Nam Phuong

We all know that the best thing for a massive hangover is a big bowl of the all curing pho... And it looks like the roundeyes are starting to come out of their shell and self-medicating themselves with some ancient Asian secwets as well. After a night of self loathing binge drinking of anything that resembles brown party liquor, I usually require a few doses of my morning after pill... And that pharmacy is called Nam Phuong. The weekends are the worst time to come here because it's a fucking madhouse... Literally. Every fucking nutjob and cuckoo is present and accounted for here... And the lady running the joint could be a shoe in for nurse Ratched, commanding this institution with an iron fist and battleaxe. But I don't care... I'm fat, drunk and stupid... And I make terrible debilitating life choices... But this is not one of them. I have always been a cheerleader for this joint because they fucking slay it every time I come here... What nailed it for me was their fish sauce glazed wings that I had almost a decade ago, one of the sickest dishes I have tasted coming out of any kitchen. Their family menus are one of the best values around and no one knows about it. But this has become my go to hangover spot recently... It used to be Lee's but they have dumbdown their pho so much over the last few years, it's disappointing and dishonorable to their family that they really should commit seppuku, but their bread is still pretty kickass (buy a shitload for $1 after 4pm!).
Enough chitchat... Time to abort this hangover today... And then do it all over again tonight.

Rice Cakes. These little nuggets are some of the best nibbles on the menu... So many people just bypass these and they are missing out. These were the best execution I have ever had here on this visit. The crispy crust on the outside, tender rice cake inside and the scrambled egg tying this mess all together absorbs the boozy devil outta ya.

Pho, meatballs, tendon, tripe. A big bowl of cow offal is udderly awesome for any type of substance abuse the night before. The soothing silky beef bone broth will get you down from that high. There is nothing like filling my fat body with a gallon of this holy water to wash away the pain that is my measly meager and trivial existence. The tripe and tendon help replace my empty soul and the meatballs to fill my wrinkled satchel to make me feel a man again.

Bun Bo Hue. If you can't exorcise the demon within with the two previous antidotes then their spicy bun bo hue will burn that mofo to the bowels of hell... Ok, it's not that spicy, it's like a 5 out of 10. But it's filled to the brim with stuff only a cannibal could love... And the pouch. Pig blood cubes, shanks, oxtails, pig knuckles, pig nads, brains, ears, fingers, toes and taints... It's like the Vietnamese Prego, it's motherfucking in there, yo. A couple of years ago, I was on a mission for the best bun bo hue in this one horse town, I went all around and only found a handful of Viet joints that did this bowl and only two joints were acceptable in the end... This joint and another that was not on Bufo Hwy. It's not the best BBH I have ever tasted but for the convenience and price this will do to cure that hangover and clean out your bowels. 

My frivolous life is just one neverending vicious cycle... Drunk, sober, drunk, squirt, sober, drunk, flush, sober, drunk, burp. That's what happens when you make a deal with Louis Cypher at the bottom of the bottle. But luckily, Nam Phuong is my angel heart. I'm ready for more whiskey... Gulp, burp, repeat... And then cry myself to sleep again.

 4051 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30345

BoruBoru Sushi Burrito+Bowl

Sweet baby Jesus, their name is longer than their menu... Oh, this is gonna be a treat and a feast for my one reader's eyeballs. This whole poke fad is making me mad... When did people start to give two shits about poke in this one horse town? Tuna tartare is like the most adventurous thing on most menus that the roundeyes will eat. But have no fear, if there's a current fad or trend going on in the nation, the good old ATL will sprout up some joints that will cater to those tastes... Whether they have a developed palate or not, doesn't really matter when it comes to this kinda gimmicky grub. Ok, Emory Point in reality only has one real resto, which is General Muir, everything else in there is basically common gruel... But more than half of the places there are really there to cater towards the Emory children and their daddy's unlimited bank account.
Let's see what else is there to eat here... Papi's just opened and they are actually ok at their other locations, Marlow's, Tin Lizzy are both kinda trailer park-ish, Paradise Biryani was filthy inside and the food tasted like it, Chow Mei Mei is slutty as expected which is good in some ways, Fresh to Order snooze, Which Wich whatever, Burgerfi just quietly went belly up, remember La Tagliatelle and Marcello's that took over the space? Neither does anyone else. And then there's the newish Aladdin's which I may be tempted to try just because Halal Guys sucked so much ass but they were as dead as the person who did the Genie's voice inside (I didn't want to say Robin Williams and butthurt my newest reader's fweelings, oh shit, too late, sucka! but keep clicking, though). And last but not least... This gimmicky sushi burrito and poke bowl joint with the giant logo wall out front so you can take selfies as if you were somebody impotent... Wait, that's important.. Same difference.
So, you order at the counter and you can make almost everything on the menu into a burrito or a crap in a bowl... Ok, sounds simple enough. I gotta admit, they were pushing the envelope a little bit up in this piece with the salmon skin, BBQ eel and soft shell crab... C'mon, that's fucking ballsy for the college children eating in here. Yes, the entire place was all student children and a lot of them called in their order for pick up because they need to hide and study to become somebody one day and take a selfie in front of their wall of fame. Enough talking, more eating... Let's sample a few morsels.

Sake juice box... C'mon, what's not to like about this? And at $5 a box, yes pweez. It might take you like 6 sake boxes to do the trick but you will have fun doing it.

Salmon Poke Bowl Shoyu Style, cucumber, avocado, pickled red onion, crispy fried onion, pickled jalapeno, scallion, (poke dressing, sesame oil). Jesus fuck dude, look at this giant crap in a bowl... So, you can choose between salmon or tuna, or octopus for $1 up charge. I asked if they could do a mix of salmon and tuna for a little variety... Counter dude says I think so but let me check, comes back and says naw, they can't do it because it's all portioned out... What? Come again? It's portioned out? Dude, they're using a fucking scooper... Is it that difficult to do a half scoop of each? Neverthefuckmind, broseph, it's too complicated for Emory students to calculate 50/50 back there. Just give me the salmon since I had some rank ass tuna recently at Taco Cowboy... But that's another post (wink wink). Let's get back to the salmon poke bowl... Wait, where's the fucking salmon? Oh, it's buried under all that shit... I could find Jimmy Hoffa easier than the fish in this bowl. Once you have it all mixed up like flushing a toilet, it was somewhat edible... I don't know how people can find this appetizing... But what the fuck do I know about college dining these days. I love the heavy duty recycled bowls they use but every piece of sushi rice just sticks to it like how we used to use left over rice to seal envelopes... There's only a handful of people who knows what the fuck I'm talking about there. But this is what a poke bowl has become, a gentrified crap in a bowl. Ok, it wasn't total garbage but mediocre at best... I would not get this again, ever.

Soft Shell Crab, shredded cabbage, asparagus, pickled jalapeno (jalapeno dressing, garlic dressing). I love it that they have soft shell crab on the menu... Look at it, it's really real fried soft shell crab. That was good but the rest of the bowl was kinda of a snoozer. It's basically all cheap filler in there. There's really nothing else more to it than that. But some people enjoy this kinda stuff... I say have it your way suckaz!  

BoruBoru Chicken Burrito, shredded cabbage, asparagus, roasted mushroom, fried onion, (spicy miso, jalapeno dressing). Oh boy, look at this gem... Sooshee burreetoes will be the portable meal of the future... Look out Hot Pockets! C'mon, can you really call this a burrito? It's a giant sushi roll for crying out loud. It's gimmicky as fuck but I had to do it at least once in measly lonely fat body life... And it was terrifying even for the pouch who has eaten it all. The sheet of nori holding this beast together is not exactly bite friendly... It's like tearing foil with your teeth. I get it, it's cool to use nori as the wrapper for the sushi burrito, it makes sense in bizarro world... But what doesn't make sense is the eatability factor on this world. When you bite into it, it just smooshes down and squeeze all the filler out into your mouth or down your chin, the nori itself doesn't break unless you're Jaws from Moonraker. Hell, it kinda reminds me of one of those cheap ice pops in the plastic sleeve. The secret to eating this sushi burrito is to let it sit for awhile until the nori absorbs all the moisture and then it tears apart like wet loose leaf paper. The chicken tasted pretty good, it had good flavor to it. Everything else in it was just kinda there for bulk. This is like carnival food, you get it because you're there and in the moment... But no one is seeking this out purely because they crave it.    

The concept is cute and gimmicky, it brings in the students and the curious but after the shtick has worn off, I hope they have another gimmick up their sleeve to turn this space into... My feeling is yes, there will be another fad they can capitalize on in the future, there always is. The staff was nice and helpful... I hope it works out for them. But once is more than enough for this sad sack of pannus.

Emory Point, 1568 Avenue Pl #160
Atlanta, GA 30322
http://boruboru.com/

Petit Chou

I first noticed this little shack when I rode by to Brother Moto's grand opening party (their new space fucking rocks, makes me wanna whip my cock out for them in excitement but they might not see it)... Then I remember reading a little snippet about this joint in some local rag. A little Fronch bistro in this area? Who the hell is gonna come here for frog vittles... Then I remembered that's what they said about Home Grown years ago and look at them now. Shit, this area has been such a shithole for so long that it's finally getting the makeover it deserves recently with renovations and new builds all around this area. This little bistro gives the area a breath of fresh air and it will be the start of something bigger. I have no clue how the grub will be but I assume it will be a decent coffee breakfast lunch spot that will focus on the locals and sourcing locally. It's a small place with a large wrap around bar in the center with tables along the perimeter... I like it, it looks cozy and neighborly like. Let's take a first look on some classics... I hope it doesn't disappoint, please don't suck ass, baby Jesus, please...

Petit Dejeuner Ville du Chou/ Cabbagetown Breakfast Bowl, grits, Tillamook Farms sharp cheddar, bacon (chicken sausage, ham or veggie sausage), poached egg, argula, tomato concasse. That is some fucking long ass description for a simple bowl of grits with crap on top. It kinda reminds of Tupelo Honey's breakfast bowls... Hmmm, but don't tell them that... Shhhh, hush little fat pouch don't you cry, Petit Chou's gonna feed you now. It's a decent size portion for breakfast, if you're one them peoples who eat breakfast... I think breakfast is for wimps. So, I eat my breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon like a real man (or pretend to be). I was more curious about this bowl than I was hungry for it... Yes, I do stupid things like order food that I don't really want but I'm all about FOMO... You know, the fear of missing out... It's ok the pouch was prepared for at least 5 dishes for lunch today. The bacon was cooked spot on, like perfect color, crunch, fat content and grease factor... This bacon should be on a fucking commercial. The tomato concasse was peeled and seeded nicely but what stood out was that they had a little kick to them as if they added a little vinegar in there. The arugula was more for color and the bitter flavor to offset the heavy flavors in the bowl which wasn't really necessary but I get it that they needed color and filler in the bowl. The grits coulda been a bit more creamier but it worked with the cheddar lightly melted on top. The poached egg was not as runny as it shoulda been to coat all the goodies in the bowl. Overall, it's a decent breakfast bowl but there is a lot of room for improvement on this... Like adding some light gravy to it to give it that extra homey comfy factor to it.

Croque Madame, grilled ham & cheese melt, dijon, gruyere, poached egg. This is prolly the main reason I came here... I just can't say no to a croque. They had both the monsieur and madame... And since I'm an egg slut (oh, I wished there was an Eggslut here), I had to go with the one with egg. This was unlike most classic croque madames... It was stuffed with so much ham. The gruyere melted on top is a common thing now. You usually don't see it with a poached egg on top, mostly a fried egg to give it that slight grease factor and the little crunch on edges of the fried egg. If the poached egg was runnier, it woulda worked for me... I like runny yolks on top of the croque madame. It was kinda silly taking a bite of the sando and then a bite of the egg separately, when it should be all in the same bite. But as a whole, all the classic flavors were there... They may want to make a couple of minor adjustments to make this a craveworthy croque. I still liked it... But I would try the monsieur first before getting this again.

Biscuits & Gravy, housemade southern swiss dairy buttermilk biscuits, chicken sausage gravy, poached egg. This afternoon breakfast was beginning to look more and more like lunch and dinner combined for the pouch... But who can resist an order of biscuits & gravy on the side? It was either this or the morning biscuit... I know it's not exactly a fronch bistro type of grub but I had to have one or the other since they are the litmus test of a good southern breakfast joint. I know what y'all are thinking... Are you really gonna eat that too you fat fuck? Fuck yeah I am... I never leave a bowl unturned or behind. Ok, it's no comfy chicken but it's got what it takes to make the pouch smile... The poached egg was there again, even though it wasn't runny once again to layer the yolk all over everything, but what it lacked in yolkiness it had flavor, real tasty flavor from the chicken sausage gravy that drenched every bite. The biscuit had texutre and held together well unlike so many other biscuits that falls apart when you breathed on it. It was so tasty I even licked the bowl like a dog in front of everyone... With this crowd, there wasn't even a blink of an eye on what I did. Fuck yeah, I like this place already after only a couple bites of the menu.

It seems like every dish on the menu had a poached egg in it... They must really love poaching eggs... Or was Louis Cyphre cooking in the back? He loves eggs just as much as the pouch does. Even though, the poached egg was more on the solid yolk side, I was still ok with them putting them in almost every dish... At least there's a theme here. Overall, I like what I'm seeing and tasting here so far. A few tweaks here and there on the simple menu and I think it will be a hit with the locals. When this fucking rain stops in forty days and forty nights, their outside patio will be a nice little spot to enjoy your grub. They are only serving breakfast and lunch for now and will eventually do dinner when they're good and ready to... Can't wait to see what's on the dinner menu and booze list. 

662 Memorial Dr SE
Atlanta, GA 30312
http://petitchouatl.com/

Food Terminal

I know my one reader has been waiting ages and ages for this post...
The famous line, "If you build it they will come", did not get lost in translation up in this piece, not one goddamn bit, with the Sweet Hut crew and their newest hippest trending food hall spot... The Food Terminal. They know Engrish very well and this joint is evidence of it... Every motherfucker has been fudge packing this spot since it opened... You can't even get through the front door without someone bumping and grinding your ass cheeks with their junk. The excitement over this new spot just increased the Asian population by another 5 million... Who needs the little blue pill when you have FT. There's a lot of pumping and squirting up in this piece. Jesus, these slopes hit pay dirt with this concept... Why didn't I fucking invest? But there's always FT2 in the future...
The location can't be any better, the visibility from Bufo Hwy is right in your face. The space inside has an industrial look and feel... It's cavernous and spacious. The open kitchen out front is for show and there's also another kitchen in the back to handle the massive volume this place has been doing since day one. They ain't fucking around here... It's a goddamn slaughterhouse in here. They get you through the front door as quick as they can, sit your fat ass down and you consume and consume until you're bloated like a puffer fish.
 The menu book is ridiculous, it's like a Restoration Hardware catalog with a lot of pretty pictures and the prices are psychologically planned in advance and strategically sized and placed to look cheaper than it is... Like dim sum with those carts that you vaguely have an idea of how much it will cost you in the end. Having you order a ton of dishes is their goal and the shit adds up fast and furious... But giving you time to realize that you did gone done fucked your wallet up is not in their plans because the food comes out just as fast and furious to distract you and refocus your attention to eating the tasty morsels that just arrived at your table... And I fucking fell for it all like a portly sucka... Hook, line and sinker.
The hype is real, unlike the Halal Guys... Anyone noticed how the lines at that joint has died down considerably after only a few weeks. Don't waste your time and money on that has been... Waste it here, instead, on the new and shiny toy that just opened. Will the lines and long wait time continue to dominate your existence or will it all be worth the wait... Let's go check out the hype on this new Malaysian street food joint and see if the pouch will swipe left or right on the grub if it's hot or not... I didn't want to use "authentic" because that word doesn't apply anywhere anymore. It has all been millennialized... Speaking of which, there are a fuck ton of them in here. Just fucking feed me already, Seymore...

Unagi Bao. I love unagi... But inside a bao may not be the best delivery vehicle for it to your facehole. It gets real messy to eat it and you kinda get distracted from the overall experience and taste trying to best maneuver it into your mouth.

Bulgogi Bao. And I thought the unagi bao was messy to eat.. This bulgogi bao was falling out everywhere. You will end up eating it with a spoon like a bowl of Lucky Chans. It wasn't very bulgogi tasting, more like a smashed up burger patty. Skip the baos, just spend the money on the real dishes.

5 Spice Pork Belly. Now, here's something I can get aboard on... The pork belly smelled and tasted flavorful with the 5 spice rub. The soy braised tofu gave it the saltiness this rice dish needed. The egg was supposed to be soy braised too but it wasn't. The pickled mustard was not pickled enough to stand out from the other flavors in this bowl. It's a decent bowl but it wasn't as craveworthy as I had hoped for.

XO Sauce Cheong Fun. One of my all time favorite "dim sum" dish... And top it off with XO sauce? Get the fuck outta here, bro... Too bad the rice noodle was over steamed and came out soggy and a bit gummy. The overall flavor was pretty good but the noodle has got to be right with the perfect texture and bounce.

Shiitake Ground Pork Cheong Fun. Luckily, for them, all that sauce and toppings masked the soggy and gummy rice noodle. If the cheong fun was executed properly this woulda been a killer dish.

Szechuan Steam Wonton. The wontons were average and the chili sauce was weak as shit... Not spicy at all, just oily wontons. You will have to dress it up yourself with the other hot chili sauces they have if you truly want this to be a "Szechuan" dish.

Crispy Pig Ears. So far, this dish was the leader... The pig ears were ultra crispy and seasoned well, the weird sweet n sour sauce tasted a bit funky but after awhile it gets kinda addictive... Like you keep dipping the ears into it to see if that sauce was for real or just a imaginary.

Roti Canai, Curry Chicken. The roti was good, but not as good as the one at Penang. The curry chicken was pretty decent... But the roti keeps you busy with tearing it up and dipping it in the curry sauce and somehow that keeps me satisfied.

Thai Chili Eggplant. This was a good dish, simple and safe.. The "Thai chili" wasn't spicy, it was more like a flavor enhancer... Kinda like a red MSG.

Hainanese Chicken. The one dish that needs to be done right in order to be called a Hainanese cheekan... They were half way there with this dish. The chicken was tender and juicy but it didn't capture that genuine taste of a proper Hainanese cheekan. Close but still a work in progress.

Chicken Rice. There's not fucking way they can do this rice properly... There's just too much volume up in this piece... There's gotta be a compromise and short cuts... And you can taste it in this rice. Most people don't know but the main component of the Hainanese chicken is the rice like in sushi... It ain't about the fish, it's all about the rice. The rice here is fine but the chicken broth used did not have that true cheekan essence. You'll know when you eat it... It will make your legs buckle and pee your underpants.

Garlic Bone Marrow Noodle Soup with Pork. Sounded really good on paper... Bone Marrow? C'mon, dude, that sounds awesome. Then this little boner came out. The broth lacked collagen but it was flavorful... I don't expect them to make a proper bone marrow broth, it's way too time consuming and the amount of people and volume going through here every day is just insane to think this will be made properly. But it was not a bad bowl of bone noodle soup. I will wait awhile before I get this again... Maybe with time they will get this worked out properly. I think they will.

On another visit, I sat at the counter to observe their work in progress. The show kitchen was humming along efficiently but you can see the servers are overwhelmed at times and forget orders and drinks and everything else they just did a minute ago. But let's sample some more stuff to get a feel of the joint and see if this trendy concept will last.

 The show kitchen performing their act. Pretty efficient, even though the servers are not.

Nuomiji (sticky rice chicken). It was cold as shit but for what it was, I kinda liked it... Wait for it to come back to room temp and it will taste a lot better. You gotta rest this sticky rice like a good piece of steak just off the grill. Yeah, I know what y'all are saying... WTF, pouch? Trust me...

Curry Fish Ball Cheong Fun. I gave the cheong fun another try and yep, it was still over steamed and soggy. The fishball is the supermarket varietal... Not bad but the curry sauce coulda been a bit spicier. I think I had it with the cheong fun here, stick with the real dim sum joints for dim sum grub.

Pan Mee. It's a bowl of crap that needs to be mixed up properly to release the full effect of the flavors within... I like the noodles but once everything was mixed in, it kinda tasted indifferent and dry. Added some sambal belacan into in and gave it that kick it needed. You have to let the flavors sit a bit to marry it.  The pork and shiitake mix is the flavor punch in this bowl. I liked this noodle bowl enough to order it again.

Sambal Belacan. It was more just a sambal oelek vs. belacan style because it lacked the shrimp paste, citrus acidity and balance of salt and sugar. But it was fine for what it was for the pan mee noodle dish.

Grandma Wonton BBQ Pork. I don't know where this dish came from but it's obviously something they created... Because no slant would ever deep fry a wonton like that. Not that it was bad but it's kinda a gwailo thing to do. It gave it that crunch factor to a pretty average bowl of noodles. It ain't bad but I wouldn't order it again.. That's why I hesitated to order this on the first visit. It needed something else to complete it... Perhaps a sauce.

Sea Salt Beef Tongue. These little cubes of offal were great. It had the wonderful tongue texture but they weren't chewy. They had a great bite to them and were seasoned and grilled just right. Good stuff.

Teriyaki Chicken Wings. I like that it comes with 2 wings per skewer and an order is 2 skewers. Teriyaki is usually so sweet and gringorized but they don't drown those fuckers in the sugary sauce, just a few squirts on top with some sesame seeds. They were hot and tender right off the grill, pretty tasty wings.

Mango and Coconut Sticky Rice. The mango had nice color but they were not rip enough so it was bit crunchy and bitter. The sticky rice was pretty good when you pour the sweetened coconut milk on it. I can only imagine how much sticky rice they go through in just one day.

HK Style Milk Tea. They usually make it pretty well at Sweet Hut but the version here was just ok, it was way too sweet and tasted almost artificial. I still think Quickly has the better version and their cheekan nuggets are still fucking insane.

They got a huge staff to run this place... It's going through some growing pains with the front of the house staff but I tell ya what, the kitchen is slaying the fuck out of this ginormous menu in execution and timing... Only Asians would take on a giant menu like this on the first day and run with it. The kitchen is pumping out the food like a machine but the servers are still overwhelmed most of the time and they seem to lack leadership. I saw a few of them doing the Asian squat behind the counter and a gaggle of them huddling around a menu stand gossiping. The servers are basically all kids, so what do you expect from them? They may be FOBs but they're still millennials and we all know how hard they will work for that trophy at the end of the day. The kitchen is doing a good job with the volume but dishes are coming out inconsistent which is understandable so early into the game. Once they work out the inconsistency, they will absolutely slay it even more and will have a lasting business model... It ain't the best street food but shit, I'll take it for what it's worth... Plus, you don't have to drive to upstate GA, they're ITP, so that gives them extra brownie points. 

#B201, 5000 Buford Hwy NE
Chamblee, GA 30341
https://www.foodterminal.com/

Taco Cowboy

The whole Tom and Leigh Catherall divorce was the kind of drama that you could make a show of it on Bravo, what was even a bigger drama was how abruptly the entire Here to Serve group of restos went dark one day under Leigh Catherall's ownership and left hundreds of people out of work...Which was a real shitty thing to do. She ran the entire empire into the ground... But some may say it's because of the lawsuit regarding the transfer of leases... Yeah, bullshit. No mall owner wants to close down long running tenants with proven revenue streams. There's things that happened behind the scenes that we will never be privy to and that's ok because I thought most of those restos sucked ass anyways... They were always catered towards women and the urban crowd... And we all know anyone who comes here for the food must have amazing palates. I felt bad for the employees but for all the discerning pouches of da ATL, it was a bitter sweet victory.
So, what to do with all the spaces that was left emptied... Hell, let's start up tomtom again by the one and only Tom Catherall himself to rub the shit in you know who's face when they're down... I fucking love it. But of course, no public bitter divorce ever ends nicely and he was forced to changed the name to Taco Cowboy... Yeah, I know what y'all are thinking because I'm thinking the same thing... Well, maybe not the exact same thing with my dirty mind. It's an awful name but is the menu as well?
Let's do a quick peek on this joint and see if it has the cojones to stick around and recapture the magic he once had in this town.  

Nashville/hot fried chicken, lettuce, pickles, ranch, white bread. What da fuk... If you have to hide the main ingredient, there's something wrong already... I shoveled off the low rent iceburg and it was a tiny piece of cheekan finga... It was the size of a frozen fish stick. And it had NOTHING on it... I had to ask for hot sauce, they didn't even have a hot sauce for this N'ville hot cheekan, they gave me Cholula... I'm like Jesus fuck, dude, are you kidding me? The kitchen whipped up some dark looking oil concoction that looked straight from the trap and it was all oil and no heat whatsoever. It was bland and even the kitchen agreed. This was such a joke... Basically, $5 for a children's portion of an unseasoned cheekan finga... What an insult.

Hawaiian Tuna Poke, mango, cucumber. Looked like they put some thought and effort into it... That was until you examined it closer. The tuna looked and tasted old, the color wasn't from any seasoning or dressing. If you ever had tuna sit in a fridge long enough it transforms into a gummy bear like appearance and texture. The rice underneath was supposed to be sushi rice but if you inspect it closely, it was instant rice... Yeah, like Uncle Ben's shit. You can always tell instant rice by their puffiness like a rice crispy. And that smear of sauce made the plate look like 8 plies of TP. The entire composition just tasted like old leftovers and borderline on going bad. If the ingredients were prepared fresh, it woulda been a totally different story. But I didn't expect them to make a proper poke anyways.

Korean Beef Taco, kimchi, cilantro, pickles. Oh, lookie here, a flour tortilla.. Why am I not surprised? Not like they specialize in tacos or anything. This corean beef was tough and chewy and that kimchi/pickles should be called toe-cheez, not a hint of fermentation at all. Squirting a little fake gochujang on top make not a Korean taco. $5 for this disappointment... Just add it to the other disappointments in my life... Like career choice, body image...

Grilled Octopus, cannellini beans. This looked great on the cute starfish dish... But we know gimmicks can't hide the taste of the food. While it looked pretty decent, the octopus itself was a bit dried out and chewy. It was also bland as fuck, totally unseasoned. It's not terrible but for the price you pay, you expect them to put a little effort into it... Like seasoning it.

Fried Springer Mountain Farms Chicken, chipotle mash taters, ancho chili sauce. Holy fuck, finally, something they had to cook to order... The fried cheekan was pretty good, hot, crispy and juicy.. But is it really a fried chicken when it's boneless? The mash taters were tepid and the ancho chili sauce tasty like rust... Jesus, can you just order the fried chicken on the side, alone... If you can, then it's a hit.

Macaroni + Cheese, three cheese sauce. Nothing special to write home about but it will do when all else sucked.

Maybe it was an off day or something, but I don't know how this place is gonna last with poor executions like this... I don't know maybe people around here don't really care about the food, it's about the socializing and to see and be seen in Va-Hi. The pouch can gave two fucks about being seen... Let me rephrase that, I don't want to be near anyone when I'm noshing... Look away, I'm hideous! I was still hungry after this slop... Time to go somewhere else to get something else to eat. And if you were me, go eat somewhere else and then come here for drinks and if you must, only order a couple of small plates to nibble on so you don't look like some hobo. But there's one thing here that still keeps me interested... They do a fried cheekan night on Mondays... Hmmm, I may be persuaded to try it, if I bathe in a tub of whiskey first..

1000 Virginia Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
http://tacocowboy.com/

La Mei Zi

This joint was on my radar and rotation for awhile because they always delivered quality grub in the old Chicken World location. The Taiwanese vittles were always tasty and dependable when you needed a quick fix. Let's check back in and see how they're doing these days... I hope they got rid of that illegal open lunch buffet in the middle of the room.
Went in late one weekend night for a midnight snack after a very middling dinner somewhere in interior Chambodia... There were still a decent amount of people eating in here, that's a good sign. But they're still doing the open air lunch buffet because the buffet tables are still set up... Oh, dear lord, have they been so lucky to never had a agent from the health department show up ever? Oh, who gives a fuck, I ain't here for no stinking buffet... I'm here to see if the menu morsels are still worth putting it back on my radar and rotation... Let's go find out.

Braised Pork/ Beef in Bun. They are still using the large steamed buns which was a good sign but the filler got chintzier... The tiny piece of pork belly was mostly fat and it wasn't as good as they were before... This dish has always been a no brainer, now it's a no gamer... Until they go back to the way they did it in the beginning this will not get the pouch's blessing any time soon.   

Wonton in Hot Sichuan Sauce. Jesus fuck, look at this... This looked worse than Taiyo's version and that was bad. This just looked plain lazy as fuck... squirt some chili sauce on the bottom and throw in a few wontons... No garnish, nothing to jazz it up a bit visually. Eh, fuck it, just mix it up and see if it's as I remembered... Psssss, that's the sound of air leaking out of the pouch. These were not even a tiny bit spicy anymore. What kinda weak ass Sichuan sauce is this... Did I walk into a Panda Express by accident?  The wontons were passable but as a composed dish, fuck no... What is going on in here?

Braised Beef & Scallion with Hosing Sauce in Roll. They have never disappointed with these beautiful beefy rolls... Until now. What the fuck happened again? They used to be so plump like Chino burritos. Now, they are like Chino taquitos. The flavor and crunch are still there but it was such a kick in the ballsack to see them downsize these babies from a Swiss roll to a Ho Ho's.

Dan Dan dry Noodle. Ok, this didn't look half bad... It's a classic dish that they really shouldn't fuck up like the others. Everything was fine after it was mixed up but the chili sauce barely had any heat to it... What the triple fuck is going on with the spicy stuff? Did they get too many complaints by the roundeyes and finally succumbed to their pale palate white devil demands to dumb down everything on the menu? Jesus fuck, they better come correct fast or else there will be a fucking lyrical beat down. I had to ask those mooks to bring me out some real Chino chili heat... The shit that came out was medium heat level at best, I guess it'll do... For tonight. 

Taiwanese Salt & Pepper Chicken w/ Basil. The pièce de résistance of the night... The mighty Taiwanese S&P cheekan nuggets. For fucking crying out loud, what the fuck happened to the portion size? It used to be at least twice the amount, now it's the same size as Quickly's awesome nuggets in the bag... But this half plate of nuggets weren't $3.50, they were charging their full price. Don't get me wrong the cheekan nuggets were tasty as fuck like usual (the one dish that they didn't change at all in execution), but the portion size was more of a single serve snack with all that shredded cabbage filler underneath to prop it up than a shareable app for the table.

I have not written them off yet because I still believe in them, I know they can cook the shit outta their menu but their business practice might be becoming a bit shady... People, especially, regulars, notice the small subtle changes that you do in order to maximize profits... Without adjusting the prices to reflect the smaller portions. And don't give me that food cost hike bullshit, trapping dogs and cats out back cost nothing except for some used up pork and fish bones in the trash.
Get your shit together like you had in the beginning and y'all will be back on my rotation again.

5150 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 
http://www.lameiziga.com/

EATaliano Kitchen

So, the old Loehmann's plaza has been totally renovated to look all modern and shit and renamed to "Brighten Park"... What a stupid ass name. Everyone will still call it Loehmann's Plaza. What's even more stupider is this new resto's name... At first glance, I thought the name was "EAT alone no?". But then I thought, why the fuck would anyone open up an Eyetalian joint where you would eat alone... This ain't Ichiran ramen in NYC were you eat alone in a booth. Eating alone works with ramen because it's such a spiritual event when you're downing an epic bowl of tonkotsu without whiny motherfuckers distracting you. But then I remembered to used the Hooked on Phonics that I learned when I was just a small coin pouch a long time ago and realized that it was a play on words... EATaliano = Eat Italian. They sho' are crafty! Shit, it was as easy as dialing 1-800-ABCDEFG!
Speaking of easy, Italian grub has always been a pretty simple and popular cuisine that has basically become the epitome of the American cuisine throughout the nation. There are millions of pedestrian Italian chains littered all over the map that it has single-handedly created the obesity epidemic for the last 40 years and there's no end in sight... Umm hmmm, never ending pasta bowls anyone? So, do we really need another generic Eyetaliano concept from the Marcello's and Vinings NY Pizza Exchange people in this newly revamped intown strip mall? Well, it doesn't matter what the pouch thinks but they think they do... Let's check it out... At least once for my one reader...

Is this a subliminal message to munch on some carpet... Only if the drapes match the rug.

Their booze list was pretty standard and a bit overpriced because they wanted to be like Buckhead, but it did have one surprise, an Iwai Japanese whisky that I was the first person to open the bottle... C'mon, you think people who come here even knows anything about Japanese whisky... Iwai is not as well known or pricey as other Japanese whiskies, but their bourbon-esque characteristics give it a simple and eloquent taste... Which paired well with a pint of Yuengling for that nice Japanese-American balance.

Caesar Salad. You really can't fuck up a caesar salad unless you stir fry it with a can of La Choy chow mein. I really love a great caesar, the bold flavor of the anchovies in the dressing truly sets it apart when it's done right. This came out ok... As in ho-hum run of the mill... Not bad, not great, just average. I didn't expect this place to make the dressing from scratch, but if they did then there was no trace of any anchovies used.

Arancini. Now, I know what they do with the leftover risotto... Mix it all up in a bucket and use them later on. They were pretty large balls, had a nice crust on the outside but it was total mush on the inside. Not that it's supposed to be al dente but these just tasted old on the inside... And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. You had to drown them in marinara to mask the taste. They just tasted sloppy overall.

3 Colore Margherita. When you put an "e" on the end of any word, it makes everything more gourmet. This classic 'ZA was so gourmet that it shouldn't even be called a Margherita anymore, it should be called a Fauxgherita. Look at the globs of Silly Putty-like mozzarella on there... I wonder if they could lift the comic prints off a newspaper. Shaq might be on to something, according to this pie, the world is indeed flat. If you get to the edge you might ooze off like the mozzarella here. No Margherita pie is complete without a few sprinkles of fresh tomato half slices and half-assed chopped basil. Take a bite and you'll be chewing on the rubbery mozzarella glob for a good bit. The crust looked thick on the edge but it gets thinner as you work your way into the center... There is no balance, just all dough on the crust and floppy thin at the point when you separate the slices. This might be the saddest Margherita 'ZA I have seen since Mama Niki's... It's not impossible to make a decent Marg 'ZA in a regular pizza deck oven but the ingredients used on this pie wouldn't turn out any better in a real wood burning oven. The amount of rubbery mozzarella is just baffling.

Cannelloni Bolognese. Did someone just gave birth in the back? Holy placenta, this looked concerning. Was the cannelloni sous vide in a bag of meat(less?) sauce and poured on this plate? And why did they top it off with toothpicks? ...Oh, that's "shredded" parmesan. Yeah, that looks like quality parm. The sauce was way too sweet and it blanketed the entire flavor and texture of the cannelloni which there weren't much even to begin with sans the sauce. It's just such an unappetizing presentation, I have seen better plating in a 5th grade home ec class. That sad piece of plebian bread would prolly look better under all that sauce as well. I have poured out better looking cannelloni from a can of Chef Boyardee..."Meaty filling, homestyle pasta, yummy meatsauce, all rolled up into one!"

Veal Marsala. WTF is that? Did they just scrape off leftovers from another table onto a new plate and threw on more toothpicks? I have seen better looking Russian women that this. Look at that piece of "veal" scalloppini... Sure, it was pounded thin but it tasted like it was deep fried for 15 minzies, it was hard as an air hockey puck. The marsala cream sauce looked like soapy dish water and lacked any Marsala fortified wine flavor. The pappardelle looked pretty decent but they were crunchy, not al dente, under cooked. This was one of the ugliest looking dish I have ever seen... And it tasted like 3 day old leftovers.

Cheese Calzone. I saved the best for last... Server brings it to table and then says, oh, I forgot to brush it with butter.... Yes, motherfuckers, he said "butter". When it came back to the table, I'm like... Is that a skate wing or a calzone? It looked like they dipped the entire thing in a vat of fat. The amount of Silly Putty mozzarella in there was so overwhelming, I like cheese but shit, bro, it was like a giant Polly-O string cheese empanada. The ricotta was lost in translation here, there were none to be found. Sad to say, but this may have been the best dish of the night... And it was maybe like a 3 out of 10. The dough/crust was actually pretty decent.. It came out last, so that's proof enough for me that they made this to order. If they actually used some quality mozz and ricotta, this would have been pretty decent and edible. Once, it cooled down to room temp, the giant glob of mozz in there was like a Wham-O giant super ball. And quit it with the butter glaze... It ain't a steak from LongHorn.

If you're thinking about bringing a date to this joint... Think again. You may actually want to EAT alone here first. The food was so boring and average that Olive Garden actually sounds exciting right about now... Even a CiCi's Pizza buffet have more appeal. It's not rocket science, but they still need to do a lot of work on executing these rather simple common eyetalian dishes that should be made fresh daily. They were all forgettable... Except for the service which was just ok. The server said they were trying to be like Buckhead... I'm like what the fuck, yo. Why would you want to do that? Because Buckhead is hip and trendy and full of beautiful people, naturally. Jesus, if they are trying to ginzofy this area, it ain't gonna work... Because no self-admiring guido would bring his mama in his IROC-Z to eat here... A dancer, wait, an artist (arr-tease) from Pink Pony, perhaps, paying in singles. Speaking of dollar bills, the server decided that he deserved more tip than what was written on the check, so he added another 10% on top of the more than generous tip left. I check my credit card online everyday and I always round up to a whole dollar amount... If you're gonna try to trick me with writing in a bigger tip for yourself at least do it in whole dollars, not some odd number with change. And btw... FUCK YOU, you stupid motherfucking cunt for your dishonest, low rent, fraudulent, dick move on changing a customer's check. When this place shutters and we all know it will with this sub-par grub, you will be eating alone at Moe's crying into your burrito bowl.

There is really no reason to go back, the food was below average, the booze was overpriced and the service, well... I usually expect a kiss before I get fucked in the ass.

Pump, pump... Flush. 

2480 Briarcliff Rd NE #21
Atlanta, GA 30329
http://eatalianokitchen.com/