Bonchon

Some numbnut once said, "Life is a journey, not a destination"... Unless the journey has fried chicken on every other block, I want to get to my destination AS-friggin-AP. So, why the fuck would anyone drive all the way to down to bumblefuckville? The answer is simple... They has cheekan! But, c'mon, Pouch, do you really need to go all the way down to Fayetteville for some fwied fowl? Listen, my darlings, this ain't some jack shack ghetto pigeon deep fried in recycled Castrol oil with 18,000 miles on it... This is Bonchon Corean fwied cheekan, motherfuckers... I ate that dericious shit like every week in NYC. Trust me, it's worth the drive. Wait, I take that back... Bonchon is kickass in NYC but not every expansion location is the same as the others. No matter, I'm still game for anything that has to do with Corean fwied cheekan. Famous last words...
Where the fuck am I? Jesus, this half-a-horse town is as depressing as a Microwave for One cookbook. There's even a H-Mart down here but it's like the walking dead apocalypse up in this piece. There are no food shacks opened for business inside, no customers and no life. This is prolly the most wretched H-Mart I  have ever been in. But why are you in a H-Mart when you are supposed to be at Bonchon? Ok, you got me, mofos! I wanted to see if they had KFC in here... What? Since, I am driving all the way down here, this fat fuck is gonna try to eat as much KFC as it can. There's nothing wrong with checking it out... Why not kill two chicks with one Pouch... Hmm, that sounds like a filthy sex act. Alright, enough of this marlarky, I'm getting the fuck outta this dump before I get bitten by a zombie and heading straight to cheekanhead's. Cuz the Pouch ain't got no time to bleed, when it's ready to feed.
This Bonchon is located in a giant strip mall called the Pavilion, who the fuck even knew this existed in hillbilly land. It's the weirdest location for a KFC joint... I didn't know Fayetteville had a significant Korean community. Who did the scouting and demographic research for this location? Mork from Ork? If someone ever offered me a chicken franchise opportunity down here, I would be saying nanu nanu... That's Korean for "Hell, no, motherclucker!".
Walked in and was expecting the Annyeonghaseyo! greeting but got crickets instead... Some kid comes up and says, "Yo, how many in yo crew?" Wha da fuk... Am I getting punked by a K-Popper wannabe? Are you going to pop and lock me to the table? This shit is weird as fuck already. But the server that took my order was a sweet chubby little FOB.
Let's get to it shall we...

A simple menu that is music to my ears and a feast for the eyes... Let's see if the Pouch's facehole and bowels approve..

 

Popcorn Chicken. This was a special... And it sure was special. The panko crust was crispy and crunchy but the cheekan morsels inside were kinda a non-event. They were flavorless and the spicy mayo sauce made it even more tasteless... How can that be, Pouch? Because all you taste was the mayo jizz in your dirty mouth. The honey made it a little better if you drizzled it all over it... But no way in hell would I order this again. No wonder it was a special... For the special people.

Bibimbap with fried tofu. I don't even know why I ordered this... Maybe I was looking for some balance and variety... Maybe I'm just a stupid fat lardass that should just stick to the KFC plan and nothing else. Ok, the runny egg was great but even after mixing it all up, this crap in a bowl was bland as fuck... How does a crock chock-filled with different ingredients have absolutely no taste? No amount of gochujang could save this giant bucket of hobo filler. A toothless wino on Peachtree and Pine wouldn't even eat this if you gave it to him wrapped up in a hanbok.
Let's skip this nightmare and get to the good stuff already for crying out loud...

Combo 6 Wings and 3 Drums, half spicy & half soy garlic. Jesus Christ, did they air fry this? It looked like the walking dead of cheekan. That crust looked soggy, sad and old as fuck... Like some old hag's wrinkly elbow skin. I swear I saw a Whisperer wear this on their face in the last episode. They say the best way to eat a chicken is with one leg behind each ear... But this is some rancid looking cheekan poontang. Let's see if it's doable if we turn it around on the other side...

Somehow, this looked a lot more appetizing from this side... It's all about the angle of view like an illusion. Kinda like the drawing of the old witch but if you turned it upside down it turns into a hot bangable broad. This was a similar concept, but the cheekan was far from a hot edible chick even from this angle. Why did I break my golden rule of always getting it naked with the sauce on the side... Well, they didn't allow their sauce on the side because they want to make sure it was dressed and coated properly... I know, what a crock of shit, right? Look at that specimen, the sauce was tossed so unevenly... It's like they used a squirt bottle on it. I ain't pumping to this in my dweams anytime soon.
Do I eat a wing or a leg first? Let's go with the safe route and start with a wing... Meh, the sauces made the crust soggy as a sea squirt. Seriously, it was like eating pruney skin after falling asleep in the hot tub. No crunch, no crisp, nothing except a salty after taste on the soy garlic laced lukewarm fowl. The spicy was as spicy as the honey from the popcorn chicken. Neither, the wings nor the legs were anything to write home about... Unless you live in a homeless shelter. Shit, if that stinky hobo wouldn't eat the bibimbap, he would definitely not be sampling this KFC... Even if you promised him a new squeegee.

The KFC here were not prepared the same way as they do in NYC, not even close. No wonder they're hiding down in Fayetteville and not located in the metro Atlanta area. The cheekan was not good at all, ok, it was god awful... I would even eat Brew and Bird's fake ass KFC before this again. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy or millennial hipsters... Wait, the place was fucking full of them man-bun douches. Fayetteville gets what Fayetteville deserves... But every cloud has a silver lining and that is they are too far for me to do anything stupid when I'm libationing on the brown juice. Don't waste you time if you're serious about your KFC.

Flush.

120 Pavillion Pkwy
Suite C
Fayetteville, GA 30214
https://bonchon.com/korean-fried-chicken-fayetteville-ga/