Some times you just gotta slum it... Brings you back down to Earth. One can't eat at a Croton, Alinea, Per Se, Masa, Le Bernardin, NoMad, Joel Robuchon or even a Le Popeyes all the time. It will only make you feel entitled like a 99%er. So, Michael Mina seemed like a good place to start my decent back down to the 3rd rock from the sun, 125th Street. Let's take a look at the slop I was served from this soup kitchen...
Ahi Tuna Tartare, ancho chili, mint, pine nut, sesame oil.
The tuna, quail egg, pine nuts et al were so fresh and clean tasting that I had to lick the plate clean just to confirm it wasn't frozen beforehand... It was just dismal. Who was the first person who thought about eating raw fish? He should be beheaded. If you order it and don't like it, I will eat it so it doesn't go to waste with all these starving children around the world.
Hudson Valley Foie Gras & Pear, medjool dates, pain perdu.
How can anyone with a heart eat something this vile and gruesome? Force fed duckies and goosies to the point were their livers becomes so bloated with fatty goodness. Just awful. You are not gonna eat that last bite are you? Look at the size of that cat in the corner! Chomp chomp gulp. What last piece? I guess the server took it away since it looked like you were done. I'm so proud of you for supporting the west coast foie gras ban.
Truffle Stuffed Jidori Chicken, savoy cabbage, foie gras rice.
How can people do this to a poor Japanese breed of free range chicken that is fed an all vegetarian diet with no antibiotics? Just the thought of this bird being slaughtered and served within 24 hours is inhuman and morbid. I mean you can taste the freshness and the flavorful chicken-y meat with every bite and the truffles stuffed underneath the skin made it even worse. My last bite of this savory yard bird was just ghastly... I feel so bad for him, as well as my pouch. The foie gras rice once again proved why I need to start protesting against cruelty to foul... But I will start right after I finish that last grain of rice... And a nap.
Lobster Pot Pie, summer vegetables, brandied lobster cream.
How did a bottom feeding creasture that only peasant fishermen ate became such an elite status menu item at fancy pants digs that only Yelpers can afford to dine at? I ordered this pot pie because it reminded of my days when I was netting all day long in the angry seas with my fellow villagers. We all lived in a one room shanty and shared a 2 lb lobster we caught in the net by accident that day between 15 people, I was even lucky enough to get one of those skinny legs that dangle underneath the lobster's hairy sack. That was good eatin' that night. But this dish here with the perfectly flaky top and super buttery tender pieces of lobster tail and claw meat didn't remind me of home. But I knew I had to make my village mates proud by squeezing every last drop of the brandied lobster cream into my piehole. The whole experience was just revolting, I almost camped out in front of the casino with all these 1%ers laughing and having a grand ol'time at the expense of the poor and helpless.
Snake River Farms American Wagyu Ribeye, fingerling potato, morbier cheese, sylvetta.
In my village, we only slaughtered one cow a year and the red meat was only available to the wealthy. We got the offal and scraps that were leftover after the vultures had their turn. The perfectly seared meat with the brilliant reddish pink inside was just too tender and melted in my mouth like M&Ms... How do people eat meat like this? It's almost cannibalistic. I always thought you needed to cook the meat until it doesn't moo anymore or even recognizable as food. Oh well, these are the mysteries one must endure and consume when you're not cooking it yourself over a campfire. But I didn't want to be rude or wasteful, so I did finish it all. It was dreadful. Just FYI.
As y'all know, I really don't care about desserts and such... It's such an elitist privilege to have more food after such a hefty meal. My pal, Charlie, has a real fixin' for anything sweet, especially, chocolate but his family was poorer than mine... Until one day he hit the jackpot. He won the Mega Millions and now he owns a chocolate factory. Bitch. So, it was my duty to eat as much crap at the end of my meal to show him that I, too, was moving on up, to the east side, to a de-luxe apartment in the sky, that I finally got a piece of that pie...
Glazed Chocolate Brownie, coca nib ice cream, spiced pecans.
Chocolate Bon Bon.
Root Beer Float, warm chocolate chip & nut cookies.
Brown Sugar Wafer.
Hot Mulled Apple Cider, vanilla sugar cookie.
After 2 hours of mass consumption, I was ready to purge... They called it a "chef's tasting" or something like that. It was no tasting, it was enough food to feed my entire village. This Michael Mina must be a real meanie because he tried to give me a heart attack with all this incredible food. I will kick your ass next time I see you my friend... Er, I mean kiss your ass.
Burp.
4 Stars.
3600 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109
http://www.bellagio.com/restaurants/michael-mina.aspx
Fried Okra... It's a shame I saw them grab these outta of the brown bag in the freezer. Freezer + Fryer = You know the rest of the story. Garbage. I tried to feed it to a squirrel but he wasn't having any of it. He rather gnaw on a dried up piece of dog shit at the base of his tree. Smart little fucker.
