous... Kinda made me wanna jump over some barrels and climb up ladders... But I'm too lazy. I don't know how that fat lil fucker, Mario, do it. Just sayin'.
True dat.
Cock-a-doodle-booze.
Burp.
2020 Howell Mill Rd NW
Ste A
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 609-7840
Shit, I needed a lil sumtin' sumtin' to go with my bots of vodka and whiskey from the booze store across da street. Don't judge me, y'all don't even know me... Ok, ok, y'all know how much I like chicken.
I like their club soda as well... I get the small bots because they go flat quicker than a blow up sheep doll. There's like produce and other junk in there, too. Don't ask me what brands they carry but I know they don't have FMV.
Chicken and Booze... Shit was on like Donkey Kong. It was deliciously ludicrous... Kinda made me wanna jump over some barrels and climb up ladders... But I'm too lazy. I don't know how that fat lil fucker, Mario, do it. Just sayin'.
True dat.
Cock-a-doodle-booze.
Burp.
2020 Howell Mill Rd NW
Ste A
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 609-7840
The Shed at Glenwood
You know you're a fat fuck when you run out of restos to eat at because you have eaten everywhere. Scrolling through Opentable like a fat chick scrolling through the ice cream flavors at Baskin Robbins, I saw this joint pop up and my pouch said "Baby needs to eat!"
Since, I haven't been in here in awhile, I wanted to see what Lance has been getting his grubby hands into. Let me just say, he can put his hands down my pants any day with the magic he's putting out from the kitchen these days. I'd put out for him... Only after a few Moscow Mules made by Cindy, of course.
Butternut Squash Soup - Smooth consistency, not too thin and not too thick. Down that shit like it was a shot. Another Whiskey Old Fashioned, pweez.
Pan Fried Chicken Hearts - As Lance would say, "This dish may not have mass appeal, but those in the know can find it here." This is prolly the most adventurous dish on the menu and I'm glad. I love this shit especially with the raw egg mixed in. Give 'em a shot and have a heart. Yum.
Foie Gras Torchon - Is this Velvet? Coulda fooled me, it was velvety smooth and spot on with the warm apple jam but the country bread was a little too large for the 2 medallions. Why am I complaining about too much food? Dumbass.
Oysters - Sea snots to some but these Appalachian bivalves always gives me a blood flow. You old dudes can kept your Viagra and $2 whores. Real men eat oysters and then clam.
Sweet Potato Raviolis - I ain't no vegetarian but these little pouches of goodniz mean bidniz. Dough was toothy yet delicate. Sage and pecans in a light brown butter sauce completed it. No, Lance... You complete me.
Skate Wing - I once thought about getting a grill like Lil Jon because it looked so cool... What's even cooler would be a grill made of these skate wings. I tried them on and they were a perfect fit... Then I swallowed them. I love skate and these were some of the best I've had.
This joint has improved so much in consistency, execution and creating a comfort food menu that just says "Hubba Hubba". The only thing that could use improvement was the cocktails, not that they were bad, they needed polishing on technique. As y'all know, I like my booze and I like it proper. Speaking of drinks... I just made myself a Whiskey Ginza Hard Shake. Fuck yeah.
Burp.
475 Bill Kennedy Way
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 835-4363
Since, I haven't been in here in awhile, I wanted to see what Lance has been getting his grubby hands into. Let me just say, he can put his hands down my pants any day with the magic he's putting out from the kitchen these days. I'd put out for him... Only after a few Moscow Mules made by Cindy, of course.
Butternut Squash Soup - Smooth consistency, not too thin and not too thick. Down that shit like it was a shot. Another Whiskey Old Fashioned, pweez.
Pan Fried Chicken Hearts - As Lance would say, "This dish may not have mass appeal, but those in the know can find it here." This is prolly the most adventurous dish on the menu and I'm glad. I love this shit especially with the raw egg mixed in. Give 'em a shot and have a heart. Yum.
Foie Gras Torchon - Is this Velvet? Coulda fooled me, it was velvety smooth and spot on with the warm apple jam but the country bread was a little too large for the 2 medallions. Why am I complaining about too much food? Dumbass.
Oysters - Sea snots to some but these Appalachian bivalves always gives me a blood flow. You old dudes can kept your Viagra and $2 whores. Real men eat oysters and then clam.
Sweet Potato Raviolis - I ain't no vegetarian but these little pouches of goodniz mean bidniz. Dough was toothy yet delicate. Sage and pecans in a light brown butter sauce completed it. No, Lance... You complete me.
Skate Wing - I once thought about getting a grill like Lil Jon because it looked so cool... What's even cooler would be a grill made of these skate wings. I tried them on and they were a perfect fit... Then I swallowed them. I love skate and these were some of the best I've had.This joint has improved so much in consistency, execution and creating a comfort food menu that just says "Hubba Hubba". The only thing that could use improvement was the cocktails, not that they were bad, they needed polishing on technique. As y'all know, I like my booze and I like it proper. Speaking of drinks... I just made myself a Whiskey Ginza Hard Shake. Fuck yeah.
Burp.
475 Bill Kennedy Way
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 835-4363
PIE 950
Oops! ...I did it again. I played with my pouch. Got lost in the 'ZA. Cheated on my main squeeze with the NPOTB... New Pie On The Block. That's right, Italian Britney, I ain't got no mo' Amore for you, bitch.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, No!
Oh, oh, oh, No!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, No!
The white muff.
"Our pizzas are baked at 900 degrees with hickory wood in a brick oven from Tuscany, Italy."
Drop the Chalupa!...I think someone fat-fingered that sentence. Hickory wood? More like Morning wood. Brick oven? Make that Easy-Brick oven. Tuscany? The one on Juniper Street.
The space is nice and the decor is cute... Especially, the dangling white lamp shades from IKEA. Their logo, if seen from afar, looks like "PIE bar". Vespa, cute bangable staff and Peroni logo on the wall... All the makings of something promising. Until... Someone runs out of Peroni. The fuck.
Margherita - Oh, Mamma Chia Pet... That crust had zero char, raw like a 5 yr old girl and stretch-marked out like a 50 yr old hag. I think the sauce was made with 'Sans' Marzano tomatoes. They almost fooled me with the rubbery mozzarella cut into round shapes like di Bufala except they didn't melt, they kinda slid around. I peeled off 4 of them to take home because I needed to move some furniture. The sauce was the juice strained from the can of Rotel. It was almost inedible. Dude brings out a box like I wanted to take that home to my dog... He woulda bit me in the ball if I gave that shit to him.
Crispy Calamari - These critters were crispy alright, crispy like a full short bus load on fire. Marinara looked fresh... From a can of Rotel. Did I order the Hot Mess plate from RA? Mebbe someone just made one in the bathroom.
Zucchini Fries - When did fries become chips? Is there Bingo tonight? This shit was like T-n-T... Thin-n-Tasteless. They shoulda just kept it whole to go with the bowl of Peter North's Own Bleu Jizz dressing. I can see why chicks dig this.
Meatballs - "How many meatballs are there?" "Four." ...3 comes out. Missing a ball like me. Drenched in V8 and squooshy ricotta. Balls weren't bad but the presentation looked like an used iPad on a plate. iPpetizing!
Nutella Shake w/ Roasted Marshmallows - Roasted... What is this? A pork butt? Mebbe it came outta one. Last time I checked, milkshakes were cold. How about toasted or brulee mallows would be a better choice? Shit wasn't bad, just a little thin for a shake and a total knock off from Flip. Mebbe they can call it the "Flop" shake.
Why bother comparing this to the superior Acunto ovens at my girlfriend's place? This pizza was not baked in a 900 degree oven... All the tell-tale signs were there in the crust and sauce. Letting this thing live and leave the kitchen was totally unacceptable. Like Arnold says, "You are one ugly mothafucka."
There's an old saying in Tennessee that says, "Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."
And by those words... I say, "I pity the fool. I won't be bamboozled again. Shame on you hair PIE 950. And where is my 40 acres and a Moscow Mule?"
Fat lady singing and then going to get a San Gennaro.
Flush.
950 W. Peachtree St. NW
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 881-8884
Oh, oh, oh, oh, No!
Oh, oh, oh, No!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, No!
The white muff.
"Our pizzas are baked at 900 degrees with hickory wood in a brick oven from Tuscany, Italy."
Drop the Chalupa!...I think someone fat-fingered that sentence. Hickory wood? More like Morning wood. Brick oven? Make that Easy-Brick oven. Tuscany? The one on Juniper Street.
The space is nice and the decor is cute... Especially, the dangling white lamp shades from IKEA. Their logo, if seen from afar, looks like "PIE bar". Vespa, cute bangable staff and Peroni logo on the wall... All the makings of something promising. Until... Someone runs out of Peroni. The fuck.
Margherita - Oh, Mamma Chia Pet... That crust had zero char, raw like a 5 yr old girl and stretch-marked out like a 50 yr old hag. I think the sauce was made with 'Sans' Marzano tomatoes. They almost fooled me with the rubbery mozzarella cut into round shapes like di Bufala except they didn't melt, they kinda slid around. I peeled off 4 of them to take home because I needed to move some furniture. The sauce was the juice strained from the can of Rotel. It was almost inedible. Dude brings out a box like I wanted to take that home to my dog... He woulda bit me in the ball if I gave that shit to him.
Crispy Calamari - These critters were crispy alright, crispy like a full short bus load on fire. Marinara looked fresh... From a can of Rotel. Did I order the Hot Mess plate from RA? Mebbe someone just made one in the bathroom.
Zucchini Fries - When did fries become chips? Is there Bingo tonight? This shit was like T-n-T... Thin-n-Tasteless. They shoulda just kept it whole to go with the bowl of Peter North's Own Bleu Jizz dressing. I can see why chicks dig this.
Meatballs - "How many meatballs are there?" "Four." ...3 comes out. Missing a ball like me. Drenched in V8 and squooshy ricotta. Balls weren't bad but the presentation looked like an used iPad on a plate. iPpetizing!
Nutella Shake w/ Roasted Marshmallows - Roasted... What is this? A pork butt? Mebbe it came outta one. Last time I checked, milkshakes were cold. How about toasted or brulee mallows would be a better choice? Shit wasn't bad, just a little thin for a shake and a total knock off from Flip. Mebbe they can call it the "Flop" shake.Why bother comparing this to the superior Acunto ovens at my girlfriend's place? This pizza was not baked in a 900 degree oven... All the tell-tale signs were there in the crust and sauce. Letting this thing live and leave the kitchen was totally unacceptable. Like Arnold says, "You are one ugly mothafucka."
There's an old saying in Tennessee that says, "Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."
And by those words... I say, "I pity the fool. I won't be bamboozled again. Shame on you hair PIE 950. And where is my 40 acres and a Moscow Mule?"
Fat lady singing and then going to get a San Gennaro.
Flush.
950 W. Peachtree St. NW
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 881-8884
Seasons 52
It's that time of the year again... Corporate holiday party for boring ass banal (take away the "b") food that people of the "light complexion" like. Sweet Jesus, look around... It's like the "Gosh darn" Brady Bunch Christmas special. The only thing missing is chestnuts roasting on an open fire... "Fudge", speaking of the devil, would you look at that... Jack "trucking" Frost in triple pleated khakis warming his yule log by that fireplace. You just can't make this "shite" up.
Did I not get the memo about the fugly sweaters? Have you ever seen an old "light skinned" dude wear a Coogi sweater like it was ever in style? Well, that "freezing" numbnuts just walked in like it was 1986 with his Yenta wife cackling like a hyena and draining me of my life force... That old "skeezer" is parading around in a white mink coat with more Botox than Joan Rivers. Her petrified mug is probably the only thing stiff in their marriage. 5 minutes after sitting down and poof! The lights go out above our table... What is this? A friggin' magic show? Where da "frick" am I... And where is the safety switch on this gun?
Oh, yeah... the food was more pedestrian than a crosswalk. Flat bweads reminded me of a CiCi's commercial. Desserts in shot glasses, why? They were design to hold booze, not low-cal sludge. I thought I would be avant-garde and metropolitan by ordering the Venison... WRONG. That roadkill was more rubbery than the dualie that hit it. We ordered a bunch of other crap on the menu that were so delicious, it made me forget what they were. The only thing that saved the night was the garçon that kept bringing out the Gascon. Did I mention that I like booze?
Ho ho ho, can't wait for my package of Pete Schweddy's balls to arrive in da mail... I like how they glisten in candle light. Happy X-Mas and Merry New Year.
Seasons 86'd.
90 Perimeter Center West
Dunwoody, GA 30346
(770) 671-0052
Did I not get the memo about the fugly sweaters? Have you ever seen an old "light skinned" dude wear a Coogi sweater like it was ever in style? Well, that "freezing" numbnuts just walked in like it was 1986 with his Yenta wife cackling like a hyena and draining me of my life force... That old "skeezer" is parading around in a white mink coat with more Botox than Joan Rivers. Her petrified mug is probably the only thing stiff in their marriage. 5 minutes after sitting down and poof! The lights go out above our table... What is this? A friggin' magic show? Where da "frick" am I... And where is the safety switch on this gun?
Oh, yeah... the food was more pedestrian than a crosswalk. Flat bweads reminded me of a CiCi's commercial. Desserts in shot glasses, why? They were design to hold booze, not low-cal sludge. I thought I would be avant-garde and metropolitan by ordering the Venison... WRONG. That roadkill was more rubbery than the dualie that hit it. We ordered a bunch of other crap on the menu that were so delicious, it made me forget what they were. The only thing that saved the night was the garçon that kept bringing out the Gascon. Did I mention that I like booze?
Ho ho ho, can't wait for my package of Pete Schweddy's balls to arrive in da mail... I like how they glisten in candle light. Happy X-Mas and Merry New Year.
Seasons 86'd.
90 Perimeter Center West
Dunwoody, GA 30346
(770) 671-0052
Bakeshop
Alright, alright, alright... Finally, a place that I can get me some of them pot-brownies I've heard so much about.
What's that you say? There's no weed in there? Fuck. What kind of fucking bake shop is this? How can I become a Boy Scout if I don't eat my first Brownie? Bamboozled by the man...
Ok, fine, I'll have one of your delicious sounding sandwich, pweez. Huh? You can't make a sandwich after 3 PM? But you're opened to 7 PM. Where am I... Moscow? Fine, give me a Mule then. What? You don't have booze?! Sweet Malcolm... I've been Hoodwinked! ...Again.
What kinda soup you have? I don't know, look in the pot over there. Golly gee, Wally... Can you be more of a pissy old Beaver? Skank.
Ended up with some dusty old chocolate almond croissant, pistachio pear tart, and a flourless chocolate tart behind that glass case. I think I know why their shit is so overpriced... You're paying for the fancy schmancy cardboard boxes and bags. I shoulda ate them instead.
Imported bagel dough?
So Dazed and Confused...
So over it.
2.5 Stars
"Say, man, you got a joint?"
"No, not on me, man."
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
Puff.
Puff.
Thanks for nothin'.
903 Peachtree Street NE, Suite C
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 892-9322
What's that you say? There's no weed in there? Fuck. What kind of fucking bake shop is this? How can I become a Boy Scout if I don't eat my first Brownie? Bamboozled by the man...
Ok, fine, I'll have one of your delicious sounding sandwich, pweez. Huh? You can't make a sandwich after 3 PM? But you're opened to 7 PM. Where am I... Moscow? Fine, give me a Mule then. What? You don't have booze?! Sweet Malcolm... I've been Hoodwinked! ...Again.
What kinda soup you have? I don't know, look in the pot over there. Golly gee, Wally... Can you be more of a pissy old Beaver? Skank.
Ended up with some dusty old chocolate almond croissant, pistachio pear tart, and a flourless chocolate tart behind that glass case. I think I know why their shit is so overpriced... You're paying for the fancy schmancy cardboard boxes and bags. I shoulda ate them instead.
Imported bagel dough?
So Dazed and Confused...
So over it.
2.5 Stars
"Say, man, you got a joint?"
"No, not on me, man."
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
Puff.
Puff.
Thanks for nothin'.
903 Peachtree Street NE, Suite C
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 892-9322
Drinkshop
My parents asked me once... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I replied... "I want to be a professional drinker." They threw me out of the house and made themselves a drink.
Bartenders are a dime a dozen... Just because some Ugly Coyotes can make a vodka Red Bull in their Daisy Dukes doesn't mean they can give me good head with that beer tap in their hand. Even my dog can make a Moscow Mule.
The modern "bartender" is now a watered down version of what a true barkeep used to be... It's a lost art and that makes me sad. :( Sometimes, I just wanna grab them by the ears and give them a Kazuo Uyeda "Hard Shake" and punch them in their tired old Maraschino cherries.
There's a handful of great barkeeps around these here parts... And the rest are just for conversation. H&F brought the art form and passion back to boozin'... Then Drinkshop came along to give da ATL a little taste of NYC. Screw the drink menu... If you have a hankering for whiskey, just let the mixologist do his magic. I have been exploring a lot of the classic cocktails as of late and they're translated differently everywhere. But my pal, Eric, did my whiskey old fashioned the "proper" way... Let me tell ya, his shit was spot on. His arsenal of cocktails are impressive, limitless and balls to the wall... Dude is like King Midas because his are dipped in gold. I want them in my mouth. Gurgle.
It's disappointing as shit when a place (old or new) with a full bar can't make a decent drink. Their idea of a proper dwink is with a bottle opener. Wha da fuck? The blame is on the owner for hiring bartenders that were servers last week. Might as well put the dishwashers behind the bar... They get their hands wet at least.
There's nothing wrong with drinking cheap beer and playing games... I did that in college. If you want to see and taste art... Come see the man here.
Splash.
Squirt.
Gulp.
Aaah.
Burp.
W Hotel Downtown
45 Ivan Allen Jr Boulevard
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 582-5789
Bartenders are a dime a dozen... Just because some Ugly Coyotes can make a vodka Red Bull in their Daisy Dukes doesn't mean they can give me good head with that beer tap in their hand. Even my dog can make a Moscow Mule.
The modern "bartender" is now a watered down version of what a true barkeep used to be... It's a lost art and that makes me sad. :( Sometimes, I just wanna grab them by the ears and give them a Kazuo Uyeda "Hard Shake" and punch them in their tired old Maraschino cherries.
There's a handful of great barkeeps around these here parts... And the rest are just for conversation. H&F brought the art form and passion back to boozin'... Then Drinkshop came along to give da ATL a little taste of NYC. Screw the drink menu... If you have a hankering for whiskey, just let the mixologist do his magic. I have been exploring a lot of the classic cocktails as of late and they're translated differently everywhere. But my pal, Eric, did my whiskey old fashioned the "proper" way... Let me tell ya, his shit was spot on. His arsenal of cocktails are impressive, limitless and balls to the wall... Dude is like King Midas because his are dipped in gold. I want them in my mouth. Gurgle.
It's disappointing as shit when a place (old or new) with a full bar can't make a decent drink. Their idea of a proper dwink is with a bottle opener. Wha da fuck? The blame is on the owner for hiring bartenders that were servers last week. Might as well put the dishwashers behind the bar... They get their hands wet at least.
There's nothing wrong with drinking cheap beer and playing games... I did that in college. If you want to see and taste art... Come see the man here.
Splash.
Squirt.
Gulp.
Aaah.
Burp.
W Hotel Downtown
45 Ivan Allen Jr Boulevard
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 582-5789
Bamboo Grill & Hot Pot Restaurant
Pho Pasteur was put out to pasture as fast as raw milk from a heifer's teet... Even with a FOB loaded staff, the vittles there were just passable. So Ba even laughs at them.
This strip mall is Buford Hwy's version of District 9... Because no one wants to be here. What got me interested was the "Lau" aka hot pot ripped off from the Chinos. I spied around the room looking for a specimen. The lady owner with a halfway decent rack for an Asian broad went to the table behind me to hob-nob with her peeps. She spoke via "clicks and clacks" (just like Prawns in D9!) and a moment later the "Lau" appeared... It looked aight, smelled a little funky. Mebbe, it was me since I didn't shower. Funk on funk ain't good, I figured 2 wongs doesn't make it white...
So, I decided to try other things on the menu which looked pretty interesting... But what comes out can be another story. The steak grill special was out so I settled for this stuff...
Fwied Eggrolls - I'm always a sucker for these stupid ass things. It must be that oral fixation gig I have. Nice and crispy but the innards were offal... But I still swallowed.
Cream of Leek and Shrimp Soup - Oui, oui... It sounds so Fwench! But what came out looked like if came from a trench. It was green alright and way too watery with no signs of shrimp. I think i know why, they don't eat their young.
Fwied Wings w/ Garlic and Onions - They were good but tasted almost exactly the same way I make it at home. They were more wok fried than actually deep fried.
Rice Paper Rolls Combo - Mebbe Goi Cuon? Ah, fuck it, I'll just call it the Click Clack Combo... Chicken, beef, pork and shrimp (oh no, could be your cousins!). The meat was kinda dried out and rubbery. The veggie/noodle fillers were your standard garden variety. But the sauce that came with it.... Jesus, it looked and smelled like a Leper's culo. I summoned the courage from my one ball and tasted it... One word: Taint.
I wanna like this place, the prawns are nice, it's clean, decent service and the grub was aight... But they shafted me on that click clack roadkill combo for 28 bones. TF (the fuck)? Bustin' my wallet like it was my phantom ball.
2.5 Stars.
Cock.
Punched.
Splat.
4646 Buford Highway NW
Atlanta, GA 30341
(678) 580-1727
This strip mall is Buford Hwy's version of District 9... Because no one wants to be here. What got me interested was the "Lau" aka hot pot ripped off from the Chinos. I spied around the room looking for a specimen. The lady owner with a halfway decent rack for an Asian broad went to the table behind me to hob-nob with her peeps. She spoke via "clicks and clacks" (just like Prawns in D9!) and a moment later the "Lau" appeared... It looked aight, smelled a little funky. Mebbe, it was me since I didn't shower. Funk on funk ain't good, I figured 2 wongs doesn't make it white...
So, I decided to try other things on the menu which looked pretty interesting... But what comes out can be another story. The steak grill special was out so I settled for this stuff...
Fwied Eggrolls - I'm always a sucker for these stupid ass things. It must be that oral fixation gig I have. Nice and crispy but the innards were offal... But I still swallowed.
Cream of Leek and Shrimp Soup - Oui, oui... It sounds so Fwench! But what came out looked like if came from a trench. It was green alright and way too watery with no signs of shrimp. I think i know why, they don't eat their young.
Fwied Wings w/ Garlic and Onions - They were good but tasted almost exactly the same way I make it at home. They were more wok fried than actually deep fried.
Rice Paper Rolls Combo - Mebbe Goi Cuon? Ah, fuck it, I'll just call it the Click Clack Combo... Chicken, beef, pork and shrimp (oh no, could be your cousins!). The meat was kinda dried out and rubbery. The veggie/noodle fillers were your standard garden variety. But the sauce that came with it.... Jesus, it looked and smelled like a Leper's culo. I summoned the courage from my one ball and tasted it... One word: Taint.
I wanna like this place, the prawns are nice, it's clean, decent service and the grub was aight... But they shafted me on that click clack roadkill combo for 28 bones. TF (the fuck)? Bustin' my wallet like it was my phantom ball.
2.5 Stars.
Cock.
Punched.
Splat.
4646 Buford Highway NW
Atlanta, GA 30341
(678) 580-1727
Woo Nam Jeong Stone Bowl House
When it's cold as balls outside... Sometimes you just wanna rest your cinch sack on a sizzling hot stone bowl to keep your boys all warm and fuzzy. Does this place remind anyone of a massage parlor? ...Asking for a friend. Hmmm.
The names of the dishes are a fucking verbal mess but that mess tastes G O O D in my pouch in any language. You'll take that tongue-lashing and like it. I did.
Bindaedduck - That's what she said... Mung bean pancake w/ kimchi, pork, bean sprout and green onions. Tastier than any flapjacks you'll find underneath a dirty wife beater in a trailer park. I just wished they had 'duck' in it.
Dolsot Bibimbap -Sure, how much does your mom charge for that? ...Rice, veggies, beef and sunnyside up egg in a cauldron that was dipped in fucking lava. The house servant even mixed all that shit up in that piece. I ate that entire bowl of crusty rice yum yums. Talk about a happy ending... And I didn't even have to shower afterwards.
Galbi Wooguhjitang - What did you call me? ...Beef short rib and cabbage in a beef and bean paste broth. The bone-in short rib delivered that extra punch of marrow in the broth. Call me poontang for all I care, just give me a fucking ladle and not that chincy spork to feed me with. Mmm mm Goodi.
Banchan - 12 friggin monkey dishes of virus free vittles. I'm picking at it like a monkey picking fleas off another's back. Bruce Willis never had trim this good. Crunch.
Next time... I need to try their "Pièce de résistance" 12 course meal for two. I think there's a money-back guarantee if you don't get a "piece de ass" after you get home. Talk about standing behind your product.
Bravo.
Pumpage.
Squirt.
5953 Buford Highway #107
Seoul Plaza
Atlanta, GA 30340
(678) 530-0844
The names of the dishes are a fucking verbal mess but that mess tastes G O O D in my pouch in any language. You'll take that tongue-lashing and like it. I did.
Bindaedduck - That's what she said... Mung bean pancake w/ kimchi, pork, bean sprout and green onions. Tastier than any flapjacks you'll find underneath a dirty wife beater in a trailer park. I just wished they had 'duck' in it.
Dolsot Bibimbap -Sure, how much does your mom charge for that? ...Rice, veggies, beef and sunnyside up egg in a cauldron that was dipped in fucking lava. The house servant even mixed all that shit up in that piece. I ate that entire bowl of crusty rice yum yums. Talk about a happy ending... And I didn't even have to shower afterwards.
Galbi Wooguhjitang - What did you call me? ...Beef short rib and cabbage in a beef and bean paste broth. The bone-in short rib delivered that extra punch of marrow in the broth. Call me poontang for all I care, just give me a fucking ladle and not that chincy spork to feed me with. Mmm mm Goodi.
Banchan - 12 friggin monkey dishes of virus free vittles. I'm picking at it like a monkey picking fleas off another's back. Bruce Willis never had trim this good. Crunch.
Next time... I need to try their "Pièce de résistance" 12 course meal for two. I think there's a money-back guarantee if you don't get a "piece de ass" after you get home. Talk about standing behind your product.
Bravo.
Pumpage.
Squirt.
5953 Buford Highway #107
Seoul Plaza
Atlanta, GA 30340
(678) 530-0844
Ormsby's - Update
Ronnie L. and his social media skills are "exquisite". He sure knows how to shill a place with this love note PM to me.
"I honestly hope you never come back!" ...You got it pal, ask and you shall fucking receive.
"This is a place that Atlanta needs. A so called gastro foodie as you obviously think you are should appreciate the simple minded wooden door and small food menu with an exquisite beer list. Put a fork in and hang out at cypress pint and plate with the other want to be tools of midtown, and the tranny prositutes.
Cheers
PS if you want too be such a lush on your reviews at Least have the ball to show your face."
I think he meant the "simple minded menu". And how did he know I only had one ball? I remember that infamous day with that blow torch, ball-peen hammer, can of Silly String and Slap bracelet like it was yesterday... The horror, the horror. I can't bweathe, someone open a window.
Shit, I still can't find the bathroom. Might as well just pee at the bar with my...
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with my pants on the ground
with the gold in my mouth
hat turned sideways
pants hit the ground
call myself a cool cat
Looking like a fool
walkin' down town
with my pants on the ground
ZIPPPP!!!
I'm taking bets on when they will be listed on The Schumacher Group website.
1170 Howell Mill Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 968-2033
"I honestly hope you never come back!" ...You got it pal, ask and you shall fucking receive.
"This is a place that Atlanta needs. A so called gastro foodie as you obviously think you are should appreciate the simple minded wooden door and small food menu with an exquisite beer list. Put a fork in and hang out at cypress pint and plate with the other want to be tools of midtown, and the tranny prositutes.
Cheers
PS if you want too be such a lush on your reviews at Least have the ball to show your face."
I think he meant the "simple minded menu". And how did he know I only had one ball? I remember that infamous day with that blow torch, ball-peen hammer, can of Silly String and Slap bracelet like it was yesterday... The horror, the horror. I can't bweathe, someone open a window.
Shit, I still can't find the bathroom. Might as well just pee at the bar with my...
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with my pants on the ground
with the gold in my mouth
hat turned sideways
pants hit the ground
call myself a cool cat
Looking like a fool
walkin' down town
with my pants on the ground
ZIPPPP!!!
I'm taking bets on when they will be listed on The Schumacher Group website.
1170 Howell Mill Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 968-2033
Ormsby's
New and shiny things are few and far between... So when a new joint opens up, the first knee jerk reaction is to love it and that's that. But the new Ormsby's ain't no Great Gatsby... It's more like The Great Gimmick.
I think I saw this joint on "As Seen On TV"...Along with the Manket, Mighty Putty and Liquid Stitch. As with all gimmicks, they become mundane and buyer's remorse sets in. C'mon, who on God's gween earth does not have a George Foreman grill? Better question yet... Who still fucking uses it? The only thing I'm pressing with mine is my Star Wars iron-on transfers on my tighty whities. I wish they still made Underoos... Boo.
Anyhoo... The space is pretty cool (somehow reminds me of a bigger Cypress) but the whole new-fangled "secret location/no signage" schtick just spells out "Speakcheesy". Halo did that back in 2000... Yes, 10 fucking years ago.
The bocce, shuffleboard, backgammon (WTF), et al, are just marketing gimmicks to appear more exciting than it is, kinda like the Ove-Glove. Besides being a total waste of space, I'm kinda scared of the bocce court... It's like a scene out of the Shining or Buffalo Bill's lair. If I see twin little girls in blue dresses or a full grown man in a Slanket doing the tucky with 'Goodbye Horses' playing in the background... I'm fucking 86'd, yo!
Speaking of 86.... The menu is just a jumbled mess with too many words jammed into one sheet of paper. 86 the gimmicky relatives' names for every dish, I felt like I was at a family reunion in a double-wide. You got all these uncles and aunts who prolly are brothers/fathers and sisters/mothers or all of the above. The "chef" was watching the game at the bar socializing with his friends. To make things worse, the bartendress didn't know what a Pimm's cup was nor did they have cucumber according to her while I stared at this chick's salad next to me with a shit load of cucumbers in it. I asked a food blogger friend of mine if he ever ate here, he said "Hell, no!" Hmmm...
Abe Froman "Chicago Style" Dog - First, Sloane Peterson's grandmother dies and now this... I think the chef pulled the old "dead grandma" routine as well and went AWOL. No natural casing, no nuke green relish, too many poppy seeds and just a total mess to eat... It's more like "South Chicago Doggie Style". Abe Froman just Rick-rolled over in his grave. Never gonna give you up? He Lied.
Uncle Lenny's Shaved Roast Beef - I don't think I want to eat anything shaved by Uncle Lenny... Let alone his beef. This 'roast beef' was of a color I have never seen before and full of fat. Horseradish sour cream was tasteless but the pickled red onions was alright. Do I do even wanna know what's in Uncle Lenny's beef jus? Squirt.
Ale Battered Onion Rings - Jesus, where am I... In a novelty shop? The fake dog poop is a timeless gag but not on my plate. The batter was way too thick as were the onion slices... Just make it into a bloomin onion, you're half way there already for crying out loud.
Hand-Cut Fwies - Prolly the best and most edible thing of the night. I guess when everything else was so sub-par, the most pedestrian thing tasted the best.
I spied the Calamari and Popcorn Shrimp... Look liked a Pinto just had an oil change on it. The Chicken and Dumplings looked exactly like the picture on the Progresso can... Tres chic!!! The Corn Dogs were about the size of the corns in my dog's you know what... Squoosh. The cotton candy... Lord, have mercy. If you want to pretend the food is good here, go right ahead and lie to yourself... It's ok, everyone knows already.
I want to like this place and prolly will go again (only to drink, not eat) but there are just too many gimmicks to this place that everything else gets covered up. Focus on the service, menu and the drinks... Especially, the drinks. When you are asking patrons how to make a drink and telling them you don't have cucumbers with a supposedly full kitchen, that's pretty bad... "But oh, we have a bocce court though", great, nice balls. This joint is best suited as a get drunk, nice shoes, wanna fuck kinda place, nothing more... As evident by the blonde who just ordered a Red Bull and vodka. Bring out the Gimp...
Now, W(here)TF is the pisser??? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Splash.
1170 Howell Mill Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 968-2033
I think I saw this joint on "As Seen On TV"...Along with the Manket, Mighty Putty and Liquid Stitch. As with all gimmicks, they become mundane and buyer's remorse sets in. C'mon, who on God's gween earth does not have a George Foreman grill? Better question yet... Who still fucking uses it? The only thing I'm pressing with mine is my Star Wars iron-on transfers on my tighty whities. I wish they still made Underoos... Boo.
Anyhoo... The space is pretty cool (somehow reminds me of a bigger Cypress) but the whole new-fangled "secret location/no signage" schtick just spells out "Speakcheesy". Halo did that back in 2000... Yes, 10 fucking years ago.
The bocce, shuffleboard, backgammon (WTF), et al, are just marketing gimmicks to appear more exciting than it is, kinda like the Ove-Glove. Besides being a total waste of space, I'm kinda scared of the bocce court... It's like a scene out of the Shining or Buffalo Bill's lair. If I see twin little girls in blue dresses or a full grown man in a Slanket doing the tucky with 'Goodbye Horses' playing in the background... I'm fucking 86'd, yo!
Speaking of 86.... The menu is just a jumbled mess with too many words jammed into one sheet of paper. 86 the gimmicky relatives' names for every dish, I felt like I was at a family reunion in a double-wide. You got all these uncles and aunts who prolly are brothers/fathers and sisters/mothers or all of the above. The "chef" was watching the game at the bar socializing with his friends. To make things worse, the bartendress didn't know what a Pimm's cup was nor did they have cucumber according to her while I stared at this chick's salad next to me with a shit load of cucumbers in it. I asked a food blogger friend of mine if he ever ate here, he said "Hell, no!" Hmmm...
Abe Froman "Chicago Style" Dog - First, Sloane Peterson's grandmother dies and now this... I think the chef pulled the old "dead grandma" routine as well and went AWOL. No natural casing, no nuke green relish, too many poppy seeds and just a total mess to eat... It's more like "South Chicago Doggie Style". Abe Froman just Rick-rolled over in his grave. Never gonna give you up? He Lied.
Uncle Lenny's Shaved Roast Beef - I don't think I want to eat anything shaved by Uncle Lenny... Let alone his beef. This 'roast beef' was of a color I have never seen before and full of fat. Horseradish sour cream was tasteless but the pickled red onions was alright. Do I do even wanna know what's in Uncle Lenny's beef jus? Squirt.
Ale Battered Onion Rings - Jesus, where am I... In a novelty shop? The fake dog poop is a timeless gag but not on my plate. The batter was way too thick as were the onion slices... Just make it into a bloomin onion, you're half way there already for crying out loud.
Hand-Cut Fwies - Prolly the best and most edible thing of the night. I guess when everything else was so sub-par, the most pedestrian thing tasted the best.
I spied the Calamari and Popcorn Shrimp... Look liked a Pinto just had an oil change on it. The Chicken and Dumplings looked exactly like the picture on the Progresso can... Tres chic!!! The Corn Dogs were about the size of the corns in my dog's you know what... Squoosh. The cotton candy... Lord, have mercy. If you want to pretend the food is good here, go right ahead and lie to yourself... It's ok, everyone knows already.
I want to like this place and prolly will go again (only to drink, not eat) but there are just too many gimmicks to this place that everything else gets covered up. Focus on the service, menu and the drinks... Especially, the drinks. When you are asking patrons how to make a drink and telling them you don't have cucumbers with a supposedly full kitchen, that's pretty bad... "But oh, we have a bocce court though", great, nice balls. This joint is best suited as a get drunk, nice shoes, wanna fuck kinda place, nothing more... As evident by the blonde who just ordered a Red Bull and vodka. Bring out the Gimp...
Now, W(here)TF is the pisser??? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Splash.
1170 Howell Mill Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 968-2033
Apotheke
It's right around the corner from my apartment... What's not to like about that? Nothing... Unless, your mom is not waitressing when I'm there. Boo.
The mixologists are great and the dwinks are awesome... Shit, even the door guys are groovy keen. Hit all the other fancy joints on your list early then get fucking liquored up here later on. End the night grubbing at NY Noodletown with Anthony Bourdain, Eric Ripert and the 2 girls and a cup afterwards. Fuck yeah!
Righteous, doods.
Pump.
Pump.
Squirt.
9 Doyers St
New York, NY 10079
(212) 406-0400
The mixologists are great and the dwinks are awesome... Shit, even the door guys are groovy keen. Hit all the other fancy joints on your list early then get fucking liquored up here later on. End the night grubbing at NY Noodletown with Anthony Bourdain, Eric Ripert and the 2 girls and a cup afterwards. Fuck yeah!
Righteous, doods.
Pump.
Pump.
Squirt.
9 Doyers St
New York, NY 10079
(212) 406-0400
Roll's Bar-B-Que Heaven
I love dumpy BBQ joints... Especially, jazzy / bluesy ones. +1. Some of the best stuff can be had in a run down outhouse on the side of the road. Then again, mebbe it's just an outhouse.
"Taste Just Like Heaven" is their motto... Now, only if they have a Cure for the Que.
"Show me how you smoked that swine
The one that makes me whine" she said
"The one that makes my stomach ache" she said
And clenched her hands around my neck
"Show me how you can eat it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll have the runs with you
I'll have the runs with you"
Spinning on that squeaky stool
I tasted his brisket and tasted his pork
And dreamed of all the different Que I had
To make him squeal
"Why are you so far from good?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with food
That I'm in love with Fox Bro's Que"
Wet boiled meat kicks me in the nads
It must have been around for days
And moving jowls to chew that game
I opened up my pouch
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging throne
That stole the only grub I loved
And drowned Ms. Piggy deep inside a can of broth
Brisket
Soft and mushy
Pork
Loose and stringy
Cornbread
Strange as JIFFY
Hurling in the deepest crappers
Flushing down the water
You're just like a wet dream
...but the Mac & Cheese was not too shabby and the "man" was super nice.
2.5 Stars
Pump... Meh.
186 Windy Hill Rd.
Marietta, GA 30060
(770) 434-4247
"Taste Just Like Heaven" is their motto... Now, only if they have a Cure for the Que.
"Show me how you smoked that swine
The one that makes me whine" she said
"The one that makes my stomach ache" she said
And clenched her hands around my neck
"Show me how you can eat it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll have the runs with you
I'll have the runs with you"
Spinning on that squeaky stool
I tasted his brisket and tasted his pork
And dreamed of all the different Que I had
To make him squeal
"Why are you so far from good?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with food
That I'm in love with Fox Bro's Que"
Wet boiled meat kicks me in the nads
It must have been around for days
And moving jowls to chew that game
I opened up my pouch
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging throne
That stole the only grub I loved
And drowned Ms. Piggy deep inside a can of broth
Brisket
Soft and mushy
Pork
Loose and stringy
Cornbread
Strange as JIFFY
Hurling in the deepest crappers
Flushing down the water
You're just like a wet dream
...but the Mac & Cheese was not too shabby and the "man" was super nice.
2.5 Stars
Pump... Meh.
186 Windy Hill Rd.
Marietta, GA 30060
(770) 434-4247
Motorino
Lunch on a Tuesday... Shit was empty. Score. Came here to see what the fuss was all about. Let me tell y'all... This joint is G O O D. I left NYC for a job in da ATL a few years ago and we (finally) got a real Napoletana pizzeria and pizzaiolo(s) making authentic 'ZA's in their 3 imported Acunto ovens... Shit, even Ed Levine came down to taste it.
But of course, when I come home to Manhattan, I have to hit all the pizzerias... Lookie here, at what I stuffed in to my pouch. Yes, I'm a marsupial of vittles.
Octopus Conserva - Super tender pieces of 'pus'... Only if I was so lucky with the 2 legged kind. Fingerling taters and olive oil. What's not to love? Fingers, 'pus and lube.
Mortadella - Screw Oscar Myer and his mystery meat skin flute. This hog log sliced thin (with pork fat cubes) and roasted in the 'ZA oven gave a new meaning to the words "blow job". Shit was hot and steamy with the mustard to give it that... Oh, shall we say the "money shot"?
Margherita - Slap yo mama good... Seriously, I slapped my mama because she tried to grab a slice before I had a chance to take a pic of this masterpiece. Thin, crispy and perfectly charred and not burnt like others have had (I feel yaz). Sauce, bufala and basil = fuck yeah!
Brussels Sprout - Looked weird on paper but tasted awesome in my piehole. Pancetta, B-sprouts, mozza, garlic and percorino... Why the hell not? Parents always sez eat your veggies. Put that shit in front of me and I'll eat it... You don't even have to bribe me with a Happy Meal and a porno mag afterwards.
I can see how the quality can suffer a bit if it was packed... Too much in too little of a space will do that to any place. Speaking of small... That pisser is built for a Barbie doll. I had to do the electric slide just to get in there and tinkle... Good luck with the after shake. Try the chicken dance.
BTW- They have a sommelier, WTF for? But the wine list looked impressive.
Pump.
Pump.
Squirt.
349 E 12th St
(between 2nd Ave & 1st Ave)
New York, NY 10003
(212) 777-2644
But of course, when I come home to Manhattan, I have to hit all the pizzerias... Lookie here, at what I stuffed in to my pouch. Yes, I'm a marsupial of vittles.
Octopus Conserva - Super tender pieces of 'pus'... Only if I was so lucky with the 2 legged kind. Fingerling taters and olive oil. What's not to love? Fingers, 'pus and lube.
Mortadella - Screw Oscar Myer and his mystery meat skin flute. This hog log sliced thin (with pork fat cubes) and roasted in the 'ZA oven gave a new meaning to the words "blow job". Shit was hot and steamy with the mustard to give it that... Oh, shall we say the "money shot"?
Margherita - Slap yo mama good... Seriously, I slapped my mama because she tried to grab a slice before I had a chance to take a pic of this masterpiece. Thin, crispy and perfectly charred and not burnt like others have had (I feel yaz). Sauce, bufala and basil = fuck yeah!
Brussels Sprout - Looked weird on paper but tasted awesome in my piehole. Pancetta, B-sprouts, mozza, garlic and percorino... Why the hell not? Parents always sez eat your veggies. Put that shit in front of me and I'll eat it... You don't even have to bribe me with a Happy Meal and a porno mag afterwards.
I can see how the quality can suffer a bit if it was packed... Too much in too little of a space will do that to any place. Speaking of small... That pisser is built for a Barbie doll. I had to do the electric slide just to get in there and tinkle... Good luck with the after shake. Try the chicken dance.
BTW- They have a sommelier, WTF for? But the wine list looked impressive.
Pump.
Pump.
Squirt.
349 E 12th St
(between 2nd Ave & 1st Ave)
New York, NY 10003
(212) 777-2644
Hot Pot 101
I miss Frank Ma's and his soupy dumps. It hasn't been the same since. I guess this location has bad Feng Shui (I think it means "To break wind in water" or some shit in Engrish.) Fuck, don't ask me, it always gets lost in translation somehow, so, Google that biatch.
Anyhoo, back to this joint... This shit luck location has been host to a number of Chino restos and they all eventually disappeared but their signs remain. I don't know how long this Pot of Hot liquid funk will last but I liked it... Especially, on a cold ass ballsack shrinkage day.
It's pricier and prettier than most hot pot joints but what I liked about it the most was the huge amount of spices (including a bowl of MSG, yay!), oils and sauces that you can create you own special mix. Chicks love my special mix... Oh, did I say that out loud? Nevermind. They also have a tasty guava drink and peach tea... Good stuff. The big ass bowl of raw eggs sitting out was kinda disturbing but I woulda still eaten that shit if it was a balut... Beak, balls and all.
You can get one hot pot order to split but they do charge you for the extra hot pot. Their name is Hot Pot 101 but not once did the server asked if this was our first time, I guess she assumed all Asians know how to do this. There's like 4 different broths you can choose from (spicy, chicken, seafood, veggie). The platter of filler is pretty standard issue with a ton of cheap ass veggies and the meats were decent quality. One order is just enough to split. You can order extras as well if you're a fat fuck like me. I got extra balls... Cuttlefish balls, who knew!
Would I come back here? Mebbe but with the food court right next door and a hot pot joint in there for half the price, it would be a hard sell. Only the Dinho gods will know how long this place will last.
Ugh, I'm so bloated... Do Not touch the pouch, pweez.
Squoosh.
5389 A New Peachtree
Chamblee, GA 30341
(770) 458-9898
Anyhoo, back to this joint... This shit luck location has been host to a number of Chino restos and they all eventually disappeared but their signs remain. I don't know how long this Pot of Hot liquid funk will last but I liked it... Especially, on a cold ass ballsack shrinkage day.
It's pricier and prettier than most hot pot joints but what I liked about it the most was the huge amount of spices (including a bowl of MSG, yay!), oils and sauces that you can create you own special mix. Chicks love my special mix... Oh, did I say that out loud? Nevermind. They also have a tasty guava drink and peach tea... Good stuff. The big ass bowl of raw eggs sitting out was kinda disturbing but I woulda still eaten that shit if it was a balut... Beak, balls and all.
You can get one hot pot order to split but they do charge you for the extra hot pot. Their name is Hot Pot 101 but not once did the server asked if this was our first time, I guess she assumed all Asians know how to do this. There's like 4 different broths you can choose from (spicy, chicken, seafood, veggie). The platter of filler is pretty standard issue with a ton of cheap ass veggies and the meats were decent quality. One order is just enough to split. You can order extras as well if you're a fat fuck like me. I got extra balls... Cuttlefish balls, who knew!
Would I come back here? Mebbe but with the food court right next door and a hot pot joint in there for half the price, it would be a hard sell. Only the Dinho gods will know how long this place will last.
Ugh, I'm so bloated... Do Not touch the pouch, pweez.
Squoosh.
5389 A New Peachtree
Chamblee, GA 30341
(770) 458-9898
Mulberry Street Pizza
Forgive me Father for I have sinned... It's been 3 weeks since my last meal at Antico. I have cheated on her with another piece of pie and like all cheaters, I got a bad case of the crabs... Pinching myself for this nightmare to be over. But the stigmata had only just begun.
Seeing 3 stars from Robert (4 from Wallace) was more than enough for me to take a sniff of this trim. I shoulda stuck a red hot poker in my eyeballs instead.
Meatball Sub - Shit, give me a pair of balls anytime, anyday, anywhere and I will put them in my mouth like a chipmunk storing nuts in their cheeks for the winter. Believe it or not, this wasn't half bad. The meatballs were toothy and flavorful, the sauce was decent, the bread was toasty and the Grande cheese made everything better.
Margherita Pizza (large) - I know what y'all are gonna say... "Margherita... WTF, douchbag?" Ok, ok... I was nervous! I'm so used to ordering that at Antico that I had diarrhea of the mouth and it just squirted out uncontrollably. What a shame... I shoulda just ordered a regular large pie like so many times before. Besides the Grande cheese, this 'ZA needs to go back to Athens... Where it belongs with the collegiate palates and the Freshman 20.
+3 stars for the sammie, -1 for the 'ZA = 2 Stars. Mulberry Street my ass.
Your Worship, If I say 10 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Father's... Am I forgiven then? Yes, yes... I know, I wasn't talking about that other thing with the 2 girls and a cup... Just on this pie cheating thing. Jesus. Easy girls...
Squeeze.
Amen.
4355 Cobb Pkwy Se
Atlanta, GA 30339
(770) 988-8646
Seeing 3 stars from Robert (4 from Wallace) was more than enough for me to take a sniff of this trim. I shoulda stuck a red hot poker in my eyeballs instead.
Meatball Sub - Shit, give me a pair of balls anytime, anyday, anywhere and I will put them in my mouth like a chipmunk storing nuts in their cheeks for the winter. Believe it or not, this wasn't half bad. The meatballs were toothy and flavorful, the sauce was decent, the bread was toasty and the Grande cheese made everything better.
Margherita Pizza (large) - I know what y'all are gonna say... "Margherita... WTF, douchbag?" Ok, ok... I was nervous! I'm so used to ordering that at Antico that I had diarrhea of the mouth and it just squirted out uncontrollably. What a shame... I shoulda just ordered a regular large pie like so many times before. Besides the Grande cheese, this 'ZA needs to go back to Athens... Where it belongs with the collegiate palates and the Freshman 20.
+3 stars for the sammie, -1 for the 'ZA = 2 Stars. Mulberry Street my ass.
Your Worship, If I say 10 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Father's... Am I forgiven then? Yes, yes... I know, I wasn't talking about that other thing with the 2 girls and a cup... Just on this pie cheating thing. Jesus. Easy girls...
Squeeze.
Amen.
4355 Cobb Pkwy Se
Atlanta, GA 30339
(770) 988-8646
CariSoul Cuisine
Located inside the Darlington (aka Dumplington) Projects across from Piedmont Hospital comes this new Caribbean snatch shack. I packed some heat and headed for New Jack City like Pookie fixin' to score some Cari-Soul grub, but only to find a bottle of Rum filled with soulless watered down ice tea. Let me tell ya folks, these are Dark and Stormy times for decent grub in Atlanta... But they did have Old Jamaican ginger beer though, yay!
Beef Patty - Totally store bought. You can tell by the sell by date on the wrapper. I kid, I kid... But it totally was because the meat filling was factory pureed and seasoned. It was passable... Barely.
Chicken Patty - Same shit, different color filling. But this was borderline McDeez Apple Pie. Wait, scratch that... I do like McDeez apple pie.
Jerk Chicken - What did you just call me? Oooh, the classic jerk chicken dish of the Islands that is full of spices and smoked to perfection. Too bad, you ain't gonna get any of that here... I think this chicken was from Long Island. No shortage of jerks there, either.
Rice & Beans - Prolly the best thing I tasted all night. Make sure you get a nice ladleful of the 'sauce' to mix in. The spices and flavors made it so much better. It's like throwing a starving man a cracker, that shit would taste like a juicy steak.
Mac & Cheez - Elbow mac was dried out and just plain bad. Ooey and gooey it was not but it sure was cheezy... In a pathetic ra-tard sorta way. Is this what they called "Dry Humor"? Well, it ain't funny, especially to my bowels.
Nice people and I wish them luck... But it's just another day in the world of bromidic chow. It ain't easy being Gastro's pouch, Mon.
Munch.
Crunch.
Sigh.
2025 Peachtree Road, NE
Suite #2
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 254-0509
Beef Patty - Totally store bought. You can tell by the sell by date on the wrapper. I kid, I kid... But it totally was because the meat filling was factory pureed and seasoned. It was passable... Barely.
Chicken Patty - Same shit, different color filling. But this was borderline McDeez Apple Pie. Wait, scratch that... I do like McDeez apple pie.
Jerk Chicken - What did you just call me? Oooh, the classic jerk chicken dish of the Islands that is full of spices and smoked to perfection. Too bad, you ain't gonna get any of that here... I think this chicken was from Long Island. No shortage of jerks there, either.
Rice & Beans - Prolly the best thing I tasted all night. Make sure you get a nice ladleful of the 'sauce' to mix in. The spices and flavors made it so much better. It's like throwing a starving man a cracker, that shit would taste like a juicy steak.
Mac & Cheez - Elbow mac was dried out and just plain bad. Ooey and gooey it was not but it sure was cheezy... In a pathetic ra-tard sorta way. Is this what they called "Dry Humor"? Well, it ain't funny, especially to my bowels.
Nice people and I wish them luck... But it's just another day in the world of bromidic chow. It ain't easy being Gastro's pouch, Mon.
Munch.
Crunch.
Sigh.
2025 Peachtree Road, NE
Suite #2
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 254-0509
So Ba East Atlanta Village
I'm So friggin' Ba-ored with these 'ethnic' restos that look so promising opening intown but then turns out to be duds. As a business owner, I can understand why they have to compromise taste for the almighty buck and the area they are in (ie: Stella turning into a Doc Chey's... blah). But just remember, if you cook it, Gastro will eat it and smack your bitch up...
Not authentic? Hell, who's gonna know the difference anyways in East Atlanta? The couple at the next table were their prime target demographics... Eating a bowl of pho with a fork. Can you forking believe that shit? And it wasn't no full sized fork either, it was a lobster fork... Fuck me, stick that fork in me because I'm done. They didn't even take the chopsticks outta the paper sleeve for crying out loud. I think the best line of the night was... "Are you gonna put that hot red stuff in it?", "Nah, I don't want to ruin this tasty chicken broth." ...I can't bweathe, someone give me ass to mouth, STAT. Wait, make that SPLAT.
Like I said, this area is not exactly known for haute cuisine nor do the plebeians care... Iris which was a wonderful resto, tried and failed years ago. Not much has changed.
Lookie, here... I don't even know where to begin. The place was so God damn cold (both in temp and decor) that even the servers didn't want to come into the dining room unless it was to collect money. I asked for hot tea because my body temp was dropping faster than Snoop Dogg's drug and gun charges. 10 minzies later, the server comes over and said "I'm sorry it's taking so long, we are boiling the water now for the tea..." Holy moly, where am I? I'm not fucking camping here, am I? Could it get worse? Y'all, know the answer to that... I just got tea bagged.
Spring Rolls w/ shrimp, etc... And "seasonal herbs". Huh? Whatever you say, I'll play along, I just hope it 's not skunk herb. Peanut sauce... Ah, oookay, it was more like pee-nut sauce. Boy, I love Thai grub... Next.
Pho Dac Biet - Rice noodle, eye round steak, well done brisket, flank, soft tendon and tripe. Sounds great if it contained everything listed... I think someone fat-fingered it, it shoulda been 'round eye' steak instead. I assume the broth was made with Cox-tail because it tasted like chicken bouillon. 2 words: faux phas.
Com Dac Biet - Broken rice, 'prok' chop, shredded pork, steamed omelet and sunny side up egg... Something's broken alright. I think it was the kitchen. I have seen better consistency in the Checker's drive-thru. Little things were missing off the menu's description. Mebbe it was all for the better... Less ammo for me to use. Bang bang.
BAFFLED... 1.5 Hobo Stars.
"When the pho's in the bowl, ma...
Drop it like it's hot."
Splash.
560 Gresham Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 627-9911
Not authentic? Hell, who's gonna know the difference anyways in East Atlanta? The couple at the next table were their prime target demographics... Eating a bowl of pho with a fork. Can you forking believe that shit? And it wasn't no full sized fork either, it was a lobster fork... Fuck me, stick that fork in me because I'm done. They didn't even take the chopsticks outta the paper sleeve for crying out loud. I think the best line of the night was... "Are you gonna put that hot red stuff in it?", "Nah, I don't want to ruin this tasty chicken broth." ...I can't bweathe, someone give me ass to mouth, STAT. Wait, make that SPLAT.
Like I said, this area is not exactly known for haute cuisine nor do the plebeians care... Iris which was a wonderful resto, tried and failed years ago. Not much has changed.
Lookie, here... I don't even know where to begin. The place was so God damn cold (both in temp and decor) that even the servers didn't want to come into the dining room unless it was to collect money. I asked for hot tea because my body temp was dropping faster than Snoop Dogg's drug and gun charges. 10 minzies later, the server comes over and said "I'm sorry it's taking so long, we are boiling the water now for the tea..." Holy moly, where am I? I'm not fucking camping here, am I? Could it get worse? Y'all, know the answer to that... I just got tea bagged.
Spring Rolls w/ shrimp, etc... And "seasonal herbs". Huh? Whatever you say, I'll play along, I just hope it 's not skunk herb. Peanut sauce... Ah, oookay, it was more like pee-nut sauce. Boy, I love Thai grub... Next.
Pho Dac Biet - Rice noodle, eye round steak, well done brisket, flank, soft tendon and tripe. Sounds great if it contained everything listed... I think someone fat-fingered it, it shoulda been 'round eye' steak instead. I assume the broth was made with Cox-tail because it tasted like chicken bouillon. 2 words: faux phas.
Com Dac Biet - Broken rice, 'prok' chop, shredded pork, steamed omelet and sunny side up egg... Something's broken alright. I think it was the kitchen. I have seen better consistency in the Checker's drive-thru. Little things were missing off the menu's description. Mebbe it was all for the better... Less ammo for me to use. Bang bang.
BAFFLED... 1.5 Hobo Stars.
"When the pho's in the bowl, ma...
Drop it like it's hot."
Splash.
560 Gresham Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
(404) 627-9911
The Shelter
I thought it was a homeless shelter at first... Then I realized it was one when I walked in on opening night. The specimens in here were bedazzling. I think I lost vision for a bit... Or mebbe it was the large amount of vodka I consumed. Who knows... Someone point me to the soup line, STAT. And where are the fwee flannel winter jackets? That pig, Paula Dean, stuffing her fat face with all that ham and I get nothing. Thanks, sow. I kid, I kid...
This "speak-esque" diva bar is hidden in a building behind Vita (you know, the black gay club, but not Bulldogs), go through a door and up the stairs... Voila, you're here. Wow. Yay. Poop... But at least the dwinks were cheap and they had Ms. Pac Man.
The space is simple with graffiti art and a bunch of knick knacks. There's a dance cage or mebbe it was a place to cure meat... And a coin-operated horsey ride (make sure you wipe it down like at the gym bc I may have cooties). Can't really tell who it caters to (straight, gay, bi, tri, quad) but it seemed like everyone got along like Rodney King.
For a split second there, I got slap happy and thought Yelp's very own David K. was there... But to my dismay, it was some lesbo who had the same hairdo with it's back to me. Oh well, I'm sure he'll make his way over there at some point. Just don't hold your breath looking for me there, pal. I do like the joint but it's like 10 years too little, too late... Or mebbe I'm just an old hag.
Come to think of it, you know what, this reminds me of all the after hour parties I went to til 7AM back in the days and that was during the week nights. After all that boozing... I thought it was 2001.
I call this shack, Lady Liberty...
"Give me your tired, your poor, your smelly huddled masses yearning to dwink cheap, the wretched refuse of your torn up shoe. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to this hole, I lift my skirt and pee beside the golden(shower) door."
Jesus Hosea...
Burp.
2101 Tula Street
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 694-7435
This "speak-esque" diva bar is hidden in a building behind Vita (you know, the black gay club, but not Bulldogs), go through a door and up the stairs... Voila, you're here. Wow. Yay. Poop... But at least the dwinks were cheap and they had Ms. Pac Man.
The space is simple with graffiti art and a bunch of knick knacks. There's a dance cage or mebbe it was a place to cure meat... And a coin-operated horsey ride (make sure you wipe it down like at the gym bc I may have cooties). Can't really tell who it caters to (straight, gay, bi, tri, quad) but it seemed like everyone got along like Rodney King.
For a split second there, I got slap happy and thought Yelp's very own David K. was there... But to my dismay, it was some lesbo who had the same hairdo with it's back to me. Oh well, I'm sure he'll make his way over there at some point. Just don't hold your breath looking for me there, pal. I do like the joint but it's like 10 years too little, too late... Or mebbe I'm just an old hag.
Come to think of it, you know what, this reminds me of all the after hour parties I went to til 7AM back in the days and that was during the week nights. After all that boozing... I thought it was 2001.
I call this shack, Lady Liberty...
"Give me your tired, your poor, your smelly huddled masses yearning to dwink cheap, the wretched refuse of your torn up shoe. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to this hole, I lift my skirt and pee beside the golden(shower) door."
Jesus Hosea...
Burp.
2101 Tula Street
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 694-7435
Hudson Grille - Midtown
One thing's for sure, this place smells better than that Toilet Mac across the street (+1).
The setup is a lot better than the former Artistry and Sweet Lowdown (+2). This place can prolly win the "Most Fucking TV's You Can Fit In One Place" award. I hope they have good security because it's prime time for the flat panel bandits. Nearly every inch is plastered with LCDs... Oh, my eyeballs, it's the fucking lost Ark.
The menu is standard Metrotainment issued... The kinda food Fat America likes. But me likey the $5 martini's (+3), the bartender making my dwinks not so much. My first classic martini was nice, the second was dirtier than the hobo sleeping around the corner and the 3rd came out OK but only about 2/3 full. Amateurs.
The manager(s) are seasoned veterans and they do a great job but the server was a piece of work. 2 days in and in the weeds... Shit, I think he's been smoking it because he didn't know his asshole from a hole in the ground. Ordered a few things to nosh on which were all decent and passable... You know, stuff white people like. But you know you will be in for one helluva ride when it starts off like this...
Me: What's the soup du jour?
Dood: Huh?
Me: Soup of the day.
Dood: Ah, what does the menu say?
Me: It sez soup of the day.
Dood: Ok, let me find out... Can you hold on a minute?
Me: Yeah, dood. Go find out.
Dood: It's Fwench Onion.
Me: Do you use Gruyere?
Dood: What?
Me: Gruyere, it's a cheez... Nevermind, I'll try it.
Dood: Great choice.
Me: Well, you were very convincing.
5 minutes later....
Dood: We're out of Fwench Onion, we got Chicken Tortilla Soup.
Me: WTF is that? Did those hacks back there just make that shit up? 86 da soup, yo.
Can you believe that shit? I'm outta breath and that was just on the soup! It was like a retarded Seinfeld episode. I couldn't be too harsh on the dood since he reminded me of Spider from Goodfellas... But sometimes you gotta be. Tommy said it best, "You know Spider, you're a fuckin' mumbling stuttering little prick. You know that?"
Just get me a martini every 10 minutes... When I pass out, get me one every 5 minutes.
No, I ain't alright, Spider.
Bang.
Bang.
What? I'm a good shot.
No soup for you.
942 Peachtree St
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 892-0892
The setup is a lot better than the former Artistry and Sweet Lowdown (+2). This place can prolly win the "Most Fucking TV's You Can Fit In One Place" award. I hope they have good security because it's prime time for the flat panel bandits. Nearly every inch is plastered with LCDs... Oh, my eyeballs, it's the fucking lost Ark.
The menu is standard Metrotainment issued... The kinda food Fat America likes. But me likey the $5 martini's (+3), the bartender making my dwinks not so much. My first classic martini was nice, the second was dirtier than the hobo sleeping around the corner and the 3rd came out OK but only about 2/3 full. Amateurs.
The manager(s) are seasoned veterans and they do a great job but the server was a piece of work. 2 days in and in the weeds... Shit, I think he's been smoking it because he didn't know his asshole from a hole in the ground. Ordered a few things to nosh on which were all decent and passable... You know, stuff white people like. But you know you will be in for one helluva ride when it starts off like this...
Me: What's the soup du jour?
Dood: Huh?
Me: Soup of the day.
Dood: Ah, what does the menu say?
Me: It sez soup of the day.
Dood: Ok, let me find out... Can you hold on a minute?
Me: Yeah, dood. Go find out.
Dood: It's Fwench Onion.
Me: Do you use Gruyere?
Dood: What?
Me: Gruyere, it's a cheez... Nevermind, I'll try it.
Dood: Great choice.
Me: Well, you were very convincing.
5 minutes later....
Dood: We're out of Fwench Onion, we got Chicken Tortilla Soup.
Me: WTF is that? Did those hacks back there just make that shit up? 86 da soup, yo.
Can you believe that shit? I'm outta breath and that was just on the soup! It was like a retarded Seinfeld episode. I couldn't be too harsh on the dood since he reminded me of Spider from Goodfellas... But sometimes you gotta be. Tommy said it best, "You know Spider, you're a fuckin' mumbling stuttering little prick. You know that?"
Just get me a martini every 10 minutes... When I pass out, get me one every 5 minutes.
No, I ain't alright, Spider.
Bang.
Bang.
What? I'm a good shot.
No soup for you.
942 Peachtree St
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 892-0892
Ming's Bar B Que
Old man Ming is merciless. Not even cute kitty kats out back get a break... Except their necks. The same staff seems to work 24/7 (mebbe these FOBs are on the quick 10 year plan to pay off the Snakehead's fee, who knows) but this type of ruthlessness keeps the grub consistent and tasty.
I have eaten quite a good bit of the menu throughout the years... I tend to stick with my favorvites like congee w/ 1000 yr old eggs, tripe, squid, chowfun, wonton noodle soup, veggies, Peking duck, and all the other roasted meats... Even the cat out back. That shit is G O O O O D.
I love coming here after boozing for 28 hours straight with some skank I picked up along the way. I don't even know where the fuck I am sometimes and who's underpants I'm wearing but once they put that fried cat paw in front of me, it's all good in da hood. I'm just kidding! ...About the underpants.
Emperor Ming once said to me...
"Pathetic gwai-lo's. Hurling your bodies out to Buford Hwy, without the slightest inkling of who or what pets are out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the Chinese BBQ, anything at all, you would've eaten it in terror."
All Hail Ming's!
Meow.
Burp.
5150 Buford Hwy NE
# 300
Doraville, GA 30340
(770) 451-6985
I have eaten quite a good bit of the menu throughout the years... I tend to stick with my favorvites like congee w/ 1000 yr old eggs, tripe, squid, chowfun, wonton noodle soup, veggies, Peking duck, and all the other roasted meats... Even the cat out back. That shit is G O O O O D.
I love coming here after boozing for 28 hours straight with some skank I picked up along the way. I don't even know where the fuck I am sometimes and who's underpants I'm wearing but once they put that fried cat paw in front of me, it's all good in da hood. I'm just kidding! ...About the underpants.
Emperor Ming once said to me...
"Pathetic gwai-lo's. Hurling your bodies out to Buford Hwy, without the slightest inkling of who or what pets are out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the Chinese BBQ, anything at all, you would've eaten it in terror."
All Hail Ming's!
Meow.
Burp.
5150 Buford Hwy NE
# 300
Doraville, GA 30340
(770) 451-6985
Taco Mac
This joint smells like a latrine. The last time I came here, I walked in and walked right back out because of the intense odor of methane gas and cleaning solution. Almost gagged like my first encounter with a baby carrot.
The place may have changed but the wings still taste like 'pigeon stool'.
Beware of the dueling ass-banjos in the lavatory... Make that laboratory, who knows what the shit is culturing in them Petri bowls.
Someone pull the chain pweez... Better yet, wrap it around my neck.
You gat a reel purdee mouth, chicken head.
Cluck.
Cluck.
Flush.
933 Peachtree St NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 904-7211
The place may have changed but the wings still taste like 'pigeon stool'.
Beware of the dueling ass-banjos in the lavatory... Make that laboratory, who knows what the shit is culturing in them Petri bowls.
Someone pull the chain pweez... Better yet, wrap it around my neck.
You gat a reel purdee mouth, chicken head.
Cluck.
Cluck.
Flush.
933 Peachtree St NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 904-7211
Miller Union
Initially, based on the name, I thought it was a gathering place for white people to drink cheap beer so they wouldn't be embarrassed. This joint is as white as the people who drink Miller Lite... And so is the menu.
It says on their website, they are "Owned by Atlanta industry leaders..." But playing it safe is the name of the game here. There's nothing ground breaking or innovative here that we haven't seen 1000's of times (like Sean M. said - it's stuff white people like)... It's home cooking or what Michael Voltaggio would say "Food I cook on my day off.". This could be a very smart strategy for a new resto actually, cook simple food that the staff can handle, then move on to dishes with more balls later on. It can also mean this is all they got to offer... But at their price point they really need to kick it up a notch. Bocado's menu is more interesting and cheaper, too.
Vidalia onion and potato soup..... So basic, it was like the soup I made in culinary school, level 1. Not bad, just needed to be more seasoned. I will prolly never get this again.
Chicken liver mousse and pickled okra..... The consistency was more like hair mousse than liver mousse. It was mushy to say the least but the flavors were decent enough. The grain mustard was a nice compliment. The 2 small okra was kinda chincy though.
Beer braised pork shoulder, sauteed greens, sweet potato jacket..... A nice size hunk of 'prok', fork tender and tasty. Simple dish, hard to mess up... Unless, you use MGD. Come to think of it...
Slow braised rabbit, wild mushrooms and grits..... Wow, grits on a menu, these guys are crazy! I think they are because that rabbit was shredded to a billion pieces, you couldn't tell if it was chicken, pork or possum. Yeah, make the piece of meat unidentifiable and tasteless for your diners instead of showcasing the rabbit. I actually like the gamey-ness, lets you know you're eating a rodent. The wild mushrooms looked and tasted eerily like re-hydrated Chinese black mushrooms. For $24, this was amateur hour at best.
The service was spot on but the four 2 top tables in that Hobbit hole was as fucking cramp as a broad on the rag. I don't know about you, but when I eat I need room for my pouch to expand and the edge of the table was cramping my style. I had to do the electric slide just to get to the pisser.
Overall, it's another nice addition to the Westside even though the menu is for the L.L. Bean fleece jacket crowd.
Zippp.
999 Brady Ave
Atlanta, GA 30318
(678) 733-8550
It says on their website, they are "Owned by Atlanta industry leaders..." But playing it safe is the name of the game here. There's nothing ground breaking or innovative here that we haven't seen 1000's of times (like Sean M. said - it's stuff white people like)... It's home cooking or what Michael Voltaggio would say "Food I cook on my day off.". This could be a very smart strategy for a new resto actually, cook simple food that the staff can handle, then move on to dishes with more balls later on. It can also mean this is all they got to offer... But at their price point they really need to kick it up a notch. Bocado's menu is more interesting and cheaper, too.
Vidalia onion and potato soup..... So basic, it was like the soup I made in culinary school, level 1. Not bad, just needed to be more seasoned. I will prolly never get this again.
Chicken liver mousse and pickled okra..... The consistency was more like hair mousse than liver mousse. It was mushy to say the least but the flavors were decent enough. The grain mustard was a nice compliment. The 2 small okra was kinda chincy though.
Beer braised pork shoulder, sauteed greens, sweet potato jacket..... A nice size hunk of 'prok', fork tender and tasty. Simple dish, hard to mess up... Unless, you use MGD. Come to think of it...
Slow braised rabbit, wild mushrooms and grits..... Wow, grits on a menu, these guys are crazy! I think they are because that rabbit was shredded to a billion pieces, you couldn't tell if it was chicken, pork or possum. Yeah, make the piece of meat unidentifiable and tasteless for your diners instead of showcasing the rabbit. I actually like the gamey-ness, lets you know you're eating a rodent. The wild mushrooms looked and tasted eerily like re-hydrated Chinese black mushrooms. For $24, this was amateur hour at best.
The service was spot on but the four 2 top tables in that Hobbit hole was as fucking cramp as a broad on the rag. I don't know about you, but when I eat I need room for my pouch to expand and the edge of the table was cramping my style. I had to do the electric slide just to get to the pisser.
Overall, it's another nice addition to the Westside even though the menu is for the L.L. Bean fleece jacket crowd.
Zippp.
999 Brady Ave
Atlanta, GA 30318
(678) 733-8550
Hankook Taqueria
This joint should be filed under "Stuff White People Like"...Can someone tell me what's the deal with white people and fish tacos? I have yet to see a real Mexican order a puta taco, anywhere... Don't get me wrong, I like fish tacos too but only if they are grilled or sauteed... And not fucking Tilapia either.
So, Atlanta's first introduction to Korean Tacos is this stuff? A bastardized version that barely trumps Toxic Hell. Let me tell y'all that these Korean Fwied Lap Flounders ain't got nothing on Pink Tacos. Watered down versions of the real deal. Shouldn't they change "Street Snacks" to "Street Snatch" in this part of town? Nightcrawlers and Hobos pandering and wandering all up in this piece. No one of good repute is taking the 2 foot express here I tell ya.
The Spanish speaking Korean owners are very nice people and I do wish them the best of luck, but shit, the Bulgogi Taco, Pork Taco, Burritos, Fried Dumps and Fried Taters left me... BAFFLED.
Bomba.
Bomba.
Chorrito.
1341 Collier Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 352-8881
So, Atlanta's first introduction to Korean Tacos is this stuff? A bastardized version that barely trumps Toxic Hell. Let me tell y'all that these Korean Fwied Lap Flounders ain't got nothing on Pink Tacos. Watered down versions of the real deal. Shouldn't they change "Street Snacks" to "Street Snatch" in this part of town? Nightcrawlers and Hobos pandering and wandering all up in this piece. No one of good repute is taking the 2 foot express here I tell ya.
The Spanish speaking Korean owners are very nice people and I do wish them the best of luck, but shit, the Bulgogi Taco, Pork Taco, Burritos, Fried Dumps and Fried Taters left me... BAFFLED.
Bomba.
Bomba.
Chorrito.
1341 Collier Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 352-8881
Fuze Burger - May be Closed
They should called it "Faze Burger".
It's like one nightmare after another with this fusion crap. They're out to get me, I fucking know it. That dingo, Mel Gibson, might have something there with that Conspiracy Theory. How is it that the same owners go from a Thai joint to a Burga joint? Stop da fucking madness, yo.
Hmmm... when i think of burgers, i think of a juicy, flavorful and gweazy piece of hot beef injection that drips down my arm when I bite into it. Why ask me for a temp when you're gonna cook it til it's cremated? The dusty old Kroger buns were a let down too... Quadrillage was as useful as putting lipstick on them.
Tofu Chips - I wouldn't exactly call them "chips", more like "sheets"... These bean curd sheets were drenched in a sweet wet brown sauce... I think I woke up the next morning covered in it as well. Squish.
Lamb Burga - A flat, gamey and dry disk of meat... Jesus, it was almost as bad as the EVOS burga. Coleslaw was meh... Mebbe they shoulda used Kewpie instead. Squirt.
Tango Burga - This mad cow muffin made my bowels do the tango. Dousing more brown sauce on it doesn't make the inside any juicier. Tots seemed quadruple fried... It was like an empty shell. Shit was shooting blanks like a 60 yr old man. Pump pump dust.
Talk about fucking lost in translation... Where's Mushmouth? I need him to translate. If the people weren't so friggin' nice, it woulda been 2 stars but I'll kick it up to 2.5 stars.
File it under: Been there, done that. Judging by their numbers this place will be a Korean Ethiopian Pizza, Tapas, Tacos & More joint in 6 months.
Bulpoopi.
265 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Suite A
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 685-9988
It's like one nightmare after another with this fusion crap. They're out to get me, I fucking know it. That dingo, Mel Gibson, might have something there with that Conspiracy Theory. How is it that the same owners go from a Thai joint to a Burga joint? Stop da fucking madness, yo.
Hmmm... when i think of burgers, i think of a juicy, flavorful and gweazy piece of hot beef injection that drips down my arm when I bite into it. Why ask me for a temp when you're gonna cook it til it's cremated? The dusty old Kroger buns were a let down too... Quadrillage was as useful as putting lipstick on them.
Tofu Chips - I wouldn't exactly call them "chips", more like "sheets"... These bean curd sheets were drenched in a sweet wet brown sauce... I think I woke up the next morning covered in it as well. Squish.
Lamb Burga - A flat, gamey and dry disk of meat... Jesus, it was almost as bad as the EVOS burga. Coleslaw was meh... Mebbe they shoulda used Kewpie instead. Squirt.
Tango Burga - This mad cow muffin made my bowels do the tango. Dousing more brown sauce on it doesn't make the inside any juicier. Tots seemed quadruple fried... It was like an empty shell. Shit was shooting blanks like a 60 yr old man. Pump pump dust.
Talk about fucking lost in translation... Where's Mushmouth? I need him to translate. If the people weren't so friggin' nice, it woulda been 2 stars but I'll kick it up to 2.5 stars.
File it under: Been there, done that. Judging by their numbers this place will be a Korean Ethiopian Pizza, Tapas, Tacos & More joint in 6 months.
Bulpoopi.
265 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Suite A
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 685-9988
Prohibition
Where da fuck is this place? Oh, shit... It's in bloody fucking Buckhead. Just my God damn luck they put a "speakeasy" in yuppieville. But I had to see what the fuss was all about.
When I heard you had to go through a phone booth, I was like "Speakeasy, pweez!"... Could you copy PDT in NYC anymore? Well, they don't have the delicious Crif's Hot Dogs out front though... HA, so there! Suckaz.
The big ass red phone booth in front isn't obvious... And the sounds from the flock of seagulls behind the frosted glass door right next to the giant red phone booth isn't a tip off either. Duh. Then some dude mysteriously appears like Lurch and teaches me how to dial the 9 digits into the office type phone (prolly got it from some hobo on the street for $5) and push the phone booth wall to enter. Wow... How cool is that, Spanky? Whoopdeedoodie, been there, done that. Snooze.
Anyhoo, the joint is pretty small overall but it's just big enough and it's pretty cool inside (minimal)... For Buckhead. No one goes to a speakeasy for the decor, you go for the creative cocktails... Which wasn't half bad. I had the "My Way", "Pisco Sour", "Penicillin" with Lagavulin scotch, some fruity ass drink with a pineapple and a sample taste of Ardbeg Islay scotch whiskey. The smokiness of the scotch whiskeys were amazing. Good stuff.
The smoke from the cigars and cigarettes were pretty intense... I was like a dying canary in the coal mines. I can't bweathe, someone open a window or a bathroom door. These guidette skanks next to me looked like chimneys, one of them almost lit it's hair on fire with all that jizz (aka product) in it's hair. Pweez get some Smoke Eaters in there, STAT... Or prohibit smoking until you do. I can't even taste my "Carefully Compounded Prescription" for crying out loud, barkeep.
The "mixologists" are a happy bunch, seemed like they actually want to be there and interested in coming up with some wacky cocktails. +1. They are friendly and overall pretty swell guys. +2. Being a good mixologist is a difficult thing and they pulled it off even if they didn't know all the drinks on the menu. +3.
Only time will tell if this will be a boom or bust... But for now, I like what I see and taste... The smell, not so much. I felt like I just came out of an oven at Antico.
Puff.
Puff.
*Cough*
56 E Andrews Dr NW
Atlanta, GA 30305
When I heard you had to go through a phone booth, I was like "Speakeasy, pweez!"... Could you copy PDT in NYC anymore? Well, they don't have the delicious Crif's Hot Dogs out front though... HA, so there! Suckaz.
The big ass red phone booth in front isn't obvious... And the sounds from the flock of seagulls behind the frosted glass door right next to the giant red phone booth isn't a tip off either. Duh. Then some dude mysteriously appears like Lurch and teaches me how to dial the 9 digits into the office type phone (prolly got it from some hobo on the street for $5) and push the phone booth wall to enter. Wow... How cool is that, Spanky? Whoopdeedoodie, been there, done that. Snooze.
Anyhoo, the joint is pretty small overall but it's just big enough and it's pretty cool inside (minimal)... For Buckhead. No one goes to a speakeasy for the decor, you go for the creative cocktails... Which wasn't half bad. I had the "My Way", "Pisco Sour", "Penicillin" with Lagavulin scotch, some fruity ass drink with a pineapple and a sample taste of Ardbeg Islay scotch whiskey. The smokiness of the scotch whiskeys were amazing. Good stuff.
The smoke from the cigars and cigarettes were pretty intense... I was like a dying canary in the coal mines. I can't bweathe, someone open a window or a bathroom door. These guidette skanks next to me looked like chimneys, one of them almost lit it's hair on fire with all that jizz (aka product) in it's hair. Pweez get some Smoke Eaters in there, STAT... Or prohibit smoking until you do. I can't even taste my "Carefully Compounded Prescription" for crying out loud, barkeep.
The "mixologists" are a happy bunch, seemed like they actually want to be there and interested in coming up with some wacky cocktails. +1. They are friendly and overall pretty swell guys. +2. Being a good mixologist is a difficult thing and they pulled it off even if they didn't know all the drinks on the menu. +3.
Only time will tell if this will be a boom or bust... But for now, I like what I see and taste... The smell, not so much. I felt like I just came out of an oven at Antico.
Puff.
Puff.
*Cough*
56 E Andrews Dr NW
Atlanta, GA 30305
Tuk Tuk Thai Food Loft
Thai Street Food in Atlanta? Naaaw, it can't be "authentic". It's gotta be dumb down... Especially, in this part of town. This week's soft opening is so soft and quiet that it was the perfect time to sneak in and take a peek. From the family who runs Nan and Tamarind Seed, their daughter, DD, has taken over this old location of Taurus as chef/owner. The space is open but warm. Many items you see are from Thailand, though you might not even notice. The menu read well but the taste was TBD... Full liquor license? Fuck yeah, I'm there!!!
Samples and more samples led to almost a full meal...
Neau Sawan - Thai beef jerky w/ coriander... OMG, these beef strips starts out tasting great and gets even better as it cools down. Pinch a ball of sticky rice with it and it's fucking dreamy.
Mieng Kum - Spinach leaf wrap w/ lime, ginger, onions, peanuts and coconut in caramelized palm sugar... Talk about awesome finger food. These little bundles of joy are delicate, sweet and yummy... And you don't even have to change any diapers afterwards.
Hoy Tod - Bangkok pancake w/ mussels, bean sprouts, scallions, cilantro and sweet chili sauce... Super crispy edges, good textures and just a fun dish to chomp on.
Ba-Mee Moo Dang - Thai BBQ pork w/ egg noodle, peanuts, scallions, cilantro and yu choy.... Let me tell you, these egg noodles reminded me of the incredible Wonton noodles at Mak's in Hong Kong. Thin and has that distinct crunch to it... Just an amazing dish.
Sticky Rice - Something so common is a staple to every meal. The Thai sticky rice serving baskets are cute as balls and functional, too. Listen up white people, you use your fingers to eat this, if you don't have any use your toes... And don't you dare ask for chopsticks.
Papaya Salad - This is the closest version you will get without having to board a plane and a rickety boat to some remote village in Thailand. It's just plain G O O D... Even without the dried shrimp and crushed chili crabs. $4 is a steal.
Tapioca Pudding - Was a nice refreshing end with cubes of taro, coconut, tapioca and scoop of ice cream. Give me a couple dozen gallons of this and a couple slutty chicks and I can die a happy and fat man.
I love that this space is being used again... And for really good Thai street fare. Thank you for keeping it real, DD and Thaddeus. This is for the 10% who seek grub of this kind. As for the other 90%, there's always Harry & Sons.
Tuk.
Tuk.
Buffalo Bill Tucky.
Burp.
1745 Peachtree Rd
Ste Y
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 539-6181
Samples and more samples led to almost a full meal...
Neau Sawan - Thai beef jerky w/ coriander... OMG, these beef strips starts out tasting great and gets even better as it cools down. Pinch a ball of sticky rice with it and it's fucking dreamy.
Mieng Kum - Spinach leaf wrap w/ lime, ginger, onions, peanuts and coconut in caramelized palm sugar... Talk about awesome finger food. These little bundles of joy are delicate, sweet and yummy... And you don't even have to change any diapers afterwards.
Hoy Tod - Bangkok pancake w/ mussels, bean sprouts, scallions, cilantro and sweet chili sauce... Super crispy edges, good textures and just a fun dish to chomp on.
Ba-Mee Moo Dang - Thai BBQ pork w/ egg noodle, peanuts, scallions, cilantro and yu choy.... Let me tell you, these egg noodles reminded me of the incredible Wonton noodles at Mak's in Hong Kong. Thin and has that distinct crunch to it... Just an amazing dish.
Sticky Rice - Something so common is a staple to every meal. The Thai sticky rice serving baskets are cute as balls and functional, too. Listen up white people, you use your fingers to eat this, if you don't have any use your toes... And don't you dare ask for chopsticks.
Papaya Salad - This is the closest version you will get without having to board a plane and a rickety boat to some remote village in Thailand. It's just plain G O O D... Even without the dried shrimp and crushed chili crabs. $4 is a steal.
Tapioca Pudding - Was a nice refreshing end with cubes of taro, coconut, tapioca and scoop of ice cream. Give me a couple dozen gallons of this and a couple slutty chicks and I can die a happy and fat man.
I love that this space is being used again... And for really good Thai street fare. Thank you for keeping it real, DD and Thaddeus. This is for the 10% who seek grub of this kind. As for the other 90%, there's always Harry & Sons.
Tuk.
Tuk.
Buffalo Bill Tucky.
Burp.
1745 Peachtree Rd
Ste Y
Atlanta, GA 30309
(678) 539-6181
Bangkok Thai Restaurant
How's that old saying go? The grass is always greener on the other side... Well, I guess that goes for the curry here as well. It's greener across the street.
Thai food in Atlanta is like life... It's one disappointment after another. One would think this joint would age tastefully through the years, but have you ever seen what old people eat? Mush. And everything sure was mushy.
Don't get me wrong, the owners are incredibly friendly and welcoming. Mama-Chai (whom does not have any offspring) has the memory of an elephant. She can tell you what you ate and the color of your underpants from 3 years ago. Uncanny. But colored underpants doesn't make the food taste any better... Well, unless they're edible undies.
Basil Rolls - Run of the mill rolls that most people wouldn't even noticed the difference if they were polished turds. It is what it is... Filler.
Coco Fowl Soup - WTF is this... part coconut, part chicken, 100% cuckoo. Pizzeria red pepper flakes does nothing to spice things up. It was like a warm slushee.
Jade (Green) Curry w/ Beef - Asked for Super Thai Hot and all I got was Super Thai Slop. Once again, the secret ingredient (red pepper flakes) doesn't make it any spicier or greener... It was kinda like a muddy slurry. A few slivers of meat and a FOB load of canned bamboo shoots. WTF, I know Asians all look alike but do I look like a giant fucking panda to you? The white rice was spot on... It was in a bowl.
Pad Thai w/ Softshell Crab - Sounds interesting, right? Yeah, as interesting as watching my pubes grow. The noodles were wet and not very flavorful. The crab was ok... Let's just say you don't want to catch any of these. A very pedestrian version at best.
Would I put this place on my Bucket List? Hell no... More like on my Fuckit List.
2 stars for the grub. +1 star for super groovy Mama Chai.
Pump...
Eh, you know the rest.
1492 Piedmont Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 874-2514
Thai food in Atlanta is like life... It's one disappointment after another. One would think this joint would age tastefully through the years, but have you ever seen what old people eat? Mush. And everything sure was mushy.
Don't get me wrong, the owners are incredibly friendly and welcoming. Mama-Chai (whom does not have any offspring) has the memory of an elephant. She can tell you what you ate and the color of your underpants from 3 years ago. Uncanny. But colored underpants doesn't make the food taste any better... Well, unless they're edible undies.
Basil Rolls - Run of the mill rolls that most people wouldn't even noticed the difference if they were polished turds. It is what it is... Filler.
Coco Fowl Soup - WTF is this... part coconut, part chicken, 100% cuckoo. Pizzeria red pepper flakes does nothing to spice things up. It was like a warm slushee.
Jade (Green) Curry w/ Beef - Asked for Super Thai Hot and all I got was Super Thai Slop. Once again, the secret ingredient (red pepper flakes) doesn't make it any spicier or greener... It was kinda like a muddy slurry. A few slivers of meat and a FOB load of canned bamboo shoots. WTF, I know Asians all look alike but do I look like a giant fucking panda to you? The white rice was spot on... It was in a bowl.
Pad Thai w/ Softshell Crab - Sounds interesting, right? Yeah, as interesting as watching my pubes grow. The noodles were wet and not very flavorful. The crab was ok... Let's just say you don't want to catch any of these. A very pedestrian version at best.
Would I put this place on my Bucket List? Hell no... More like on my Fuckit List.
2 stars for the grub. +1 star for super groovy Mama Chai.
Pump...
Eh, you know the rest.
1492 Piedmont Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 874-2514
Just Loaf'n
Theeeeey baaaaack!
Due to terrible parking and other unnatural forces in their old dusty location on Boulevard, these tasty Po'boys found a new home in Buckhead... Quietly opening last week between Kramer's and a scooter shop. Man, if you stop and look around this area... It's just plain trashy (not that Blvd was any better). Being this close to East Andrews makes my skin crawl... Oh wait, something is really crawling on my skin. Get off me you nasty little herpes... Fuck, did Katrina bring these nut bugs up here, too? Lookie here, Big Easy, just give me my Po'boy so I can get the fuck outta here, yo.
Shrimp Po'boy - I did it all for the bread because that shit was good. Crusty outside and soft inside. Shrimp was fine, so were the other fillers as well. Decent Po'boy overall.
Gumbo - Hmmm, while it was tasty... It was just too watery. Didn't notice any hint of file powder or other thickeners like okra or roux. Seriously, is it that hard to make a classic gumbo? Don't tell me it's the best in da ATL when it's not. Just because I don't look like a foodiot doesn't mean I don't know the difference between a good gumbo and a bucket of hamster vomit. Duh.
Red Beans n Rice - I got jambalaya instead... How did he managed to get my order wrong? I was the only friggin customer there. Cuckoo. The jambie didn't do it for me... Mebbe Taco would like it better since it was more like Spanish rice.
I am happy that this tiny shack is pumping out po'boys and other nawlins' grub (boudin, seafood boil, gator bites, fwied turkey leg, beignets, etc but why no crawfish?)... But dude, you gotta kick it up a notch like your bro, Emeril or else Bam, right in the Sno Balls!
Lassie'z Lesbo n Temps Rin Tin Tin!
Why do I always feel so fat on Tuesday...
Sigh.
3173 Roswell Road
Atlanta, GA 30305
(678) 701-6538
Due to terrible parking and other unnatural forces in their old dusty location on Boulevard, these tasty Po'boys found a new home in Buckhead... Quietly opening last week between Kramer's and a scooter shop. Man, if you stop and look around this area... It's just plain trashy (not that Blvd was any better). Being this close to East Andrews makes my skin crawl... Oh wait, something is really crawling on my skin. Get off me you nasty little herpes... Fuck, did Katrina bring these nut bugs up here, too? Lookie here, Big Easy, just give me my Po'boy so I can get the fuck outta here, yo.
Shrimp Po'boy - I did it all for the bread because that shit was good. Crusty outside and soft inside. Shrimp was fine, so were the other fillers as well. Decent Po'boy overall.
Gumbo - Hmmm, while it was tasty... It was just too watery. Didn't notice any hint of file powder or other thickeners like okra or roux. Seriously, is it that hard to make a classic gumbo? Don't tell me it's the best in da ATL when it's not. Just because I don't look like a foodiot doesn't mean I don't know the difference between a good gumbo and a bucket of hamster vomit. Duh.
Red Beans n Rice - I got jambalaya instead... How did he managed to get my order wrong? I was the only friggin customer there. Cuckoo. The jambie didn't do it for me... Mebbe Taco would like it better since it was more like Spanish rice.
I am happy that this tiny shack is pumping out po'boys and other nawlins' grub (boudin, seafood boil, gator bites, fwied turkey leg, beignets, etc but why no crawfish?)... But dude, you gotta kick it up a notch like your bro, Emeril or else Bam, right in the Sno Balls!
Lassie'z Lesbo n Temps Rin Tin Tin!
Why do I always feel so fat on Tuesday...
Sigh.
3173 Roswell Road
Atlanta, GA 30305
(678) 701-6538
Havana Restaurant
Where all the white people at?
They're all up in this piece. (Next to Pirate's Pub and ALDI not the other location further up which is not opened yet)
Where am I? I thought this was Buford Highway... Not UpChuck n Cheese in Alpharetta. There's more white people congregating here than at a Pentecostal church. Did I missed the church bus out in the parking lot? The only thing I want to see you roundeyes handling is their Cuban sandwich. If you whip out any type of serpent, especially from your pants, I'm gonna get medieval on yo ass.
The anticipation of their opening was like negotiating with Castro... That fucker just wouldn't open up promises after promises. I thought the INS deported them or some shit. Until one day, they quietly opened up... And their fans hit that shit like a pro bono puta.
The Cuban is tasty as I remembered and the black bean soup just goes so well with the yellow rice. The empanadas comes in a few different fillers and pretty decent overall. The croquetas on the other hand were just aight. It's hard to sway from the Cuban but I promise y'all that I will eat the entire menu before year end. You can call me the "Bay of Pigs Redux"... But I won't fail because I'm backed by the IFOCE not the CIA.
I was still baffled as to why the place was jam packed with Jim Jones et al until my co-worker who lives around the corner said it best...
"Because the menu is in English now."
Ay touché.
Burpo.
3979 Buford Hwy
#108
Atlanta, GA 30319
(404) 633-7549
They're all up in this piece. (Next to Pirate's Pub and ALDI not the other location further up which is not opened yet)
Where am I? I thought this was Buford Highway... Not UpChuck n Cheese in Alpharetta. There's more white people congregating here than at a Pentecostal church. Did I missed the church bus out in the parking lot? The only thing I want to see you roundeyes handling is their Cuban sandwich. If you whip out any type of serpent, especially from your pants, I'm gonna get medieval on yo ass.
The anticipation of their opening was like negotiating with Castro... That fucker just wouldn't open up promises after promises. I thought the INS deported them or some shit. Until one day, they quietly opened up... And their fans hit that shit like a pro bono puta.
The Cuban is tasty as I remembered and the black bean soup just goes so well with the yellow rice. The empanadas comes in a few different fillers and pretty decent overall. The croquetas on the other hand were just aight. It's hard to sway from the Cuban but I promise y'all that I will eat the entire menu before year end. You can call me the "Bay of Pigs Redux"... But I won't fail because I'm backed by the IFOCE not the CIA.
I was still baffled as to why the place was jam packed with Jim Jones et al until my co-worker who lives around the corner said it best...
"Because the menu is in English now."
Ay touché.
Burpo.
3979 Buford Hwy
#108
Atlanta, GA 30319
(404) 633-7549
Key West Seafood Market
When anyone says "Don't pay attention to the other reviews..." in their reviews, you know what they're all about. Drop the cheap salesman talk, you're not fooling anyone, Ron Popeil... Stop reviewing other reviews. Jesus.
Lookie here, this joint is a perfectly fine addition to the 'hood... I mean take a gander at the townie line up around here. Yous got Mistor C's, Stooges (aka Mistor D's), Domino's, Mickey Deez, Felini's, Salsa Havana, Jersey Mike's, London Bistro, Willy's, Chik-fil-A, Canton Chopstix and Howwell Dragon (RIP) all up in this piece. I call it the "Raging Bowels" resto group.
Conch Fritters - I really want to call it something else but I might hurl.
Soup Du Jour - Clam and mussel soup.. minus the mussel. Watery and bland but otherwise it looked cute... Like the treasure from a baby's diaper. Mebbe it was a good thing that they left out the mussels.
Fish n Chips - Haha... You know it's gonna be some bottom of the barrel piece of fish when they don't specify it on the menu. I busted out laughing when I saw the short-Mexi-order-cook pull out Tilapia. The presentation was classic... Tempura(?) fried square pieces of Tipalia on the bottom of the basket and covered with sweet potato fwies on top. Jesus, W(here)TF did he learn plating... Checkers? The taste was passable... But I wouldn't write home to your mom about it.
Mac n Cheez - Wow... This specimen reminded me of those mini cups of slop that you microwave. Elbow mac and packet sauce that need more whole milk not 2%. Mebbe they think I'm fat so they gave me reduced fat.
Bottomline: Pedestrian grub in a townie sorta way.
The staff are pretty nice and welcoming but it still doesn't change the fact that people come here to eat and not to get lip service. If I'm paying for lip service, I'll go to a nice little place on Buford Highway.
2.5 stars... There's really no need to explore the rest of the menu after your initiation. Thank you sir, may I use the bathroom...
Squeeze.
Gasp.
Splash.
1971 Howell Mill Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 352-3141
Lookie here, this joint is a perfectly fine addition to the 'hood... I mean take a gander at the townie line up around here. Yous got Mistor C's, Stooges (aka Mistor D's), Domino's, Mickey Deez, Felini's, Salsa Havana, Jersey Mike's, London Bistro, Willy's, Chik-fil-A, Canton Chopstix and Howwell Dragon (RIP) all up in this piece. I call it the "Raging Bowels" resto group.
Conch Fritters - I really want to call it something else but I might hurl.
Soup Du Jour - Clam and mussel soup.. minus the mussel. Watery and bland but otherwise it looked cute... Like the treasure from a baby's diaper. Mebbe it was a good thing that they left out the mussels.
Fish n Chips - Haha... You know it's gonna be some bottom of the barrel piece of fish when they don't specify it on the menu. I busted out laughing when I saw the short-Mexi-order-cook pull out Tilapia. The presentation was classic... Tempura(?) fried square pieces of Tipalia on the bottom of the basket and covered with sweet potato fwies on top. Jesus, W(here)TF did he learn plating... Checkers? The taste was passable... But I wouldn't write home to your mom about it.
Mac n Cheez - Wow... This specimen reminded me of those mini cups of slop that you microwave. Elbow mac and packet sauce that need more whole milk not 2%. Mebbe they think I'm fat so they gave me reduced fat.
Bottomline: Pedestrian grub in a townie sorta way.
The staff are pretty nice and welcoming but it still doesn't change the fact that people come here to eat and not to get lip service. If I'm paying for lip service, I'll go to a nice little place on Buford Highway.
2.5 stars... There's really no need to explore the rest of the menu after your initiation. Thank you sir, may I use the bathroom...
Squeeze.
Gasp.
Splash.
1971 Howell Mill Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 352-3141
Community Q BBQ
Two words: Bandwagon.
...Or is that one word? Who knows, who gives a shit, just get your ass on it and wrap your lips around their meat. You'll be licking the sauce off their bone. I'm getting chubby just thinking about it... Yeah, it's that good. It's true, you will find a lot of the stuff off the menu from Sam & Dave's, that's because one of the owners was a co-founder. Does it really matter? I rather drive to Dickhater than to Scarietta any day.
Take a gander at what this heffer troughed...
Brisket - Sliced, word. Great bark, smoke ring, tender and fucking tastier than dining at the Y with your mom. Brisket done right is a thing of beauty... Like your mom.
Pulled Pork - Dude, I will pull your pork any day if you keep busting out your fleshy dark meat into my mouth. Go ahead and manhandle my meat... I'm either in luv or I just jizzed in my pants. Fuck it, love conquers all.
Beef Ribs - Damn Skippy, boneless and fork tender... Mommie, will you feed it to me too? It just gets better and better with every bite.
Chicken - BBQ chix is only good when it comes right out of the smoker, when it sits around the moisture just vaporizes and you're left with chewy white meat. I suggest using dark meat... Especially, around this part of town.
Mac n Cheez - Fuck me silly and call me Nancy... This mac is G O O D. Crispy crunchy top and gooey inside. This is the real mac daddy.
Brunswick Stew - Verra good but the only thing missing is the Lima beans... Besides the squirrel meat, add in the Lima beans and I will be happy as a pig in shit with lipstick on.
Baked Beans - Looks like poop but tastes like gold. Others mentioned the beans being under or over-cooked but mine was spot on. This ain't your standard baked beanz... It's darker and richer.
Collards - For what it was, I couldn't stop inhaling this stuff... I didn't leave the table until it's all gone. Pete Tong woulda been proud.
Banana Pudding - Basically, the only dessert available... A Sandra Lee semi-homemade special that tasted pretty good. Come to think of it, I like to get a lil taste of Sandra Lee myself. Is that so wrooong?
Two sauces are offered: Vinegar based St. Louis style sauce and a regular sweet sauce. Both are verra tasty but the vinegar sauce works best on the meats.
Anyhoo, this is definitely in the top 3... Could be #1 in my book if they are consistent. There just isn't enough BBQ joints in town that do it right. Slow and low is where it's at (they have 2 huge smokers in the back)... Not boil and grill like most places. I love Fox Bros but the issue with quality vs quantity always comes into play when a joint gets too popular and commercialized. I hope they stick with their current biznaz plan because it's working.
No wonder I'm so damn fat... Hogwash.
Burp.
1361 Clairmont Rd
North Decatur, GA 30033
(404) 633-2080
...Or is that one word? Who knows, who gives a shit, just get your ass on it and wrap your lips around their meat. You'll be licking the sauce off their bone. I'm getting chubby just thinking about it... Yeah, it's that good. It's true, you will find a lot of the stuff off the menu from Sam & Dave's, that's because one of the owners was a co-founder. Does it really matter? I rather drive to Dickhater than to Scarietta any day.
Take a gander at what this heffer troughed...
Brisket - Sliced, word. Great bark, smoke ring, tender and fucking tastier than dining at the Y with your mom. Brisket done right is a thing of beauty... Like your mom.
Pulled Pork - Dude, I will pull your pork any day if you keep busting out your fleshy dark meat into my mouth. Go ahead and manhandle my meat... I'm either in luv or I just jizzed in my pants. Fuck it, love conquers all.
Beef Ribs - Damn Skippy, boneless and fork tender... Mommie, will you feed it to me too? It just gets better and better with every bite.
Chicken - BBQ chix is only good when it comes right out of the smoker, when it sits around the moisture just vaporizes and you're left with chewy white meat. I suggest using dark meat... Especially, around this part of town.
Mac n Cheez - Fuck me silly and call me Nancy... This mac is G O O D. Crispy crunchy top and gooey inside. This is the real mac daddy.
Brunswick Stew - Verra good but the only thing missing is the Lima beans... Besides the squirrel meat, add in the Lima beans and I will be happy as a pig in shit with lipstick on.
Baked Beans - Looks like poop but tastes like gold. Others mentioned the beans being under or over-cooked but mine was spot on. This ain't your standard baked beanz... It's darker and richer.
Collards - For what it was, I couldn't stop inhaling this stuff... I didn't leave the table until it's all gone. Pete Tong woulda been proud.
Banana Pudding - Basically, the only dessert available... A Sandra Lee semi-homemade special that tasted pretty good. Come to think of it, I like to get a lil taste of Sandra Lee myself. Is that so wrooong?
Two sauces are offered: Vinegar based St. Louis style sauce and a regular sweet sauce. Both are verra tasty but the vinegar sauce works best on the meats.
Anyhoo, this is definitely in the top 3... Could be #1 in my book if they are consistent. There just isn't enough BBQ joints in town that do it right. Slow and low is where it's at (they have 2 huge smokers in the back)... Not boil and grill like most places. I love Fox Bros but the issue with quality vs quantity always comes into play when a joint gets too popular and commercialized. I hope they stick with their current biznaz plan because it's working.
No wonder I'm so damn fat... Hogwash.
Burp.
1361 Clairmont Rd
North Decatur, GA 30033
(404) 633-2080
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