Bloated Pouch

The Pouch spent more money boozing this weekend than on solid chow... But that's not to say it didn't eat it's share, just not the usually amount like an elephant. Still bloated at the time of this writing.

The Barn Smokehouse.

I have driven passed this joint many times and never thought about stopping by because the parking lot is always empty and they look closed most of the time. So, finally pulled in to see what the fuss was about. Sliced brisket, pulled pork, brunswick stew, collards and cornbread. We'll get to the meat later but first the sides... Collards were pretty standard but they weren't braised/cooked down with any bones/hocks/trimmings, so it wasn't as flavorful as it could be. The brunswick stew was nice, not the best but very nice. Not overly sweet and cloying like most places and they have a good amount of meat/veggies/fillers ratio. I liked the stew a lot. The cornbread is standard issued cornbread. But the whiskey ginger I just made makes up for it.

Brisket and Pulled Pork. Look at that rub/bark on this manmeat... Thank goodness the SCOTUS made it legal for anyone to get married because I want to take this beast on a honeymoon and commit at least half a dozen of unspeakable acts to it. Did I say that out loud? I must still be drunk. It had really nice flavor and smoke. The meat was ultra tender and just a small amount of fat that haven't totally rendered out which was perfect. I have been missing out after all this time. This was a really nice classic brisket. The pulled pork was no slouch either... Real nice rub/caramelized skin, tender meat. Just a really nice pulled pork. What the fuck is going on here? Two for two... Someone kick me in the balls, I may be sleep-drinking. I will be back to try their ribs, even if they suck, there's always the brisket to fall back on... And there's also that flask filled with Whistle Pig in my back pocket.


Book House Pub.

Chef Liu's Dumplings. WTF... Is this a joke? C'mon, stop fucking with my emotions. How can these be good served anywhere else besides at Chef Liu's. Let's be stupid and order it. I gotta be real stupid to pay $7 for 5 dumps. Let's see how dumb I can become after eating them... And these shots of Larceny.

Flipped them over to only see the injustice done to these poor dumps. Barely browned and crispy. Wait, they weren't crispy bottoms at all, just sweaty like my swamp ass after riding all day. I don't know why they would even try to attempt to cook these but these pan fried dumps is obviously reserved only for Asian cooks to execute. These were awful. Maybe the first thing I have ever had here that was this shitty. Leave Asian food to the Asians. Bless their hearts for trying... And their dericious whiskey.


Pijiu Belly.

Don't call it a comeback, this chicken's been here for years... Well, it seems like it's been sitting under the heat lamp for years. So, I came back to see if anything has gotten any better since the first dismay display of their rotisserie cheekan. Sadly to say, nothing has changed for the better. The chicken while crispy on the outside this time, but the inside was dry and bland. The brussels sprouts were pretty good though except for that white jizz on top. It could be either Alabama white sauce, Donkey sauce or Comeback sauce... Or neither because I ain't coming back here ever again... After this borderline old fashioned.

"Famous"... Maybe in Bizarro World. I give up trying to give bad poultry second chances... Nothing to come back here for. Nada. Going across the street for an oyster shooter.


Popeyes.

Smoky Garlic Chile Chicken. Another one of Pops monthly concoctions... The ultra crispy tender always delivers but the smoky garlic chile really didn't translate into the flavor of the chicken. It's pretty muted but you taste the garlic every now and then. Biscuit was great as usual and the red beans and rice a classic. Stick with the bone in spicy fwied cheekan... And a 40, one for the homies.


Roux on Canton.

Oysters. I was in the area for some Harley biker rally and decided to make some noise and scare the timid whities in their suburban bubble. Cocktails and oyster sounded good to me... These were from Virginia somewhere but I know where they're going for their retirement. Git in my belly. These were pretty tasty but they're no Kimball House. Some oysters were really butchered to pieces by the shucker dude in back and thrown on the half melted ice platter haphazardly. But they still went down all the same. Another High West Double Rye, pweez.

Beignets. Cafe Du Monde need not be worried about the competition. Dough was too heavy and a bit chewy. Keep them whiskey coming, you bum.


Victory.

Castro. I go to the Decatur one for twosday bike nights. It's a good crowd and you don't find any Buckhead douche nozzles here on a week day. The new Inman Park one is full of them. The castro is one of my go to sandos here but they're all good in their own rights. Sandos are cheap and filling. One is a great snack, two is an even better snack. Don't forget the coke slushie... Large, pweez.

Sometimes, food is so lackluster and unappealing that all you want to do is drink... I think this is about the right time to go on an extended brown liquid diet... Until, better grub surfaces. Which could be tomorrow...

Mizumi Ramen

This place has been around for a bit. Finally, got the balls to commit to driving all the way the fuck up here in limboland. This joint isn't as far as Umaido but shit, it ain't no 5 minute commute either. The owners are Chinese but they lived in Japan for awhile and decided to open up a joint in this area. The menu looks real decent. A lot of classic hits and a few little surprises, too. But I'm here for the tonkotsu ramen.

Looks legit... With all the signs plastering the front. Such FOBs.

Mizumi Spicy Hamburger. It's basically like Xi'an Famous Foods spicy lamb burger but with pork instead. The pork and cilantro filling was decently spicy and pretty damn tasty but the bun was the real star of the show. The quadrillage marks were great and the bun was perfectly toasted on the outside and still moist on the inside. It held together well even with absorbing all the pork's spicy juices.   

Tori Karaage. Fried cheekan nuggets were thigh meat and real juicy which was nice but the batter just didn't do it for me. It was too dry and lacked that great delicate crunch factor. It was just too thick and hard. Too bad because the thigh meat was spot on seasoned very nicely. I would not get this again unless they change the batter, that takes a lot for me to say no to fwied cheekan.

Tonkotsu Ramen. Looks pretty decent but the broth is a little dull vs. the creaminess of great tonkotsu. This version may have some chicken bones involved... But the broth was pretty nice. Good flavor but the collagen level is pretty low to mid range. Kept smacking my lips with every spoonful and got nothing sticky. The soy stewed egg was real nice, the skin had a sharp salty bite and the yolk was runny, perfect. The chashu was thinly sliced and very savory. The corn gave a little snap and texture but the spinach was kinda boring, thrown in there for color.

Thin noodles (thick noodles is the other option). Stick with the thin if you want more traditional ramen. They were springy and toothy. Just the right amount of bite. This tonkotsu ramen ain't bad, was pretty decent overall but the broth can not be water down too much or else it just ain't a tonkotsu. This version was acceptable.

Open kitchen.

I would come back here more if it was closer to town but I would make another trip with other people to try out more of the snacky items and other ramen. I like the place, the prices are good and the girl working there is hot as balls.

611 Satellite Blvd Suite 11
Duluth, GA 30097
678-682-3400
http://www.mizumiramen.com/ 

Gypsy Kitchen

The problem with two restos with two different cuisines next to each other with the same chef running both restos is that it could be really good or suck swamp ass. If the cook sucks at cooking it will bleed across the entire line of both kitchens. Southern Gentleman was awful, god awful. It was not southern (ok maybe southern Jersey) nor a gentleman (it was like a fist pumping ginzo convention in Franklin Square, Long Island).
So, they just got a new chef with a decent resume for both restos... Why are they still only using one chef to run both restos?! That is fucking retarded. They spent so much money on both places (money can't buy you taste.), why be a cheap fuck and hire one chef... It is baffling. It was pretty obvious that the previous chef was just way over his head handling both restos (bless his heart), so, let's continue on that great streak.
 If you're gonna do a tapas/pintxos style joint, get someone that looks the part at least... You know, someone like Luis Guzman from Waiting. Ok, I am just busting balls because SG was so bad overall that I'm thinking this place can't be much better... So, after putting it off for months and months, I'm making an appearance with the new cook at the helm. Let's hope he's got his shit together tonight... Because Cooks & Soldiers is not that far away for a back up plan...

Double Fisting. The bartender was prolly the worst bartender I have seen in this state. Who the fuck hired it? Because that GM needs to be fired. I have never seen someone who hates their job so much and ignore customers like it was her house and she's doing you a favor by letting you stay. If she was some world class bartender that's one thing but she couldn't even make a classic old fashioned and the sazerac was borderline acceptable. I watched her try to do a hard shake... It was like watching Michael J. Fox popping and locking. Just give me a shot of Eagle Rare, can you handle that sweetheart? You twit.

Marcona Almond "Nutella" and Shaved Chorizo. Fancy words doesn't translate to tasty grub. Crusty unchewable hard bread with chocolate spread and cured meat just doesn't sound good. Took one bite and I was done. If I never eat this again it will be too soon. Scrap this crap.
 

Roasted Mushroom Caps. $6 for regular old mushrooms in a very ugly looking parsley hazelnut sauce. I think the parsley goes on after it's cooked for color and garnish. Is there really any cooking skills involved in this dish? Put shrooms in cast iron, pour greasy sauce on top, stick in oven for 6 minzies. I like mushrooms but c'mon, who came up with this... A 5 year old?

Croquetas. Some had chicken in it and others had cauliflower serrano ham in it... Both tasted like mozzarella sticks. Where's the marinara? Next.

Spanish Cigars. These are the cigars I want to stick in Monica Lewinsky's vag... Because I don't ever want to see or eat them ever again. Dates, blue cheese and serrano ham sounds great together but these were incredibly boring in flavor and execution. What did they use for the wrapper... The Constitution? Check the corner for a secret water mark map... Maybe it will tell me where the nearest baño is. Flush.

Patatas Bravas. You better not fuck up fried potatoes. Good, you didn't. Not that these are the hardest things to cook but they tasted ok. But where did they get that nasty water down spicy brava aioli from... Velveeta?

Lamb Kefta Tagine. Serious? It looks like the side of meatballs at Olive Garden. It tasted more like Kroger's 70/30 ground beef in a tube. I'm really stumped here... Is the white jizz in the middle, the egg? Where is the yolk? Where is the promised Moroccan spices and herbs? It reminded me of the meat sauce from a can of Hunt's for $1. Where they get this recipe from... Food Network? You know they did!

Kataifi Wrapped Shrimp. This has got to be the biggest gimmick dish on the entire menu. It's like they ripped this off of Robuchon. Is there a hamachi jalapeno on the menu? No(bu)? I'm sure there will be soon. This is supposedly stuffed with chorizo... I guess they skipped a step. And the piquillo pepper aioli tastes eerily similar to the spicy brava aioli found with the tater dish. Bro, fess up and admit it's the same damn thing.

Confit Spanish Octopus. C'mon, how do you know it's really Spanish octo? Those patatas bravas don't look like potato puree as promised... Maybe after you chew it up (interactive dining is so in right now). The octo was tender but totally flavorless. And how is this octo confit? There was no hint of olive oil. It tasted like it was just poached off in water. Stop lying to people to make it sound more exotic.

Chilled Charred Steamed Leeks. Come again? That's a lot of different cooking methods you got there, son. Make up your mind and just cook the damn thing. There's something called leek ash on here.. Good luck finding and identifying it. I just don't get this dish. It's like desperation on a plate to fill up the menu.

Paella "Fried Rice". Stop it. Stop this nonsense. And stop the fried egg on top of everything. Next thing you know they will put parmesan cheese on churros. This dish wasn't god awful but I know why they made it a fried rice instead of a real paella... Because fried rice is fucking easy to make. I have yet to find a real paella in any resto in this town. They charged $20 for this, you can get the same shitty fried rice found at Chico & Chang for $4.95. 

Marcona Almond Tikka Masala Chicken. Is this a racist joke? Nothing on here resembles anything close to Indian cuisine. It's just plain grilled chicken on a stick, wait, tough and chewy chicken on a stick... I think they microwaved it. The ramekin had nothing that looked like cauliflower couscous, it's black. And that thing hiding in the back from embarrassment wants to be a naan but it's just a roti that's been sitting in a pan of grease. Quick, fold it up and maybe no one will notice behind this lime and cilantro.

Butifarra. Catalan sausage... So they promised. It tasted just as good as the housemade sausage at Publix. It's $20 here for one flesh flute and Publix gives you 5 wieners for less than $5. Go figure.

Pan Roasted Pork Tenderloin. The pork itself was cooked fine even though it was way under-seasoned. Romesco sauce was tasteless and the crispy leeks are on here for what again... To take up space? It's just a really really boring dish when it shoulda been full of flavor.

Churros. Have they gone full retard on this? So, what is it... Savory or sweet? You can't have both. Who puts parmesan cheese on top of churros with the damn chocolate sauce next to it. And what's with that skidmark on that spoon? Is that the cook's tasting spoon he forgot to take off this dish? Come to think of it, I don't think any cooks in this place actually tastes the food they put out. 
  

Flan. I give up.

The entire experience involved more of scratching my head than rubbing my tummy... And if I did rub my pouch that's because I was in pain from the food gut punch. There is nothing Spanish or Moroccan in taste or flavor, it's just a gimmick to use words associated with it while in reality it's just really poor fusion cooking with basic dishes copied from around the world. Like I said before... You can't have one chef running two different restos with two different cuisines. So, about midway through this anguish and suffering I asked if the new chef was even working tonight since I didn't see anyone at the pass (there were different people just kinda coming by picking up the food randomly)... I was told he left the premises abruptly about 3 hours ago and wasn't coming back for the night. Hmmm... A brand new cook leaves his position at prime time. Interesting. I have my own assumptions on that move but you can make your own. I think we all know how this will end. But this is Buckhead where the crowds are superficial, drinks are expensive and poorly made and the food is just for conversation. Which is why this place won't be going anywhere soon... Except maybe for the chef.

I will be crying myself to sleep tonight... Again.

3035 Peachtree Rd NE Suite A209
Atlanta, Georgia
404-939-9840
www.gypsykitchenatl.com

Smokemasters Ribs 'N Pollo

This place finally opened... In the middle of nowhere. I think it's called Lilburn or Lilith Fair. There are a lot of butch looking women in these here parts or is that a man? I can't tell with all the overalls, bad tattoos, facial hair and bowl cuts. I was up here picking up some tools and I remember seeing the sign for this place months ago but the inside was always empty. Now, they're up and running and I was interested to see what was up with their BBQ. There's really not much of a variety here... The menu consists of ribs, rib tip and Peruvian chicken... But from time to time, they do a few brisket. Lucky me, they had a couple slabs of brisket on this visit. The people are very nice here but the place just doesn't remind me of a BBQ joint. It's too empty, sparse and sterile and there is no aroma of smoke that puts you in the mood for some good eatin'. Also, the real smokers are out back supposedly and the only contraption inside is the coal and wood burning rotisserie for the Peruvian chicken. There's some meat in a hot box on the counter which doesn't exactly say quality. But you never know until the pouch delivers the verdict...

Pile O' Ribs. They looked kinda dried out sitting in that hot box.

Brisket.

Hand slicing with a cleaver. Dry rub looked decent but no smoke ring. Supposedly, they do the brisket in the chicken rotisserie.

This was $6 worth of meat... A couple measly slices of brisket. The thing that I do not like them doing here or anywhere else that I pay for food is reheating the meat in a microwave... Yeah, in a fucking microwave after it has been sitting in that hot box. That is a big no no. Besides that malpractice issue, the brisket was pretty tender and moist, but the rub didn't impart any flavor into the meat and there were fat globs spotted here and there. So, you're chewing and spitting...Like a good hillbilly should with a wad of Kodiak in your mouth.

More brisket from another slab. So, I wanted to sample another brisket and see if the quality was better. The portions are ultra chintzy on the brisket... What are you saving it for? The brisket gods? Pal, this brisket isn't gonna win any awards, even in Alaska.

Rib Tip Sandwich. I sampled a small bit of the ribs, they were dry and chewy as expected sitting in that hot box. So, let's try the rib tip sando. Once again, the tips are tossed into the nuke box for a few seconds. Pour some super sweet BBQ sauce on it and no one will notice the dryness of the tips. You chew and chew on this thing until your dentures fall out. Not even Poligrip can save the day. I think the bits of bone and cartilage were softer than the meat. 

Peruvian Roast Chicken. I lurv me some Peruvian cheekan. The marinaded chickens in citrus, garlic, cumin, paprika and whatever else you wanna put in there makes this bird juicy as fuck in a rotisserie. It's like heaven... So, how was this version? It was ok, the meat was tender and skin color was roasted nicely but the flavors did not get infused in the coal and wood burning oven. How could that be when it was basking in the rotisserie for hours? For one, this bird was made hours earlier and been sitting in the same hot box with the ribs wrapped in foil which made the skin soggy in order to keep the inside moist. There were no other birds ready at the moment, maybe if I waited for an hour. What a shame, this chicken coulda been really good... Perhaps it woulda been if I had a fresh one that just came out of the rotisserie and been resting for 15 minutes waiting for me. But seriously, don't serve subpar shit when you know it has been tanning in a hot box. Now, for the famous Peruvian green sauce of mayo, lime juice, vinegar, garlic, jalapeno and cilantro... It was more water down mayo than anything else. No hints of heat or citrus and even the color was pale pale green almost white from not using enough of all the required ingredients. I was really craving a nice Peruvian bird since Las Brasas is still in limbo from opening their new location in the old Burnt Fork space, but the Pouch gets fucked again with the colorful signs and friendly smiles. Ok, it wasn't that awful but just don't call it a Peruvian chicken... Maybe something like carnival cheekan. Then people's hopes and dreams aren't shattered after taking the first bite.

Like the name of the place says, it's just ribs and pollo, period. I don't know where Smokemasters come into play here.. But don't expect anything more because you're not gonna get it. They had some limited sides like rice, fries, slaw and beans but there's no time for that nonsense if the main attractions were this underwhelming. Besides the lackluster grub, they were super nice and very proud of what they're trying to do here... I hope they work out for the local yokels but I'm pretty sure I'll be at pho joint next door before I come back here any time soon. Keep working at it and maybe one day you'll be able to right the wrongs you did to the pouch.

Bless their hearts..

4805 Lawrenceville Hwy 
Ste104 
Lilburn, GA 30047
678-788-4683 

Just Loaf'n

I remember this place when it was in Buckhead, it was pretty decent overall... Haven't been back since. So, after a few years of hiatus, I went back to see what's up with this place on beautiful Boulevard. I remember the 'Fronch' bread was kinda puffy and no one really eats the ends where there's no filler, so, If you do have leftover bread, you can feed the bums hanging around here like pigeons... It's a lot of fun to watch them chickenheads cluck around the parking lot. Alrighty, let's see if they got shittier or still tasty after all these years.

Soft Shell Crab Po'boy, Jambalaya. The bread looked kinda deflated and it was a bit soft but it tasted ok. But we're here to examine the innards of this creasture. This thing reminded me of a hot nutty ex-gf. Spread this muff open and it is full of crabs... I'm a lucky bastard! I mean, who doesn't want a mouthful of crabs? The only thing I'll be scratching is my bloated pouch afterwards. This was pretty good, I'm not shittin' ya. The jambalaya was pretty spicy, it had a nice kick to it... Pretty surprised they did it since the white folk may find it a bit too much for them.

Oyster Po'boy, Cajun rice. This specimen is full of crispy plump oysters, friggin nice. The breading was good and you can taste the oysters inside. The English muffin looking bread was soft like the other one and held mostly everything intact. It's a better than average po'boy. The cajun rice also had a nice kick to it. They don't mess around here with the spices. I love it that the sides are not bland and really activated your taste buds.

After all these years, they are still putting out respectable po'boys... Next time, gotta check out the Patton's hot sausage. I love sausage... Oh, and speaking of sausage, you can't forgot about the muffaletta. Somehow sausage and muff seem to go together but I'm not holding my breath for that one here. Tough to get a proper muff outside of Central Grocery in NOLA, it's all about the Sicilian bread and olive salad. If you stick to the basics like the po'boys and classic sides, you'll be ok here.


371 Boulevard SE
Atlanta, GA 30312
404-537-6269
http://www.justloafnpoboys.com/

Villaggio Gastro Italian

The people from Publik and Baraonda opened a new Italian joint in the Emory strip mall where Community Q is. I always liked those two places and now let's take a look at their new Eyetalian spot... But wait, I know what y'all are saying. Wasn't there an Eyetalian joint here already with the same name? Yes and no, this new ownership version is called Villaggio Gastro Italian instead of Villagio Italian Kitchen. There were some behind the scenes deal made that the name stays kinda the same... So, hence the two "g"s. Weird, but whatever. They can call it "Yo Mama's Hairy Pits Shack" for all I care, I'm here for the grub. Ok, I admit anything with the word "Gastro" makes me weary these days but at least it doesn't have "Grille" attached to the end. I guess it's time to see if they can deliver the goods better than the previous spot.

Polpo. Everyone has octopus on their menu just like calamari. But not all can execute it properly. This specimen was pretty spot on. Tender with a bit of char from the grill is all that I ask for and all that I received. This was a very decent and tasty version.

Eggplant Parmigiana. Classic style. Not bad as an appetizer, nice midsize Italian eggplant, sauce was a bit thin but totally acceptable. The grease factor in the corners were not too overwhelming, totally acceptable.

Meatballs. The balls were tender and decent size, but needed more seasoning since they were a bit on the flat side. They were sitting in a bit too much liquid/sauce...

Holy shit, the pool of grease was a bit shocking... Unless this was a meatball confit. There is pretty much no excuse for putting this much grease into the final plating of this dish. Always check your dishes when it comes through the pass, pal.

Pappardelle Bolognese. Nice ribbons of pasta, good amount of meat blend of veal and pork but the sauce needed a bit more herbs and seasoning. Well constructed dish and totally acceptable.

Margherita. A bit unexpected visually, not the Marg 'Za I hoped for... But the crust was pretty decent, the sauce was blanketed by the shredded mozza instead of bufala. Not bad for a regular plain 'Za pie but a traditional Margherita tis not. I would skip this and try one of the other pies instead.

Tiramisu. I don't do desserts, they are all just ass and thigh filler to me. Took one bite just to sample this specimen and it was pretty good. Soft mascarpone and flavorful with the expected coffee and cocoa notes.

First impressions were pretty good overall except they need to work on the grease factor before sending it out. I don't want to make a big fuss about it but others definitely will... The amount of grease was almost obscene in the meatballs. It's a pretty straight forward Italian menu with the classic hits, just needs to work on the execution a bit more as they get their routine down. It's Eyetalian grub not plastic surgery... Get a carbonara on there and nail it and I'll be back pronto. I think it will do pretty well in this area since it's a little more upscale than many of the other places around here. The prices are good and so is the staff.

1355 Clairmont Rd, Decatur, GA 30033
404-235-0620
http://www.villaggiogastro.com

Puffy Pouch

Sometimes the pouch don't care about going to pricey fancy pants sit down restos that are the "it" resto of the week... Sometimes the pouch want something that is not so fresh and so clean clean... Sometimes the pouch just wants to eat with his hands. Let's see what slop the pouch has been getting it's hands dirty on... Riding dirty.

El Rio Grande.

Al Pastor, Chorizo, Lengua. This dump is nowhere near Atlanta, it's like in Jonesboro or something. Basically, a place where you don't want live for any length of time... But they do have some ethnic restos up and down this strip, especially, a bunch of Vietnamese resto (good luck finding a banh mi at any of these places, pho is their deal).. So, I naturally settled for Mexican't. This place smelled like a mix of cleaning products and ass funk when you walk in, it is so strong that it almost makes you want to turn around... Until you read the menu. They have a decent selection of tacos and all I wanted was a quick snack. The homemade tortillas were really nice but needed a little bit more time on the flat top because it was a bit flimsy and broke easily. The offal/meat fillers were all surprisingly very good, the lengua was the best. At a $1.75 a piece it wasn't a bad deal at all... But I'm still in love with the 79 cent tacos in Plaza Fiesta food court. That shit is the real deal... In taste and price.


Madras Mantra.

Dos Dosas. Yeah yeah, I know I'm mixing up Mexi and Indie there... But at the end of the day, Mexican't slop looks eerily similar to Indian gruel. The dosas are really just tortillas stuff with shit just like a taco. Tell you what though.. This new Indie resto in the former spot of Saravana Bhavan has a pretty decent lunch buffet even though it's vegetarian. Yeah, can you imagine that? No meat and I'm totally ok with it. If you order the dosa off the menu, it is fucking huge... Think of a traffic cone on a plate, yeah, it's that fucking big. I like their style... Except for the water dripping from the ceiling on one full side of the resto. Is that a water feature? Fucking weird ass shit.

Crap on a plate. I know what y'all are thinking... Is that a doughnut? Fuck yeah it is! Never knew they liked doughnuts but it was good. The naan were hard as matzo crackers sitting in that steam table bin, so wait for a fresh batch to come out or ask them for it. Overall, the options were kinda limited but it was tasty even though it was kinda pricey for a vegetarian lunch buffet ($28 for two). I would come back for the regular menu next time.


Penang Malaysian Cuisine.

Roti Canai. This is hands down the best roti canai in this town. So many other places uses the frozen stuff and some even hand you a friggin Chinese scallion pancake to trick you. You motherfuckers can't trick me with that shit. The roti is pretty awesome here but the curry on this visit was a bit thin and lacked the usual kick. Still good, though.

Pandan Ayam. Fuck me, I forgot how goddamn good these wings were. I missed them. They come out piping fucking lave hot but I didn't care if I burn the shit outta my face hole... It's like eating out Hannah Davis on her period, they are both totally worth it.

Hokkien Char Mee. Yes, egg noodles braised in thick soy sauce... This can't be salty at all. It's a good helping of noods and seafood on a plate. Let's mix it all up first...  

Almost looks like the Chinese zha jiang mien after mixing it all up... Everything nicely coated with a nice facial of the soy jizz. Overall, the taste isn't bad in the beginning but I kinda lost interest in it halfway through. Bring the shit home, stick it in the fridge, let it marinade and it will become the best fucking grub you have ever eaten after a long night out of drankin' at 2AM. Pine cones go in here, party liquors come out here and proceed to here... (points to pouch).

Curry Beef Stew Noodles. It looked good when it came out but after a few slurps it kinda fell flat on the interest level. The beef were ultra tender which were great but the egg noodles and soupy curry juice were kinda lackluster. It sounded so good on paper but was kinda like seeing a girl with a sick ass bod from behind until you see it's butterface. Like the old saying goes... Good from afar but far from good.


Shorty's.

They were having some BBQ cook out on this visit at their Tucker location. Pulled pork, cheekan, corn, beans, slaw and brunswick stew... Why the hell not? You can pile your plate way the fuck high up but I didn't want to fill up with just this because I wanted a 'Za, too. The Q wasn't bad, it's like going to a friend's house for a backyard BBQ. It's that kinda quality, good but it won't win any contests. 

Weird Al Yankovich. Red Sauce & Pesto, Black Forest Ham, Feta, Pineapple. Sounds pretty good, huh? But looks just ok for this pie. The cheese on here reminded me of a massive facial by Peter North on this poor teen from a 90's porn, that fucker must overdose on zinc, big time. The crust is pretty good, a bit of char and a nice pull. It ain't Napoletana style but turned out pretty tasty. Except when you let it sit for a bit and a nice pool of grease forms in the center. Solution- Pull the slices apart and let them sit on the edge of the pan, the grease kinda stays in the middle. The 'Za is better than average but no way on the top 10 on my list. But I still like the place.


Until next time, bitches... Keep calm and pump and squirt on.