Ton Ton Revisit

The oh so important revisit after they have been opened for a few days... And well, the public complaints are in. I have been hearing that the "foodies", ok, the crackers have been crying about the tonkotsu broth being too thick and rich or it's too Asian and ethnic and then sending them back only after a couple of spoonfuls. These foodie fuckbags really shouldn't put this shit on the interwebs because it makes them look like fucking amateurs, it's embarrassing for them to reveal their inept food knowledge to the world... But everyone is a goddamn food critic. I fucking knew this would happen. I called this shit out like the three-pouched raven before it even happened. Who doesn't want a real bowl of collagen rich tonkotsu? Shit, I know I do and I need all the fatty goodness I can get because winter is coming... But not these fools. This is the type of shit restaurant owners face when dealing with the masses who pretend that they are food experts but can't deal when they are served with the real deal Ton Ton meal. The first bowl I had during the preview was amazing, it was so fucking good I could still taste it a day later. My lips were all sticky like a pro after the money shot... And I didn't even get paid for it. Now, it's time to see if the operations have remained true and consistent or made big adjustments due to the tourists in the short time since they opened to the masses.

Hakata Tonkotsu Classic, pork belly, soft boiled egg, menma, wood ear mushrooms, butter garlic corn, scallions, sesame seeds. I could see it already in the color of the broth... The sheeple's complaints have made them dilute this down. Hakata, we've got a problem... The broth still retained it's milky creamy hue but the fattiness and collagen was cut in half. No more sticky lips, no more collagen for strong bones and healthy skin, no more teachers dirty looks... Collagen's out for the summer. Don't get me wrong, it's still a very respectable bowl of tonkotsu... Just less richness and less toppings. I had like 2-3 nice thick pieces of ultra tender pork belly before, now it's reduced to 1 piece which was still ultra tender. The corn, menma, et al were also less... It's all very chintzy but the silver lining in this bowl was the Sun Noodles, they were cooked spot on this time with that nice toothiness and chew to it. For $13, it's still a good price for a very decent bowl of tonkotsu for the curious pedestrians... But I'm not in mad love with it anymore... You know it used to be mad love, so take a look what you've done, 'cause, baby, now we got diluted broth. Thanks for nothing, you motherfucking tourists... I barely remembered this bowl the next day.

Yasai, stir fry veggies, spinach, soft boiled egg, scallions, sesame seeds. I guess this bowl is for the vegheads... Except for the egg. Can these herbivore creastures even eat eggs? I really don't care, I just care if my pouch will like it without meat essence. The broth is lighter obviously but it also had decent flavor... The contents were acceptable but overall, this is kinda like the bowl you would make at home with leftovers in the fridge. I would not pay $12 for this bowl, spend the extra dolla on the tonkotsu, at least you'll kinda holla after eating it.

Tebasaki Wings. The first time it had some sauce on the bottom, this time it's just the wings. They are tasty wings but four for $7 is kinda a rip... But they got the sky high rent to pay, so, I understand for the premium. I would just skip all the small bites and just stick with the tonkotsu ramen because that's what you're really here for.

Gyoza. They are not pan fried. I said, they are not pan fried. That's all I have to say. Skip it and stick with the tonk.

The first look was impressive with the collagen rich tonkotsu which made me happy but this revisit a week or so later didn't give me that much of a blood flow. Don't get me wrong, it's still very good for being right in the center of the city. But diluting it down so early into the inning was a clear sign that they caved in to the demands of pikers with very little food knowledge and didn't want to scare off any future customers from spending money here... Dude, I get it. The rent and percentage here is ridiculous, so every customer and every penny counts. You have to appease the masses in this environment... Look at Jia and everything else in here, it's all dumb down for the tourists. Maybe it's time to have two options for the tonkotsu- authentic and the novice. Just like Hajime's ramen bowls can be made extra rich for a dollar. I know Ton Ton will still kill it here inside the PCM, the pedestrians will eat this shit up and I will be by from time to time to check on their progress.

675 Ponce de Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30308

Gaja Restaurant

It's been a bit since I have been back here... I liked the funkiness and the adventurous small Korean menu they have been doing since the beginning, this may be the only place in EAV that has crossed over to the authentic-ish ethnic side for grubbery in this area... So Ba has been a big hit with their augmented reality of pho which still baffles the pouch even though their Octopus Bar is really good... Don't even get me started on that Buford HWY EAV... We Sucky Sucky is more like it. But anyways... Let's go see if the Gaja concept has caught on in this up and coming gentrifying area that will soon to be infested with the Buckhead army. Walked in on a Friday night... It was pretty empty. Hmmm... The pouch's spidey senses were going off the charts... But fuck it, I'm here already and I'm getting a drink at least and maybe a few nibbles... Who am I trying to kid... Of course, I'm gonna have a few nibbles.

Sweet Potato Noodles, bone marrow flavor, sesame oil and bone marrow with pumpkin seed and peppers. I saw bone marrow... Boom. Dunzo. Then this came out... Not exactly the best looking dish and am I suppose to use the bone as a spoon? The dish sounded great on paper but looks can also be deceiving... The tater noodles were toothy, perhaps a bit under cooked. The slices of green pepper looked like an after thought. The bone marrow flavor was definitely there but I didn't love it nor hate it as much as I thought... If was just something there to nibble on.

Korean Silkworm, kimchi juice, roast garlic, mung beans. Are those real silkworms in there? Yep, sure are... Ok, I'm game. Then this came out... Did they just shovel moist Georgia clay on a sizzler plate? There were a decent amount of silkworms on there but you really don't need a lot of it... The plate was covered in the cloying sweet sauce to hide the fact you're eating worms... Or is it just noodles, Michael? Just give me a box of maggots, err, I mean rice, instead.

Rice Cakes, made in the house, seaweed flavor, gochujang sauce, sacllions, hot spring egg. I preferred it when it was served splattered all over on a tray like how Allen used to make it. Since, he's not there anymore, this came out... I guess it looks cute in the steel bowl. The rice cake are still good but the gochujang sauce was all sweet and no heat. The soft egg was nice and runny. It's still a decent snack but not as good as it was in the beginning.

Scallion Pancake, buttered leeks with HITE beer batter and Korean sauce. You can't screw up a pancake... Or can you? There was nothing Korean about this... It was like eating a IHOP pancake with long scallions in it. It was fluffy but had no flavor to it... Even the 10x sugar barely did much to improve the overall flavor. This is great filler food with a few rounds of Hite and soju.

I don't know what happened (I do but I'm pretending not to) but it lacked the excitement that was here once before... It feels more like a sanatorium in here now instead of the funky underground vibe it once had. I guess the semi authentic Korean fast food has ran it's course and the curious hipsters have 'been there, done that' with this place and they're going back to their trusty burgers, pizza and faux, I mean, pho. Who knows how long this place will last but check it out sooner rather than later if it's still on your bucket list before they change the concept overnight like a magic trick...
As for me... Poof! And I'm gone for good.

491 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
http://gajaeav.com/

Richards' Southern Fried

Even though, there has been many places doing their version of the Nashville Hot Chicken around town for years, no one has opened a truly dedicated hot cheekan shack until now... And of course, in all places, at the KSM... Which is the proper setting for a concept like this but make no mistake that you're gonna be paying for it out your brown eye. Speaking of brown things... Let's go sample some of the fwied yardbirds that the media and the sheeple have been hyping about...

I like the sign... I kinda want one that says, "POUCH'S CHICKEN LIPS". The lights remind me more of a Broadway box office than a cheekan shack... Walked up and looked at the menu, then the prices... 3 smallish whole wings without a side for $11! WTF... Hop's Chicken are a buck a piece for the same damn chicken. My knee jerk reaction was grasping my chest like Sanford having the big one... I'm coming, Elizabeth! The prices here aren't cheap for fried chicken and I don't give a shit if it's Springer Mountain... Once that shit gets dunked into a boiling vat of hot greasy fat, all that organic free range shit is out da door. Don't try to convince me that the chicken is still good for you... But y'all can believe that bullshit if you want to impress people with your humane and sustainable garbage. Psst, no one gives a shit, you sound like a #douchebag... On to the hawt cheekan!

Classic. Needed to see how just the plain fried chicken was... Well, it looked kinda depressing and dull. I watched their entire routine through the pass and I can't fucking believe that all the chicken was fried well in advance and they're just sitting there on sheet pans on an open rack and it's not even in a hot box. They are just pulled off the sheet pan and tossed into a box. The crust is dark, they obviously like to fry it a bit longer than usual, perhaps to keep the crust crunchy while it sits over time to be served, crunchy is good but when it hurts your tooth not so much. The chicken was room temp and a bit dry sitting on the sheet pans. Hot juicy fried chicken should be expected for the premium price paid. It's seasoned decently but a bit more pepper wouldn't hurt. It's a very average fried chicken in this state, maybe it would be a lot better if it was served somewhat freshly fried, crackling and juicy. The cornbread is cute and acceptable, nothing much worth mentioning except that it's a box filler for that visual effect. The tiny pickles are good. The little sauce bucket in there, I assume is the bourbon hot sauce which was not hot at all... Don't even waste your time on this, just 86 it and use the extra time to concentrate on the damn cheekan, instead.

Richard's Hot. Same deal as the plain... They are not re-flash fried, just taken off the pan, tossed in cayenne grease and served. The hot cayenne grease ratio was off, not enough cayenne and too much grease... Almost to the point of watery and it looked like it wasn't even properly coated all the way around. The scoville units here were about the strength of a jalapeno, it is not hot at all, maybe just a hint of heat on the end. They also gave me a little bucket of their ghost pepper sauce, said it's very spicy, it's made with ghost chili peppers... Turned out to be a snoozefest like a Sriracha mayo. The chicken itself, which are not large pieces, was the same as the plain... Room temp and a tad bit dry inside. I'm not even gonna pussyfoot around, the hot chicken needs work, it was simply not worth the $11 price for a leg, thigh and a side at this point. Am I disappointed with the product? Yes, of course, but I give them credit to have the balls to do a dedicated hot chicken shack. Until they figured out how to get relatively freshly fried hot chicken out to order, I won't be back any time soon... It's too bad that KFC stopped their Nashville Hot Chicken promo because for what it was, it was a really good version... Yes, I can't believe I'm saying that, too.

Cucumber & Tomato Salad and Jalapeno Creamed Corn. The creamed corn was pretty good except that there was zero jalapeno in there. The C&T salad was pretty pedestrian, the flavor itself needed a lot more of everything.

Hot Chicken Sandwich, pimento cheese, chow chow, lettuce. For $9, this fucking hot cheekan sando better rock my cock out... It looked pretty damn decent when I opened this beast. A giant crusty shimmery sizeable breast between a sturdy bun. The bun would have done it's job if the breast was coated properly with the proper hot grease but this looked way better than the hot chicken. Took a bite... Damn, this was good chicken sando. While it wasn't spicy at all like the hot chicken, the construction of this sando was very good. Even the fucking frilly lettuce looks like it should be on a commercial... Would it be sick if I wanted to pump pump squirt in it? There was just a hint of pimento cheese and crispy bits of chow chow on the bottom to give it just that lil needed texture and contrast. It's a good chicken sando, it would be even better if they can get that hot grease ratio right and bathe this boob the way it should be lubed.

I tell y'all what, the hot cheekan sando destroys the hot cheekan... It may be worth revisiting just for the fucking sando itself, don't even fucking look at the hot cheekan until it has been revamped... You'll be just as disappointed as the pouch was, unless you're a fan of Gu's slop, then you'll prolly love it. In the meantime, I'm just gonna wait patiently for Hattie B's...

99 Krog Street NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
http://richardssouthernfried.com/

Argosy Pizza

Argosy has become the Urban Outfitters of EAV's bars... Wait a minzies... What the fuck happened to EAV overall? It has become like mini Buckhead all of the sudden. There are so many fucking tools wearing khakis shorts, loafers and button down Polos walking around on the weekends that it has become a fucking tourist destination nowadays. Can low rent dirtbags even have a dump of an area to call their own anymore for Christ's sake... This gentrification thing is getting out of hand but what can you do except cry into your beer and get fat on pizza... Speaking of which, I don't know why people aren't even talking about Argosy's 'ZA these days except for the mutts on Tripadvisor... I remembered it was pretty much Red Baron slop when they first opened but it seems like they have really picked up their 'ZA game. I saw a couple of pies come out and I was like what da fuk, yo... I am not that drunk yet, there's no way that 'ZA looks that good. Then I had to try it for myself, again...

Marge. Basically, a margherita 'ZA... A simple pie is the truest test of a well executed 'ZA. You don't need all that fancy shit on top dragging it down and ruining your pie. This pie looked pretty damn nice when it came out, I ran through my mental check list and almost every item checked off... How is this possible? It's unpossible! The crust was really nice, char blisters throughout, a big one here and there, but it was consistent. The upskirt was amazing as well, light char evenly throughout the bottom... How is this possible again? The center was not pooling or liquidity, Jesus fucking Christ slap me with your stigmata hands already. The basil leaves put on after it comes out of the wood burning oven and it was not even a request, they did it on their own. The fresh mootzarella blobs and tomatoes were distributed precisely and evenly, who the fuck is back there making this shit? I don't know but the first thing to do is separate the slices a bit from each other to let it breathe... Almost no liquid gathering between the slices, is there no gravity in this area of the bar... Folded the damn slice and shoved it into my face gash... This was a very nice 'ZA, the crust was a bit crispy and had a effortless pull, with just the perfect amount of chew, how is this possible from this joint... The mozzarella was gooey and stringy enough without gnawing my drywall saw teeths to cut it. This was a very well put together pie... I'm still baffled how this was accomplished here and the other people eating the 'ZA here didn't even give a shit like it was DiGiorno's or something they make in their hand me down toaster oven in their parent's basement. Yeah yeah, I know I'm making this 'ZA sound like it's the best friggin 'ZA I have ever eaten... Shit, mofo, of course not but for a joint like this to be putting out some pretty impressive pies is making me tight in the pants... I get a whiff of the 'ZA and I jizz in my pants.

I hate to put the word out and perhaps ruin a good thing by talking about it... Which we all know will bring in the manscaped hippies... Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and keep this to my pouch because these bastard sons of a motherless goat don't deserve this 'ZA... Y'all, already ruined Antico years ago with your filthy presence.  

470 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
http://argosy-east.com/

LongHorn Steakhouse

Believe or not, the pouch has never been here before... But this is the review my one literate fan has been waiting for all these years. There's just this aura that surrounds the joint that makes my sphincter clinch and tighten up every time I drive past one... Kinda like that time when this chick with big hair wanted to stick her long ass finger with Lee press on nails in my bunghole during a showing of E.T. at the Starlight Drive-In theatre... Girl, that is exit only and I don't want your nasty plastic nail to break off and cause any blockages... Especially, after eating from the Starlight food shack. Someone needs to make underpants with a mini version of those one way jaws that pops up at the exits at the drive-in so you can't sneak in from the rear to stop them wandering fingers from entering main street. How the fuck did this conversation with myself veer off so wildly into voodoo sex acts... One of us has got a very sick mind here. Speaking of sick... One never knows if they will get ill eating here, so I have never attempted it before, until now...Will the iron pouch survive this initial visit or will it cry in IBS pain like a little bitch with cramps... Jesus Christ, just pass me the Massengill already...

Spicy Chicken Bites and Sweet Corn Fritters. These UFOs look "terrifrying"... As in unidentified frying organisms. Remember when Khan put those Ceti eel larvae in Chekhov'sear... These motherfuckers looked exactly like them! I lurv me some fwied cheekan but these creastures were not spicy and barely passed for chicken and every goddamn thing tastes like chicken, except LongHorn's chicken... Baffling. The corn fritters were just fried dough, shit, I guess it fits the narrative here since LongHorn is basically a carnival sideshow.

Montana Mule Jim Beam bourbon, real ginger purée and fresh lime juice. Someone is late to the party... Only by 6 years. Mules were trendy about the same time as Korean tacos and jeggins... Speaking of which, half the fucking place was wearing Pajama Jeans. Hillybillies love that shit and Uggs. "Masterfully Mixed Mules"... Not from where I was sitting. This mule was a real snoozer. It was basically all ice, a shot of Beam and a cup of Country Time lemonade. I did like the mug, though... But not enough to 5 finger discount it under my moo-moo.

Loaf of Bread. Sweet baby Jesus... This could be the worst thing since sliced bread. It looks like something you would put letters in. That tub of butter looks fresh, sure.

Flo's Filet. 8 ounces of freshly carved yak back... Must admit they cooked it spot on to mid-rare but it was totally unseasoned except for a few specks of dandruff. It was not a horrible piece of meat and was totally acceptable in a trailer park BBQ kinda way. The searing just doesn't make sense, flakes of char here and there but no quadrillage... Someone musta stepped off the line for a minute and the thing leaned over to one side.

Side Salad. You try to be healthy and it fails. Look at the size of those croutons, I can play chess with that shit with a little creative whittling.

Outlaw Ribeye, 18oz and bone-in. Hey look, grill marks! This was a decent size bone-in steak. Once again, they did cook it spot on temp wise. The meat was kinda tender but chewy at the same time. I know they don't source the best meat but for the price, you really can't complain too much. That scoop of mashed taters looks eerily like warts on an udder... It also had the texture when you put it in your mouth.

Ribeye, 11oz. No grill marks. The steak cooking consistency is so far off that it doesn't surprise me that a server could be cooking it while the line cook is on a cigarette break... But even though it looks like a giant breakfast sausage patty, it was actually once again cooked to temp.

Parmesan Crusted Chicken. Why does it look like a dessert... Like some coconut cake with a baked tater and broccoli. There is so much wood pulp parmesan on top of what suppose to be chicken that it looked like a lumberjack plated this up with his special topping of saw dust. There was so much fucking cheese on top of the chicken that I wanted to ask for a side of marinara and linguini. 

I don't know why so many obeast hillbillies lurv this joint... Shit, the bigger question I should be asking is why do fat people love greasy chain restos so much in general? It's like a big moth to a light or flame... Or to a lightly flame grilled piece of meat. The staff looks like they have never washed their uniforms since the first day they got them, it's always filthy with food crusties on their shirts and stains on their pants. Don't fucking dare to look under their nails, you will hurl involuntarily in an instant. The entire time I was here, all I could think of was the movie "Waiting" and what the kitchen staff in the back was fucking doing to the food... Whatever you do, don't order the goat.


http://www.longhornsteakhouse.com/home

Rising Son

The Bishop was unimpressive and it folded not long after. The space sat empty for a long time and then came Rising Son who took over the turnkey spot with very minimal renovations... Which is most restaurant owners' dream. Instead of slinging wannabe trendy dishes, they are doing simple breakfast food which has been a very successful business model for many intown joints. Coming from Home Grown obviously had some influence on the theme here... But can they duplicate the same hype? The location and area is in desperate need for something like this... But they also thought the same thing with Pallookaville across the street... That lost it's luster real quick, no wonder why it was put up for sale and after the sale, it has became a speck in most people's rear view mirror. This little area of Avondale is cute and has so much potential but it is fucking dead all the time, no matter what concepts the determined and inspired small business owners of the past, present and future have tried. It's cursed. So, let's try the newest hope to be trendy breakfast spot in this part of town and see if it will become another intown breakfast hit...

Morning Ramen, tonkatsu. Yes, you read that right, tonkatsu, not tonkotsu... So, I asked the server if it came with a fried pork cutlet. She said, no, but the broth is made of pork. One look at the broth, my pouch said, ah no, but my curiosity said, do it, douchebag, do it! When it came out the broth was so thin, watery and translucent... It comes with a pair of wooden chopsticks but no Asian noodle soup spoon. So, I took a sip of the broth with the metal gaijin flat spoon... It was pretty weak, no lip smacking collagen was detected nor seasoning but many hints of chicken bones was present. The noodle was not even ramen, it's the store bought soba noodles... Not that it was bad, it just shouldn't be called a ramen. The bacon, corn, shrooms and sweet taters were ok but the entire dish seemed thrown together without much thought... Just an idea. Better off just calling it a morning country noodle soup and not to offend anyone with the words ramen and tonkatsu. Save the $12 and go to Ton Ton for some really kickass "tonkatsu".

Kickstart - Two eggs, bacon, grits and biscuit. Simple breakfast plate... The Pine Street bacon was really good, the scrambled eggs a bit too firm and not fluffy enough, the grits were nice but bland, and the biscuit looked great but it fell apart like a mountain lion playing Jenga... It literally broke into a thousand pieces once you bite into it. Nothing really spectacular about this plate, for the $7 and change you could get a feast at Waffle House... I know I know, but it's local and hipster, and we have to support locals businesses.... Not if it's not worth the price of admission.

Biscuit Sammy, Fried Green Tomatoes. Looked really nice on the plate when it came out... Take a bite of the biscuit sammy and the entire thing turned into sand... Break out the knife and fork, wait, soup spoon perhaps. This biscuit sammy was basically the kickstart plate but they assembled it for you, instead. The FGTs had a nice crust on it and it wasn't half bad, but throwing it on the side of the same plate made it look cheap considering you're paying extra for them... I know I know, why put them on another plate and waste space... Maybe because I'm paying for it and I would like to pretend that I'm getting my money's worth with seeing two plates come out... That's the fat fuck thinking part of me.

Fried Chicken, Hash Browns, Grits. Can the pouch go one goddamn morning or day without fried cheekan... Y'all know the answer to that. Fried cheekan to the pouch is like coffee to you addicts in the morning... Except that cheekan doesn't give me the shits. The boneless tenders had a really nice peppery crust on it, finally, something seasoned accordingly. They're not exactly fried chicken because real fried chicken have bones, they should just call it country cheekan fingaz. The hash browns were described one way but it came out another... Tiny little cubes (brunoise) of taters that looked like it should be more for a mire poix than hash browns. I hate hash browns like this because involves a lot of work getting it up to my facehole. You can never fork enough taters because they are so small. I don't believe that they are cutting these "hash browns" cubes by hand because that would be a such a waste of time... These have got to be from a frozen brown bag. The grits, well, you know, they were plain, bland and boring... Load that shit up with butter, sugar, salt, pepper.. Fuck, even hot sauce, wait, they have Sriracha on every table... Fucking hipster to the core.

Blueberry Ginger Soda. There were other things involved with this but it was a pretty tasty homemade soda. Definitely, spike it with booze if you can.

I like the breakfast/lunch idea, I like that they took over the dead space, I like that the square area has another dining option besides fucking corndogs and bad comic book food, I like that they're trying to get this area back on the map... But I don't like that they're charging a premium for simple simple breakfast food that the Waffle House down the street does it better for less. I'm not gonna be rushing back here any time soon, but yeah yeah, I know, we should support local businesses and you're gonna have to pay extra for being in the presence of hipsters and the gravity defying ginormous rack on one of their staff members... It's no wonder why so many men have spilled their glass of water getting in and out of their seats. The joint is getting a steady crowd but so did The Bishop in the beginning, only time will tell if this will last...

124 N Avondale Rd
Avondale Estates, GA 30002

Pouch Dump

My one fan must be wondering where the pleasantly plump pouched one has been of late... The prolific eater and chicken scratcher of crass but yet accurate assessments of slop around town has seemed to be MIA recently. Fear not my one literate fan, the voluptuous fat one has been secretly indulging in oldie and newbie eateries out of the public view... Which is a difficult feat within itself to try to hide this muffin top from the curious and wandering eyes and especially, the unforgiving children that seems to watch my every move... Some of the insults they hurl from their mouths about my healthy girth are unrelenting. It woulda prolly hurt my feelings, only if I could understand what the fuck those little pricks were saying over my non-stop chewing noises. Some words that I did catch in between my crunching and grinding were... fat, rolls, smelly, bloated, marsupial, piglet... I assume they were negative in nature and not about the food I was inhaling... Well, there's no hiding the fact that I'm a slob unless I'm wearing a moo-moo, so, we might as well take a look at the vittles that were had recently...

Iberian Pig.
Haven't been back in bit and it seems like it's still one of the square's favorite.

Fermin Jamon Serrano. This place still packs in the whities on a daily basis... And one of the favs here are the cured hams. This serrano did it's job well and will be commended for it.

Pork Cheek Tacos. Of course, the taco shells were crunchy... Because it's all Whitieville up in this piece. The pork cheeks were tender and pretty tasty but the entire shell breaks apart on your first bite. Yeah, good luck with that without a knife and fork.

Coca de Seta, roasted wild mushrooms, white truffle, pickled onions, Tetilla cheese, Guindilla chili alioli. This shit was real good, the white truffle oil didn't hurt, either. This may look like a fancy tostada but the earthy woody flavor from the shrooms and truffle really made this a pretty kickass dish.

Pulpo. Yeah yeah, I see your fancyasspants plating but how does it taste...The octopus was actually quite nice and tender. It also came with a bunch of taters to give the plate a lil more volume visually in the corner and a circle of hollandaise brushed around 90% of plate to dip your puss in. The hollandaise doesn't do it for me with the octopuss but the taters works.


Kimball House.
Once again... The best oyster program in the entire state and a not too shabby cocktail program, either.

Appetizer. The preparation and presentation is flawless... And the variety and taste is superb.

Palate cleanser. Always excellent sazerac.

Dessert. You gotta have something sweet and briny after a big meal... More oysters, naturally.

Nightcap. The classic Kimball House.


Best BBQ.
The newly minted second outpost inside the new Asian Supermarket. The menu is similar to their kickass spot in the Great Wall food court but without dim sum. They may do it at this smaller location in the future but not yet confirmed.

Wonton Noodle Soup. This bowl now commands a premium, it's pretty pricey for this street food... It better be as good as Mak's in Hong Kong or else there will be trouble. The wontons were really good, stuffed with pork and two whole shrimp. The dough is thin and translucent. It had so much going for it until you get to the broth which was weak as fuck, watery and almost flavorless. The noodles were overcooked and didn't have that toothy crunch to it. I wish you could just get the wontons by themselves and pour some chili oil on it and call it a day... Because the broth and noodles sucked ass. The greens were good.

Congee, 1000 yr old egg and pork. They still kill it with their congee... While it was a bit thicker on this visit, it didn't take away from the overall taste, texture and umami at all. Still a damn fine specimen.


China Kitchen.

Beef Chowfun. Since, I was tryin Best BBQ's congee and wonton, I might as well try the beef chowfun next door at China Kitchen for a little variety. It came out lava steaming hot but it looked weak as hell. The color on the noodles were so pale that I knew it was gonna be pretty much flavorless. The sliced beef were a tad chewy. The Chinese broccoli was a nice touch and added a bit of color but it doesn't belong on this dish, dumass. This was a very lackluster version and I will never attempt it again. China Kitchen has failed me twice, now, I ain't gonna be a sucka and fall for their shit a third time... Or the banana in the tailpipe.


Sublime Doughnuts.
Their Briarcliff location is 24/7 which is fucking nuts. That could be dangerous for drunken motherfuckers at 3AM.

The doughnuts are still pretty good but they just don't taste as good as the original location back in the old days... Maybe I bought into the hype back then like a sucka, too. At least I have the balls to admit it... Now, I'm gonna eat this.

Some idiot will prolly get a tattoo of this sooner or later... Don't bring me here when I'm drunk or else I'll wake up with one the next morning. Motherfuckers.


Saigon Cafe.

Pho Dac Biet. I forgot about their location on Clairmont and N. Decatur road, so I stopped in for a quick bite to see how they're doing these days... I know it's fucking swamp ass season outside and even though, it's hot as balls but when you're inside with a cranking AC, sometimes you just can't say no to a hot mother pho-king bowl of beefy offal noodle soup. It's not the best or least expensive pho in town but for what it is and the location, it'll do. The broth is not as rich as it should be but the meats and rice noodles just works fine.

Bun Tom Thit Nuong Cha Gio.There's porks, shrimps, eggrolls and noodles... What is there not to like about this? Stir up all that crap in a bowl with the nuoc mam and you got yourself a tasty little treat.


Taco Mac.

Nekid Wings. I'm not a huge fan of their wings but I keep getting suckered in... Maybe I'm hoping one day they will get their shit together and surprise me with some dericious wings. It's not bad, it's just not great... Get them naked with the sauces on the side because most of their sauces suck pretty hard. Even their hottest slow burn one is just too cloying and syrupy. The TMI (three mile island) is lower on the Scoville unit scale but is actually better... Sometimes, it's just better to stick with the regular buffalo hot sauce.

Onion Rings. They're too big but the crispy crust was pretty good.

Sauces. These sauces should prolly never be ingested in to a human body but that's just a warning.


Walmart.

Fried Chicken. I have never eaten anything from the Walmart Deli... Never really thought about it because I never really noticed it. But they started putting those mobile heater carts out in the middle so you can't miss them... And I sure as fuck didn't miss the pack of fried chicken right in front of my snout walking in. It can't be that bad right? They remind me of Kroger's fried chicken which I'm not really a big fan of... But Publix on the other hand has some really good fried chicken. Kroger's FC has a thick crust which is crispy and crunchy, but it's just too much crust. Walmart's FC is very similar. You have to work your way through different layers just to get into the meat like some tunnel rat. Once you get to the meat, it's kinda dry. All that work for nothing... Like paying for a blind date and it turns out to be dry as a 80 year old woman. Unlike the hag, I can't spit on this chicken to make it moist again. The flavor is just ok, it's there but just not very distinguishable. Let's just say, I will not be giving this fwied cheekan a booty call ever again. 


Church's.

If there's no Popeyes around and you're desperate like me, Church's low rent cheekan will do in a pinch. You just gotta drown those motherfuckers in hot sauce to get any flavor outta them. Sometimes, they are pretty good and other times they taste like a filthy sewer rat. I suggest drinking a quart of ripple before eating their chicken... Don't forget the hot sauce packets.


Victory.

Twos-day Special, Fried chicken tenders on top of a baked potato... WTF is that? They have different specials for bike nights on Tuesdays, they are usually playful snacks but this one was truly a special kind of treat that no one in their right mind would ever order... It was kinda heinous and the taste of this thing rhymes with a body part... And it ain't eyebrow.


Hong Kong Harbour.

Dim Sum. This is the best dim sum you're gonna find anywhere intown when you're still piss drunk in the morning and can't drive that far to Buford Highway. Their dim sum is pretty much hit or miss but you can ask them to make it to order on many of the dishes instead of the cold stuff on the carts.


Jesus H. Christ, why am I so fat... Don't fucking answer that, Hank. I don't need your fucking preaching just because your dad is some big wig. Fat people need lovin', too... And more fried chicken, of course.