Pounding Pouch

Like the universe expands bigger everyday... So does the pouch. It has been very busy for the pouch lately. Consuming mass quantities of swill and slop in the finest troughs of Atlanta. I'm not gonna bore my one fan with my sometimes over the top diarrhea of the mouth comments because my fat stubby fingers are too swollen to type... Ok, maybe just a little, the pouch is such a pisser.

Fork & Juniper.
Stopped in here to check out the new duds and grub. They did a very nice job on the hotel renovation to the previous dump. The resto/bar menu was standard hotel/pub fare. Tried a few samples, it was acceptable with a few cocktails or a lot of drugs beforehand.

Chicken and Waffles. Chicken a little dry, sweet potato waffle needed a lot more syrup to get it down.

Buffalo Wings. Not spicy enough.

Coca Cola Wings. Not cokey enough.

Loaded Reuben Rolls. Decent thin crispy wrapper, innards forgettable.

General Muir.
Upscale hangover food. Totally acceptable.

Smoked Hash. This plate will absorb all the hangover from your body... It really works.

Double Stack Burger. Definitely a craveworthy burger. This gets my blood flowing so hard that I can pound nails with my Schwartz.

Home Grown.
This local favorite's reputation has spread to the OTP interlopers and has made it more difficult for the pouch to have his comfy cheekan quickly and in peace.

A bit skimpy and disappointed on the Comfy Cheekan pieces on this visit but still tasted good.

I like turtles and their ginormous Pancakes, of course.

Always gotta have the French Toast Sandwich. Also, don't forget to get a side of grits and biscuit and gravy.

Bellwoods Social House.
I liked the previous spot, West & Mill, it was decent. But a change could be even better. The menu is a mixed bag. The couple of dishes I tried were passable but the single serve frozen-esque pizza looked really suspect. If this joint is trying to be a local craft cocktail bar, stop trying to be a night club with a DJ playing club music at level 30 volume on the weekends... You can't even talk to the bartender let alone your friends next to you. Never trust a bar where your headliner bartender does not bar tend. But their demographics are pretty much oblivious, so it's a win win for everyone. I would come back if in the area.

Rum and Stout. I do like that they have a shot and drink chaser but the chaser pour was just plain chintzy. The first time I had it, it was a full pour. No consistency = bad impression.

Mini Lobsta Rolls. Please butter and toast your H&F buns. They were passable at best. Been there, done that.

Fried Pickles and Okra. A little thick on the cornmeal breading.

Bartaco.
Since I was in the area, I stopped in to see what the fuss was about up in this piece. Fucking whities love this place... They lurv El Azteca, too, so it really doesn't say much. They did a nice job on the interior but they could use a nice water feature for the patio area.

Pork Tamale.

Innards. Taste was forgettable. Really, I can't remember what it tasted like.

Tacos: Baja Fish, Pork Belly, Chorizo. They are small, about 3 bite size each. Nothing spectacular but when you're boozing they will definitely fill you up.  

Argosy.

The pizza has gotten a lot better. I'm ok with it in this area. The crust and ingredients has improved.

Boiled Peanuts. Not their specialty.

Buffalo Lollipops. Not spicy at all but I do like these, they go down quickly because the pouch doesn't like complicated grub.

Matthew's Cafeteria.
This little cafeteria assembly line dump has been around for a bit... I still like it. It's so low rent, errr, I mean comfy and cozy. It's like being in a small town where everyone knows your name... Wait, this place is in a small town and they do know each other's names. Sicko inbreeders. This place is no frills homey goodness. While there are some hits and misses, the prices are dirt cheap and they have fried cheekan.
 

Fried Chicken. Decently fried, a tad salty but pretty much average at best.

Chicken Pot Pie. Yeah, not again.

Fried Okra and Banana Pudding. Very pedestrian but semi acceptable.

Brunswick Stew. Yeah, I don't think so.

Waffle House.
The house that puke built. Yeah, this the joint you wanna go to when you have been out all night getting fucked up and waking up next to farm animals.

Biscuits and Sausage Gravy. Reminds me of a youtube about a horse, a plastic arm glove and artificial insemination.

 Sausage. So ridiculously thin but pretty tasty when you're still fucked up from last night.

Eggs and Grits. Natural hangover cure all.

Waffle. Hey, it's on the sign.

Smothered, covered, all the way. Not really but I like saying it.

The pouch is beat. He needs nappy time now.

Chops Lobster Bar

I have not been here for years. I always thought the food was well prepared and totally acceptable. What's not acceptable is the price you pay for some of the dishes here. It ain't cheap to eat here, so, I expect the highest quality for my rotation back to this joint after a long hiatus. We all know most people who come to eat here are not really in it for the grub, it's for the show and tell factor. Their website even have a gallery dedicated to celebrities who dined here... Back in the 90's. Now, the place is a hotbed for the fucking Millenials that's ruining the world... How the fuck are they affording this with no job? Oh, wait, we know how... Thanks mommy and daddy and the trust fund account you set up for me with your hard earned dollars that I will blow on the hookers and cocaine and well done filet mignon as fast as you can say, "It isn't gonna suck itself." 

Speaking of sucking... Let's see how this joint still stacks up to the competition in these modern times of mediocrity.

LOBSTER, SEAFOOD CEVICHE. Cute dish and tasted ok but for a joint of this caliber I expected more flavor, more pop... Because ceviche hasn't be overdone at all.

ALL JUMBO LUMP CRAB CAKE. Big hunk of tasty crab puck. I thought it was meringue on top at first then realized it was shoved into a salamander to brown the top.

EAST MEETS WEST. Oysters tasted just ok but the shucker really didn't do a clean job, a few of them were mangled all up. For the amount they charge, you would think they would be perfect looking and the brine still intact.

JUMBO MARYLAND SOFT SHELL CRAB. Batter/crust is too thick, what are they trying to hide in there... Jimmy Hoffa? But it tasted better than it looked. I look at this and all I think is Po'boy.

THAI CHILI RHODE ISLAND CALAMARI. Fried calamari rings can be found on any menu, even at some fast food dumps. I admit I kinda like this low rent dish if it's done right. They did an ok job on this, I kept eating more so that's a good sign.

BONE-IN RIB EYE. This is where they shine.. Or suppose to. Their butcher did a good job trimming this for proper even cooking and presentation. Medium-rare temp requested could not be any better... I fucking hope so at a "steak" joint. Manmeat with a big boner gives me one as well.

BONE-IN FILET. Now this is cute... A filet with a bone. Don't see that often. You know this wasn't a bunch of scrap pieces of meat reformed together with meat glue. Tasty shit.

KUROBUTA PORK CHOP. So, the whole theme tonight was with hunks of meat with their boners sticking out. If you wanna pork a girl after dinner the proper way this is the dish you need to order for them. Perfect temp with medium minus with a slight pink center... The pork not the girl,well it could be. Very nice piece of pork. Use the drippings on the plate for throat lube if the other white meat is too dry. I inhaled this beast because I'm an expert at swine-llowing. 

THIN GREEN BEANS. Haricot vert.. Can't screw this up if you tried. Oh, wait, Cafe Alsace fucked this up the last time I went and they gave me canned green beans and they're suppose to be a Fronch resto, pathetic. This joint nailed it.

BRUSSELS SPROUT LEAVES & MUSHROOMS. It wasn't all leaves, there were some sprout chunks in there as well. I'm ok with that and the shrooms killed it.

LOBSTER MAC & CHEESE. I know, I know, this shit is way overdone and the last time anyone gave a shit about this dish was when they were watching the Fonz jump the shark in 1977. But I'll tell you what, this shit was still tasty.

BREAD PUDDING. Not a big fan of bread pudding but it was semi edible to me.

RED VELVET CAKE . The color was off to begin with and ended up not being the promised red velvet pushed by the server. It was just some sponge cake with Vidal Sassoon red dye #5 all up in this piece. Vanilla ice cream, eh, werd to your mother... This dessert sucked.

This expense account resto still has what it takes to command the expense account crowd and the ho bags that love to be taken here to see and be seen. Stick to the meats and sides, pick your apps wisely and skip dessert totally. Even though, I do love the Grand Central Station look and feel of this joint... This visit will prolly last me another 5 years with the amount of food the pouch just ate... Hopefully, these millenials will be broke by the time I return.


70 West Paces Ferry Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-262-2675
http://www.buckheadrestaurants.com/chops-lobster-bar/

Craft Izakaya

The Sushi Huku guys have been working on this concept for a bit and now it's open for business. Izakayas got some attention the last few years with Miso and Shoya introducing this late to the game town on this Japanese concept. Miso is not really a true izakaya but what they did was great because it introduced the hipster crowd to what it was all about with baby steps. Shoya is still one of my top restos in this town and their menu is sick, I still haven't eaten everything on there because they keep coming up with new shit every other week. And now Craft is doing what I call a mini-Shoya intown. I know they hate me calling and comparing them to Shoya but Shoya is pretty much the tits when it comes to mass consumption of an extensive variety of izakaya vittles.

I waited awhile before I came here because I wanted to see what the online fuckers had to say about their California rolls they got up in this piece. Most of them were complaining about how expensive it was and that their sushi roll selection wasn't as extensive like Ru San's and why they didn't have more cream cheese in them. You know who these fuckers I'm talking about are and it's a laugh riot to read how unsophisticated their palates are when it comes to ethnic cuisines. It makes them sound like the village idiot in Acworth and I don't even know where that shithole is, but it just sounds very rural. I'm not saying Craft is authentic in the true sense of the word but they do a nice job on bringing the essence of an izakaya. Yes, it's pretty pricey for some of the items but there's a lot of things here you just don't order at an izakaya, it's more for the uninitiated crowd who wants to be at the cool places without having to compromise on their El Azteca tastebuds. Let's take a look at the dishes I had and it should give y'all a good idea of some of the classics.

Takoyaki. Ahh, the infamous octopus balls that many places have tried and failed at. Here, you get a piece of octopus in every bite, so not much to complain about since they tasted pretty good.

Chawan Mushi. A little different version with a more silky tofu kinda texture like you find at a dim sum joint. Dig down and mix up the shrimp, scallop and ginko nuts hiding at the bottom. I liked this enough that I would order it again.

Fried Chicken Wings.  If there's fwied cheekan on the menu, it's going in my pouch. They tell me these are some of the best wings in town if not the best... That's a bold statement to say it in front of my marsupial pouch. He takes that as a challenge. The batter is well seasoned, crunchy and breaks away pretty easily while it does it's job on sealing in the juices inside. These were pretty good but Sobban's KFC wings still the king of the wings. The spicy sauce was nice but not hot enough. I would prolly not get these again because it was quite pricey for four wings at almost $9.. You know how many pieces of incredible cheekan I can get at Popeyes for nine-friggin-dollars!!

Fried Oyster. Plump and juicy. Great panko crunch and lava hot inside. Awesome.

Baby Octopus. Who doesn't lurv some deep fwied wacky wall crawlers. Love these things.

Japanese Sausage. Great natural casing snap and dericious smooth meat grind inside.

Chicken Hearts. Some of the best cheekan hearts I have ever eaten, super tender with a little char on the finish. Looking at this shot, it kinda looks like a wang. Hey, it ain't the first time I ate penis and balls from a steamy dreamy strapping fine young animal... Wait, that didn't come out right. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Remember, no teeth.

Chicken and Pork Belly. Tender, flavorful, delish. The trio of hot sauces were great... The lighter the color, the hotter it was. But not spicy enough for da pouch.

Hamachi Kama. Definitely one of the better versions I have had in this town. Crispy skin and fins with steamy flakey tender flesh inside.

 Scallop. Feed me now.

Japanese Yellowtail Belly. Like buttah... It's like the butter face you make before you come, you look like a retard but it's oh sooo good. 

Salmon. Nice cut with a little belly showing, gives it that extra buttery taste to it. Shit, now my muffin top is showing... At least my stump isn't. No one wants to see that tiny thing. I'm talking about my outty bellybutton, of course... You sickos.

Snapper. Lightly seared with a hand flamethrower. The light char gave it a whole new level of umami. Mmm, I lurv all kinds of snapper... Blondes, brunettes, redheads.. Did I say that out loud? Nevermind, nothing to see here.

Tuna. Look at that color. It was like color of my first girlfriend's mulva in middle school. Can't get any younger and fresher than this... Ok, maybe in grade school. Dolores!!!

Omakase. Just look at this display, it's more mesmerizing than Marsellus Wallace's soul in the briefcase... Wait, it coulda been Richard Gere's golden gerbil in there. But little furry rodents don't taste as good as this... Maybe except in the back door. Jey could not have picked a better selection of my favorites... Uni, sweet shrimp, toro, aji shima, etc, etc.. He sources some of the best sushi grade fish in town me thinks and tasted.

And of course, you can't end a platter like that without eating the bones (no KFC pun intended because that shit is garbage) of the deep fried shrimp heads and whole fish skeleton. The fucking eyeballs rule. These are some of my favorite parts to munch on and it did not disappoint. Crunch.

I'm glad I waited for the "I gotta be the first" crowds to die down because if I went during the California rolls rush in the beginning, the other dishes would have suffered and then I would have to take a big shit on this place. But it all worked out perfectly in the end. The service was spot on, the special cocktails for the discerning taste of the pouch made by Nate were perfect and Jey's hands with the skills of a Rabbi created a great ensemble of sashimi and nigiri that were delicious and memorable... Shit, I'm still thinking about it. It's definitely on my top 10 list... Go motherfuckers and don't you goddamn order a fucking whitie roll. I will kick you in the ball sack or ovaries if you don't have those... Some times you just can't tell with people in this area. Drive, don't run here because it could be unsafe.

Pump Pump Squirt X 3.

99 Krog St NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
(470) 355-9556
http://craftizakaya.com/ 6