Little Alley Steak

Canton Street has become real popular with the suburbanites and soccer moms. This is like the hipster area of Roswell... Too bad everyone here is over 40 trying to be that cool kid with who has the most gaudy shit on and how can I top Stephanie's rhinestone boots and muffin top squeezing jeans I got at that over priced rag depot, Francesca's. Wait, what the fuck am I doing up here on a week night?! And why is this area so packed? Do these soccer moms and their slutty cougar friends work or what? Nevermind, y'all, know the answer to that... It rhymes with "On a street corner". But let's take a look at this popular steak house and see what all the fuss is about by the OTP breeders..

Roasted Bone Marrow Canoes. Looks more like horse boners to me but whatever... I'll still ate the shit outta them. They were pretty good, just wished they grilled the bread a little bit for that char flavor.

American Kobe Beef Tatare (Tartare). Nice cubes of fresh meat, hard to distinguish if it was American Kobe or just plain of good beef. Chintzy on the gaufrettes but the tartare was real tasty after mixing it all together.

Ribeye Prime Cut ("abundant marbling"). Hard to see if this was well marbled after it's been cooked even at medium rare but their presentation makes you think it will taste better.. They come out and serve this from the pan to your plate and then spoon all that extra buttery fat on top. I mean any ribeye will taste good swimming in all that fat but this one was pretty tasty. Perfect mid rare and melted in your piehole. No complaints from me.

Bone In NY Strip ("dry aged"). Not many places have dry aged with the specific days aged. This place sources all their meat from a purveyor in Chicago. That town does have some kick ass steaks and importing it to Roswell reflects in the price tag that you'll happily pay. Look at this hunk of man meat, bone in which will please the ladies and bears. Manmeat was perfect medium rare, beautiful red color inside and of course it melts like jizz in your mouth... Both are great for your skin tone I hear.

Creamed Corn. Too me it tasted like it was from a can, not that there's anything wrong with creamed corn from a can. I like that low rent shit.. Mix some parmesan cheese, shallots and butter in there and you got this tasty gruel.

Lobster Mac n Cheese, Mushroom Confit. Lobster mac coulda use a little more gooey and the shroom confit was spot on.

Asparagus. Yep, I definitely ate a spear or two... I smelt it in my daily awkward morning hard-on pee.

Crispy Brussels Sprouts, yuzu bernaise. It's fatty crispy B-sprouts, what's not too like. Douse it in that fatty mother sauce and you got a fat ass to compliment your muffin top.
 

Chocolate Bar. I don't know what the fuck this was but it supposedly had bacon in it.

Key Lime Pie. Placing a twisted lime slice on top makes not a key lime pie. This ain't no key lime pie. God damn, I hate desserts and shitty desserts makes me even angrier.

If you want a steak, go to a steak house... And this place delivered... For a hefty price. It ain't cheap if you go full retard.. And we went full Corky. But hey, life goes on. Tons of  meats, boners, sides, tons of whiskey and booze were had. If you're an entitled millenial, cougar, hooker or old rich white dude looking for some poon or manmeat... This is the joint for you. So, where do I belong on that list you ask? I'm a hooker of course... Me love you long time. Now, eat my meat.

Pump pump squirt.

955 Canton St.
Roswell, GA 30075
770-998-0440
http://littlealleysteak.fhfoodtradinggroup.com/

Finn Direct

This little local mom & pop seafood shop has been around for a bit with very little PR... I like them already! There's not much to this place, a simple small space behind the building which you will miss if you don't see the small sign out front. If you look at the space it used to be a garage. A fridge, small prep area, 2 induction burners, a sink, a grab and go cooler. Got a couple of po'boys to see what the fuss was about..

Softshell Crab Po'boy. Since, they don't have a fryer, everything is cooked on the induction burners. It won't give you that extra crispy crust but it still came out pretty tasty with some crunchy bits. They dust them in a seasoned flour mix aka Old Bay seasoning. The bread was cold and flexible like, smeared with some mustard remoulade that you could barely taste because the garden salad between the buns was too thick. You couldn't get this thing in your mouth without a bunch of stuff falling out and the crab squooshing up and out. I wished they buttered and toasted the bread a little beforehand. Overall, it's a decent sandwich (not really a po'boy), but nothing to really write home about.

Shrimp Po'boy. Prepared the same way as the crab above but these little suckers just will not stay in place. They pop out every time you take a bite.. I just started eating them in pieces. Decent flavors and shrimp is pretty plump and fresh. Looks like a po'boy but it's still only a sandwich. Still gotta toast that bread a lil.

They sell a few grab and go precooked items for you to reheat at home or just eat it cold... But mostly they sell raw seafood, a little on the pricey side but what do you expect from a small business owner. Just check their list for what's available daily. They are super nice people and you'll want to support them but it won't be on my weekly rotation. Doesn't mean I still won't check out their weekly specials just in case.

1604 Dekalb Ave
Suite B
Atlanta, GA 30307
(504) 909-6772
http://finndirect.com/

Ah-Ma's Taiwanese Kitchen

A handful of Asian street food joints are beginning to pop up intown. And so far all of them had been pretty shitty and disappointing. When you have to alter the dish to the gwailo's muted tastes, you basically just defeated yourself and your business theme as an Asian street food joint. I have dared these places to show me the money on grub that you can actually find on the streets in Asia. Few have tried and failed. I came by here once before and they were doing some tasting with zero signs on the door saying so. I walk in and these FOBs look at me like, are you here for the tasting? You look Asian so I guess you are until one of them realizes I'm not suppose to be there. I got the fuck outta there quick. Damn, so close. But to tell you the truth, I had a hidden agenda, I already have a preconception on how their food would taste just based off the limited menu. They had some real Taiwanese dishes on there but also some silly ones. There was no way they could be "authentic". Ok, my definition of authentic here is a little different than what you will find on the streets of Asia. There is no way we are gonna get that here so I will give them a little breathing room. If they get somewhat close then I might just bite. They left out some great dishes that are a staple to street grubbery... Oyster omelet, fish ball soup, pan fried buns, giant fried chicken cutlet, scallion pancake,  stinky tofu, spicy hot pot, 1000 yr old egg and tofu, giant pork meatball and the list goes on and on. I know they can't do it all in this tiny kitchen but let's see what they can do with the items on the menu. There were a bunch of FOBs dining in there, so that may be a good sign. Yes, FOBs in midtown. I'm baffled as well...

S&P Chicken Nuggets aka Taiwanese Cheekan Nuggets. Of course, I have to compare them to my favorite at Quickly's (I know they are so corporate but that slutty cheekan nugget is like crack to me)... And these were pretty tasty. Quickly is still tops but Ah-Ma's chix nugs destroys Makan's version. The coating is crispy and not too thick, just the right amount of spices and crunch to dark meat ratio. I could use more spice factor but it's totally acceptable. They send them out right away when it comes out of the fryer which I approve, who wouldn't? Nothing sucks more ass than having nuggets sitting around or under a heat lamp. I would get these again.

Frog Legs. Plump, juicy, crispy and lava hot temp. I'm so impatient that I shoved that toad in my hole and burned like a quarter size piece of flesh on the roof of my mouth. Nothing says fun while tonguing that flap around waiting for this red hot poker to cool down. Legs are obviously frozen but once it gets a nice seasoned dusting and sent to the fryer they tasted pretty darn good. It was a toss up between the legs and ears, so, I will try the pig ears next time.

Lu Rou Fan. Self proclaimed national dish of Taiwan. Hope it lives up to the hype. The minced braised pork belly (well it's suppose to be pork belly, the fat is what makes this salty dish) needed more fat and a little more sweetness but the salty factor was there. Was the comfort street food I was hoping for? Kinda. It's similar but not crave worthy enough for me to order again.

Cup Sticky Rice. Another classic street dish. The sticky rice was nice but the brown sauce tasted similar to the Lurou fan sauce with sweet sauce added to it. It's a close version and I would get it again because of the sticky rice.

Pork Belly Bao. Do I dare to even try a bao here with other places failing to put a decent pork belly one? Fuck yeah, I'm gonna get it. Ok, this version looked better, the pork belly had a good amount of meat on it vs. fat... That's a plus for me already. The bun seemed house made and had that nice pull and chew. I would put some hoisin and sriracha on it for a little sweet kick but this came out tasting pretty decent on it's own.

Beef Noodle Soup. One of the most common favorite comfort items ever. The beef noodle soup. I had a version in Hong Kong once that was claimed as the best Taiwanese style beef noodle soup in HK... And that fucker was. The broth was intense with super rich flavors and the hand pulled noodles could not be any better, the hours long braised beef was incredibly tender, it melted in your mouth. So, how was this version? It was totally acceptable and I liked it. The broth was very nice and flavorful, it's nowhere close to the HK version but it's got balls for midtown Atlanta. The egg noodles were fine, don't expect to get your noodle pulled by hand in this joint unless you go a couple blocks up towards Boulevard. The braised beef was tender and pulled apart with ease. They did a very decent job on this dish. I would get this again but the beef tendon noodle soup at Hong Kong Harbor still wins and it's right down the street.

Ah-Ma's has broken the curse that was once that disgusting Rice Box before them. This little Taiwanese outpost does a decent job with their menu to showcase a handful of the Taiwanese comfort food to the people of midtown and they are eating it! Believe me, I'm just as amazed as y'all that this didn't suck as much ass like how I thought it would. Even the pouch's instincts gets fuzzy math from time to time, ok, rarely but it happens. The plates are on the smaller side which is just enough but the price point reflects that as well which is respectable. I would be a cheerleader of this place if they expanded or rotated some other more adventurous Taiwanese dishes and amped up the flavors and techniques a little bit more. But for now, they are definitely on my radar.

931 Monroe Dr NE,
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 549-9848

Harbour House Pub

Harbour Bar and Fish House doesn't really roll off the tongue... So, I guess they shortened it. If you're gonna change the name of the joint so people can remember it easier, do it across the board. But you can still find the original name on the sign out front and around the joint. They've changed the name but have the food changed as well? For better or worse... I'm doing this revisit for my one fan.

Fried Green Tomatoes with Spicy Lump Crab Meat. The dish sounded good but crab pieces got lost in this translation. The FGT were crispy and pretty tasty. They just over dressed this to death with the mayo sauce.

Flash Fried Calamari. Your standard run of the mill brown bag pre-breaded squid rings. They were crispy, though.

Jumbo Lump Crab Cake Sandwich. Let's see how much filler they put in this thing... Oh, yeah, A LOT. Not a piece of lump crab meat found in that saw dust patty. It wasn't bad just pretty dry and kinda lacking that ocean flava. The bacon was good, imagine that, bacon tasting good. The apple slaw was decent.

Fish & Chips. Does this specimen look like Fudgie the Whale to anyone... Bueller, Bueller?? The cod piece was quite large and girthy.. That's what she said. Crust was nice and crispy and the fish was flaky but it was unseasoned. The malt vinegar aioli sounded like it would pack a punch of flavors but it was a lackluster jizzery. The apple slaw was ok, needed more vinegar after tasting it again a few minutes later.

Shrimp, Andouille, Grits. The shrimp was ok but the grits were like soup. Seems like the grits had been sitting around all day and then finished off with some broth to refire to order. Pretty nasty grits but a decent seafood stew. Strike that, still a nasty seafood stew. Skip this ebola by product and stick with the fried shit... But no guarantee you still won't bleed out. I sure did. And it wasn't purdy.

The place is not bad, the food is acceptable... I do like their Wednesday crab leg boil special, though (if it's the same as the last time I had it). People still like to play bocce outside in the cold and I still like to make fun of them inside with a stiff cocktail.


129 Church St.
Decatur, GA 30030
404-371-0088

http://www.harbourdecatur.com/

Thai Chili

You can find pretty decent ethnic grub if you go on Buford Hwy and up to Duluth... But one ethnic cuisine that has always been so dumb down to me in this town can be the one and only elusive Thai food. No one does Thai hot in this town, even with all their claims that they have authentic Thai grubbery. I dare anyone to compare any Thai joint in this town to any street dump in Thailand... It's no comparison, not even close. But what you will find here is Americanized slutty sloppy seconds. Not that there's anything wrong with it... I like slutty fake ass Chino grub from time to time. That fucking General Tso's chicken is so tasty when you had been drinking whiskey like a hobo the night before. It's a hangover cure with another shot of whiskey.. Let's face it, there is no way this is gonna blow me away being right off of Briarcliff, but the pouch is hungry and sometimes hunger can Jedi mind fuck the pouch's taste buds..

Chicken Coconut Milk Soup. They praise this bowl of liquid like it's the Gods' semen. Let's pump pump squirt some into my mouth because I do swallow contrary to popular belief. White button mushrooms, how generic and cheap can you get. Totally expected it. I don't know, the flavors were decent and there's a decent amount of chicken in there. This Tom Kha Gia is totally bastardized but I can see why the whities like this so much... It's so much sweeter than it is sour and no hints of galangal.

Papaya Salad. Som Tum. Peanuts right from the can, at least pan roast the nuts a little bit to release the oils.. Who doesn't like their nuts roasting on an open fire. But the green papaya was actually decent tasting, it needed to be spicier but most people like this dumb down version since it doesn't have Thai chiles, dried shrimp or string beans. When I thought this was it... This bowl of ice with veggie sticks followed shortly...

Where are the hot wangz and blue cheese dressing? What? It's for the Som Tum? Who'd knew. Almost made me double checked the menu for some hot wings since I'm like a Pavlovian dog when I see veggie sticks. No hot wangz on said menu.

Pad Thai w/ Pork. Shitty version can be had all over town. This version was better than most but it lacked a few of the signature flavors and ingredients... Such as eggs, chives, fish sauce, dried shrimp, garlic, shallots, red chile pepper/flake, firm tofu cubes. I just might be asking too much from the kitchen, not like it's the national dish or something that you might wanna try to get right. Ok, besides all those minor missed details, this was totally edible, at least they got the bean sprouts and crushed peanuts right. Ask for more limes and fish sauce, you'll need it.

Green Curry w/ Beef, Thai Hot. I like that they used real Thai eggplants in the green curry but Thai Hot turned out to be Thai Dud, it was as spicy as soy milk. The curry was a little watery and green chile paste was lacking. It's not a terrible dish but they told that they coulda made it Thai Hot Hot Hot Hot if I wanted super spicy... Which I did. I'm pretty sure I said to make it the spiciest you can without putting in sambal oelek in there turning it into a pink paste. They said no problem. Sure, OK USA. I will ask them for Thai Hot X 30 next time. Get ready for the update.

The service was great and the food was pedestrian at best but above average compared to most other Thai joints in town. I would come back here and see if they can surprise me with the super spice level as promised next time.

2169 Briarcliff Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30329

404-315-6750

https://thaichilicuisineatlanta.com/