Coco Cabana

Drove around for awhile and I couldn't find a place worth eating so this joint was kinda a last minute thing. I was always curious about this space and since I was up this way in the rural country, I figured I see first hand what the fuss was about. Ok, there isn't really any excessive excitement about this place, it's just a very large strange space to me... Reminds me of a Laser Tag arena from 1986. I was curious to see how the Latin underworld operated at night. When you walk in, you kinda expected to see Tony Montana sitting in a giant red velvet chair smoking a Romeo y Julieta double corona behind a mound of nose candy... But instead you get Felipe from Jack's Bistro giving free salsa lessons while older gringos sip on college spring break themed drinks. The 80's is still alive and well in here... Is that Crocketto and Tubbos in the corner booth? I did see a white Testarossa body kit on a Fiero outside, it was sa-weet!
As with many ethnic restos nowadays, they try to infuse some hip modern aspects to show that they are down with the times or OPP (other people's pouch). The modern bar with neon blue lights that you usually find under import tuners stretches the entire length of the back wall feels out of place as with the late 70's kung fu movies being shown on the TVs during my visit but I have a feelings this is an ongoing program. C'mon, they want to be hip like Victory or Grindhouse, can you blame them.. In reality, this place is an interior designer's worse nightmare but I am digging the shit outta it for some fucked up reason... Maybe it's my low rent NYC upbringing and I also feel very comfortable and welcomed surrounded by a sea of well upholstered muffin tops. Speaking of which, it's time for a fill up...

Empanadas, Pollo, Carne and Queso. The bubbles on the dough always reminds me of the shitty Americanized eggrolls you get at any corner American-Chino dump. These are the Cuban version of it. But they are not half bad because they were fried to order. The fillings were just OK, shredded orange colored wet chicken, ground beef a la Manwich style filling but less flavorful and the queso was gooey inside only on one side, if you cut that in half to share, someone is SOL. The pink thing inside the covered petri dish is still a mystery to me.

Sandwich Cubano and Tostones. For the price this was a hefty portion. At first glance this was no Pan American Bakery's Cubano (the best in the city) but this thing didn't look wack either. They do pile it up with a good amount of standard issue Cubano filler but they put way too much mustard in it. The flavors were acceptable but it could have been flattened just a tad bit more in the press. Tostones, not all that but they could be useful in moving furniture around.

 

Chuletas de Cerdo. What is this? This ain't no pork chops. Looks like the mud flaps on the 1987 Isuzu Pup pickup the pig came in on... She told me not to order these. Did I listen? Noooo and I'm stuck with these paper thin meat skins flapping in the wind. This entree has got to be a joke.. I know a great vaginal rejuvenation surgeon that can fix this. The goddamn chopped parsley a la Emeril still exists? Did they not get the memo from 1989? Chopped parsley on the rim of a plate makes me wanna punch a Brazilian guinea pig in the nads... Before they roast it, of course.

Black beans, "yellow" rice and maduros. Where's the feather quill pen and parchment? I have to draw up the Bill of Rights and send it in to the Continental Congress... Could that bowl of black beans be filled with anymore canned juice? Standard issued black beans drowning in it's own funk with minimal seasoning. The orange rice would be a hit at Panda Express along with their orange cheekan. The maduros weren't half bad.

Their cocktail menu was straight from a Myrtle Beach college bar during spring break back in 1990. The first drink on the list says it all... 

As cheesy as this place was, I kinda liked it. The food was pedestrian as fuck but they make up for it in the entertainment department... I have never seen so many middle aged hillbilly gringos embracing the Latino culture via the terrible free salsa lessons by Jimmy Rumba with music by John Legend singing All of Me in half English and Spanish. It was like a chicken truck wreck that you can't look away but enjoyed every minute of it. Next time, I need to stay longer when it turn into a night club after dark. It must be epic. Olé!

4073 Lavista Rd
Tucker, GA 30084

(770) 723-0331

http://cococabanarestaurant.com/