Smashburger

Here we go again... Atlanta needs another friggin burger chain like I need another pouch. But this one is special, they decided to open in the same exact location of another terrible burger chain that lasted longer than it should had. What genius thought of this? The air must be real thin in Colorado... Just like the patties. The former Fatburger was absolutely wretched across the board. I remember racing home just to evacuate what I just ingested. I was hesitant to even step foot in here but I needed to satisfy my curiosity. Let's hope this place is not a repeat to the throne.

Total gut job on this place was imperative after the years of filth, grease, sweat, urine, activator and cum that have accumulated in every Fatass nook and cranny. Just imagine how much crud is stuck between the fat rolls of a fat chick... That's how filthy I remember Fatburger and that hog in college (I was roofied, I swear). I was impressed by how clean the place came out, well, it is brand new after all. Ok, enough of the chitchat, let's get to the grub...

(Classic Smashburger w/ Smashfries)

Everyone knows how they cook their meat up in this piece. Smash, smash and more smash (Gastro wants smoosh smoosh)... Which squeezes out all the juices and moisture of the patty. But wait, they lather it up with melted butter. Oh, joy. Let's get rid of the natural fatty juices and replace it with butter. Their thinking was to get the patty semi crispy on the edges but consistency is kaput only a couple weeks in. My patty had no color and limp as Stephen Hawking's lower lip. It really had no flavor or seasoning either. The bun was unbuttered and untoasted. The single serving slice of cheese was barely melted. But it looked pretty in a fake plastic food kinda way. Oh, the veggie toppings were spot on! A very plain Jane burger. But if you cover it with a ton of other shit on top, it might taste better.

The brown bag thin fries were scantily covered with this supposedly rosemary, olive oil and garlic mixture. This was pretty much a fail. The fries seemed like they have been sitting around for hours and that mixture basically acted as a cover up which made it even limper. Snooze.

(Atlanta Dog with Wicked Pimena cheese, grilled jalapeños and Vidalia coleslaw.)

Right off the bat, I noticed how wet this dog was. It was dripping this white funk off the tip of the split wiener from the sweaty slaw. The poppy seed bun was lightly toasted on top but that didn't do shit for the bottom where all the funk had soaked through and basically turned it into mushy dough. The dog itself wasn't bad but it really didn't need the bland wet slaw on top ruining the whole thing. The Pimena cheese was non-existent, mebbe it washed away from the liquid funk.

The staff seemed like they really wanted to do good and provide you with good service but I noticed a table that ordered way before I did didn't get their food til after 3 other tables had ordered, eaten and left. WTF happened to their order is beyond me, they kept coming out to apologize. If that was my order, I woulda went back inside for a refund and hightailed it outta there. But anyway, this place is just another burger in a sea of buns and cow patties that will eventually get lost within time. It seems like the Fatburger curse is alive and well.

1 Star.

2625 Piedmont Rd
Atlanta, GA
404-237-2374
http://www.smashburger.com/