Sushi Avenue West Ponce

I have been to their square location a couple times before and it's aight, average at best... But my last visit to the West Ponce location was many many moons ago and I don't remember it at all... So, it was time to make a revisit and see how they're doing these days. Ok, I admit my first choice was to go to Sushi House Hayakawa but I was putzing around and it was getting later and I didn't want to drive all the way up there... So, this joint was like number 29 on my list, but since it was closer and given that I'm fat and lazy, this became my runner up at 9:45 PM on a Friday night. Jesus, how fucking lazy can I be to settle for what could be a very mediocre meal...
Walked in and there were still a handful of people in there (good sign), I went straight for the sushi bar like I usually do, so I can get the fuck in and out quick without all the mindless chit chat with the server and waving her down at the end looking for my check. Things started ok, I scanned the sushi selection and it was acceptable... That was until they started to break down 2 of the 3 sushi cases. WTF, yo! They left only a few selections in the last case but if they did it right it could be fine. I also hate when they start cleaning the cases while there's customers still sitting at the sushi bar... Listen motherfucker, I don't want to watch you scrub down the fucking case right in front of my snout with all that cleaning product smell while I'm eating. Is that ok with you? I gave them the 1000 yard stare from 15 inches away and it had no effect, he just kept squirting his water hose all over the case splashing a few droplets of fish tainted water in my eyeball. Stop it already, fucker. So, manning the last case was an old Indian dude that looked like he just came off the boat with a stack of tiffins in each hand... Oh, fuck, here we fucking go... Put on your seat belt, my one dedicated reader... It's gonna be a bumpy ride and I'm fresh outta blow. Wait a minzie, it's just a quick bite of some sooshee... How bad can it be? It's not like I'm trying to do a 11 course omakase...

Mixed Tempura. I wanted some fried shit... So, I got this standard issue assortment of veggies and skrimpz. It was generic, nothing memorable... But at least it was hot and crispy when it came out. Tempura is an art form, it could suck ass or become a zen experience... There's a resto in NYC that is dedicated only to the art of tempura frying, Tempura Matsui, and it kicks some serious ass crack.

Spider Roll. Fuck, I can't resist this damn roll... Wait, strike that, I can't resist that fucking deep fried soft shell crab. I know it's gringorized as fuck but there's a special place in my nether region for crabs... Inside the pouch. This version was just so-so. The fried crab seemed like it was prepared ahead of time and lacked the crispiness and juiciness of a freshly fried one. The sushi rice was bland and unseasoned, throwing some sesame seeds on top doesn't season it or give it that rice vinegar hint to it. Overall, it was very middling and I have no cravings to have another here ever again made by Gandhi-san... Unless it's baked in a tandoori oven.

Miso Soup and Carrot Ginger Salad. Your standard instant miso and the cracker ass cracker salad that has nothing to do Japanese cuisine but somehow it has become the new normal because the dressing has ginger in it.

Sashimi Nigiri Combo. Look at this depressing assortment... You got your basic tuna, salmon, what looked to be yellowtail, ebi, surf clam, escolar and some mysterious fish... Which turned out to be sea bass. First of all, 1. the selection was total generic garbage and B. the knife skills were just amateur, shit, not even amateur, it was trainee level... And III. it all tasted like warm shit. No one needs to cut 1.5" thick slices of fish for sashimi or nigiri. They were so thick you just keep chewing and chewing like pinching wads of Big League Chew. Thicker doesn't mean better, it made me mad instead. Then there's the mound of fucking escolar which no respectable sushi joint would serve unless you like to shit your pants on the way home. Escolar is a cheap ass piece of waxy fish and cheap sooshee joints serve that shit because they know they can get away with it with their demographics. I've seen "sushi connoisseurs" eat that shit by the pounds and declare it's so fresh and so clean clean... Except your underpants, pal. Then came time to sample the "sea bass"... It was the most horrific looking piece of fish on this plate. Shit had bruise marks and black veins running all through it like a dead hooker in the trunk of an Oldsmobile. I sniffed it and something was definitely off but I was no stranger to eating smelly fish before but that usually happens in the basement of a fraternity party... I had to do it for my one reader, so I took a small bite of it and the shit was disgusting... The smell, texture and taste to it was god awful it made dry heave like a guppy out of water. How fucking dare they serve this shit to people... Then I looked at the clientele around the joint and understood right away why they could get away with this. I actually watched Gandhi-san slice the fish and plate this dish... I knew it was gonna be bad but not this bad. Why was this motherfucker working at a sushi joint? He had zero skills or training as a sushi chef which was obvious. At least put him in the fucking back kitchen out of sight and let him work the fryer, but definitely not on the front line where the customers can see this curry goat rodeo of epic proportions... It was a fucking travesty. He was so proud of his creations... Jesus, he had the same shit eating grin on his face like a child just finished making sushi out of Play-Doh for his parents to see. As for the tuna, it was passable and the color was not revolting... The salmon on the other hand tasted like they were beating it with a Whiffle Ball bat, shit was all broken up and mushy. Oh, and there were also some Cali roll on the side which we all know are just cheap filler to make you think you got a deal. The sushi rice here was just poorly prepared sans vinegar, I don't think they understand how important the sushi rice is vs. the fish. The sushi on this visit was so hideous that it wasn't even fit for chum... Which reminds me one time I took this blind date to the beach, she was so ugly people came up to me and asked me what I used for bait...

There was a reason why I haven't been back to this location in so many years... The pouch's instincts are undeniable, that motherfucker has a sixth sense. And this dump makes no sense. If you're forced to come here, stick with the cooked shit, don't even dare to think about having the "sushi". Do yourself a favor and get some Play-Doh over at CVS across the street and make yourself some sushi out of it... It will taste a lot better.
So, I know y'all are wondering if  I shat my pants from the escolar? No, but I went home right after this shit show and straight to the toilet for some two finger diet action... I was finger banging my facehole until I squirted it all back out... Because I refuse to wake up with hives all over the next morning.

Flush.

308 W Ponce de Leon Ave
Decatur, GA 30030
http://www.sushiavenuedecatur.com/