Rumor has it that the new promotional Spicy Chicken McNuggets supply is running dangerously low.. Rut Ruh.. Which only means this was another triple dog dare for the Pouch provoked by the Gods... I think I'm atheist, so, I have no clue which god was challenging me but I assume it's probably the sewer goddess, Cloacina... Since, the McRib season is not yet upon us, I guess I will have to accept this challenge. Fuck me, I can't even recall the last time I had a McNugget... I think it was in the late 1900's. These all "white meat" chicken nuggets with a crispy tempura batter tastes ok with the first two or three but then the rest starts to decompose rather quickly once they get cold... But science has proven that they don't mold (as with all McDonald's products) and still quite edible even after sitting around for years in a controlled environment.
Ok, let's get to work... Let's see what their website say about the new Spicy McNuggets...
"Breaded in a light and crispy batter that's boldly flavored with cayenne and chili peppers, these Spicy Chicken McNuggets deliver the heat along with the flavor you love. And for the flavor-thrill seekers, we proudly offer our new Mighty Hot Sauce."
Unfortunately, they were out of the Mighty Hot Sauce... But I heard it wasn't all that, kinda like all their HFCS dipping sauces. But you can't eat McNuggets alone and dry (like I usually do with all meals), you have to have some type of lubricant to wash it down your throat... The only people in the world that can eat these nuggets dry are porn stars. They keep telling me to relax the throat muscles but I kept gagging like a donkey trying to swallow a whole carrot. No wonder why they get paid the big bucks because they know how to fuck... I'm totally ok with just a couple of pumps and a squirt. But, anyways, I still asked them to throw in an assortment of sauces..
Fuck me... Why am I doing this to myself, again? Oh, yeah... I can't let my one fan down...
Time to compare and contrast the original to the new spicy McNuggets... Why did I get the goddamn 10 piece box, shoulda went with the 6 piece, instead... Oh, dear lord, please don't let me get IBS-D after eating this... Shit, who am I kidding.. That's like every time I eat. Thanks, Xifaxan, you did it again!
I'm pretty sure these weren't the golden rays of light coming out of Marsellus Wallace's briefcase when Vincent opened it up... The only Bad Mother Fucker here is the one that can keep these nuggets down. I can feel my pouch churning already... I shoulda took Lloyd Dobler's advice against anything processed... And yes, kickboxing is the sport of the future. My future is the toilet...
The Spicy- The color is more orangy (I think I see Trump's face on one of the nuggets) which I assume it's from the cayenne and chili pepper powder mixed into the batter/crust. Took a bite without any sauce and it does have a small hint on spice. I mean it's not spicy at all but you can tell their test kitchen was ordered by the higher ups to come up with a gimmick to compete with and try to capture some of the market share from the incredibly popular spicy chicken trend. The artificial taste and crunch of the "tempura" batter is unmistakable even after all these years... It still leaves the same after taste and film in your mouth. The white meat cheekan is so processed that it still looks and tastes like shredded soggy loose leaf paper. Look, the McNugget is great when you're drunk or high as fuck but when you're sober or actually have a palate... They are pretty much forgettable. That's why you have to sauce the shit outta them. The spicy McNuggets are not worth a second visit.
Splash.
Flush.
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