Pouch Giblets

This plump marsupial's new year's resolution is to work out the pouch even more this year... My trainer says I need to start strong from the beginning or else I'll get lazy like a sack of platypus dung. And I must say the pouch is off to a very disciplined start. I'm gonna be ripped by April for my new pouchkini reveal. Who the fuck am I fooling... I'm so obeast even Oprah laughs at me. I have two speeds- chew and swallow... Just make sure you keep your children's hands and feet clear away, it's like a beaver's mouth, sharp, deadly and full of bacteria.

Let's take a look at my workout schedule so far...


Fred's.

Banh Mi with Cauliflower and Eggplant. I thought I would be bored with this after the first couple of bites but this shit was good. Don't tell any vegansexuals that I inhaled this meatless hog. The bread was real good.

Korean Fried Chicken... Sandwich. Yeah, I thought I was gonna get me some real fried chicken but it was between two buns. The kimchi slaw was pretty weak and made a mess. But the thick piece of cheekan was pretty tasty, the crust melted or fell apart into pieces after being steamed inside that foil. It was a good try but I'll skip it next time and stick to the favorites like the burger or cheesesteak.

Fries. These are good french fwied pur-taters... Mmm mm.


Raku.

Tonkotsu. The westside location is not as good as the original, kept me from going back for awhile because of the lackluster experience. But the original location made up for it on my recent last visit. The broth is not as rich or full of collagen (because we know their secret on the stock) but it did the trick on a cold day. If you're smacking your lips after a bowl of sticky collagen full broth you know that was a good bowl. This bowl was decent and fills the pouch but it ain't no rock star.

Shio. Lightly salted broth but after guzzling half the bowl, the salt starts building up. Still a nice bowl of noodle soup.


Ming's.

Wonton Noodle Soup. Day after NYE's, all the crackers were out in full force at all the standby pho joints. So, I sneak into my standby joint for an excellent bowl of WNS. This shit is cheap and one of the better places for it.

Congee with 1000 Year Old Egg and Pork. I can't leave this joint without a bowl of this to eat here or to go. They make a very respectable version besides my own and it really warms the pouch up when it's cold out.


Taqueria El Vecino.

Tacos, Barbacao and Pastor. This joint doesn't even look like a Mexican't joint, it's full of white people working here with bad Spanish accents. I hope the tacos don't take like meatloaf. Corn tortillas, that's a good start. Both proteins looked the same and tasted the same, baffling. I did spy a couple dark skinned hermanos in the kitchen, so I don't know what the fuck is going in there. The rice and beans... Well, you know.

Puerco en Salsa Verde. This was totally the opposite of the tacos. This was actually pretty tasty. They give you a shitload of pork but the salsa verde was pretty watery and bland. The rice and beans... Toot, toot.


The Grove.

Lemon Pepper. I have never been in here before. But I'm glad I did because it's full of old people. I love that shit, watching how the geriatric underworld operates at night. Where do they keep their Rascals and is there a supply of Fixodent behind the bar? I never really got the lemon pepper concept, it's never real lemons, just some powder mix of chems and stale black pepper tossed to coat after frying. They seasoned these very lightly and it didn't have the lemony, peppery kick that it should. The wings are pretty good but the mix was middling.

Naked. Sauce on the side. Thank god, I usually order it this way because they have one sauce. If you want medium, they pour a lil in and toss. If you want hot, they pour a lot of it in and toss. What a crock of shit! I kinda like their thinkin', though... People are pretty stupid they wouldn't even notice. The "hot" sauce tasted like a mix of Cholula and Texas Pete... which is mild-medium at best. The naked wings were spot-on medium size, crispy and juicy. No complaints on the wings, just the stupid hot sauce.

House Salad. For a couple of bucks, this simple house salad was not half bad.


Checker's.

I saw this dynamic duo on the tee vee and thought either this could be the best drunk grub ever or the most diabolical. I got really fucked up one night at some bar and saw this dump on my way home on the corner at a red light, so of course I had to pick this shit up.. Biggest mistake of my life for my poor bowels. Instant IBS. Ok, the second biggest mistake after that incident with a Hot Pocket, a red solo cup and a gerbil. I will spare my one reader the bloody details... Use your imagination, pal. But these two specimens need no imagination, they're as rancid as they look. What kinda of sorcery is this... And can someone tell me which is the chicken or the fish..


Wings N Grill.

This dump is in a corner of a K-Roger strip mall somewhere in Indianville off the Scott Blvd area. The wings are tiny and the extra extra hot sauce is weaker than Stephen Hawking doing curls with a Bic ball point pen. The other flavor was honey BBQ which was HFCS heaven... Shit went straight to my ass and taint for a reach around. Look away and keep moving.


Tin Roof.

Lemon Pepper and Extra Hot Wings. I'm just a glutton for punishment... Well, mostly just a glutton that gets punished for shoveling crap from a plastic picnic bowl into the inner recesses of my volatile bowels. This pairing has been the standard for the pouch. Maybe I'm just trying to see what real lemon pepper wings taste like from a place that actually makes it... And these ain't it. The extra hot wings were medium hot once again. The size of the wings were acceptable, just a tad smaller than the robust medium wings that I expect. 

Chicken Tender and some beat up hobo fries. I love fried cheekan of any background and culture but these had the smell and taste of old fryer oil. Yes, they were crispy and crunchy but that rancid oil flavor is not very appetizing... Ok, maybe after a few cocktails and shots... And a triple dog dare.


Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream.

Chocolate Hazelnut Sandwich. This poontang makes some purdy tasty frozen cream sandwiches. Took a couple of bites and handed it off to a hobo out in the cold... Who said the pouch wasn't giving?

This extended workout made the pouch tysies... Time to crawl back to the church basement and cry myself to sleep.