The NEW Fork in the Road

The Pouch is a pumpin' and a squirtin' uncontrollably with the news that FITR is now reopened ... Am I dreaming? One of my favorite fwied cheekan in this dusty one horse town is located right next to my other favorite go to fwied cheekan joint... Popeyes! Now, this is my goddamn wet dweam come twue! This is very emotional for the Pouch... Two great fwied cheekan joints side by side. The competition for my money will be fierce... Or will this be an opportunity to kill two chickens with one Pouch? Because I'm no stranger to eating two dinners back to back.
Let's just get right to it... I can't wait to get my sausage fingaz on them fwied thighs and breasts.

FITR has relocated in a former Wendy's spot right next to Popeyes. The shell of the building is unmistakable but the new signage is bright and visible from the street at night. Walked in and it's counter service. You order and find a table and wait for them to call your order number. If they get a rush or a big crowd this will be very inefficient. The interior is refreshed so you don't notice it as a Wendy's on the inside than the outside. Getting rid of the table service may be a bad move because their menu is still pretty extensive with this smaller footprint. Downsizing usually also involves shrinking down the menu... The paper menus stapled together is not properly laid out, you're constantly flipping over the two pages searching to see if they still have something you liked at their old spot. I was baffled that I couldn't find the fried chicken... Am I taking crazy pills? Where The Fuck Is The Fried Chicken?! I have never had such a big hard-on go baby turtle limp as fast as this moment when I found out that they took off the bone in fried chicken. They said it was too time consuming for their new smaller kitchen. Who the fuck gets rid of their number one item that made them who they are? It's like Chick-Fil-A 86ing the chicken sandwich or McDonalds getting rid of the McRib. I wasn't the only person who was fucking livid about the demise of their fried chicken. I hope to fucking god that more and more people complain about it and they bring that shit back ASAP. Motherfuckers, I will wait 30 minzies for that dericious fwied cheekan... It's like crack.
Since, I can't get what I came here for, they do have a few other items that I do adore... Let's see if they still got it. If they don't, then praise the gods for Popeyes next door.

Sweet Cream Cornbread. One of the best sides on their menu and this specimen is still as good as it ever was.

Southern Fried Whole Wings, O Sauce (Hot sauce seasoned with grinded popular Mexican peppers, jalapeno, habanero, japones, morita & arbol chili peppers, caution Very Spicy). I was gonna get the Bombay Bomb sauce again but they said the O sauce was spicier. Since, they 86'd their fried chicken program, I had to get the next closest thing. The whole wings were normal sized wings with a very crispy crust that was not too thick or too thin, just right. The O sauce was a let down. I shoulda stuck with the Bombay Bomb sauce made with ghost chili peppers. They were pretty good wings but they were no substitute for the great fried chicken they used to serve.

Chicken Tenders, Fried Onion Strings, Burning Valley Ranch, Coleslaw. It ain't no bone-in chicken but their tenders were always pretty tasty because they were never frozen and made to order. The tender had a nice flaky crunchy crust and juicy inside. The fried onion strings are good but after a few they were nothing more than filler. The Burning Valley Ranch is a spicy version of regular old Ranch but it wasn't spicy at all. The tenders are good but I don't know if I would get them again.

Clam Strip Platter, Tots. Now, this looked glorious... A clam strip dinner that rivals the great HoJo's clam strip dinner from my days of yore. When I was just a little sack, we were so poor that I would whip up a low rent version of fried clams with a can of drained minced clams and crushed up some C-Town brand chips on top of the clams to give it that deep fried crunch factor. But every once in a blue moon, I would get lucky and find some money in the gutter that someone dropped like Charlie Bucket and I would splurge on the early bird specials at Howard Johnson's... Their clam platter was one of my favorites and FITR brings me right back to HoJo's. The medium order is a generous portion and when paired with some tots, you got yerself a feast for fatness.

Windy City Gyro, Tzatziki. Why would anyone order a gyro from a southern vittles joint? Everything else on the menu has always be a pleasant surprise in the past... So, why the fuck not? Ok, I admit, I was going to get the Philly Cheesesteak first. But I had it a couple of times before and it was good but I wanted to see if they could execute a passable version of this Greek street staple. Let me just say... Halal Guys ain't got shit on this. For a southern fry joint, the gyro was totally acceptable and the tzatziki sauce was flavorful and thick unlike many other places that dilute it to maximize volume. The gyro meat was factory made but it worked with the freshness of the other components. I would get it again but the cheesesteak would be my first choice, though.

Even though, there's no fried chicken available on their relaunch in their new smaller location, their menu is still pretty extensive and the food execution has been consistent and totally acceptable. Are they back on their game? Close but with some more time working with a smaller kitchen they will get their groove back sooner rather than later. I'm just happy they have re-opened and their menu still has most of their fan favorites. I just pray that the 86 of the fried chicken is just a hiatus for the time being... Hopefully, with enough complaints from their loyal patrons they will bring back their dericious fried chicken. They are not complete without it. But not all is lost, Popeyes excellent fwied cheekan can easily replace that void just a few steps away.

Not that I would get Popeyes right after eating all of this grub...

3892 Lavista Rd
Tucker, GA 30084
https://www.forkintheroadga.com/


Ok, sue me and call me a fat fuck... But I couldn't resist walking over next door for the $10 "2 can dine" meal deal and their shrimp tackle box for a little midnight snack at home. What?! FITR's infamous fried chicken was not available... Their loss is Popeyes' gain. That will teach FITR not to get rid of their fwied cheekan... How can you say no to this? It's glorious.

You. Complete. Me... Now, I can die of a heart attack in my sleep...

Bonchon

Some numbnut once said, "Life is a journey, not a destination"... Unless the journey has fried chicken on every other block, I want to get to my destination AS-friggin-AP. So, why the fuck would anyone drive all the way to down to bumblefuckville? The answer is simple... They has cheekan! But, c'mon, Pouch, do you really need to go all the way down to Fayetteville for some fwied fowl? Listen, my darlings, this ain't some jack shack ghetto pigeon deep fried in recycled Castrol oil with 18,000 miles on it... This is Bonchon Corean fwied cheekan, motherfuckers... I ate that dericious shit like every week in NYC. Trust me, it's worth the drive. Wait, I take that back... Bonchon is kickass in NYC but not every expansion location is the same as the others. No matter, I'm still game for anything that has to do with Corean fwied cheekan. Famous last words...
Where the fuck am I? Jesus, this half-a-horse town is as depressing as a Microwave for One cookbook. There's even a H-Mart down here but it's like the walking dead apocalypse up in this piece. There are no food shacks opened for business inside, no customers and no life. This is prolly the most wretched H-Mart I  have ever been in. But why are you in a H-Mart when you are supposed to be at Bonchon? Ok, you got me, mofos! I wanted to see if they had KFC in here... What? Since, I am driving all the way down here, this fat fuck is gonna try to eat as much KFC as it can. There's nothing wrong with checking it out... Why not kill two chicks with one Pouch... Hmm, that sounds like a filthy sex act. Alright, enough of this marlarky, I'm getting the fuck outta this dump before I get bitten by a zombie and heading straight to cheekanhead's. Cuz the Pouch ain't got no time to bleed, when it's ready to feed.
This Bonchon is located in a giant strip mall called the Pavilion, who the fuck even knew this existed in hillbilly land. It's the weirdest location for a KFC joint... I didn't know Fayetteville had a significant Korean community. Who did the scouting and demographic research for this location? Mork from Ork? If someone ever offered me a chicken franchise opportunity down here, I would be saying nanu nanu... That's Korean for "Hell, no, motherclucker!".
Walked in and was expecting the Annyeonghaseyo! greeting but got crickets instead... Some kid comes up and says, "Yo, how many in yo crew?" Wha da fuk... Am I getting punked by a K-Popper wannabe? Are you going to pop and lock me to the table? This shit is weird as fuck already. But the server that took my order was a sweet chubby little FOB.
Let's get to it shall we...

A simple menu that is music to my ears and a feast for the eyes... Let's see if the Pouch's facehole and bowels approve..

 

Popcorn Chicken. This was a special... And it sure was special. The panko crust was crispy and crunchy but the cheekan morsels inside were kinda a non-event. They were flavorless and the spicy mayo sauce made it even more tasteless... How can that be, Pouch? Because all you taste was the mayo jizz in your dirty mouth. The honey made it a little better if you drizzled it all over it... But no way in hell would I order this again. No wonder it was a special... For the special people.

Bibimbap with fried tofu. I don't even know why I ordered this... Maybe I was looking for some balance and variety... Maybe I'm just a stupid fat lardass that should just stick to the KFC plan and nothing else. Ok, the runny egg was great but even after mixing it all up, this crap in a bowl was bland as fuck... How does a crock chock-filled with different ingredients have absolutely no taste? No amount of gochujang could save this giant bucket of hobo filler. A toothless wino on Peachtree and Pine wouldn't even eat this if you gave it to him wrapped up in a hanbok.
Let's skip this nightmare and get to the good stuff already for crying out loud...

Combo 6 Wings and 3 Drums, half spicy & half soy garlic. Jesus Christ, did they air fry this? It looked like the walking dead of cheekan. That crust looked soggy, sad and old as fuck... Like some old hag's wrinkly elbow skin. I swear I saw a Whisperer wear this on their face in the last episode. They say the best way to eat a chicken is with one leg behind each ear... But this is some rancid looking cheekan poontang. Let's see if it's doable if we turn it around on the other side...

Somehow, this looked a lot more appetizing from this side... It's all about the angle of view like an illusion. Kinda like the drawing of the old witch but if you turned it upside down it turns into a hot bangable broad. This was a similar concept, but the cheekan was far from a hot edible chick even from this angle. Why did I break my golden rule of always getting it naked with the sauce on the side... Well, they didn't allow their sauce on the side because they want to make sure it was dressed and coated properly... I know, what a crock of shit, right? Look at that specimen, the sauce was tossed so unevenly... It's like they used a squirt bottle on it. I ain't pumping to this in my dweams anytime soon.
Do I eat a wing or a leg first? Let's go with the safe route and start with a wing... Meh, the sauces made the crust soggy as a sea squirt. Seriously, it was like eating pruney skin after falling asleep in the hot tub. No crunch, no crisp, nothing except a salty after taste on the soy garlic laced lukewarm fowl. The spicy was as spicy as the honey from the popcorn chicken. Neither, the wings nor the legs were anything to write home about... Unless you live in a homeless shelter. Shit, if that stinky hobo wouldn't eat the bibimbap, he would definitely not be sampling this KFC... Even if you promised him a new squeegee.

The KFC here were not prepared the same way as they do in NYC, not even close. No wonder they're hiding down in Fayetteville and not located in the metro Atlanta area. The cheekan was not good at all, ok, it was god awful... I would even eat Brew and Bird's fake ass KFC before this again. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy or millennial hipsters... Wait, the place was fucking full of them man-bun douches. Fayetteville gets what Fayetteville deserves... But every cloud has a silver lining and that is they are too far for me to do anything stupid when I'm libationing on the brown juice. Don't waste you time if you're serious about your KFC.

Flush.

120 Pavillion Pkwy
Suite C
Fayetteville, GA 30214
https://bonchon.com/korean-fried-chicken-fayetteville-ga/