Came for a quickie... Ended up polishing my Nob with the Hob-bits.
Their shit was packed. Literally.
Couldn't even get a reach around... To the bar.
I was offered to have my stool pushed in... But I declined the generous offer. Twice.
I wasn't even sitting down.
Joint reminds me of a log cabin... Look at all the wood in here. It's not even morning. Not a lumberjack in sight... But there were a lot of Lincoln Logs fluttering around. Timber.
Decent booze and beer selection. They got 4 cute jars of infused booze- Lemon, cucumber, ginger vodka and a grapefruit tequila. The milkshakes were like a set of ginormous boobs in my face because some had booze in it. Yeah, I said Booze. But the $10 Hazelnut Mud Slide Shake was apply named. Splash.
I like how the menu starts off with "Bar Nuts". A snack to some and a mouthful to others. It's your standard list of pub grub but there's a few "complex" dishes on there as well. But don't get your panties in a wad over it, I didn't... Because I don't wear any. But when I do, it's usually something special. Lace.
Shrimp & Grits - 3 decent size shwimpz and a grit cake that resembled polenta or a yellow sponge. Squirt.
Poutine Gravy Fries - Thin-ass fwies, salty-ass gravy and tofu-ass like cubes of "cheez curds". No medals for this event. Canuck'd.
Pot Pie - The only pie in the whole joint. Decent trim but the chicken was way too smokey. Dude, you need to cut back on the sauce. Liquid Smoke does not have booze in it. Just FYI.
Pan Seared Trout - Don't remember eating it... It was that good. Have the sudden urge to swim upstream... Hmmm. Splash.
This place is cool but the parking sucks. My ass got booted outside and paid $50 to get off... Shit, I coulda got off inside for free. I'll be back for that fiddy, Mate.
Pump.
Pump.
Zippp.
1551 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 968-2288
Friday, March 26, 2010
Cafe 101
Walked in. Hmmm.
Looks like the word is out on this joint. Sigh.
The eyes in here were as round as the building. Did a twirl.
There were like 2 other Asians up in this piece. Oh dear.
I spied General Tso's Chicken and Mongolian Beef. Double dog dare.
Don't make a fucking spectacle of yourselves. Jesus.
They were from Alabama. No wonder.
Excuse me? You're excused, now fuck off. Enough of this malarchy... It's my time to nurse the pouch.
Ja Jiang Mien - Shit is still G O O D. One of a few dishes still done right and craveworthy. I just Ja Jizzed My pants.
Sweet & Sour Pork Chops - Big meaty chops but the sauce was way to syrupy. Needed more soury. Obligatory canned cubed pineapples. Uncanny.
Taiwanese Braised Pork Rice Bowl - Minced pork, cilantro, radish and wice... Meh. Street food that belongs out in the street. Gutter preferably.
House Hot Pot - Crap in a bowl. Everything under this dome was dumped in to this bowl. I think there was a small child in there. Didn't check to see, just ate it.
Some decent dishes can still be had up in this piece, just don't expect too much or you'll be disappointed. Hey, if you want value, there's always China Bucks next door... For Mexican Value.
Time to move on to Resto 202.
Hasta luego.
5412 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 458-8883
Looks like the word is out on this joint. Sigh.
The eyes in here were as round as the building. Did a twirl.
There were like 2 other Asians up in this piece. Oh dear.
I spied General Tso's Chicken and Mongolian Beef. Double dog dare.
Don't make a fucking spectacle of yourselves. Jesus.
They were from Alabama. No wonder.
Excuse me? You're excused, now fuck off. Enough of this malarchy... It's my time to nurse the pouch.
Ja Jiang Mien - Shit is still G O O D. One of a few dishes still done right and craveworthy. I just Ja Jizzed My pants.
Sweet & Sour Pork Chops - Big meaty chops but the sauce was way to syrupy. Needed more soury. Obligatory canned cubed pineapples. Uncanny.
Taiwanese Braised Pork Rice Bowl - Minced pork, cilantro, radish and wice... Meh. Street food that belongs out in the street. Gutter preferably.
House Hot Pot - Crap in a bowl. Everything under this dome was dumped in to this bowl. I think there was a small child in there. Didn't check to see, just ate it.
Some decent dishes can still be had up in this piece, just don't expect too much or you'll be disappointed. Hey, if you want value, there's always China Bucks next door... For Mexican Value.
Time to move on to Resto 202.
Hasta luego.
5412 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 458-8883
Green's Beverage Store
This Green's woulda been called "Gringo's" and selling fish tacos today if they didn't learn from The Battle of the Alamo in 1836.
They honor the men of the Alamo Mission by supplying me with enough booze to float me down the Chattahoochee. Speaking of the 1800's... Throw in a bot of the Silver and Reposado for good measure. It's ok, Jack and Jim are my DDs.
I'm gonna Shoot da Hooch tonight...
With a plastic bag full of Taco Bell's finest.
That shit's waterproof.
Splash.
2614 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 321-6232
They honor the men of the Alamo Mission by supplying me with enough booze to float me down the Chattahoochee. Speaking of the 1800's... Throw in a bot of the Silver and Reposado for good measure. It's ok, Jack and Jim are my DDs.
I'm gonna Shoot da Hooch tonight...
With a plastic bag full of Taco Bell's finest.
That shit's waterproof.
Splash.
2614 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 321-6232
Green's Beverage Store
Everything you need is within pissing distance... Including the hobo sleeping behind the dumpster.
Lookie here...
Green's got the Booze (it's glorious).
Kroger's got the Hot Pockets.
Ponce's got the Crack.
Liberty's got the Ink.
Local's got the Emos.
Clermont's got the Hags.
Cameli's got the Monster Slice.
And a Dialysis Clinic just in case Blondie's meat cans crushes your kidneys instead of your PBR cans.
Green's motto: "If you're not wasted, the day is." ...Muddafukken words to live by.
I wonder if that bum needs a roommate... Fucker's got the life of a rockstar. What a country.
Mazel Tov!
Squirt.
737 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 872-1109
Lookie here...
Green's got the Booze (it's glorious).
Kroger's got the Hot Pockets.
Ponce's got the Crack.
Liberty's got the Ink.
Local's got the Emos.
Clermont's got the Hags.
Cameli's got the Monster Slice.
And a Dialysis Clinic just in case Blondie's meat cans crushes your kidneys instead of your PBR cans.
Green's motto: "If you're not wasted, the day is." ...Muddafukken words to live by.
I wonder if that bum needs a roommate... Fucker's got the life of a rockstar. What a country.
Mazel Tov!
Squirt.
737 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
(404) 872-1109
Mac McGee's
Well, show me the way
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
For if we don't find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you...
I think I just soiled my underpants.
Look at that whiskey list. Fuck me, I'm in booze heaven. Ardbeg, Laphroaig, Lagavulin, Bunnahabhain... Yeah, yeah, just give me a drink already you stuttering prick.
Love the feel of the joint. Bartenders are super cool dudes... Good beer list (Trois Pistoles was mad good) and awesome booze selection (whiskey/bourbon/scotch from all over). These days, I tend to stick with the hard stuff vs. beer. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Plus, I gotta watch my girlish figure. The menu looked good with a lot of interesting vittles... But the real chef had left early for the night and I sneaked a peek who was in the kitchen. Oh, dear, looks like it's gonna be a crapshoot. Too bad Jerk Chicken is not on the menu.
Lamb Sliders - Special of the night. Two dirty brown balls... Not even worthy to be near my chin, let alone my mouth. Alcohol makes you eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
Beef Pasty - Looked like an Irish Empanada. Too bad it tasted like an Irish Zapato. Dried out and bland cottage pie filling inside a salty doughy crust. Coulda been good but executed poorly. Pour some booze in it and shoot the boot, instead.
Irish Breakfast - Eggs (can't mess this up), baked beans (freshness is a can opener away), bangers (never seen sausage breakup like sawdust before), rashers (two tiny bites of beggin' stwips), black & white pudding (some things are better without color), roasted tomato (2 measly slices). With all these different ingredients on a plate, why does everything taste the same? Baffled.
If they wanted to be authentic, they got their shit spot on... Irish cuisine is everything they said it would be. Terrible. But the booze cruise more than makes up for it... That's the only way to forget what you ate the next day. I hope it was just a fluke.
Stumbled over to the iPig next door and continued my medication from the hands of the famed Fable. Mofo still gets my nips hard every time he breaks out the bacon bourbon.
And I must have whiskey,
oh, you know why
Now, show me the way
To the next little girl...
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
111 Sycamore Street
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 377-8050
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
For if we don't find
The next whiskey bar
I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you
I tell you...
I think I just soiled my underpants.
Look at that whiskey list. Fuck me, I'm in booze heaven. Ardbeg, Laphroaig, Lagavulin, Bunnahabhain... Yeah, yeah, just give me a drink already you stuttering prick.
Love the feel of the joint. Bartenders are super cool dudes... Good beer list (Trois Pistoles was mad good) and awesome booze selection (whiskey/bourbon/scotch from all over). These days, I tend to stick with the hard stuff vs. beer. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Plus, I gotta watch my girlish figure. The menu looked good with a lot of interesting vittles... But the real chef had left early for the night and I sneaked a peek who was in the kitchen. Oh, dear, looks like it's gonna be a crapshoot. Too bad Jerk Chicken is not on the menu.
Lamb Sliders - Special of the night. Two dirty brown balls... Not even worthy to be near my chin, let alone my mouth. Alcohol makes you eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
Beef Pasty - Looked like an Irish Empanada. Too bad it tasted like an Irish Zapato. Dried out and bland cottage pie filling inside a salty doughy crust. Coulda been good but executed poorly. Pour some booze in it and shoot the boot, instead.
Irish Breakfast - Eggs (can't mess this up), baked beans (freshness is a can opener away), bangers (never seen sausage breakup like sawdust before), rashers (two tiny bites of beggin' stwips), black & white pudding (some things are better without color), roasted tomato (2 measly slices). With all these different ingredients on a plate, why does everything taste the same? Baffled.
If they wanted to be authentic, they got their shit spot on... Irish cuisine is everything they said it would be. Terrible. But the booze cruise more than makes up for it... That's the only way to forget what you ate the next day. I hope it was just a fluke.
Stumbled over to the iPig next door and continued my medication from the hands of the famed Fable. Mofo still gets my nips hard every time he breaks out the bacon bourbon.
And I must have whiskey,
oh, you know why
Now, show me the way
To the next little girl...
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
111 Sycamore Street
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 377-8050
Singha Thai
I woke up. Had one shoe on and could barely see out my eyeballs. Rolled my fat arse outta bed and noticed that my hand was in a tubesock. WTF. Couldn't remember a God damn thing. My pants weren't on the ground at least... Eh, it musta been a good night.
Even with a hangover from the bowels of Hell, my pouch demanded to be fed. This bitch is high maintenance. I'm starting to think this marsupial gig is more trouble than the Yelp ink this review is written with.
Shit was OTP, if I hadn't passed out in the driver's seat with the cruise control on, I would have never made it here. Technology is fucking rad, yo.
After slamming down 2 glasses of water, I started pointing at things on the menu like I just got off the short bus. Believe me, it's easier than speech. Where's that Stephen Hawking's voice machine when you need one...
Spring Rolls - I hate these meatless things. Luckily, I was still dwunk. Crunch.
Curry Puffs - Still have no clue what they were. One can safely assume it's one part curry and one part puff. Puff puff give, Smokey.
Fried 1000 Year Old Egg w/ Pork and Basil (secret menu)- Who doesn't like fried preserved black eggs? This shit was G O O D. Fear Factor ain't got nothin' on me.
Pork Jerky (secret menu) - This was as good as jerking my own pork at home. Couldn't stop eating this stuff and the hot sauce cleared out my sinuses. That tubesock would come in handy right about now.
Papaya Salad - As always, never spicy enough for me. But a decent version. The authentic white people seemed to enjoy it.
Pad Thai - This was alright. A little too mushy and wet for me... Did I just say that out loud and I'm complaining about it? I take it back. And take this slop back as well.
Panang w/ Beef - Asked for Triple Thai Hot... Like usual, I got round-eyed, again. Came out weaker than Roger Moore, sent it back for a proper Rogering. Came back as hot as Octopussy. The dish was not bad, just needed a lot more heat.
Mussaman w/ Tofu - Some white chick ordered it. I had a taste of it. But with tofu? Baffled.
Someone else got this beef thing... And I got up to pee. By the time I got back, shit was half eaten. All I can tell you is that it had beef and green beans in it.
It's a solid 3 stars but with the secret menu... I'll bump it up to 3.5 stars. Nice service, skip the sooshe.
Burp.
5554 Chamblee Dunwoody Rd
Dunwoody, GA 30338
(770) 390-8619
Even with a hangover from the bowels of Hell, my pouch demanded to be fed. This bitch is high maintenance. I'm starting to think this marsupial gig is more trouble than the Yelp ink this review is written with.
Shit was OTP, if I hadn't passed out in the driver's seat with the cruise control on, I would have never made it here. Technology is fucking rad, yo.
After slamming down 2 glasses of water, I started pointing at things on the menu like I just got off the short bus. Believe me, it's easier than speech. Where's that Stephen Hawking's voice machine when you need one...
Spring Rolls - I hate these meatless things. Luckily, I was still dwunk. Crunch.
Curry Puffs - Still have no clue what they were. One can safely assume it's one part curry and one part puff. Puff puff give, Smokey.
Fried 1000 Year Old Egg w/ Pork and Basil (secret menu)- Who doesn't like fried preserved black eggs? This shit was G O O D. Fear Factor ain't got nothin' on me.
Pork Jerky (secret menu) - This was as good as jerking my own pork at home. Couldn't stop eating this stuff and the hot sauce cleared out my sinuses. That tubesock would come in handy right about now.
Papaya Salad - As always, never spicy enough for me. But a decent version. The authentic white people seemed to enjoy it.
Pad Thai - This was alright. A little too mushy and wet for me... Did I just say that out loud and I'm complaining about it? I take it back. And take this slop back as well.
Panang w/ Beef - Asked for Triple Thai Hot... Like usual, I got round-eyed, again. Came out weaker than Roger Moore, sent it back for a proper Rogering. Came back as hot as Octopussy. The dish was not bad, just needed a lot more heat.
Mussaman w/ Tofu - Some white chick ordered it. I had a taste of it. But with tofu? Baffled.
Someone else got this beef thing... And I got up to pee. By the time I got back, shit was half eaten. All I can tell you is that it had beef and green beans in it.
It's a solid 3 stars but with the secret menu... I'll bump it up to 3.5 stars. Nice service, skip the sooshe.
Burp.
5554 Chamblee Dunwoody Rd
Dunwoody, GA 30338
(770) 390-8619
Umaido
Seriously, unless your name is Henry Hill or you lost a bet... No one consciously decides to live out here. The fuck. I would get lost going to the out house. I rather get violated by the Po Po at the Eagle... Hey, just don't forget the satchel.
If I'm gonna have to drive all the way to bumblefuck, I better be getting more than egg noodles and ketchup. Walked in, shit looked pho real. They even had fresh whole garlic and a press. I was getting excited like some redneck was noodling in my pants.
Yaki Gyoza - These dumps looked cute on the plate but they belong more at the bottom of a toilet bowl. The meat filling was bland as sawdust and shit was cold.
Tonkotsu Ramen - Ramen was good and the broth was decent in flavor and complexity but it got salty towards the end. Not a bad bowl of noods with all the other goodies (egg, chasyu, green onions, tree ear, bean sprouts).
SPICY Tonkotsu Ramen - Level 3. Are you kidding me? It's a shame the server was hotter than my bowl of noods. Just because it looks red doesn't mean it's spicy... It was weaker than Roger Ebert's jaw. Just FYI- don't cap the word "SPICY" if it ain't... I don't go around advertising myself as "HOT MARSUPIAL".
I do like the "EVENT" (there you go again with the caps) though... "Finish 4 bowls of ramen within 20 minutes= Freeif fail to finish = $20 (must empty all the bowls)" ...I'll empty the bowls, just don't make me clean them. And I don't mean the bowls at the table.
I like this place but it wasn't good enough for me to drive to lower Chattanooga just for the ramen (need to try the rice dishes-chasyu, mentaiko, yaki onigiri next time)... But there's a Super H Mart next door and they have a Toreore Korean Fried Chicken which made up for the excessive distance traveled. I got some pork belly and skate wings as well for good measure.
Someone point me to the closest bowl with a lockable door. Thanks.
3.5 Stars.
Burp.
2790 Lawrenceville Suwanee Rd.
Suwanee, GA 30024
(678) 318-8568
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