Sunday, March 4, 2012

Pricci

I haven't been back here in like 8 years or more. It wasn't that memorable. The only thing that I remembered, it was like Italian cuisine and it had this frou-frou atmosphere to it. It was fancy back then... Oh, how it has changed. Except for the really dated uniforms of white coats and black pants. I could only wonder what Gordon Ramsay would say about that. Wait, prolly the same shit I'm thinking... That fugly piece of shit 80's attire is revolting and needs to be burned.

It still looks like a nice place from the outside ( the calm before the storm) but once you walk in, it is total fucking mayhem. Did I just walk into Olive Garden or Taco Mac at lunch time? People running all over the place like chickenheads with their bodies cut off, it's visually unorganized, it's a chaotic frenzy. If this is the theme they're going for (the stereotypical NYC energetic Eyetalian resto), well, that scene was so 15 years ago. I mean, it's turned into a family restaurant, kids with sneakers on and digging for gold with their fingers 5 inch deep in their schnozes. What happened to this place? To Buckhead Life Resto Group?

So, why am I here? To try the newly launched monthly menu featuring different regions of Italy, ie: Torino for February and Sardegna for March. The menu looked interesting enough, why not give it a go and see if I have been missing out on something after all these years. C'mon, surprise me, tickle my sack...

(Freebie Filler)

It's pretty much your standard mixed breads and marinara with ricotta dippy thinger but others will describe it as either goat cheese or mozzarella. But what do I know, all I know it's white and creamy... And the broads in this joint were swallowing this shit down by the quart load. I had one bite and it threaten my manhood. I looked over and the cougars at the next table lapped it up like they haven't gotten any action in years. That's when I pushed it off to the side. A man don't need another man's filler. Next...


(Ossi Sardi - Roasted Bone Marrow, Pecorino Sardo Grainee, "Pane Frattan", Celery Salad)

The bone marrow was one of the better dishes of the night but it coulda used more color... Another minute under the salamander woulda made all the difference in the world. But not a bad dish, except for the Pane Frattau aka Sardinian flatbread which was a real snoozer. It was cold and bland, a reminder of store bought pita or flour tortilla. Lifeless. A little time in the same said salamander with the marrow woulda... Well, you know the rest. Oh, there was some green stuff on the end, too.


(Salsiccia Sarda - Homemade Fresh Lamb & Beef Sausage, Lentils Stew)

Not as revolting looking as No. 246's coiled sausage rope that doubles as a Halloween dog poop gag but not mind blowingly tasteful either. It was acceptable. Some will be turned off by the gamey-ness of it but I didn't mind it, kinda expected it... A little seasoning was all it needed to bring out the flavors of the mincemeat tube. Lentils are for senior citizens named Stew.


(Risotto Alla Catalina - Maine Lobster, Sweet Peppers, Onions and Saffron Catalan Style with Smoked Scamorra)

You gotta love the hand written cross out of the "(additional $5)" to $7 on the menu... The old bait and switch-a-roo. But whatever, if they're that hard up for a measly $2, fine, I'll pay it. Just make sure this dish will make me blow my load, along with my valet scratch. The half lobster presentation was nice and the risotto was ok. The dish just looked incomplete. I didn't taste the "Smoked Scamorra" aka Smoked Scamorza, thank God because I'm not a big fan with cheese of any sort in a shellfish dish (mebbe except a proper lobster mac). It all sounded great on paper but the execution was sloppy as a fat girl on a road bike. This was the only other dish that was the standout of the night, believe it or not. Wowza.


(Agnello Della Barbaggia - Braised Leg of Lamb, Cannonau Wine, Wild Mushrooms with Fregola Sarda)

When you see "Leg of Lamb", you expect a lump of fork tender meat with a bone sticking out of it... All I got was Alpo grade chunks of horse meat. Don't get me wrong, horse meat is super popular in certain regions of Italy... And Sardinia is one of them. Could it be? Naaaah, holy Fregola, Pope Benedict XVI!!! Seriously, yo... The more I look at this bowl and my dog's bowl, I can't seem to tell the difference. I'm just playin', this dish was boring but not that bad... My dog eats only Science Diet Lamb and Rice. Fuck me, this was basically lamb and rice. I'm switching to Science Diet.


(Liquore Alle Mandorle Di Bosa)

To continue with the jizzy theme... We have some almond milk to finish me off for the night. A happy ending tis was not with the approaching desserts...


(Coppa Della Maddalena - Amaretto Cookies, Almond Gelato, Vernaccia Roasted Ferrelli Pears, Sospiri)

Como? What is that? Those things hanging off the tin cup looked like the byproducts of a vage rejuvenation op. Just sayin'...


(Crostata Di Ostuni - Fresh Ricotta, Candied Lemon Tarte, 1000 Flowers Honey Gelato, Pine Nuts Brittle)

"X" marks the spot, alright... Bombs away Fat Albert. Splash. Could this be any drier, it was like eating the shavings off the floor of a woodworking shop. I like the yellow skid mark. It's very telling.

It is no wonder why I haven't been back in years. It's just forgettable in every sense of the word. I try to support local restos as much as I can but this isn't one of them... But people seem to enjoy it very much and they were packed. Just like the Olive Garden but without the unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks. The 22 year old escort at the next table with the pair of giant mams and Dorothy's red ruby slippers with 5 inch heels seemed to enjoy it very much with her 68 year old benefactor, she did ask for seconds on the bread basket and jizzy marinara and received it. And that's all the PR this joint needs. Word of whore, err, ass to mouth, err, whatever the saying, goes a long way... You know what I mean.

1 Star.

500 Pharr Road
Atlanta, GA 30305
404.237.2941
http://www.buckheadrestaurants.com/pricci/

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